


Fatal Miscalculations

by Hyperionova



Series: The Pantherinae Series [2]
Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But not exactly, M/M, Mpreg, Pantherinaes, Spin-Off, Supernatural Elements, There is something like knotting, Werewolves, Wolves, but it's between Pantherinaes. The cats do it. But it's more painful. So
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 81,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10970916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperionova/pseuds/Hyperionova
Summary: A young, orphaned and heartbroken artist, who works multiple shifts just to feed his mouth, finds solace in the heir of the Jungs, Jaehyun, the potential leader of the Raisel Pride, who struggles to not fall for a boy he knows he will never be allowed to be with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An Artful Sins' spin-off. Taeyong is a character most recently introduced in Artful Sins (a sekai fanfic) as the boy Kai often sought pleasure in to mend his broken heart after separation from his husband, Sehun. It is not necessary for you to read the parent work, but if you hadn't, certain parts may be unclarified. Which probably won't be a big deal. I wrote this story to do some justice to this character that likely suffered the most, but was overlooked by readers. The story contains many parts that may or may not trigger you. But I am not one to offer spoilers beforehand, so look past this story and ignore it if you are a sensitive reader. This story also contains mpreg. Even though the story has some really fluffy moments, it's mostly angst.  
> Hope you have a great read!

He tugged at his coat, shielding himself from the sudden assault of the gust of wind. He usually didn’t begrudge the wind its ruthlessness. He was a Clouded Leopard, it would seem absurd to detest the cold. But the tiny nudger inside him needed much warmth. More than what he could currently provide.

Taeyong’s small, scraggy frame offered little for the life growing inside him. And the fact that he was lacking significant nutrition did not help. He felt weak, he was exhausted. The little money he made from working at the local pub and selling his artwork on the streets and at exhibitions was not enough to provide for two mouths. He was hungry. He usually wasn’t. Until he started eating for two. He had to take double, sometimes triple shifts at the pub. It wore him out to his bones.

Though Kai had long tendered protection and guardianship for him, Taeyong had generously refused. He loved the man, not his money. And he knew what everyone would say if he accepted Kai’s offer and financial support. It would seem like Kai was paying for Taeyong’s service and it wasn’t something esteemed in the Pantherinae community. Kai hadn’t tried to persuade Taeyong into accepting the proposal to be his “leman” after Taeyong had declined. Besides, it was for the best. Kai wanted to avoid the confrontation of his sons and Taeyong would never want to put him in such a situation.

Even after almost two years of seeing and tending to each other’s needs, Kai wanted to keep their relationship on the down low. Taeyong wasn’t even sure if they were in a relationship per se. And he didn’t use to have a problem with. Seeing Kai, spending a few precious moments with him, having Kai hold him even for a heartbeat were enough. Or so he had thought.

He remembered the day, no, the _night_ he had met Kai. He had been shivering on the roadside on a cold, bitter night as the aftertaste of a brutal rain lingered.

* * *

 

As he waited at the bus stop, soaked and tired, a man—a complete stranger—walked up to him instead of proceeding to his expensive-looking car. Taeyong stared in shock when the man took off his jacket and draped it over his trembling shoulders. The man smiled and Taeyong continued to stare. He wasn’t a _complete_ stranger, Taeyong then realized. He recognized the man. The infamous ex-leader of the Pride in Harvington. While Taeyong wasn’t a part of the Pride, or any Pride for that matter, he was aware of the rumours and news that circulated the town, especially regarding the Pantherinaes.

“It might be unwise to stand here alone on a night like this,” Kai had said, smirking cockily. “This is Lycan territory.”

Of course, Taeyong knew that. But how else would he get back to his grotty apartment? He wanted to return Kai’s jacket, but he found himself hugging it, smelling the scent that lingered on the piece of garment.

“Thank you,” he said in a diffident voice. Kai smiled wider. Taeyong studied the man’s piercing gaze. He saw no ill intention hiding behind those limpid, cool eyes. There wasn’t a lewd intention in his painstaking observation. Taeyong was accustomed to that look. Old, perverted men constantly propositioning him when he was working in the pub or standing on the street was nothing new to him. But this was. There was nothing but concern in Kai’s eyes.

“Where do you live?” Kai asked. “I have never seen you around here before.”

Taeyong swallowed. “I’m… not from around here. I only recently came.”

“And from where?”

“Elthel.”

Kai raised his brows. “That’s a long way from Harvington.”

Taeyong shrugged. “I’m just waiting for the bus.”

“I figured,” Kai laughed, gesturing at the bus stop around them. “I just came by to let you know it’s not safe. Vice-ridden roaches and degenerates roam this corner.”

“ _You_ roam this corner,” Taeyong said and Kai laughed.

“True. But I am no fucking loose-livered roué.”

Taeyong eyed the car parked at the roadside and then looked to Kai. “You’re the Marion heir,” he said and Kai pressed his lips into a thin line.

“You know.”

“You’re the richest guy in Harvington. Everybody knows you.”

The smile returned to Kai’s face. “Are you here with your family?” he asked.

Taeyong realized the man was making conversation to bide the time. He was accompanying Taeyong while he waited for the bus. Taeyong’s stomach fluttered. Nobody would care for a stranger’s safety. But then again, Kai was a Pride’s leader. He must be used to looking after others. Especially a fellow Pantherinae.

“No,” Taeyong muttered and looked away. “I… I don’t have one.”

Kai blinked. “You don’t have one,” he said. “You mean to tell me…”

Taeyong hung his head, flushing. He didn’t like to talk about himself, much less to a man he had just met.

Fortunately, Kai didn’t press any further. Instead, he said, “You look young. How old are you?”

“20,” Taeyong admitted. “Why?”

A corner of Kai’s lips quirked up. “You are hardly any older than my sons,” he said and lit a cigarette. He then leaned against a pole and puffed out a thick cloud of smoke.

Taeyong used the opportunity to survey the dominant Shapeshifter’s appearance. _Christ!_ The speculations of Kai being one of the most handsome divorcés in Harvington did little justice to the actuality. Kai was very good-looking, no doubt in that. But there was this raw maturity in his gaze that could have anyone sinking to their knees. The moonlight danced between Kai’s platinum hair, slid down the tan skin of his face. Kai plunged one of his hands into the front pocket of his jeans and idly stared into the forest on the other side of the road as he casually smoked, leaning sideways on the pole. Taeyong scanned the silver watch on Kai’s wrist and the very faint stubble on Kai’s chin.

He must be in his early thirties, Taeyong deducts, but the man didn’t look it. Pantherinaes usually didn’t look their real age, thanks to their ability to regenerate fast. But Kai didn’t look like a boy either. He was a man and a decent one at that.

Taeyong averted his gaze, blushing deeply. His sons, Kai had said. Oh, so was that why he was here safeguarding Taeyong? Because he felt a sense of responsibility?

“I am fine,” Taeyong said shyly, handing Kai the jacket. Kai cocked an eyebrow and he stubbed out the cigarette without accepting his jacket back. “I am here every night after my shift.”

“Ah,” Kai said. “What do you do?”

“I work at the Mayday Pub,” he said, then embarrassedly added, “I’m an… artist, too.”

Kai smiled gently. _God._ Taeyong drew a deep breath. “All right,” Kai said. “Keep the jacket. Give it back to me the next time we meet.”

Taeyong blinked confusedly as Kai smirked and started to walk away. “The next time… we meet?”

Kai did not answer or look back.

* * *

 

Taeyong glanced down at the river coursing under the bridge and swooned. He pulled away from the railing to stop his head from spinning. He slid a hand across his stomach, as though to calm his undetectable son or daughter.

He had been confident that Kai would not shirk his responsibility when he came to know of his pregnancy. He had been certain that Kai would finally consider a legal union with him. Not that Taeyong desperately longed for one. He had been completely content with what he had with Kai. Well, at least until he had met Kai’s ex-husband in the flesh.

He knew the very instant that he will _never_ compare to the sinewy, gorgeous Lycan, who had fathered all three of Kai’s heirs as his legally wedded husband in a ratified wedlock. Sehun held a right that neither Taeyong nor anyone else did or could. Sehun held the right to Kai’s firstborns, to the dearest children Kai solely strove for.

It saddened him a little to think that his child will never share the same rights as Kai’s beloved triplets. They were products of love. _This_ was child to be born out of wedlock, an unwelcomed consequence of a careless, sloppy night. He neither resented nor begrudged Kai’s beautiful children for that. If anything, he had wanted the boys to like and accept him into the family. But Kai had never presented him the chance. Kai’s family was Kai’s family. Taeyong had learned that he had no place in it. And the spot at Kai’s side will remain empty, only for Sehun to fill.

All this time they were together, not once had he ever seen Kai smile the way he had when he was with Sehun. His usual careworn expression was pointedly replaced by a crippling happiness that Taeyong never thought he’d see in Kai. He had looked years younger, he looked like a teenager in love. He lit up like a Christmas tree.

It was then spelled out for Taeyong that he might be allowed to remain as Kai’s lover, but he will never be Kai’s _love_. And it was unfair.

Knowing Kai well enough, he realized that Kai would do anything to avoid a showdown. He’d never wash his hands of Taeyong. Especially if he found out about Taeyong’s pregnancy. But he’d still be in love with Sehun. He’d want them both. And it would kill Taeyong to make Kai choose between them because he knew who’d triumph.

“I never liked this place,” he heard Kai’s comment before turning around to meet his lover’s kind smile. There. That smile. The half-assed smile.

Kai leaned over the railing and silently watched the flowing river for a moment while Taeyong mustered the courage.

“You sounded upset on the phone,” Kai admitted. Taeyong cringed inwardly at the Lycan scent Kai was swathed in. He smelled like Sehun and it made Taeyong’s heart sink.

He wasn’t sure why he was so disappointed. Kai never promised him anything. Even from the beginning, Kai had been nothing but straightforward with him. Taeyong knew what he was getting into by getting his heart involved. If he told Kai that he loved him, he worried that the man might regard him as some child with a hysterical infatuation.

Taeyong quietly admired the way Kai’s silver hair swayed along with the wind. Then at length, he said, “How’s Sehun?”

Kai stared at him. No, he glowered. “Did you call me here this early in the morning to ask me how my ex-beau is doing? Fine, Taeyong. Mighty fine.”

Taeyong lowered his gaze. “I can see that,” he muttered and turned his head away.

“What did you say?” Kai asked sourly.

 _Just tell him, you coward,_ he chided himself. He had been rehearsing the line for two weeks since he found out he was carrying. _Kai, you’re going to be a father again._ But now that he actually needed to say it, words failed him.

“Taeyong,” Kai called. “What is it? I am in no mood for long-winded excuses. I have to head back soon.”

“Back to Sehun?” he asked in a low murmur and Kai’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t answer. He waited instead. For Taeyong to add to that. Taeyong gulped. “Were you… with him?”

“That’s such a vague-arse question. Ask plainly. You’re not a kid,” Kai spat and Taeyong’s eyes stung with tears, which he quickly hid by dropping his head. It wasn’t the first time he felt like a child being rebuked. Kai did it every now and then when he needed to take his frustration out on someone, when he was stressed. But the arguments were usually followed by a passionate session of lovemaking.

Taeyong could not bring himself to ask the question he wanted to. Kai then cupped his chin and forced Taeyong’s face up to meet his gaze. Kai’s expression softened when he saw the tears in Taeyong’s eyes.

His hand slid to cup Taeyong’s cheek and he pressed a kiss to Taeyong’s forehead before wrapping him in his arms. Taeyong buried his face in Kai’s chest. “What is wrong, love?” Kai asked softly.

Taeyong pulled back, unable to tolerate Sehun’s scent on Kai. “Can you be honest with me?” he asked in a tiny voice and hoped that Kai heard him.

Kai sighed, as though he already knew what Taeyong was about to ask. He brushed a lock of hair out of Taeyong’s forehead and kissed it again. “When have I ever not been?”

Taeyong sucked in a breath. “Do you still love him?”

Kai closed his eyes for a moment and stepped to the railing of the bridge. “I’m afraid I always will, Taeyong,” he said.

Taeyong dipped his head. “Then… what of me?”

“What of you?” he said. “Nothing changes, Taeyong.”

“No,” the younger protested in a whisper. “Do you think it’s fair to me? For you to deny me things I rightfully should want?”

Kai scowled. “You’re asking me this _now_? Why didn’t you ask me this when I bedded you for the first time? Did I not make it clear that we fuck, we don’t date? You gave your consent.”

“I didn’t think you’d be so cold to hold onto the arrangement. I surely didn’t think we’d still be together after two years. Do you expect me to be nothing but your bed-boy for years to come?”

“Did I also not give you the privilege to choose whatever that you wanted?” he snapped. “If you wanted to end this, I wouldn’t have held you back.”

“The question is, _why_ wouldn’t you?” Taeyong pleaded with a warm bead of tear rolling down his cheek.

“What is it that you want, then? For me to marry you?”

“Does the idea repulse you so?”

“I cannot take a Prideless who’s a fucking decade younger than me as my partner.”

Taeyong stopped in his tracks to stare at Kai in horror. He had never heard Kai call him a Prideless before. He had heard countless other Pantherinaes insult him for being an orphaned Pantherinae, but to hear it coming from Kai’s mouth left him aghast.

“But you took a Lycan,” Taeyong said, his words full of contempt. Kai’s jaw tightened.

“Sehun was a member of my household. What happened to him weighed on me. My family was held accountable for the atrocity that he was put through. Lycan he may be, but he was a member of the strongest pack in Itcara and Harvington, and a purebred Grey Wolf, not a half-bred like you. Most of all, I loved him.”

Taeyong’s stomach lurched and he thought he might throw up. He wordlessly stared at Kai for a length before he turned on his heel to walk away. “Message received.”

“Fuck,” Kai cursed and grabbed Taeyong’s arm. “I didn’t mean… that.”

“You did,” Taeyong muttered without turning around to face Kai. Tears silently continued to wet his cheeks, blinding his eyes.

Kai curled his arms around Taeyong’s waist and hugged him from behind. Taeyong tensed with Kai’s arms pressed against his stomach. “I’m… sorry.”

“You didn’t hesitate to insult me the minute I said something against Sehun,” Taeyong sobbed, twisting out of Kai’s grip.

“You know me, Taeyong,” Kai sighed. “I say crap I don’t mean when I’m angry.”

“I can’t do this,” he wept into the sleeve of his coat. “I can’t.”

Kai didn’t reply.

“I want you, Kai,” Taeyong said shakily. “But if you will only love him, then say so now.”

Kai rubbed his temples. “Why are you being this difficult?”

“Because I’m the one who’s hurting, Kai! And you don’t care if I do!”

“That’s not true,” he said and advanced to touch Taeyong by the arm. Taeyong flinched away. Kai huffed exasperatedly. “I care about you, Taeyong. Immensely. You think I’d take you to my bed repeatedly if I didn’t care about you?”

“Then what am I to you?” he asked pleadingly.

Kai hesitated. “What do you want now?” he asked at last in a calm voice.

“I want you to either choose or let go of me.”

They caught their breath. The morning was rapidly brightening into noon and Taeyong was beginning to feel nauseated.

“And the conditions attached are?” Kai asked.

“The former, you ask Sehun to leave. The latter, I… I won’t remain in your life, even though we’d be on good terms,” Taeyong supplied nervously. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to ask Kai to choose. He felt sick.

“You have a lot to see in life, Taeyong,” Kai said kindly. “You have dreams to chase, visions to explore, love to taste. My fate is sealed. I won’t drag you down with me.”

Taeyong clenched his eyes and dropped his head.

“I have been selfish enough this long to want to keep you even when I know it was wrong,” Kai said, pulling Taeyong into a gentle hug. “I don’t want you hurt anymore. But you will continue to be hurt if you remained with me.”

“I… understand,” Taeyong whimpered, nuzzling against Kai’s neck. He then withdrew and sniffled.  “I just wanted to hear you say that you will never choose another to trust your heart with.”

Kai smiled sadly. “I have been fighting my own battle, too. Losing it time and again. I think we could both use a win. Trust me. You will find someone who will give you so much than what I have to offer.”

Taeyong will accept his defeat with dignity. He nodded and suppressed a sob. “I’m sorry… for being a burden.”

“You were nothing but a delight,” Kai said and brushed their lips together. The fleeting kiss felt a lot like goodbye. “Now, come.”

Taeyong rasped when Kai took his hand. “Where—”

“The party.”

The party. It was the last thing on Taeyong’s mind right now. “Kai—”

“Shush. I want you there.”

* * *

His hand trembled around the pencil. He couldn’t bring himself to stop shaking.

He felt empty.

Drawing in a sharp breath, he looked up from his blank sketchpad and stared at the empty park. It usually was deserted at night. Which was why Taeyong often found refuge here when he wasn’t working into the night. There was no one here who cared about who he was or just basically of his existence. This was his safe haven.

There was one man who had cared, but now, even he didn’t have a reason to. And Taeyong doesn’t blame Kai for it. Kai was renewing his relationship with Sehun and in a way, Taeyong was glad that Kai was given another chance in the first place. Taeyong will not ruin it for him.

It was a beautiful family, Kai’s family. They always found their way back to each other. Like families always did. Of course, Taeyong would have no first-hand experience of it. He was raised in a soulless orphanage. He would not know for certain.

It hurt to step out of Kai’s life. But Kai hadn’t stopped him and Taeyong knew he did not only have no place in Kai’s family, but he had no place in Kai’s heart either.

Which was why he had resolved to abort the child. As much as he wanted a family, he did not want a child to suffer. Taeyong knew he could not provide for the baby. He certainly didn’t want Kai to know either. So, he had asked a friend from work to loan him some money and had gotten the baby aborted a couple of days ago.

He tried to remain strong, but it hurt. So bad. And the fact that he had killed a life was eating him alive. But he did not want another innocent to go through the horrible fate Taeyong was facing.

He drew his knees up and began to sketch. He worked on the outline of Kai’s face with what his memory had to offer. _The smile_ , he thought. It would be great to have a picture of it.

While he sketched, he wondered what had been bothering Kai, Sehun and their sons at the birthday party last week. One of the triplets had looked like he was sick. Taeyong didn’t know which had horrified him more. Kai and Sehun announcing their reunion or Kai introducing him as his “friend” to the guests and children. He supposed it was fair. But it was painful.

He’ll just have to get over it sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

Hours passed and the night was aging. Taeyong figured he should go home since he had a shift in the pub early in the morning. He paused in the middle of fine-tuning Kai’s eyes and stared at the half-finished sketch.

He thought about the first time Kai had kissed him. The first time anybody had kissed him. It was around Christmastime. Kai had brought him to dinner at this fanciest restaurant in Harvington and Taeyong’s cheeks coloured when he saw a couple kissing on a bench outside. Kai had smirked then, too. He led Taeyong into his SUV before climbing into the driver’s seat. Taeyong shivered when Kai took his face in his hands once they were in the car and destroyed him with the gentlest kiss.

Taeyong sniffled and quickly wiped the tears clumping his eyelashes together. Kai was his many firsts. Including his first heartbreak, his first pregnancy, his first abortion. Kai had abolished every ounce of his innocence and perhaps for that, Taeyong found it hard to forgive him.

He will never forgive him. But he’ll never have to. Kai didn’t do anything to him that Taeyong himself didn’t consent to. It all fell hard on Taeyong again. He was to blame.

“That is beautiful.”

He jumped with a start and spun around to stare at the well-dressed old man and his well-dressed companion. The grey-haired man smiled, adjusting the lapels of his coat.

“This town suffers a shortage of talented artist such as yourself,” the man said.

Taeyong stared at the strangers. He received compliments regularly when he was drawing in public, but never had a Pantherinae regarded him with such praises.

“Uh, thank you,” he muttered. He mustered the men before him. The old man was definitely overdressed for a walk in the park. Must be a ridiculously affluent Pantherinae, then, he thought.

The old Pantherinae looked at Taeyong with kind eyes, but the man at his side glowered.

“Sire, we shall take leave,” the man told the older man. _Sire._ Who the hell even spoke like that anymore?

“One moment, Al,” the old man said. “To which price do you offer your service for?”

Taeyong blinked. “Uh… I…” he stammered. “You’re interested in my art?”

“Oh, certainly so! What is your name, child?”

“Tae… yong.”

“Marvellous. Taeyong,” the man chimed and raised a hand to stroke Taeyong’s arm. Taeyong winced and took a slight retreat.

The man at the old man’s side clenched his jaw. He looked in his late forties. Grey streaked his hair and he sported weathered, angry eyes. “Sire,” he said.

“Say, Taeyong. I would like to hire your service,” the older man said. “Are you interested? I’d pay you handsomely.”

Taeyong regarded the man with scepticism.

The old man laughed. “Well, if you’d like to make some money, come by my place tomorrow.” He handed Taeyong a card.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong refused the card. “I don’t… I don’t offer… my service like that.”

“Isn’t that a shame?” the man sighed.

Taeyong gathered his things at once to leave. The aged Pantherinae captured his arm.

“Sire,” the other man protested quietly. “The young Master will be awaiting us.”

“Then leave,” the old man spat. “Name your price, boy,” he said, turning to Taeyong again. Taeyong yanked his arm back, scowling ferociously. He may be used to these untoward advances, but it still made him want to burn these men alive.

“Uncle!” a roar stopped the old man from reaching for Taeyong’s arm again.

Taeyong glanced to the tall, broad-shouldered man strutting towards them with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He was clad in a fit navy-blue shirt, tucked into his creaseless black pants, secured by a glistening belt buckle. He was a young man, perhaps not more than a couple of years older than Taeyong himself. His pale skin stood out in complete contrast to his mahogany hair, which was styled beautifully.

The guy stopped and took a moment to glare at the old man before he turned to Taeyong. It was a painfully brief glance, but it forced Taeyong to lower his gaze.

“Your list of debased conquests will have to wait,” the young man spat. “We best be on our way.”

The old man glared back. “Have some respect, Jaehyun. I am having a conversation with this incredibly talented young lad.”

“And I don’t doubt you are,” he scoffed. “But I’d rather not suffer mother’s wrath.”

The old man groaned and then pressed the card into Taeyong’s hand. “Come by,” he said and turned to walk away.

Taeyong studied the address on the card. Raisel. It was a district on the east side of Itcara. He thought of tossing the card away, but he pocketed it instead. When he raised his head, he found the guy in the blue shirt glaring at him. Jaehyun, Taeyong recalled the old man saying.

Then after a moment of silent judgment, the guy scornfully hissed, “Careful who you choose to whore yourself on, you brainless quean.”

Taeyong’s heart leapt to his throat. If only he didn’t already feel so exhaustingly defeated, he would have a raised a fist to the rude bastard’s face. Instead, he gaped at the guy’s back as the latter stomped away, shaking his head, muttering, “Sick” under his breath.

Taeyong continued to gawk at him until he was out of sight. Who were these Pantherinaes and what were they doing so far from home at this hour? And why did they talk like they were from the 12th century or something?

What a strange night, Taeyong thought as he started towards the bus stop.

r

The song of the birds woke the morning. The sun rose higher in the sky with every ticking second. The racket of servants preparing for another day came from downstairs. A blend of sounds Jaehyun was well-accustomed to.

He stood before the full-length mirror and patiently did his necktie. He was used to it, but it didn’t mean he didn’t hate it. This shirt, the coat waiting for him on the bed, the necktie, the polished shoes. He abhorred them. But he was helpless. He had been born to his demanding mother and as a blueblood, too. And that meant endless responsibilities.

His lips stretched into a smile when he sensed his mother’s presence. He turned his head halfway around to greet her. His mother mirrored his grin and walked into his vast room.

“My handsome prince,” she said as she took hold of the necktie and took over.

“I’m not technically a prince, mother. Just his third cousin,” he scoffed.

“Well, you are my prince,” she chimed and kissed his cheek. “You’d make a great leader one day.”

It was an encouragement he heard from her almost every day. He huffed and moved to grab his coat. His mother was polishing him to lead the Pride of Raisel and Jaehyun’s only duty was to not disappoint her. Even though everything he dreamed of was to be free.

“What was the dispute between you and your uncle about last night?” his mother inquired.

Jaehyun sighed, turning to pick out a wristwatch from the display. “He was off affording sexual overtures to some young boy again,” he said offhandedly.

His mother frowned as she straightened the pleats of her gown. “If only he weren’t your father’s brother and was valuable to us,” she groaned.

“I’d have hurled him off the tallest building in Raisel, mother,” Jaehyun grumbled.

“Did he succeed?”

“No,” he said. “But I doubt he’d stay marmalized for long. He seemed determined.”

“Was the boy pretty?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “He was a roadside trull, mother.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.” She smirked.

“Yes, he was pretty. Why do you think my rakehell of an uncle practically walked up to him and asked him to bed?”

“Speaking of bed,” his mother chimed, taking her position at his side to study his reflection in the mirror. “When will I get to see a son-in-law?”

Jaehyun glowered at his mother, though not seriously. “When I find a mate, mother.”

“And when will that be? Jaehyun, you need to start bedding someone if you plan on having yourself an heir. It will only strengthen your position in the Pride if you have a potential successor at hand.”

Jaehyun would have blushed if he weren’t so used to hearing these rough-hewn remarks from his mother. “Mother, I do not want to _bed_ any of those fastidious, over-elaborate, fancy arse boys you force me to acknowledge.”

“Watch your language,” his mother chided and Jaehyun bit his tongue. “Who do you prefer, then? Dare you go around bedding a dreg of the Pride?”

Jaehyun looked away, clenching his jaw.

“Or were you thinking about a filthy Lycan? Do you fancy yourself one of those abominations that are the abhorrent result of Pantherinaes and Lycans interbreeding?” she added. “My leniency has its limit, Jaehyun and no one knows it better than yourself. Tell me now if you are already with someone.”

“No,” Jaehyun said quickly. “No, mother. There is no one.”

“Good.” She cupped his face in her hands and smiled. “I know that you will make me proud.”


	2. Chapter 2

The sordid pub was finally closed when the clock struck two and Taeyong was able to retreat to catch a breather before he turned to clean the scraps and leftovers that were strewed on the tables. His back was sore from servicing the men and women who frequented the pub, either to chase a good time or to drown their sorrow in alcohol.

“Taeyong,” Larson called from behind the bar counter. Taeyong walked over to her with his hands struggling to hold the empty beer bottles in a secure grip. Larson was nice, he thought. She held partial ownership of the pub, but her partner was the boss. Taeyong liked Larson better than her stand-offish husband. The couple was as human as they came. Which was good because they held no prejudice against Taeyong being a half-bred Pantherinae. They didn’t even know of his supernatural identity. Some of the Pantherinaes and Lycans who walked in often regarded him with curiosity, sometimes disgust. He could not blame them. What would a Pantherinae be doing working at a shabby pub like this? Taeyong was possibly the only Pantherinae that lived off practically nothing.

“Yes?” he asked politely, tossing the bottles into the bin.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the night off?” she said, handing him his wage for the week. “It’s the weekend, after all.”

“I have a shift tomorrow evening,” Taeyong said, smiling pathetically. Larson shook her head, sighing heavily.

“I should just axe everyone else. You do the work of ten men,” she pointed out. “And I think it’s starting to take a toll on your health. You look like shit.”

Taeyong reflexively rubbed his tired eyes with the back of his hands. “I just need some sleep, that’s all.”

Larson let out an exasperated breath. “If you say so, boy. Just take it easy, okay?”

“I will,” he lied. He had to pay this month’s rent, the electricity and water bill, stock up some food so that he won’t die from hunger, and pay off the debt he owed his friend, who had unknowingly helped him get the abortion. He could not afford to take it easy.

When he headed out the back to take out the trash, he found Sam smoking, leaning against a wall. Upon noticing Taeyong, he smiled and waved Taeyong over.

“Care for a drag?” he offered, holding out his cigarette, which Taeyong politely refused. “Wanted to talk to you.”

Taeyong drew a deep breath. Sam was several years older than him, heavily inked and pierced, but he was a relatively good guy, albeit an arrant brass-necked hooligan. “I will pay you back soon, Sam,” he said.

“I kind of need the money like… now,” Sam said, frowning. “I know you’re in a tough spot, but I am, too.”

“I’m so sorry,” Taeyong muttered. “I can’t thank you enough for the favour. I will pay you back the instant I’ve the money.”

Sam huffed and slumped against the wall. He stayed quiet for a moment. “This place is a dump.”

“It’s still better than real dumps,” Taeyong said, recalling the orphanage he had grown up in and the dark, gritty alleys he had ended up in on merciless nights. “I need a new job. Or another extra job.”

“You know what’d pay a fuckton of money?” he asked, smirking mockingly.

Taeyong groaned, knowing precisely what Sam was about to suggest. “I won’t spread my legs for disgusting rakehells.”

Sam shrugged. “Well, you’re at least pretty. And half the people that come in here want to take you home. You’re just stupid to ignore the offers. People like us have to get by with what we have. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take advantage of what you have. And damn, if only I were as young and pretty as you, I’d bend over those rich-arse men in a heartbeat.”

Taeyong hung his head. Sam didn’t know Taeyong was often the victim of those Pantherinaes that were looking to breed because he was a low echelon Pantherinae. He had not a single clue of what Taeyong was trying to run away from every night.

At least when he was with Kai, he had regularly smelled of Kai’s scent. That had kept the other Pantherinaes at bay. But now that he was unprotected, he was once again their prey.

“You consider it,” Sam added and Taeyong lifted his gaze to stare at him.

“Consider what?”

“You know. Changing professions,” he scoffed. “It’s not like you have much to offer in this place, anyway. At least when you’re squirming like a cock virgin under some guy, you’d be making real money. You should really try out the Red Tavern. I heard they’re the best in business.”

“Thank you for the recommendation, Sam,” Taeyong mumbled monotonously and pulled away from the wall to head back inside. “Just give me a couple more days. I’ll have your money ready.”

“It’s already been two weeks,” Sam said threateningly. “If you don’t have the confidence that you can pay me back soon, then it’s time to get creative, Taeyong.” He patted Taeyong’s shoulder and walked away.

Taeyong sucked in a shaky breath as the fine hairs on the back of his neck rose. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stared into the dark. He had a talent, a useless talent at this point. He had another ability. He had often considered retreating to the wild, but Shapeshifters who forwent their humanity became wild beasts for the rest of their time, forgetting that they were part human. He knew many of his friends back at the orphanage who yielded their humanity to remain as beasts, to be free and untamed.

Perhaps it would be better than to lead this horrible life. To forget his humanness and surrender to the beast he was inside. With time, he’d forget to love, he’d forget to feel. He’d forget everything his human counterpart had endured. He wasn’t even sure what he was still hoping for. Life was not going to get any better for him, is it?

Kai never really knew the real hardship Taeyong went through on a daily basis. He’d have wanted to help if he had known and Taeyong did not want that. He wasn’t Kai’s responsibility. Besides, when he had been with Kai, he had wanted nothing but to share pure happiness with the man he loved. He had wanted a perfect escape.

 When he pulled his jacket on and wended his way out of the pub, he bid Larson a good night. This part of the town was swarmed by hoodlums and vandals in the morning, but at night, it was as dead as the rest of Harvington.

Except for the dark corners.

Taeyong stopped near one and scanned the men and women “working” from afar. His stomach knotted and he bit his lip. He then looked in the direction of the Red Tavern, where prostitutes worked with a right unlike the ones on the streets.

Was Sam right? Could he really make some real money if he…

 _God_ , he quickly shook the idea away before even considering it any further. He stood there for a moment, tempted to find out what his worth was. Would it even matter if he stepped into that corner and tried his luck? He cared little for himself or his dignity, truth be told. He’d have done it if he had been with child. He’d have sold his body without a second thought if he had another mouth to feed, if his child had been alive. Who was he preserving his body for anymore? He didn’t care. But this wasn’t who he wanted to be. He longed for things that everyone else had. Love, family, support. But perhaps he was asking for too much.

Shaking his head, he walked away. He was still left with other options. He didn’t need to stand on the side of a street just yet. When he slid his hands into the jacket’s pockets, his fingers brushed the corner of the card which had been lying in there for a week.

Taeyong took it out and studied it for a moment. His eyebrows pulled into a frown. _I’d pay you handsomely_ , the old man had said, though he hadn’t specified what sort of service he was expecting of Taeyong. He said he was interested in Taeyong’s art, so maybe he really was.

He could ask Kai to lend him some money to pay Sam off, but Kai would then insist on helping Taeyong in ways the latter could no longer accept. Besides, he didn’t want to confront Sehun. Kai was honouring his end of the bargain and Taeyong should do the same and stay away from his life.

* * *

 

“Large,” a gruff voice ordered before adding a polite, “please.”

Taeyong turned around with a tall glass of beer and froze when he met the Lycan’s gaze. He recognized the man almost immediately. He was the Alpha of the packs in Itcara and Harvington. Julien, he recalled Kai mentioning a several times.

“Thanks,” the man muttered and slid Taeyong a tip.

Taeyong withdrew from the bar as quick and quietly as he could. He wasn’t sure what he feared. It wasn’t likely that Julien knew about this random Pantherinae’s affair with one of the most distinguished Pantherinaes in the community, but it still made him nervous.

“You okay?” Sam asked when Taeyong almost bumped into him. The pub was empty tonight and it wasn’t even past seven.

“Yeah… Yeah,” he said and licked his lips, glancing back at Julien again. The man had long turned his attention to the football game on the TV.

“Now,” Sam said, catching Taeyong’s arm in a strong grip. “About the money.”

Taeyong frowned. “I am trying, Sam.”

“It’s already been another week, Taeyong!” he hissed under his breath. “I have sharks waiting to bite my arse if I don’t pay them back quick!”

 _God!_ He didn’t mean to put Sam in this situation and worst of all, he felt like he wasn’t doing his best to pay Sam his money back. “If I had it—”

“Oh, pipe down,” Sam groaned. “You’ve two days’ time and then things will get sticky, Taeyong.”

Taeyong bit back on a sob. At this rate, he was going to have no choice but to ask Kai a favour. And God, he didn’t want to.

So, he found himself walking into the Red Tavern after work.

He did not miss the sleek black cars that were parked outside.

“Ah, a client. A… young one,” a man said, greeting Taeyong at the front. “What do you prefer, son?”

“I’m… here looking for work,” he said.

“My, my,” the man chimed, immediately scanning Taeyong from head to toe. “What a beauty… A virgin, I suppose?”

Taeyong shook his head, unsure of whether he should be honest or not. But he thought it best to at least look like he was confident and prepared with experience.

He can do this. This can’t be any harder than walking into a hospital to have his child killed. He could do this for one or two nights if it’ll pay him enough to pay Sam back.

“Well, so long you look and moan like one, you’ll sell for a high price. But I can’t just take you in without going through fundamental procedures.”

Taeyong jumped when he heard a roaring crowd’s cheer from a room nearby as rounds of applause followed. He wondered what was going on in there, but he knew he didn’t have the stomach for it to find out.

“Please, I’m just looking to… work for a couple of nights,” he said in a trembling voice. “I just… need some money.”

The man cocked his brow. “There are other ways to make money.”

“Not on such short notice, I’m told.” He had zero regard for his body. He wouldn’t really care if it were ravaged for one night by some man. He had given up on protecting his chastity after breaking up with Kai.

“But rules are rules,” the man sighed. “You will be a treasure, no doubt. But you have to come back another time to meet the mistress and you’ll have papers to sign amongst other things.”

Taeyong frowned disappointedly. “Thank you,” he sighed resignedly and turned around to leave.

“Wait,” the man said. “You… seem like a nice boy. I wish I could do something for you… Well, actually, if you are looking to make some quick cash, this might be your lucky night. How willing are you right now?”

“Very,” he admitted, pleading desperately. “Please, I’d be grateful if you could help.”

“Come this way.” He led Taeyong into a room. “Take off your jacket.”

Taeyong quickly obliged. He then shrivelled in shame when the man unfastened a few of his shirt buttons. In the room, well-dressed men were calling out numbers. Boys clad in nothing but undergarments stood at the front, flaunting their bare bodies and looking proud each time someone said a bigger amount.

“There,” the man said. “It’s _Auction Thursday_. One of the naughtiest events at Red Tavern,” he said, smirking proudly. “You are not mine, therefore you’ll get to keep all the money you make. But I should warn you, you’re a pretty one and your bidder might be… handsy. I will not take responsibility for what happens to you.”

Taeyong gulped. He glanced at the aged men in the room once more. He smelled Pantherinaes among the mundane humans. God, this wasn’t a good idea. He listened to the men bidding. One of them called out, “Forty!” for a tanned-skin, sinuous young man.

“Forty?” he asked the man.

“Four grand, sweetheart.”

“4000?!” Taeyong yelped, gaping in astonishment. That was a lot more money than what Taeyong made in a month! He tried to take a look at the men who had won the bid. He almost gasped when he recognized the old man from the park. He continued to bid on a few more boys that followed.

“Where is he?” he heard some spit viciously in the hallway behind him. When he turned halfway around, someone shoved past him and strutted into the room. Taeyong immediately recognized the young man. Jaehyun, he recalled. The old man’s nephew, he presumed since Jaehyun had called him ‘uncle’.

 _Is the whole family here,_ Taeyong wondered and found it comical that he almost laughed. Then he remembered where he was standing and what he was about to do as he was hauled to the front of the room.

All the men straightened up in their seats as a round of whispers wove across the room. Everyone looked suddenly ready with their bidding card and Taeyong thought he might bury himself there and then from shame. He supposed he cared about his body after all.

“How old are you?” some grey-haired guy asked and Taeyong stared at him.

“22,” he said and the guy grinned before he announced the age to the men in the room.

Taeyong whimpered in objection when the grey-haired man yanked at his shirt to bare his shoulders and the innocent noise Taeyong had made brought an excited reaction from the crowd.

God, no. He had to leave now.

“Who is he?” he asked, turning to the man Taeyong had met at the front.

“I have no idea. He’s desperate for some money.”

“What a gorgeous piece of arse,” the guy said, stroking Taeyong’s arm. When Taeyong winced away from the touch with tears sheening his eyes, the other men in the room cooed obscenities. “We start the bidding at two,” the grey-haired man announced.

“Three!” someone called out.

“Four!”

“Five!”

“Eight!”

Taeyong started to pant and the more he tried to free himself from the guy’s grip, the more the crowd enjoyed. Soon, his cheeks were wet with tears and he was on the verge of transforming and running away from there. He looked to the old man he recognized, who cried out, “Thirty!”

And at his side, his nephew, Jaehyun was glaring directly at Taeyong with unmoving eyes. His pensive face was almost unreadable. He continued to stare at Taeyong with a clenched jaw and a merciless scowl. Taeyong could not tell if he were annoyed with his uncle or Taeyong himself. But God, Taeyong begged silently that his uncle, the old geezer would not be the highest bidder.

Jesus, he did not want anyone to be the highest bidder.

“I can’t do this,” he whimpered to the two men holding him in place. “Please.”

Someone cried “Fifty!”

“Sixty!”

“Listen to it, honey,” the kinder of the two said. “You’re making more money than anyone ever did in here.”

Taeyong fell silent. He needed the money.

When Jaehyun’s uncle’s called out, “A solid hundred!” everyone fell silent.

“Fuck,” the grey-haired man at Taeyong’s side let out. “A hundred it is, then—”

“Three hundred,” Jaehyun interrupted in a calm, but loud voice, challenging his uncle’s bid with an unbeatable number.

Taeyong’s jaw dropped and so did the others’. 30,000? For one night? For one fucking night? Did he think Taeyong was made from precious stones or something?! Was he barking mad?! This can’t be real. Taeyong’s entire existence wasn’t worth 10, let alone 30,000!

His uncle gawked at Jaehyun with infuriation and disappointment, but Jaehyun simply slid his hands into the pockets of his pants and continued to stare at Taeyong, who could not stop staring in disbelief either.

“Sold,” the grey-haired man said shakily. Jaehyun was the youngest man in the crowd, but there was no doubt he was also the wealthiest and the most powerful Pantherinae in presence.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Taeyong restlessly paced the room he was told to wait in until his bidder shows up. It had been an hour and Jaehyun was nowhere to be seen.

He gnawed at his already well-trimmed cuticles and stopped to stare at the queen-sized bed. The room was decent, not as decent as the lavish hotel rooms Kai had brought him to stay at when they went on short getaways, but it was pretty decent for a brothel. The bedside table bore a lamp along with a tube of lube and a pack of condoms. Jaehyun was a Pantherinae, so there won’t be a use for the latter, but Taeyong figured he’d need some birth control pills.

What was the point in worrying if his bidder weren’t going to show up? This was a waste of time if Jaehyun decided to bail. At least the other men would have paid Taeyong.

He fumed hopelessly, waiting in the room that smelled of lavender incense sticks for another hour. When his patience had finally run thin, he headed out. It was clear that Jaehyun was not going to make an appearance.

He was not sure what irked him more. The fact that he wasn’t going to get the money or the fact that he didn’t get the chance to confront his bidder about why he had wanted to win Taeyong.

“Excuse me,” he said when he met the guy from earlier at the front of the Red Tavern.

“Ah!” the man exclaimed. “Satisfied the handsome young man?”

 _No, he never showed,_ Taeyong almost said, but he stopped when the guy held out a cheque with the promised amount filled. Taeyong’s heart skipped a beat.

“I have never seen anyone bid or pay that much for whore,” the man said and Taeyong frowned. _For a whore_. He supposed that was what he was now. A certified whore. “Perhaps the young lad was a tad bit reckless and careless with his money.”

“Do you… know who he is?” Taeyong asked, accepting the cheque with a pang of guilt. He was not supposed to be paid. He hadn’t serviced Jaehyun in any way and it made his sense of honour disgruntled.

“We make sure our clients enjoy their time here without having to worry about being discovered. So, we don’t keep a record. But I have only seen that young man around a couple of times, trying to drag another old man out of this place.”

 _Oh_. So, Jaehyun wasn’t here to have a good time, then?

“You should come back in two days. The mistress will be beyond delighted with a new addition.” The man winked. “You’re a prize.”

Taeyong was almost certain that he’d never come again. Almost.

He saw himself out of the Red Tavern, keeping his eyes on the cheque and the large amount filled. He had never seen, let alone possessed this much money. But he was getting it for free. As a donation, perhaps. And it maddened him. He wasn’t some charity cause for Jaehyun to hurl his richness at and be all holier-than-thou about it. Taeyong must give this back. He neither wanted the money nor the pity. And he wanted to face Jaehyun and ask him _why_.

* * *

 

The deafening banging on the door roused him with a jolt and Taeyong squinted at the door of his apartment. It was banged on again. He looked to the small alarm clock on the table and frowned at the time. Almost 05:10 a.m. Who could be knocking at his door at this hour? Or at any hour, for that matter.

He tiredly pulled himself out of the bed and threw on a t-shirt over his boxers before heading over to the door, rubbing his eyes. Was it the house owner, finally resolved to kick Taeyong out for late payments?

“Kai?” he gasped when he got the door, only to see Kai standing before him with a monstrous scowl etched on his face and a lockjaw. “What are you—” He was cut off when Kai burst into the apartment, brutally shoving past him, and Taeyong all but gaped in shock when Kai dashed a pile of money at him.

He shuddered and took a step back as the bundles of hard cash came loose and strewed on the floor. He then lifted his head to pin Kai with a horrified look.

“What were you doing at the whorehouse?” Kai asked blatantly with his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“How did you—”

“A fucking friend of mine was there and he recognized you from my sons’ birthday party.”

Taeyong bit his tongue hard enough that he could taste blood.

Kai shifted his weight and crossed his arms over his chest. “He also said that someone rented you for 30 grand. Well, here. 50 fucking grand. Doesn’t that make me the highest bidder? Go ahead, then. Strip and bend over.”

“Kai… I… I can explain.”

“Then start explaining!” he roared. But why should Taeyong explain anything? What was Kai even doing here, expressing his ‘ _concerns_ ’?

“I needed the money,” he whispered, hanging his head as tears struck his eyes.

“So, you go from art to tart?” Kai scoffed. “You could have asked me!”

“How could I?!” Taeyong yapped back with tears rolling down his cheeks. “How would that make me any less of a whore if I asked you for money just on the basis of the relationship we had?! You had made it very clear that we fucked, we didn’t date, didn’t you?! If I came to you, asking for money, wouldn’t that make me a whore that takes advantage of what we had? Won’t your… Sehun think so?”

Kai went silent for a moment.

“And why are you even here?” Taeyong asked through a sob. “Why do you care whom I sell my body to or how I make money? Everything between us is over, Kai.” He dropped to his knees on the floor and started to pick the bills up while silently crying.

“Why did you need so much money suddenly?” Kai inquired with a calmer voice.

Taeyong ignored him and the question as he gathered the paper money, wiping his cheeks on his shoulder and snivelling. A fierce grip on his arm yanked him up to his feet and he whimpered to be released.

“What? You finally have the hunger for money, so now you spread for dirty old men?”

“Stop,” Taeyong grunted and pulled his arm free. For some odd reason, he thought of Jaehyun at that moment and God, did he feel grateful for what Jaehyun had done last night when he had _saved_ Taeyong from his uncle, in spite of the fact that he had absolutely no reason to.

“I’m just curious,” Kai said. “Why couldn’t you have just whored yourself on me and asked me for the money if you’re so fucking desperate?!”

 _Because I was pregnant with_ your _child and I’d be destroyed if I had to use your own money to kill your own child._

“Why can’t _you_ leave me alone?!” Taeyong grated between his sobs and gasps. “Just go back to your husband and children and leave me alone!” He pushed the money into Kai’s hands.

Kai ground his teeth. “Fine,” he harrumphed at long last. “Sorry that I cared.”

“No. You’ve cared for me since the first day we met. But it’s not what I want.”

“You want me to love you,” Kai snorted, shaking his head and smirking. “The way I love Sehun.”

“No,” he said again. His heart was shattering and why couldn’t Kai see it? “No. I don’t want that. I… won’t ask for that either. Sehun doesn’t deserve that. He shouldn’t have to share your love. But please, leave.”

Kai’s hard expression mellowed. “Keep the money,” he said after a moment.

Taeyong shook his head, refusing to accept it. “I’m fine.”

Kai sighed and started towards the door. He paused to catch a glimpse of Taeyong one last time before he disappeared through the door.

Taeyong then sank to the floor and drew his knees close to his chest. He shivered and cried a little, but mostly, he thought of how ill-fated he was. He scrambled to his feet at length and looked for the card the old man had given him at the park that night. There must be a train to Raisel now early in the morning.

* * *

 

When he exited the cab after paying the fare, Taeyong froze to gape at the tall, regal gates and the guards stationed at them. His jaw fell as he glanced at the manor standing majestically behind the gates and the sleek black cars parked along the driveway. The manor was relatively smaller than Kai’s manor, but it looked a hundred times grander.

Servant men and women scampered here and there, gardeners attended to the rose bushes and shrubs. Raisel was the richest district he had ever stepped his food into. The city was not far from this estate either. He hugged his drawing tools to his chest and gulped.

“Can I help you?” a guard inquired when he approached the buff man.

“I…” he started but trailed off. He pulled out the name card instead and handed it to the guard. He heavily doubted someone like him will be allowed past the gates, let alone into the manor. He would have dressed a little nicer if he had known these Pantherinaes were this affluent.

“Where are you from?” the guard asked.

“Harvington. I was told to come over by…” he hesitated, wondering if it would be rude to address the old man as _‘the old man’_.

“Let him in,” someone hollered from inside and Taeyong perked his head to look at the man walking towards him. He recognized the man instantly. He was the grouchy man who had called the old man ‘sire’. He wore a neat suit, he certainly could not be a servant. Perhaps the chauffeur, Taeyong thought. He recalled the man’s name to be Al.

No one paid any heed to him when he walked in. They were all Pantherinaes for as far as Taeyong could discern.

“He had been expecting you for weeks Al said with a glum look. “I didn’t suppose you’d make an appearance. And curse your luckless stars, you’ve arrived at an ill-omened time.”

Taeyong looked at the man confusedly. “Uh, I’m sorry. I should have come sooner. I just… I wasn’t sure,” he said. “Should I come back later if this is a bad time?”

The man sneered. “You did us a favour. The Master was ready to head back to Harvington in search for you.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “For me?” He shuddered at the thought of the old man winning the bid last night. God, he should thank Jaehyun a million times for not letting that happen.

“Welcome,” Al said instead. “The Master’s this way.”

Taeyong hesitantly followed him into the manor. The opulence of the house did not throw him off, much less stun him. He was quite used to being around Kai’s manor. But everything else did. If he didn’t think it sounded absurd, he would have said these Pantherinaes were royalty.

“Who are you?” he asked Al. “I mean… what are you people?”

The man scoffed. “Have you never seen a proper Pantherinae household?” he said and turned around to face Taeyong in the hallway. “I suppose I ought to have introduced myself afore. I am Alec, the head valet. But these are details of no use to you as your purpose will be short-lived in this house. This way.” He led Taeyong through another hallway.

Taeyong eyed the portraits hanging on the walls and took a deep sigh. It was clear his talent in art was not what was anticipated. These Pantherinaes could hire the world’s greatest painters if it were art they were interested in. Then what was Taeyong even doing here?

He shook with panic when he saw a head of a wolf hanging on the wall.

His blood ran cold when they came to a stop and Alec knocked on a door before entering.

“Sire, the boy has come to see you,” Taeyong heard Alec say.

“What boy are you talking about?” It was the old man.

Taeyong moved closer to the door and instantly, the old man’s head perked up from the desk he was seated at in the drawing room and he jolted up to his feet, discarding his reading glasses.

“My word,” the old man gasped. “You have actually turned up!”

Taeyong bowed his head and bit his lip nervously. This was a big mistake. Whatever that had prompted him to come here now terrified him.

“Leave us,” he ordered the valet, who obliged at once. “Come, darling.”

Taeyong hesitantly moved to the chaise lounge the old man ushered him to. “You were… expecting me?” he asked.

“Oh, every minute of the day,” the man said, grinning as he poured himself and Taeyong some brown-coloured drink. He then took his seat beside Taeyong and handed him a glass, which Taeyong refused.

“Why?”

“Well, never had I ever laid my eyes upon a Pantherinae so beautiful. And talented.”

What a blatant lie.

“And I longed to see you again,” the aged Pantherinae purred, raising a hand to brush a lock of Taeyong’s hair from his temple. “And when I saw you last night… at the Red Tavern, God, I had never wanted to hold someone so dearly before. Curse my recalcitrant nephew for his meddlesome behaviour. He loves to drive me round the twist.”

Taeyong clenched his jaw. He surveyed the man’s greyish white hair that was only a monstrosity to his half-bald head. The man’s belly jutted out a little and the wrinkles on his face and hands were abhorrent. Taeyong had never seen a Pantherinae so repugnant. But the man dressed well and smelled nice, at least.

“What did you say your name was?”

“Taeyong,” he murmured, shuddering at the touch in disgust when the man drew a hand to his thigh.

“Ah. Taeyong. Tell me. Was my nephew gentle to you last night?” he asked, smirking.

“He… he didn’t show up, Mr Jung.”

The man blinked in surprise. “How rude.”

“In fact,” Taeyong said and rose to his feet. “I’m here to see him.”

“See… _him_?” the man said, sounding a little vexed. “Oh, he would certainly not like that.”

“Then can you pass this to him?” Taeyong handed the man the cheque. “Please.”

Mr Jung eyed him with an arched brow. “Why are you not cashing this in, child?”

“I haven’t serviced him. I didn’t think it fair to take his money without… offering anything in return.”

The old man’s grin broadened as he stood up. “Beautiful, talented, and virtuous. Say,” he hummed and brought a hand to Taeyong’s shoulder. “If I were to pay you in return for your service, would it be to your liking?”

Taeyong wanted to flinch away from his touch, but he realized that he still needed the money to pay Sam off by tomorrow.

“That’s unfortunate. I believe I’ve bought him for a night, uncle.”

Taeyong turned around with a start and found Jaehyun leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. Taeyong’s jaw fell slack as he studied the black and red auto racing outfit Jaehyun was clad in. He instantly recognized the logos on the clothing and deducted that it was motor sports. Jaehyun must be a car racer, but it must be more of a leisure pursuit than a profession.

His hair was a mess, too. His cheeks were pinked from a recent adrenaline rush. His lips were slightly parted, as though he was silently panting. Did he rush his way here? Could Alec have apprised him of Taeyong’s appearance? But Jaehyun looked calm with his usual smug complacency.

“Nephew,” the man grumbled. “How very nice of you to finally join us after you’ve apparently made no show last night with this young gentleman.”

Jaehyun was not meeting Taeyong’s gaze, like at all. Taeyong even started to wonder if Jaehyun realized that he was standing right there.

“He has returned your money,” Jaehyun’s uncle said and Taeyong saw how Jaehyun’s composure waned into something a little more aggressive. He finally shifted his glare to Taeyong.

“Has he now,” Jaehyun drawled. “I wonder why.”

“A sense of decency, which you appear to be lacking.”

Jaehyun laughed despite himself. “That’s so rich, coming from _you_ , uncle.”

Taeyong wanted to shrink away from the argument between the two hostile parties.

“A whore with high principles, how very noble,” Jaehyun said and Taeyong wanted to bury himself. He hadn’t even done anything and he was already branded a whore by so many people. Well, one wrong move in the Pantherinae community and his reputation was tarnished forever.

“Taeyong here would prefer a more benign companion.”

“Benign?” Jaehyun stepped into the drawing room. “What is it, uncle? You can’t tolerate the fact that I finally had a winning against you?”

“You deluded child,” he scoffed. “You won nothing against me yet.”

“Well, watch me,” Jaehyun spat and turned to face Taeyong. For a moment, Taeyong thought he’d grab his wrist and haul him out of there, but Jaehyun only wrenched the cheque from his uncle’s hand and shoved it back into Taeyong’s. “Good that you’re here. Now, I hope you’re prepared to have your arse reamed.”

With that, Jaehyun pinned his uncle with a smug look before he meandered his way out of the drawing room.

Taeyong’s heart hammered against his chest. Yeah, Jaehyun’s uncle might be old and a pervert, but he was at least kind and gentle. Jaehyun, however…

He shuddered.

“You can still refuse,” the old man said.

“Sire,” Alec interrupted with a knock on the open door. “The young Master has asked for me to prepare the boy for tonight.”

Taeyong teeth began to clatter a little. He gathered his drawing tools and followed Alec out of the drawing room. He supposed having his body destroyed by Jaehyun would still be better than to yield to the old man.

* * *

 

“This is the young Master’s wing,” Alec said as he led Taeyong into a room. “Where he dwells.”

Taeyong understood. Kai had once told him that when his grandfather used to rule, the Marion lineage thrived and they used to live like Kings. Each family member had their own quarters, which weren’t accessible by the other members, unless allowed. Of course, Kai and his family had evolved since then, they lived like normal people now.

This household apparently was sticking to its origin and roots. It was frightening and almost creepy. When he entered the room, his heart bounced to his throat. The simplicity of the room took him aback. He was expecting king-sized beds, opulent chandeliers, resplendent silks and wallpapers. He was expecting gold and crystals!

But he was met with a wash of white, black and several shades of grey. Glass and dark wood dominated the room. It was neat, of course, and certainly stunning, but it wasn’t what Taeyong had thought he’d find in a _young Master_ ’s room.

“The servants will attend you in a moment,” Alec said.

“ _Attend_ me?” Taeyong asked confusedly.

“Yes. You’ll need a bath. Perfume. Finer clothes. The young Master’s orders. His words were that he’d not bed someone with a smell worse than a Lycan’s.”

He tried not to be offended by that. He did smell bad from all the travelling.

“If you… don’t mind me asking… how is he?” Taeyong asked, in case he needed to prepare himself emotionally. “In bed, I mean.”

“I wouldn’t know,” the man said. But upon noticing the distress in Taeyong’s face, he sighed, “He likes simple things. Don’t fret. He will cause you no harm.”

 _I hope you’re prepared to have your arse reamed_ did not sound like he wanted to cause Taeyong _no_ harm.

Minutes after Alec had left, a couple of servants entered and they immediately brought Taeyong to the bathroom. They had insisted on helping him strip, but Taeyong convinced them that he could take a shirt and a pair of pants off by himself. He bathed, in the fine bathtub, admiring everything inside the bathroom. Yes, even the state-of-the-art toilet.

Once he was done, the servants towelled him and handed him a loose, filmy shirt and a pair of warm, pressed trousers. Taeyong grimaced at his reflection in the mirror. The shirt drooped on his shoulders, even though he had it fully buttoned. If someone looked hard enough, they could see his pink nipples through the shirt. He groaned.

This was all just too elaborate. He wasn’t some concubine-in-the-making. Why can’t Jaehyun just fuck him and get it over with? Why was any of this necessary?!

“Would you mind?” a servant said as he raised a comb to Taeyong’s damp hair. But it remained the unruly mess it was.

When he was ‘prepared’, the servants handed him a glass of water and a pill. Taeyong gritted his teeth, but accepted it and swallowed it. He then turned to look at the servants placing a small jar of oil on the bedside table. He blushed and drew a breath.

He felt like a dog being groomed.

He was left alone again and he retreated to take a seat on the edge of the bed before drawing his sketchpad to his lap. He could bide the time, at least. Distract himself from the harsh truth. So, he worked with the remaining of his sketch of Kai. It was the third one this week and Taeyong realized that he was deliberately wanting and starting to forget the painstaking details of Kai’s face.

An hour or so passed.

He smelled nice, at least, he thought while he sketched. He smelled like the soaps and shampoos Jaehyun had in the bathroom. He didn’t think he’d ever smelled this nice. It almost made him want to curl up on the cosy bed and go to sleep.

But then reality walked in, dressed in a black shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Taeyong jumped to his feet. Jaehyun froze at the door and blinked blankly at Taeyong as if in shock, as though he hadn’t been expecting to see Taeyong.

It made Taeyong want to punch the guy. How could he forget about something like this?! Possibly for the second time!

After a moment, Jaehyun sighed and closed the door upon realization of what was happening. Taeyong nervously chewed on his lower lip, causing it to swell and throb. Jaehyun stopped to stare at the lip before he quickly cleared his throat and moved to stand by the dresser. He fidgeted around for a moment and rubbed the back of his neck.

If Taeyong didn’t know any better, he’d say Jaehyun looked nervous. But why, what, how? The composure and confidence had ebbed, replaced by curiosity and confusion.

“That’s a… nice drawing,” Jaehyun muttered at last, breaking the awkward silence.

Taeyong glanced at his sketchpad and closed it quickly. “Thanks.”

“It seems… familiar.”

“Huh?”

“The… drawing. The person you’re drawing.”

Taeyong felt like an idiot. Of course, there was a possibility that Jaehyun might recognize Kai. He kept mum.

Jaehyun huffed. “You should leave,” he said in a hard tone again.

“But… we haven’t—”

“And we _won’t_.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows pulled into a scowl. “When you pay for a _whore_ , you fuck the whore. It’s a basic concept understood by all.”

Jaehyun fixed him with a harsh black look. “Here’s another concept. Beggars can’t be choosers, sweetheart.”

That felt like a blow to the face. Taeyong fell silent and hung his head. “I’m not… begging,” he said in a low, embarrassed whisper. “Which is why I cannot accept the money. Why did you even bid if you didn’t want me?”

“Why did you go up there to be auctioned if you didn’t want to?”

Taeyong raised his head and met Jaehyun’s hard gaze. “What do you… mean?”

“Or was that all just a show? God, I don’t know what you tramps do for attention,” he scoffed.

Did Jaehyun bid for Taeyong because he was crying in front of all those men?

“So, are you going to fuck me or not?” Taeyong asked.

Jaehyun’s eyes narrowed. “No. But I do want something from you.”

That held Taeyong in his place. “What?”

“Take the money. I’ll surely ask for a return of favour when I see fit.”

“What could you possibly want from someone like me?”

Jaehyun smirked. “A new divertissement.” He grabbed a small journal and a pen from the dresser before walking over to Taeyong. “I don’t touch trulls like you. But I do enjoy driving my uncle up the wall. Write down your address.”

Taeyong hesitantly obliged. He wrote down the address of the pub he works at instead of his home. For safety measures.

“If you really wish to offer a service, I’d like a week of your time and not one night of your body,” Jaehyun said.

Taeyong saw no downside to it, except that he had absolutely no idea what Jaehyun intended to do with him for one bloody week. “I have to work,” Taeyong said and Jaehyun laughed.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be a hindrance to your walk of life.”

Taeyong nodded and sighed. It seemed reasonable. His conscience nagged at him that even a night of subjugation in bed would not be enough for the amount of money Jaehyun was paying him. Taeyong wasn’t worth so.

“It’s settled, then,” Jaehyun said and retreated. “You can leave.”

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

It was a slow evening. Jaehyun was idle on the bed, staring out the window at the dark night sky as the book lay open on his lap, unattended for minutes now. He let out another deep sigh and leaned his head against the headboard. He wondered what sort of adventures awaited the mundane world on a night like this. His hands itched, his heart longed to transform and feel the moistness of the loam on his paws, the calmness of the wind in his fur, and the tranquillity of the forest in his body as he coursed through it.

 But he also wanted to know what life was beyond this invisible cage around him. What would a normal boy his age be doing at this hour, in the cold night. What would free people do. What would being able to follow their own dreams feel like. How beautiful life must be when it was liberated and wasn’t constrained.

He would never know. He had a responsibility to the Pride, to his family, to his mother. This was the life he had been living since the day he was born. While the servants’ children ran around, giggling and tumbling, Jaehyun looked at them from the window of his study while his tutor educated him. He had no friends. He never did. His mother had made sure of that. Alec was his only companion since he was young. His was the closest thing Jaehyun had to a father.

The manor was always full of people, it was always loud. Jaehyun wanted to taste the quiet, yet exciting world out there. He wanted to be more than just a Pantherinae. He wanted to explore the human part of him.

There was a quiet knock on the door and he snapped out of his thoughts, looking to his mother, who entered the room with a gentle smile on her pretty face. Jaehyun shifted on the bed and quickly hardened his expression. He always liked to be on his guard whenever he was around people. Especially people who had high expectations for him.

“Mother,” he said monotonously as she perched on the bed and ran a hand through Jaehyun’s hair.

“What are you reading, darling?”

Jaehyun shrugged and set the book aside. “The Glass Castle.”

“Hmm.” She took his hand. “One of the servants tells me that you brought a Pantherinae to your bed yesterday.”

“It’s not what you think,” Jaehyun sighed. “He was a boy uncle had his eyes on. I was just trying to make his hackles rise.”

“And I believe you’ve succeeded. He was throwing a temper tantrum during supper,” she laughed. “Oh, you must meet with Sara tomorrow.”

Jaehyun sighed. Another day, another meeting with an important member of the Pride so that he could get more supporters. “Is she here?”

“Yes,” his mother said. She was wearing his calculative face. Which meant she had something in mind that needed execution. Jaehyun tensed up, but didn’t show it. “We were talking and she suggested something.”

 _Ah, there it is_ , Jaehyun thought.

“Honey,” his mother said. “She… said something about you gaining more allies and supporters.”

“Do we need more, mother? I mean, more than half the Pride is rooting for us.”

“But your uncle’s bastard has a chance, too,” she said, frowning. “He is looking to returning to Raisel very soon.”

Jaehyun stiffened. “Is he now?”

“Yes. Your uncle said so. And I worry that the Pride might be deem him worthier than you. He already has an heir and he is older than you, more experienced.”

“It isn’t my fault I was born years younger than him,” Jaehyun grumbled.

“No, it isn’t,” she kissed his temple. “I won’t… ask you of this if this weren’t completely necessary.”

“What is it?”

His mother hesitated for a moment. “As much as this idea repulses me, I do believe Sara has a point. A very good one at that.”

“Which is?”

“Um,” his mother drawled. “I think you should wed someone with ties to the Lycans.”

Jaehyun was not sure if he had heard her wrong or if he were _hoping_ that he had heard her wrong. He blinked and cocked his head in confusion. “I beg your pardon, mother?”

His mother sucked in a deep breath. “I mean to say… What if you had the support of the Lycans, too?”

“But wouldn’t that be… counterproductive? The Pride doesn’t want us to fraternize with the Lycans, let alone marry them.”

“No, of course not. Even considering it makes me sick to the stomach. But there are two ways you can gain political support, Jaehyun. Either by invoking trust or fear. But what if you could invoke both? You have already gained their trust, now you just have to prove that you’d go that extra one step to care for your Pride. Along with a promise that you’d destroy the Lycans from within.”

“Mother, you sound absurd,” he snorted and climbed out of the bed. “I think this insane ambition of yours is finally getting to your head.”

“You are being disrespectful, Jaehyun,” she chided and Jaehyun pursed his lips. “I am not asking you to join a Lycan in marriage. Just someone who’s already associated with the Lycans. And God knows, he’s influential.”

Jaehyun ground his teeth upon realizing that his mother had already given this much thought that no matter what he said, she would not reconsider. “You suddenly want a half-bred heir?” he asked and his mother scowled.

“No, of course, not! I am asking for you to marry someone for political purpose. I did it. I married your father not for love and you know that. Bearing an heir with him would not be necessary. In fact, I would not even recommend it. Jaehyun, you can have an heir with a purebred Pantherinae when you deem fit. But a marriage with someone who is influential could be worth considering if it’ll strengthen your position in the Pride.”

“And who is this _someone_ that you speak of? Surely Sara must have conjectured something up,” he spat, crossing his arms over his chest.

“She has. And I agree with her. Strongly. It’d be best for us all if you did, too,” she said and rose to her full height. “We thought of an alliance with the Marion heir. One of the heirs. The firstborn, hopefully. Sara said he is called… Jaecen. Now, that’s a nice name. He’s a hybrid.”

“Huh?” Jaehyun said, arching an eyebrow. “Are you talking about the leader of the Harvington Pride?”

“The former leader, yes. You remember Chanyeol, don’t you? The current leader?”

“Yes.”

“And Kai? The wayward Pantherinae? He and his dead twin interbred with Lycans alike and one of them ended up dead while the other divorced,” she scoffed. “But Kai is affluent, nonetheless. And his sons are not only heirs to an unutterable fortune, but whoever that weds them also has a big chance of becoming the leader of the Harvington Pride since Chanyeol has a very young daughter. Kai’s sons are the direct heirs to the Pride. Chanyeol is merely a regent.”

Now, it made sense. “Mother, you’d rather put aside your principles and turn a blind eye to your aversion of the Lycans so that I could gain the power of two Prides. Isn’t that what you really want?”

His mother’s eyes narrowed. “What I want is for you to rule like a king. And when the time comes for you to bear an heir, you may bed a purebred Pantherinae for that. But I want you to wed one of Kai’s sons.”

Jaehyun’s breathing quickened and his blood pounded in his ears. “Not so soon, mother.”

“If not so soon, then when? When you have lost every chance you have?” she grated. “I will head over to Harvington forthwith, in the next few days and see if Kai would like a marriage alliance for one of his sons. If he is interested, we’d have you betrothed at once.”

“Mother,” he called desperately. “I cannot marry someone I don’t love, just for the sake of the Pride. Please, don’t make me do this. This is the _only_ thing I ask of you.”

“Jaehyun,” she said calmly and even smiled. “I know what’s best for you. Trust me.”

With that, she exited the room and Jaehyun slumped back against a wall, trying to suppress the anger that bubbles up in his chest. He remained in that position for a long moment, realizing that the last bit of his freedom was finally being snatched away from him.

He turned to his closet and fished out a hoodie and pair of jeans. Then heading downstairs, he grabbed his car keys and raced out the door before Alec could catch him.

* * *

 

“So,” Sam said, startling Taeyong from behind.

“Jesus, Sam,” Taeyong groaned as he resumed to wipe the top of the marble bar counter clean. The pub was still half-full, men and women wasting away into the night with deep-fried food and gallons of beer.

“How did you make the money?” Sam asked with a crooked smile as he leaned against the counter.

Taeyong tried not to blush. “Does it matter?”

“No, but,” he mumbled and then his grin widened. “You did it, didn’t you?!”

“No,” Taeyong said. “I got the money from a… friend.”

Sam snorted. “Please. If you had a friend who could have given you that much money, you wouldn’t have come to me.”

He had a point which Taeyong could not argue, so he silently turned around to arrange the shot glasses. He then peered at the clock. 1:45 a.m. He sighed. His shift will finally be over in 15 minutes. After he had paid Sam back, he still had an insane amount of money left, but he wasn’t planning on using any of it. He wanted to return it to Jaehyun when they meet, but he doubted that they would. Jaehyun might not show up.

The doorbell chimed when a customer entered. Taeyong turned around to see if his service was needed. He stared at the tall man that had walked in with his hood pulled down low over a cap.

His heart pounded when the man turned in his way and made eye-contact. _Jesus!_ It was Jaehyun. Clad in a hoodie, cap and jeans? And he was standing in a crummy pub at 2 a.m. Had something possessed the man?

Jaehyun silently walked over to the bar without a fuss and took a seat on the stool. Taeyong gulped and made sure Sam wasn’t looking before he said, “Hi.”

Jaehyun shrunk in his hood, glancing around him. “What is this horrid place?” he muttered under his breath and Taeyong winced. “You live here?”

“No,” Taeyong sighed. “This is where I work.”

Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you worked at the whorehouse.”

“A man can have more than one job.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know,” Jaehyun muttered. Taeyong smiled to himself as he turned around to grab a glass.

“What would you like to have?”

“You.” Jaehyun’s blatant answer froze Taeyong in place for a moment. He turned around and met Jaehyun’s hard scowl under the shade of the cap. “I… You promised me a week, remember?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Taeyong said with a sigh. “I’m off in another ten minutes. Think you can wait?”

Jaehyun nodded and glared at everyone in the pub, as though he wanted to rip their guts out. _Gosh, speak of being anti-social_ , Taeyong thought.

“Anything to drink?” he offered.

“I don’t drink,” Jaehyun said. “And I don’t understand anybody who does.”

“You don’t… drink. Like at all?”

“I’m 24. I still have time to wallow and drown my sorrows in alcohol later in life,” he scoffed.

Taeyong wanted to let the man know of how much of an uptight arsehole he was, but he stifled the remark and turned to entertain another customer. Jaehyun patiently waited, much to Taeyong’s surprise.

When his shift was finally over, Taeyong quickly ran to the back to get changed and hurried to Jaehyun’s side. He signalled Jaehyun to follow him and they were soon plodding on the cold, dark streets of the town.

Jaehyun was as silent as a grave as he trod on Taeyong’s footsteps. This was so strange. Taeyong hardly knew Jaehyun and he wasn’t even sure why Jaehyun was following him. Why Jaehyun even wanted Taeyong’s attention. It was awkward beyond description.

“So,” Taeyong cleared his throat and Jaehyun scowled at him. God, so hostile. “What do you… want to do with me for a week?”

Jaehyun did not answer immediately. He turned to glare at a stray dog and then glowered at the ice-cream stand in the corner. “Who in their right mind would want to eat an ice-cream at this hour, in this cold?” he asked, shaking his head.

“Well, have you ever tried it?” Taeyong inquired. “It’s nice. Not advisable. But nice. Ice-cream at night, in the rain, in the snow.” He grinned and Jaehyun’s scowl mellowed.

“That’s just… absurd,” he muttered.

“Come on,” Taeyong rasped and hurried to the ice-cream stand. The old man rose to his feet from where he sat and smiled at Taeyong gratefully. “Two cones, please. Vanilla for me.” He looked to Jaehyun and when Jaehyun didn’t make an order, Taeyong did it for him. “You look like the type that’d like chocolate. One vanilla, one chocolate, please.”

He even unwrapped the cone for Jaehyun before handing it to him. Jaehyun accepted it reluctantly and stared at Taeyong as the latter had his first lick.

“What?” Taeyong asked. “Don’t tell me you don’t eat ice-cream either.”

“I do, but… I just never…” he trailed off and sighed. He handed the cone back to Taeyong for a moment as he drew his wallet out. “How much is that?” When the vendor named the price, Jaehyun’s face pulled. “I don’t suppose you accept credit cards?”

The vendor grimaced and Taeyong laughed.

“What a royal arse,” Taeyong muttered and Jaehyun looked daggers at him. “I’ll buy you one. Don’t worry, Your Highness.”

Jaehyun looked uncomfortable when Taeyong passed both ice-cream cones for him to hold while he paid for them. “This is sheer folly,” Jaehyun groaned.

“You better eat it before it melts,” Taeyong advised as he started to walk along the platform again. Jaehyun followed, again in utter silence, and when Taeyong turned around, he found Jaehyun contemplating the ice-cream, but he hadn’t taken a bite.

Taeyong sighed and said, “If you’re not going to have it, then let me—”

“No!” Jaehyun growled, pulling the ice-cream away from Taeyong, who gaped at the harsh reaction. Jaehyun then quickly took a bite of the ice-cream, a big one, too. He scowled again. “This is shit quality.”

“The only person I’ve heard complain about ice-cream quality,” Taeyong mumbled and turned to walk again, unsure of where they were heading.

“Are you not… working tonight?” Jaehyun asked once he was done with his cone.

“Huh? Oh. You mean…” He licked his lips. “Well, why are you here instead of all cosied up in your feather bed?”

“I don’t sleep on feather bed.”

“I was being facetious.” Taeyong licked blob of ice-cream from his thumb as he finished the cone. Jaehyun stared at him plainly and for a long while until Taeyong began to flush at his gaze.

Jaehyun raised a hesitant hand to Taeyong’s face and swiped his thumb over Taeyong’s nose, sending Taeyong staggering a step back in shock. He quickly held his hand up and Taeyong looked at the ice-cream stain on Jaehyun’s thumb.

“Oh,” he let out and hung his head, hoping that Jaehyun hadn’t notice him blush.

“Where do you live?” Jaehyun demanded.

“Right,” Taeyong sighed. “I’ll tell you that when you tell me what you intend to do with me first.”

Jaehyun scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I don’t like breaking surprises. See you tomorrow, chipmunk.” With that, he turned on his heel and started to walk away with his hands in the pockets of his hoodie.

Taeyong let out shaky breath, wondering what sort of heartbreak was in store for him this time.


	5. Chapter 5

Petty illness like cold or fever usually did not keep him down, but this time, it did. Taeyong sneezed into the tissue and glanced out the dusty window of his small apartment. The morning was quickly incandescing into noon. It had been two days and the cold hadn’t subdued. He wondered why his body was not healing as fast as it used to, but he figured it might have something to do with the fact that he had been straining himself too much recently. Especially following the abortion.

It weakened his emotional state even more now that he could barely lift his head without swooning. He wanted to blame it on the weather, but he knew he had caught a cold due to that ice-cream he had in the middle of the night with Jaehyun. Speaking of which, he hadn’t seen the guy in the past few days. Not that he wanted to, anyway.

Setting his sketchbook aside, he picked himself up from the bed and threw on an oversized jumper over his t-shirt. He paused when he realized it was Kai’s, which Kai had so generously let him steal during one of Taeyong’s visits. For a moment, he considered taking it off, but his limbs did not cooperate. So, he dragged his weight out of the apartment in the jumper and his pyjama pants and shivered, drawing the door shut.

It was about time that he’d accepted defeat and put his ego aside and went to fetch some medicine from the pharmacy across the street. He tugged the sleeves of the blue jumper over his fists to keep his hands warm as he weakly climbed down the stairs. He hadn’t been to work in two days and he was starting to worry. He could not afford to take another day off, even though Larson would be understanding and reasonable.

When he entered the pharmacy, he grimaced at his reflection in the glass door. His nose was as red as one of Santa’s reindeers, but the rest of his complexion was ashen and green. His chapped lips were a horrible sight and his hair, God, the bed hair. He looked very human, to say the least. He certainly would not be able to garner the strength to transform into his beast at the moment.

The pharmacist regarded him with a weak smile. “I got you, son,” she said before he even ordered anything and turned around to pack him some cold syrups and aspirins. Taeyong leaned heavily against the counter and huffed through his mouth as he waited. “Your boyfriend’s here, by the way.”

Taeyong’s eyes bulged out. “Huh? What boyfriend?” he asked in a small, raspy voice with his nose clogged.

His question was answered by the sharp giggle that came from one of the aisles and Taeyong’s heart sank at once when he saw Kai grabbing Sehun’s waist behind and manhandling the beautiful Lycan against a shelf.

“We don’t need that many,” Sehun grumbled, trying to shove Kai away while laughing. Taeyong’s cheeks burned when he recognized the boxes of birth control pills he was holding.

“Trust me,” Kai said. “We should get this stuff on wholesale.”

“No, really, Kai. We don’t need that many.” Sehun was blushing.

Taeyong looked away and quickly grabbed his package of medicines. “Thank you,” he muttered and paid the pharmacist.

“You two are not together anymore, are you?” she asked with a sigh.

Taeyong shook his head and practically turned to sprint out of the drugstore before Kai could notice his presence. He recalled all the times he had come in here with Kai in a moment of emergency before they’d stumble across the road and Kai would carry him up the stairs of the apartment.

He shook the thoughts away when his name was called. “Taeyong?” It was Sehun.

Taeyong bit his tongue and still considered running away. But he held his ground and turned around to meet Sehun with a half-assed smile. “Hi,” he mumbled and looked at Kai.

Sehun placed the items he was holding on the counter before approaching Taeyong with a wide grin. “Fancy seeing you here,” he said cordially. There was nothing bitter in his tone. Not anymore, at least. The first time they had met, it was beyond embarrassing. Never had Taeyong imagined of meeting Kai’s ex-husband under such a mortifying circumstance. The image of Sehun walking in on him and Kai indulging in their after-sex ecstasy in bed with no clothes on was still vivid in his mind. Of course, Sehun had no reason to be mad, discovering that his ex-husband was sleeping with someone else, but he _was_ mad and Taeyong knew it. Now, he understood why.

“You look like crap,” Kai remarked and Sehun backhanded his chest as a gesture of reprimand. How could Kai be so relaxed and not burn with shame, meeting his former _Innamorato_ while his lover/ex-husband/soulmate was standing right beside him? Perhaps the maturity came with age. Taeyong, however, was silently wailing for an escape.

“Are you not feeling well?” Sehun inquired, frowning. Kai curled an arm around Sehun’s waist.

Taeyong mustered the courage to speak, tearing his gaze from Kai’s arm around Sehun. “Yeah… I have to go.”

“Oh… Okay. Take care.”

“You, too,” he blurted out and hurried out of the store before he could make things any more awkward. He snivelled and wiped his nose on the back of his hand as he crossed the road.

God, how he wished he were Sehun…

* * *

 

“Young Master,” Alec called for the second time. Jaehyun clenched his jaw and ignored him again as he pulled the earmuffs back on and fixed his aim on the target board. Bullets plunged into the rings of the board when he pulled the trigger repeatedly. He usually didn’t prefer to spend his leisure time at the shooting range, but he figured car racing or tennis could not possibly be the best sports to indulge in while he was angry. God, he was fuming beyond thoughts.

And why? All because he couldn’t find Taeyong at the pub in the past two nights. It was annoying, it was getting on his wick. He could ask Alec to find out where the boy lived, but that would require for him to explain things he didn’t want to, or didn’t know how to. He made a mental note to rip Taeyong’s skull open the next time he saw the tramp.

He did not even know why he was so frustrated and infuriated that his recent trips to Harvington had been futile. Why the hell did he even want to see Taeyong so bad when he hardly knew the boy? And why did the fact that Taeyong had just simply disappeared caused him so much distress? Jaehyun had even inquired about him at the Red Tavern, but again, it was to no avail. When he asked around the pub for his whereabouts, no one knew where he lived or why he didn’t show up at work. Could it be that he ran away? Now that he had the money Jaehyun had so stupidly wasted on him.

“Jaehyun,” Alec finally said, clasping Jaehyun’s shoulder. Harrumphing in vexation, Jaehyun removed the earmuffs and set the gun down before turning around to meet the head valet.

“What?” he asked blatantly, taking the jacket off.

“Your mother expects you to accompany her to Harvington come Friday to have luncheon Kai and his family.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course. Whatever she wants.”

“What have you been doing sneaking off to Harvington these last three nights?” he demanded with a faint frown etched on his eyebrows.

Jaehyun groaned. “And why should I answer to you?”

“Because I’m afraid you’re going to have to answer to your mother very soon if she finds out.”

“Then make sure she doesn’t,” he ordered and turned on his heel. Something tugged at his heart and he came to stop to face Alec again. “You don’t suppose you know what… young… annoying, insufferable, frustrating, sometimes loud, brave, judgmental, weird people like, do you? I mean, just general things that they fancy.”

A corner of Alec’s lips quirked. “You just simply need to ask yourself what do _you_ fancy, young Master?”

Jaehyun groaned. “Fair enough. But I mean… normal people. Normal Pantherinaes. Like you, maybe. But younger. And… prettier and a million times peskier.”

“Is this about someone in particular?” he chimed, smirking.

“No,” Jaehyun said quickly. “Maybe… You wouldn’t tell mother, would you?”

“When have I ever,” he chuckled. “Well, if it is someone’s heart that you are trying to capture—”

“No!”

Alec laughed. “All right. Everyone likes flowers.”

Jaehyun arched an eyebrow. “I don’t… Do you?”

“Of course. There is something sensual and intimate about choosing and buying flowers for someone you like.”

“That’s atrociously sickening,” Jaehyun muttered, but his stomach fluttered. “What… sort of flowers?”

Alec lowered his head, stifling a laughter and Jaehyun wanted to direct the gun at his valet now. “Well, I give my partners roses most of the time.”

“What do you give infernal boys that resemble some sort cute rodent and look at you like you’re some alien thing?”

“Oh… Roses usually work on many levels, young Master.”

Jaehyun licked his lips and nodded. He muttered a ‘thanks’ and headed out of the shooting range. He’d make one last trip to Harvington tonight. With roses, he decided. Because he was emotionally disordered, verging on neurotic at the moment.

* * *

 

He wasn’t sure if he could carry himself home. He laid his head on one of the tables and grimaced at the old clock. 11:20 p.m.-ish. Taeyong sighed. He was starting to burn up, he thought, but he wasn’t sure since all parts of his body felt the same temperature right now. His eyes were tired and droopy, leaden with sleep thanks to the cold medicine. The sore throat had robbed him his voice.

There was a gentle stroke on his back and he lifted his heavy head to look at Larson, who regarded him with a small smile. “You’re done here for tonight, champ. Go home. And don’t return until you’ve fully recovered.”

“But—” he started to whisper, but Larson waved his shut.

“It’s a paid leave, don’t worry.”

God, if only he could find his voice to thank her. He rose to his wobbly feet and bowed his head in gratitude. Coming in to work tonight was a bad idea.

“Do you lift back home?” Larson asked, but Taeyong refused with a shake of his head.

Right when he was about to walk out the door, Sam strutted in for the start of his shift. “Oh, hey!” he yapped, but quickly quieted when he noticed Taeyong’s pale face. “Oh, shit. So, that’s why you didn’t show up.”

Taeyong nodded his head. “I’ve never been this sick before,” he said in a grating voice and cringed. He neither looked like himself nor sounded like him.

“Take care of yourself,” Sam said, patting on his arm. And as Taeyong brushed past him, he said, “Oh, and Taeyong, a handsome dude came by like last night and also the night before. He was asking for you.”

Taeyong gulped. “Which… handsome dude?”

Sam scoffed. “How many handsome dudes do you know? I don’t know. He was tall and he smelled nice. Wore nice clothes.”

That didn’t help. It could be either Kai or Jaehyun. Probably Jaehyun since Taeyong had seen Kai this morning and he didn’t say anything. Goodness, Jaehyun had come looking for him? Two nights in a row? Taeyong considered waiting for him, but he could barely keep his eyes open and he was sure he would not last waiting two hours.

“If he comes again, can you give him my address and tell him to find me there?” he said, handing Sam his address written on a piece of paper.

“Sure.”

Taeyong wrapped himself up in his jacket and started walking towards the bus stop. The fact that Jaehyun had come looking for him both terrified and warmed his heart. The former because he had no idea what Jaehyun was planning to do with him and the latter because at least someone wanted to see him.

He lived in a rather sketchy neighbourhood, but where he worked was probably the diciest part in Harvington. Taeyong ignored the racketeers and street hoodlums cat-calling at him when he walked past the darkest alleys of the area. He was rather used to it, but it would be best to stay on his guard especially now when he was defenceless, taking the fact that he probably doesn’t have the strength to transform into account. He was weak, weaker than he’d like to admit.

Wrapping his arms around his trembling body, Taeyong looked ahead and sighed. The bus stop was still a long way. And he’d probably have to wait in the cold for a while. When he was with Kai, Kai usually insisted the he picked Taeyong up each and every night, just to avoid any mishap and it was one of the very few demands Taeyong had given into. Because it felt nice to be cared for that way.

He didn’t realize that he was crying until he tasted the salt of his tears on his lips. He didn’t even know why he was crying in the first place. He missed Kai. Dearly. But it was the thought that Kai probably wasn’t missing him that crushed him.

Not a soul was around near the bus stop, so Taeyong finally broke into tears. Maybe it was his vulnerable state that made him so emotional, but he couldn’t hold himself back. He sobbed into his hands unchecked and only stopped to look up when he caught a whiff of a blend of unfamiliar Pantherinae scents.

He blinked through his tears to gawk at the group of large men approaching him. They didn’t look decent, not decent enough for a Pantherinae, at least. As the upper crust called them, they were _the_ _dregs of the community_. Taeyong stiffened.

“Hey, there, pretty boy,” one of them called out and grinned. “All alone? Where are your friends?”

Taeyong looked away, moving to the furthest end of the bus stop. He swallowed and tried to look straight through the brain-numbing headache.

“Really? Did he really need to hire four of us to get this fragile little flower?” another scoffed and Taeyong turned to stare at him. _What is he talking about,_ he thought.

“You’ve made someone really, really mad, kitten,” the first man cooed again and Taeyong finally snapped into reality. His breaths quickened and he body froze in momentary paralysis. He should run. He should run. He should run.

But he didn’t know how to get his feet to move.

“I… I want no… trouble,” he rasped painfully as the men circled him.

“Good. ‘Cause neither do we. So, I just you don’t fight.”

Taeyong debated for a second. Fight or flight? He decided on the latter as he slipped between the men and broke into a sprint. He ran as fast as his feet could carry him. He expended the rest of his energy on an attempt to transform. His fangs pushed through his gum, but he was too weak to break his bones in the transformation.

He ran in the way toward the pub and didn’t dare look back at the Pantherinaes chasing him. They wouldn’t transform in the town, he convinced himself. But when he realized they might as well could since this part of the town was deserted and neglected, his heart thundered.

He came to a jerky halt and his body lit up with hope when he saw Jaehyun standing near a car with a bouquet of white roses in his hand. He was frowning at the flowers for a moment and the next, he tossed the bouquet to the ground and climbed into the car. Taeyong gasped and started to race towards the car. He almost cried out Jaehyun’s name before a large hand was slapped over his mouth, muffling his grunts.

His sore throat did not permit more than a few, inaudible whimpers as thick, strong limbs came around his body, dragging his away. And that was when Jaehyun, by chance, caught a glimpse of the side mirror of his car.

There was not a moment wasted as he sprang out of the car and bolted towards Taeyong, but before he even reached the younger, he vaulted into the air and ripped out of his clothes and skin.

Taeyong’s blood rang in his ears as the Smilodon landed on the ground and pounced on one of the men, instantly attacking it without mercy. Taeyong was shoved aside and he retreated, fighting for breath as he watched the men burst into Panthers and Cougars, charging at the Smilodon, Jaehyun, all at once.

The Smilodon took a brutal claw to its back and let out a shrieking roar before it retaliated on full throttle, almost breaking one their jaws. The Panthers and Cougars fell back immediately before scurrying towards the forest on the other side of the road. While the Smilodon chased them, Taeyong stayed put, trying to gather what had just happened.

 _This can’t be real_ , he thought. Jaehyun’s beast could not possibly be a Smilodon…

He picked himself up after a while when he saw Jaehyun limping towards him, stark naked, drenched in sweat and blood. Taeyong gasped at Jaehyun’s destroyed back and the long bleeding lashes.

Jaehyun’s knees gave in and he almost dropped to the ground. Taeyong quickly wound his arms around Jaehyun and tried to keep him up, hauling him towards the car.


	6. Chapter 6

 

“Ah!” Jaehyun hissed, wriggling in discomfort with his face buried in Taeyong’s pillow. “Be gentle!”

Taeyong scowled and withdrew the damp towel from Jaehyun’s back. “I’m being as gentle as I could possibly be,” he grumbled and rinsed the towel in the basin of water. He stared at the bloody water for a moment and shuddered.

“Be gentler, then,” Jaehyun ordered and dropped his face back into the pillow, clenching his teeth.

“You’re such a baby,” Taeyong mumbled and got off the bed to change the water. He picked his way through the papers and books scattered on the floor in the dark. He hadn’t had the chance to fix the lightbulb and he didn’t own any candles, so now he had to depend on solely the moonlight pouring through the windows.

He had managed to catch a few winks and ease his headache on the single seater sofa for a moment while Jaehyun slept on his bed, on his stomach, when they reached his apartment a few hours ago. It was only after the metallic stench of blood that wafted through the humid air in the apartment had become truly suffocating had Taeyong decided to clean Jaehyun’s back up.

Jaehyun had woken with a startle when Taeyong wiped the dry blood on the side of his ribs, but he hadn’t refused.

“You should go to a hospital,” Taeyong suggested when he returned to the bed with a basin of fresh cold water.

“I’ll be fine,” Jaehyun groaned into the pillow when Taeyong pressed the towel to the edge of the cut. It broke Taeyong’s heart a little when he studied the deep wounds of the claws. Jaehyun was healing fast, faster than Taeyong imagined, but not fast enough. It might take him an entire day to be completely healed. Certainly, Jaehyun could not be planning to let Taeyong nurse him and a wound this bad.

“Why don’t you call your family?” Taeyong asked, dabbing the towel on the back of Jaehyun’s neck. A soft moan escaped Jaehyun’s mouth.

“My mother… doesn’t need to… know,” he said.

Taeyong sighed. He was not sure what to think. Maybe it was the fever, but his head was a complete mess. He felt indebted to Jaehyun in more than one way now. Jaehyun had not only saved him twice, but was hurt in the process this time round. How could Taeyong ever return _this_ favour?

The light from the moon glistened on Jaehyun’s back and Taeyong’s eyes trailed the long wounds until the back of Jaehyun’s waist. The filmy blanket covered the rest of Jaehyun’s wonderfully-built body. And God, this might be the wrong time to be admiring Jaehyun’s sinewy body, but Taeyong was blaming it on the fever as well.

Every time Jaehyun’s shoulder blades flexed and defined his beautiful back muscles, Taeyong swallowed. Then he inhaled Jaehyun’s scent that outdid the smell of the blood. Yep, definitely the fever.

The silence continued to stretch between them, though Jaehyun’s ragged breathing was loud enough to fill the entire apartment. Jaehyun kept his face turned away from Taeyong as he stared out the window while Taeyong knelt on the bed beside him, wiping along the gashes.

“Thank you,” Taeyong whispered after a moment, breaking the comforting silence. Jaehyun did not reply. “I know a thank you can’t possibly suffice… but it is all that I have to give right now.”

Still, Jaehyun said nothing. It was only when Taeyong heard the deep, rough breaths did he realize Jaehyun had fallen asleep again. Taeyong licked his lips and simply stared at Jaehyun again. The sight was ghastly and his chest tightened when he thought of the agony Jaehyun must be going through, but was hiding very well. _Why does this guy act so tough all the time_ , he wondered. Jaehyun was young, but even with the few meetings they’d had, Taeyong could tell that Jaehyun had a lot to bear on his shoulders. His eyes often looked incredibly tired and fed up.

He put the towel aside and raised a dry hand to the nape of Jaehyun’s neck. He let his fingers brush Jaehyun’s hair there before he slid them further in, gently carding his fingers through Jaehyun’s oh-so soft hair. His breath came out shakily and he withdrew his hand. What was he doing…?

Oh, yes. Fever. Blame it on the fever.

He cleaned himself up and threw on a pair of pyjama pants along with a sweatshirt before plumping on the sofa to gaze out the window. The sun wasn’t going to come up for hours. He should try getting some sleep while Jaehyun is still sleep. He hugged his knees to his chest and leaned back against the sofa.

Who were the men that were after him? Why did they say they were hired to get him?

Amazing. That was the last thing Taeyong needed in his miserable, dismaying life. He now had to live in fear as well?

And Jaehyun was a Smilodon Fatalis, possibly the only one remaining. Taeyong could only imagine his incontestable temperament. But it would not be fair to think that Jaehyun might be a raging, obsessive, easily aggrieved maniac, would it? The guy was still young, after all.

He shivered at the cold and considered snatching the blanket away from Jaehyun for a moment, but then he remembered that Jaehyun had gotten his back ravaged because of him. So, he sighed and curled into a ball on the sofa. They had a lot to talk about. Jaehyun would want to know who those rogue Pantherinaes were and Taeyong wanted to know what Jaehyun was doing with a bouquet of roses near the pub in the first place.

* * *

 

He roused to the sound of grunts and growls. For a moment, he straightened up on the sofa and blinked at the darkness of the night, wondering what made those noises. Then he remembered Jaehyun in his bed.

Taeyong quickly draw himself up from the sofa and moved to the side of the bed. Jaehyun was clenching the sheets in fists and groaning, as though in pain, but his eyes were screwed tight.

Taeyong gnawed at his thumb’s nail for a second, wondering if he should wake Jaehyun up from his nightmare. Well, the guy got lacerated for him. It was the least Taeyong could do. So, he moved closer and cautiously laid a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he said with whatever voice that his burning throat allowed. He gave Jaehyun’s shoulder a shake, but Jaehyun only growled louder, pushing his crumpled face into the pillow. Taeyong chewed on the inside of his cheek and brought a knee onto the bed. He grasped Jaehyun’s arm and admired the way the bicep flexed in his grip for a moment before shaking Jaehyun awake.

Jaehyun sprung up as his eyes flew open. Taeyong retreated at once and gasped while his heart fluttered embarrassingly. He then quickly got onto the bed and caught Jaehyun’s shoulders to calm him.

“It’s okay,” he mumbled. “You just had a nightmare.”

Jaehyun clenched his eyes and dropped his head as he knelt on the bed, gripping the blanket to his abs. Taeyong let his gaze venture lower at the blanket that flowed from Jaehyun’s abs and between his well-muscled thighs. But the V-lines of his waist and his hips were bared and there was little Taeyong could do to not to blush like a virgin that was touched for the first time.

How embarrassing…

He raised his head and gulped when he found Jaehyun to be staring at him. At his lips, in particular. His eyes were heavily lidded. Taeyong sucked a trembling breath.

 _No,_ he thought. This man would break his heart, too. _Please, no_.

Jaehyun raised a hand, a very steady hand. Taeyong did not flinch away from it when it slid into his hair at the back of his head.

The room was dark, but the moonlight that sheened Jaehyun’s eyes highlighted his eagerness, his longing. Taeyong shouldn’t need to shy away or feel conflicted as he did. Jaehyun did win the bid, after all. He was supposed to have done this a long time ago. But Taeyong wished he’d stop. He wished Jaehyun would get off this bed and leave at once. Walk out of his life for good.

Jaehyun’s fingers curled themselves around locks of Taeyong’s hair as Jaehyun bowed his head, forcing Taeyong to look up at him. They panted quietly. _God, let this be just a dream which I can wake up from_ , he prayed, lifting a hand. He brushed Jaehyun’s abdominal muscles with just his fingertips and he closed his eyes.

Kai was a highborn elite in the Pantherinae community. He was of the dominant echelon. He had his own agenda and when Taeyong was outshone, he had cast Taeyong aside. Jaehyun was a highborn elite in the Pantherinae community and was of the dominant echelon. He probably had his own agenda, too. If Taeyong let this go any further, this would end up as just a one-night stand and perhaps, that was better, but this wasn’t what he yearned for. He wasn’t a whore, but Jaehyun didn’t know that.

He pressed his hand into Jaehyun’s chest and halted him. “I’m… sick,” he whispered, lowering his gaze. “You’d catch the cold, too.”

Jaehyun retrieved his hand and knelt there, motionlessly for a moment. And then he let out a soft chuckle. “You’re sick,” he echoed and laughed.

He collapsed on the bed again and Taeyong retreated to the sofa with his heart pounding in his chest. Jesus, this guy was dangerous. He couldn’t figure out what Jaehyun’s motives were.

 _A whore with high principles,_ he had said and yet protected Taeyong at the risk of his own security.

 _I don’t touch trulls like you_ , he had said and yet almost kissed him.

And Taeyong almost let him. No. Jaehyun will not be a cure for his broken heart. If anything, he’d only destroy whatever pieces of his heart Taeyong had salvaged.

“Just so you know, I would have helped anyone in that situation. You’re not special,” Jaehyun said as Taeyong took his seat back on the sofa.

“Duly noted, Your Majesty.” _Would you also have kissed anyone in this situation_ , he was tempted to ask, but he held his tongue.

He was exhausted. He would like to just sleep and forget everything even for a moment. And that included this strange guy who had popped into his life out of nowhere and was determined to ruin everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to thank you all for the incredible support! I'm crying T_T Thank you for leaving kudos and comments! This is literally my first NCT fic, so I wasn't expecting such good feedback. Y'all are the best! I promise you, I'm currently cracking my skull with finals and stuff, but summer is around the corner and I'm a hermit, so I'll have plenty of time for even more frequent updates during the break! Thanks again!


	7. Chapter 7

The blinding rays of the early morning sun danced behind his eyelids, driving away the sweet oblivion of sleep. Jaehyun cracked an eye open and leered at the uncovered window in an apathetic torpor. Not only were there no curtains, the windows looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in forever. The papers of drawing that were thumbnailed to the wall were a mess, if anything. Dirty and probably washed clothes were strewn all over the place. _What is this dump,_ he thought as he started to push himself up. He groaned when something stung his back. And then the memories came rushing.

He was in Taeyong’s apartment, which was poor travesty of a home. But the entire apartment smelled like Taeyong, so he was not complaining about that. There was something peculiar about Taeyong’s scent. It was clear that he was not a purebred. But God, the scent was intoxicating all the same. It drove Jaehyun to the brink of his sanity.

He closed his eyes and dropped his face back on the pillow, nuzzling into it to inhale Taeyong’s scent. God, he was ill, disturbed beyond his own comprehension. What on earth was he doing…

With a jolt, Jaehyun got off the bed and grimaced at the sharp sting in his back following the abrupt movement. Why was he feeling like this? Even in such a physical discomfort, the thought of Taeyong bothered him more. And to think that he had almost kissed him last night… He was definitely going mad.

It felt strange. Was it just attraction? If it were, why this particular Pantherinae? Why couldn’t it be someone else? Why hadn’t Jaehyun felt anything this complicated since the first time he had transformed? He did not like it one bit, whatever that he was feeling for Taeyong right now. Which begged the question, why was he so close to losing his wits when he saw Taeyong being grabbed by those filthy scums? And why did his heart ache when he thought about what would have happened to Taeyong if he hadn’t been there to save him last night?

The questions kept nagging at his conscience. How was it even possible to feel angry and overjoyed at the same time? He had only known Taeyong for a couple of weeks. And they had only talked for a few minutes. He could count the number of sentences they had shared with his fingers. And yet, he was already longing to see Taeyong every night. He wanted to talk to him, he wanted to listen to Taeyong speak. He wanted to get to know the tarty Pantherinae. He knew he was frenzied, provoked, and even outraged. But at what, precisely? The fact that he resented Taeyong for being a prostitute or the thought that he could never be with someone like him?

Either way, it only made him want to lock Taeyong up in his own personal box and never let him go.

He scavenged around the piles of clothes to find something decent and not smelly to wear. Not that he’d mind wearing clothes that smelled like Taeyong, but it would be best if he didn’t smell too much like a foreign Pantherinae when he went home.

He found a pair of sweatpants and pulled them on before turning around. His heart did terrifying things when he spotted Taeyong sound asleep on the sofa, all wrapped up in an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of baggy pyjama pants. The vexation dissipated for a moment as Jaehyun tilted his head to the side and watched Taeyong sleep for a while.

The sunlight formed patches of gold on Taeyong’s dark hair and illuminated his clear skin. He looked a little pale, but that must have something to do with why he sounded like a frog with a cork stuck in its throat. Oh, right. He did say he was sick.

Jaehyun froze for a stretch, thinking about the almost kiss. Yes, he most definitely would have kissed Taeyong if the latter hadn’t stopped him. Why did he stop him, by the way? Being ill could not really be the reason. Was it because he did not want Jaehyun? Was it because he found Jaehyun repulsive? Was it because he was expecting to get paid to get laid? All these questions…

Jaehyun clenched his jaw. Why was he getting worked up over nothing? He wanted to stop these thoughts, but they kept flooding his head unchecked. And each made him even madder.

 _It’s good that it didn’t happen_ , he finally convinced himself. He didn’t want his first kiss to be with a tramp, anyway.

Taeyong shuddered suddenly and made a soft whimper as he curled into a tighter ball on the corner of the small sofa. Jaehyun stared at how vulnerable Taeyong was right now. What a fool he was, too, to have let a Pantherinae of the dominant echelon into his home and fall asleep without any guard whatsoever in his presence. No wonder he walked around like a prey ready to be pounced on. He was an utter moron.

Jaehyun edged closer to Taeyong and gently curled a hand around Taeyong’s wrist. The boy didn’t rouse. Licking his lips, Jaehyun slipped one of his arms under Taeyong’s legs and the other around Taeyong’s back. He was burning against Jaehyun’s chest when Jaehyun scooped him up into his arms. He mumbled out a few incoherent words as Jaehyun bore him to the bed and laid him down. There were splotches of blood on the covers, but he supposed it could not do much harm.

Taeyong stirred and pressed a side of his face into the pillow. “Stay,” he rasped breathlessly without opening his eyes. Then his brows were pulled together as he mewled the name, “Kai.”

* * *

 

“Bullshit,” was what Taeyong woke up to in the morning. His head felt lighter and the good sleep had somewhat rejuvenated his body. He felt better than he had felt yesterday. “Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Oh. Wow. Now, that’s ultra bullshit.”

Taeyong sat up and rubbed his eyes on the hilt of his palms before raising his head. He blinked his bleary eyes to clear the vision. He checked the time. It was past noon.

Jaehyun was poking around his sketches on the table and walls, scoffing at each and every one of them. Taeyong scanned Jaehyun’s back. He had mostly healed and was starting to scar.

He scrambled to his feet and bolted towards Jaehyun when the man picked up his sketchbook. “No,” he croaked out and almost reached for the sketchbook before Jaehyun shoved him back. “That’s personal!”

“I own you for the week, remember?” Jaehyun said and kept Taeyong at bay with a hand pressed to Taeyong’s lower stomach when Taeyong lurched forward again.

Taeyong quickly slapped Jaehyun’s hand off his stomach and flushed red. “Give it back,” he ordered, pouting and huffing heavily.

“There can’t be anything in here that’s worse than that crap,” Jaehyun said, jerking his chin towards Taeyong’s sketches on the wall.

His heart clenched a little at the insult. “That crap happens to be my hard work.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, but your hard work is worthless,” he snorted and flipped the sketchbook open.

“Do you have to be such a high-end jerk all the damn time?! Why don’t you go home?! You can’t live here! Leave!”

“God, so much fuss for a sketchbook. Here,” he shoved the book into Taeyong’s chest and walked to the other side of the room, picking up the jumper Kai had let Taeyong have. “This is big enough. But it smells weird.”

“No!” Taeyong grated and leapt over to Jaehyun before wrenching the jumper out of his hands. Jaehyun frowned. “Can you not touch my stuff for a minute and just stay put in one place and act like a decent houseguest or even like a normal person?!” His gaze then dropped to the sweatpants Jaehyun was wearing. Who the fuck gave this guy the liberty to prance around _his_ house?!

“I’m hungry,” he mumbled.

“Go. Home.” Taeyong spat and put the jumper away.

“Why can’t I stay?”

Taeyong harrumphed and turned to look at the things on his table. Jaehyun had touched every last one of them! “Because this _isn’t_ your home,” he said through his teeth and moved to the kitchen area to grab himself a glass of water for his parched throat.

“Home is where your heart is,” Jaehyun muttered as he plumped on one of the two chairs at the table. Taeyong gawked at him.

“What?”

Jaehyun shook his head, sighing. “It’s just… something my father had written in one of his journals… Before he died.”

Taeyong fell silent as he swilled the cold liquid. “You know, sometimes… you sound like you’re royalty,” he said in a low voice and when Jaehyun regarded him with a confused look, Taeyong gasped. “You are?!”

“No… Yes. Well, I’m related to royalty…” he said.

Taeyong then fished out one of his t-shirts and handed it to Jaehyun half-heartedly. Not because he liked the shirt, but because he was going to miss seeing Jaehyun shirtless.

“Do you eat cereal?” Taeyong asked as he grabbed a couple of bowls and started filling them up with cereal. He should have some milk in the refrigerator.

Jaehyun frowned. “Is it… organic?”

Taeyong arched an eyebrow, his hand freezing around the milk carton. “What?”

“I asked if it’s organic.”

“You want… _organic_ cereal?” he asked, grimacing. “I have never met someone as snobby as you.”

Jaehyun frowned deeper and looked away.

“I don’t have organic cereal,” Taeyong sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of such a thing before this. Do you want this or not?”

Jaehyun did not say no, so Taeyong assumed that was the closest he was going to get to a yes.

“Is it just you who lives here?” Jaehyun inquired, pulling the shirt on.

Taeyong nodded, taking his seat on the other chair, within a safe distance from Jaehyun and slid a bowl over to Jaehyun.

Did Jaehyun even remember what he had done last night? How his strong fingers had slid into Taeyong’s hair, how he had assertively made Taeyong look up at him…? Whether he did or not, Taeyong did not muster the courage to bring it up.

“It’s… colourful,” he said, prodding the spoon experimentally into the cereal. “Why the hell is it colourful?”

Taeyong’s cheeks heated up. “They’re _Froot Loops_. Froot spelled as F-R-O-O-T. Clever, right?”

Jaehyun scowled. “There is something fundamentally wrong with your sense of humour.”

Taeyong jutted his lower lip out for a second before he dug into the cereal.

“What milk is this?” Jaehyun asked.

“Sorry, I couldn’t find any exotic camel milk in my fridge today. So, it’s just ordinary milk.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Where’s your family living, then?” he asked after a while.

Taeyong swallowed, casting his gaze low. “Why are you asking?”

“Because I want to know.”

“Why do you want to know?”

Jaehyun started to glower now.

“I don’t have a family,” Taeyong let out with a sigh. “I don’t know where they are or who they are. Don’t ask me anything else.”

Something shifted in Jaehyun’s hard expression. He blinked and dropped his gaze to the cereal. “So… How old are you?”

“Which part of _don’t ask me anything else_ didn’t you understand?”

“Fine,” Jaehyun spat.

“And… you? Insofar, I understand that you have a mother, an uncle, and a handsome valet,” he chuckled but Jaehyun was scowling. He looked like he was genuinely angered by that last remark Taeyong had made. “Any… siblings?”

“No,” he yapped. “And that’s a good thing. Because I don’t like sharing.”

“That’s… inward-looking and uncharitable who literally saved a stranger not once but twice from danger.”

“No. It’s fair,” Jaehyun argued. There was nothing but a grave seriousness in his eyes. He almost looked hysterical verging on psychotic. Taeyong blinked and studied his strained expression further. “I’d rather destroy something that’s mine than to share it with someone else.”

“You certainly can’t mean that. Sharing something doesn’t mean you lose it forever.”

“Of course, not. But it also means it is no longer just mine. And why would I want that safe and looked after once it isn’t exclusively mine?”

“So, you’d rather destroy it? That’s unkind.”

“I have this cousin. My uncle’s bastard. He is older than me. When we were kids, I used to detest him. Everyone was all over him because he was adorable and fatherless. Even when my uncle was physically there, he was more interested in other boys his son’s age than his son. One day, mother got me this baseball bat. It was impressive, I thought at that age. Alec and I used to spend a lot of time on the baseball field. And one day, my cousin wanted to play with us. My mother made me hand my bat over to him. I obeyed, of course, or else she’d beat me for being insolent. As soon as my cousin had touched the bat, I lost it. I just wanted to kill him… But I didn’t take my anger out on him. I took my bat, made sure it was broken into splinters before I tossed it away. After a couple of days, I went to the shed and gathered the pieces of the bat and brought them to my room. I stored them. Because now, no one would want my bat, why would they, now that it’s broken and useless.”

Taeyong’s stomach turned in knots once Jaehyun was done. What terrified him even more was that Jaehyun was smiling. “But…” he let out. “The bat… did nothing wrong. It was… yours.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said.

Taeyong opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it again. Then a moment later, he said, “That’s your way of showing that you care.”

Jaehyun nodded his head considerately. “I should… get going.” He shot up to his feet. Taeyong felt a sudden pang in his heart when Jaehyun started looking for his car keys.

 _Wait, don’t go_ , he wanted to say, but remained mumchance as Jaehyun found the keys.

“Is… your back okay now?” he asked diffidently, hoping that Jaehyun would take the hint.

“Marvy.”

“Wait,” he rasped and Jaehyun halted with his hand on the doorknob. “Thank… you.”

“For? You already said thanks last night.”

“No, I mean… thank you because… no one has ever done anything like that for me. Nothing even close,” he muttered and lowered his head. “I… I was most often used for other people’s needs and they’d toss me away when they’re done. I guess I am a whore in that sense.” He sniggered, but his heart throbbed painfully. “Thank you… Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun’s gaze was soft and kind in that instant. And he bowed his head before walking out the door.


	8. Chapter 8

“You called for me?” Taeyong asked, entering Larson’s lounge.

“Yes, come in,” she said with a stoic face.

Taeyong’s heart started to race as he took his seat on the couch beside her. Larson almost never summoned him to her room during his shift unless it was something serious. Like getting fired sort of serious. The last time she had called him in was to warn him about his lack of focus.

“I’m not getting fired, am I?” he asked in a low voice and bit his lip.

Larson laughed. “No. Not by me, at least.”

Taeyong arched an eyebrow. “What do you… mean?”

Larson held a breath for a moment. “Are you close friends with that young man that’s been showing up here, looking for you every night?”

Taeyong tensed up. “Uh… It’s complicated. But we’re not close friends. We’re not even friends. Is he causing you any trouble?”

“I wanted to ask you that,” she snickered. “You see, earlier today, he popped in and demanded to meet me.”

Swallowing, Taeyong asked, “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to let you go. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t tell you about his _orders_ , but he sounded very assertive. I almost thought he was threatening me.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows pulled down in a scowl. “He… wanted me fired? But why?”

“I was hoping you could riddle me that,” she snorted.

He curled his hands into fists on his knees and ground his teeth. “I’m… sorry. I honestly have no clue why he’d do something like that.”

“He even offered to pay me in order to sack you.”

“But you… didn’t accept, did you?”

Larson chuckled. “Of course, not. Why would I ever give in to the insistence of a condescending brat with an attitude problem? But I thought you should know his intentions if you’re planning to be friends with him.”

Oh, Taeyong most certainly was not. He rose to his feet and bowed his head in gratitude. “Thanks for telling me, Larson.”

He exited the room with his jaw and fists clenched. Why would Jaehyun do that? Why would he want to ruin Taeyong’s livelihood? For his own entertainment? God, Taeyong had miscalculated Jaehyun’s kindness.

He kept glancing to the clock while entertaining the customers. He wondered if Jaehyun would go looking for him at the apartment tonight.

But at 1:55 a.m., the doorbell chimed and Jaehyun walked in, bearing an envelope in his hand.  Taeyong greeted his smile with a glum scowl.

“I went to your apartment,” Jaehyun said, taking his seat on the barstool. “You weren’t there.”

Taeyong kept mum as he stared at the man.

“I have something for you,” he said with a smile and slid the envelope across the counter. Taeyong scanned the logo at the corner of the envelope. State University of Raisel. He glanced up at Jaehyun with a confused look. “I had a talk with the Dean and got you a spot in their Arts programme. He’d like to meet you and take a look at your portfolio, and if everything goes well, which it will, you can start this summer. A great opportunity to sharpen that artistic amateur skill of yours.”

Taeyong gaped at Jaehyun. “I… didn’t even graduate from high school,” he said, as if that was what mattered right now.

“I figured,” Jaehyun said. “It’s just a course. And don’t worry, he won’t be asking for certificates which you don’t have.”

Taeyong grimaced then. His chest was beginning to fill with a horrific amount of displeasure and indignation.

“And this,” he slid another piece of paper towards Taeyong, who immediately recognized the blank cheque, signed by Jaehyun. “Fill in the amount you want. For another two weeks of your company. So, I suggest you don’t head over to the Red Tavern for a while.”

That was the last straw. Taeyong gripped the edge of the counter and scowled. Jaehyun blinked at his sudden silent outrage. “You think you can walk in here and throw your money on everybody and claim authority over someone?” Taeyong spat, though in a quiet voice. Jaehyun looked slightly taken aback.

“I’m just… trying to extend favours?”

“By hegemonizing me?! By making me a subject of your forceful dominance and supremacy? What were you thinking, asking my boss to fire me?” he spat.

“I wanted you to further your studies and I thought the job would be a hindrance. I knew you’d argue like this if I had told you beforehand.”

“So, you thought you’d just waltz in here and exercise your rule of dominion because you’re rich, spoiled and an utter jackass.”

“That was not my intention. I—”

“Then what _is_ your intention?! Who do you think you are to make decisions about _my_ life? How dare you try to take control of me just because I’m indebted to you?”

Jaehyun stared at him with a slack jaw and disbelief in his expression. He was silent for a minute, looking as though he was finally realizing that he was offending Taeyong with his _favours_.

“I…” he let out, lowering his gaze. “I just… want your friendship.”

Taeyong tried to hold his tongue and not scowl too hard, but he couldn’t help it. He was mad. Mad that Jaehyun turned out to be one of those arseholes that exploited other people’s weakness and vulnerabilities by exerting their own power.

“Screw you,” Taeyong whispered at length. “if you think friendship can be bought at a price.”

He didn’t wait for Jaehyun’s reply, not that Jaehyun looked like he had any, anyway, and left the counter to grab his jacket. When he stormed out of Mayday Pub, Jaehyun followed, though silently, looking like he was racked with guilt. He kept a few feet distance away from Taeyong, who started walking towards the bus stop.

For a moment, he recalled the incident from the other night and was momentarily tempted to ask how Jaehyun’s back was. But no. The bastard didn’t deserve his concern. Not tonight, at least.

On the other hand, he worried himself about the thugs that had come for him. What if they came again? But what could Taeyong possibly do? Cower away in fear for the rest of his life? No, that was not an option. He had to live on. Besides, who’d care if he were gone, anyway?

He didn’t need to look back to know that Jaehyun was still following him. When they reached the bus stop, Jaehyun maintained the distance between them and stood two metres away with his hands in his expensive-looking leather jacket’s pockets.

 _What do you want,_ Taeyong wanted hiss at Jaehyun, but he just generally didn’t feel like talking to the man right now. Was he right to be concerned about how strangely compulsive Jaehyun was acting for a guy who barely knew Taeyong? Attraction was something, not that Taeyong thought Jaehyun was attracted to him, but he knew what attraction felt like. Kai had come around the pub one night and demanded his jacket back in this cool, offhand manner, which had caught Taeyong’s interest almost immediately.

He had asked Kai to follow him back to his apartment after his shift, but of course, Kai had already been planning to stay the night. That was fine. It was simple and Kai had been forward about his intentions since that night. Taeyong had no quarrel with that. He liked Kai, Kai liked him, so he had let Kai take his virginity that night.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, however was… if Taeyong didn’t know any better, he’d say Jaehyun was starting to obsess over him. In a way that Taeyong wasn’t sure how to deal with. Jaehyun wasn’t going to stay away, was he? Perhaps showing up at his doorstep to return the cheque that day was not a good idea.

He turned to cast Jaehyun a glance. The man kept his head hung low and Taeyong sighed. Maybe he was being too harsh. But he did not see the need for Jaehyun to “care” for him since they were not even friends. Well, to be fair, Jaehyun did tell him he was a distraction. But a distraction from what? And most importantly, when will he stop needing this distraction? When was Taeyong going to be tossed aside?

The bus came to a halt and Taeyong boarded it. Much to his surprise, Jaehyun climbed aboard, too. He sat a few seats behind Taeyong and Taeyong smiled to himself, lowering his head. What was he really hoping for? For him not to be just a distraction for Jaehyun and be… his “someone special”?

Jaehyun needed to understand that Taeyong would not respond to his riches. If he truly wanted to be friends, he needed to be more creative. Speaking of which, why did he need to be friends with Taeyong of all people? That must make him somewhat special, right?

Unless Jaehyun had some other intentions… Jesus, why couldn’t Taeyong have normal people take interest in him for once? Why must they either be divorced with three kids almost his age or a completely perfect guy who seemed too sketchy to be true?

When the bus stopped, Jaehyun followed Taeyong out and quietly trod on his heels all the way to the apartment building without uttering a word. He only came to a standstill when Taeyong climbed up the doorsteps. Taeyong waited for half a minute to see if Jaehyun would follow him inside and when Jaehyun didn’t, he heaved a sigh and plodded over to Jaehyun.

“I can’t be your hobby, Jaehyun,” he muttered, looking directly into Jaehyun’s dark eyes. “Because I’m the one who’ll get hurt once you decide you want to switch hobbies. You… need to find yourself another—what did you call it—divertissement.”

Jaehyun frowned and licked his lips, as though he were about to say something. But he turned to mumchance again.

“We agreed on one week and you still have a few days with me. After that, we go our own separate ways,” Taeyong said and waited for Jaehyun’s response. He didn’t get any. “I’m sorry, but I cannot accept any more favours from you. So, thanks for your troubles. But… even a friendship with you is… too much effort.”

Finally, Jaehyun nodded curtly. “Be safe,” was all that he said in a low murmur before walking away. Taeyong stood there for a moment, staring at Jaehyun’s back.

* * *

 

Days passed. And with each day of Jaehyun’s absence, Taeyong wondered if Jaehyun had given up on him. That was what he wanted, right? Then why was he occupying himself with the bothersome thoughts? _Good riddance_ , he thought one moment and the next, he was lamenting about how he could not get Jaehyun out of his head. What if, he thought. What if even for a brief moment, Jaehyun might have cherished him?

He kept on chastising himself for being so harsh to Jaehyun that night. Maybe Jaehyun had such a creepy way of wanting things done and caring for others, but at least he cared. Taeyong didn’t want to believe he did, but Jaehyun did care. He wanted to rent Taeyong for another two weeks so that he would not have to turn to the Red Tavern. He had gotten Taeyong a spot in the state university. He had tried to get Taeyong out of that horrible pub. He went to all that trouble to help a guy he barely knew. It was more than what most people had done for Taeyong.

On Friday, Taeyong cashed his free-day slip in and took the day off to make a short trip to Raisel. He didn’t know how else he could contact Jaehyun. He needed to apologize. Otherwise, his conscience will keep eating him alive. Or it was just an excuse to see Jaehyun again.

He was quaking with agitation when he exited the cab and walked towards the gate. What if Jaehyun didn’t want to see him anymore? Well, it would be fair for him to want that after what Taeyong had told him.

A familiar guard stopped him and even smiled at him. “I remember you, petite Pantherinae,” the guard said in a friendly tone. “Here to see Master Jung?”

“The young Master, actually,” Taeyong muttered.

“You’re out of luck, boy,” the guard said. “The whole is family just left to have lunch with their potential in-laws.”

Taeyong blinked in confusion. “In-laws? Whose… in-laws, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“The young Master’s, of course,” the other guard said and Taeyong’s heart felt like it was being ripped apart all over again. “Come again tomorrow. Maybe they’ll be here.”

How stupid could he be, he chided himself as he started to walk away with a sob rising in his throat. _What was I expecting?!_ He tried to quickly blink away the tears the welled up in his eyes. _For him to fancy you,_ his conscience spat as he picked up the pace of his strides towards the forest the estate was surrounded by. _You’re a roadside tramp. He’s a Pride’s heir. You were actually expecting him to bloody cherish you? How naïve of you again._

* * *

 

“Welcome,” the Pantherinae of the two men said, holding the door open. Jaehyun arched an eyebrow at the couple. He had seen Kai before. In photographs and somewhere else, but not in the flesh.

And then like a slap on his face, he recalled where he had seen Kai. In Taeyong’s sketchbook. _“Stay, Kai,”_ Taeyong had mumbled in his sleep. Well, well, well. Could it be?

“It’s great to see you again after so many years, Kai,” Jaehyun’s mother said and pecked on Kai’s cheeks before she turned a sour grin towards the fair-skinned Lycan at Kai’s side. Kai did not look older than Jaehyun’s mother, but she must only be a handful of years’ senior to him.

Jaehyun’s eyes flit to the Lycan. He was beautiful. Plump pink lips, long thick eyelashes, rosy cheeks, silky dark hair, curvy by the hips with an unblemished milky-white skin. Jaehyun could see why Kai took this man, in spite of the fact that he was a Lycan.

“This is my partner, Sehun,” Kai introduced after shaking hands with Jaehyun’s uncle.

“I’ve heard praises of his beauty from many of my friends,” his uncle said. Of course, he had, Jaehyun mentally scoffed. Sehun blushed, clinging onto Kai’s arm. Kai glanced at his partner with an endearing smile and Sehun returned it before severing their locked gazes. Jaehyun had no clue how long they had been together, but he had never seen two lovers look so in love with each other.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sehun,” Jaehyun’s mother said. Her voice was laced with venom, although she smiled a strained smile.

“Pleasure’s all mine, Mrs Jung,” Sehun said and even his saccharine his voice was beautiful.

“This is my son, Jaehyun,” she said, holding a hand out to Jaehyun.

Kai regarded him with a humourless half smile and nodded his head. Jaehyun mirrored the insincere smile and turned to Sehun. “I had gotten this for you,” he said and handed Sehun the box of chocolates.

“Thank you, Jaehyun,” Sehun said, beaming brightly. Jaehyun then took Sehun’s hand and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. Sehun chuckled softly and blushed, withdrawing his hand. Next to him, Kai looked rather smug and unimpressed.

“We hope we haven’t inconvenienced you,” Jaehyun’s mother said as she and Jaehyun’s uncle turned towards the hallway.

“Not at all,” Sehun replied and silently gasped when Kai slapped his butt when he thought no one was looking. Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“So, where are the triplets?” she inquired.

“Only Jaecen’s home,” Kai said. “His brothers have gone looking for my secondo’s paramour.”

“Kai,” Sehun reprimanded softly.

Jaehyun glanced around the manor. It was too quiet and it looked deserted. No servants, no housekeepers, no valets. How nice, he thought.

“That’s a shame,” Jaehyun’s uncle said. “We were hoping to meet all three of them.”

Jaehyun held his tongue. He should be on his best behaviour for his mother’s sake now.

“Jaecen!” Kai crowed once they had reached the dining hall.

Jaehyun adjusted the jacket of his suit before taking his seat. While his mother started a rather tedious conversation about politics, Jaehyun looked at Sehun who seemed disinterested as well. When he caught Jaehyun staring at him, he smiled.

“Garlic bread?” he offered and Jaehyun nodded.

“Thank you.”

“Dad?” Jaehyun raised his head to look at the pale boy who had walked in. His tired eyes were as unexcited as his messy hair.

“Jaecen, come say hi,” Kai said. “That is Jaehyun and these are his mother and uncle.”

Jaecen glanced to Jaehyun with the most indifferent and incurious expression. He almost looked unresponsive. He was young. Younger than Jaehyun, definitely. His brown hair had streaks of platinum like his father’s in it. He was scrawny, but not in an unhealthy way. The dark circles around his eyes suggested that he was worrying himself over something recently without much sleep. But he was beautiful. Most certainly had inherited Sehun’s best genes.

He had an odd scent about him. He smelled like neither Pantherinae nor Lycan. Just like a purely original scent of his own.

“He is prettier than I had expected,” Jaehyun’s uncle remarked, licking his lips, scanning Jaecen from head to toe.

“Hi, Jaehyun,” Jaecen said in a monotonous mumble. “Hi, Jaehyun’s mother and uncle.”

Kai stifled a laughter behind his hand as his son plumped in one of the chairs. He didn’t touch the food for a long moment as the elders talked. Finally, Sehun, with a concerned frown, placed a piece of salmon and some baby potatoes on Jaecen’s plate and urged him to eat some.

Jaecen picked up the fork and poked the potatoes, but didn’t eat.

“Jaecen,” Sehun whispered and stroked the back of his son’s head before he took the fork from Jaecen’s hand and started to force the food into Jaecen’s mouth.

“Is he ill?” Jaehyun’s mother asked out of the blue and Jaehyun tore his gaze away from Jaecen and Sehun to fix it on his mother. “He doesn’t look well.”

“No, he’s just sulking about the foolish mistakes he keeps making,” Kai said.

Sehun shot Kai a glare and Jaecen dropped his head lower.

“Let us not beat around the bush and talk the business you came here to talk about,” Kai said and faced Jaehyun’s mother with an unreadable expression. “Jaehyun stands to take over your Pride soon, yes?”

“Yes,” his mother said. “And you and I both know why this marriage would be beneficial for us. But it can also profit you and your family. You’d finally have a respectable spot back in the Pride.”

“I could care less about the Pride,” Kai said, shrugging. “I’m going to be straightforward and honest with you, so that you don’t feel ‘betrayed’ when you come to find this out on your own. My son, Jaecen, has already lost his virtue and he had only recently undergone an abortion.”

Jaehyun’s mouth fell apart as he turned his head to gape at Jaecen. But the instant he saw the tears in Jaecen’s heavily lidded eyes, his heart went out to the boy. Jaecen continued to keep his head hung, as though he did not have the courage to meet his father’s gaze.

“Oh,” Jaehyun’s mother said, frowning. She had already put her principles aside to consider this alliance. Having her son married to an impure, unclean half-bred would be a little too much to take.

“While he thinks it’s okay to do what he has done, I can assure I did not raise him like that. Perhaps it was my fault to have given him too much freedom,” Kai continued. “But I have no intention to marry him to your son unless you can truly accept him.”

“Kai!” Sehun hissed, scowling murderously at his partner. “Jaecen, go to your room.”

“No, he needs to listen to this,” Kai growled. “He needs to know what the consequences of his actions are.”

“I think you’ve been berating him about them enough! Go, Jaecen.”

When Jaecen stood, Kai shouted, “Sit down!”

 Jaecen obliged at once, although tears were starting to roll down his cheeks.

Jaehyun’s mother huffed. “You do have two other perfectly fine sons, don’t you?” she asked.

Jaehyun glowered and he spoke up at once. “He isn’t broken,” he spat. His mother clenched her jaw and tacitly ordered Jaehyun to quiet down. “I have no objection in marrying him,” he added.

Everyone at the table stared at him for a measurable length.

Then after a moment, his mother sighed. “I’ll need to… discuss this matter further with my son. I mean, I suppose it would not be a huge problem, so long nobody else knows about this.”

They did not finish lunch as they began to take their leave. Sehun was no longer standing at Kai’s side as he continued to glare at the Pantherinae, keeping an arm wrapped around Jaecen.

* * *

 

“How dare you speak without my permission like that?!” his mother barked as soon as they were in the car. Jaehyun kept his gaze out the window, staring at the raindrops that bulleted on the glass. The storm seemed merciless outside.

“Did you look at him, mother?” he asked in a small voice. “His own father was humiliating him in front of other people because he was disappointed. And he was… helpless. Because he was sad that he had upset his parents. I know what that feels like.”

His mother grabbed his chin and forceful made him to face her. “Do you expect Kai mollycoddle a used, dirty kid like that?”

Jaehyun looked at her fixedly and draw a few deep breaths. “Stop the car,” he ordered the chauffeur, who stepped on the brake at once.

“Where are you going?!” his mother yapped when he opened the door and stepped into the rain. He didn’t bother to answer as he slammed the door shut and started sprinting through the driving rain, yanking his jacket off.

 

He crumpled and flung the paper across the room when the lead of the pencil broke again. Taeyong groaned and hurled his sketchpad to the floor before planting his head in his hands. The ferocious rain raged outside.

He blew the candle out and sat in the darkness for a moment with his eyes clenched.

Jaehyun was getting married. So, Taeyong really was only a distraction after all. He felt foolish for acting like he had some sort of influence over Jaehyun. It was just a silly crush, a pointless infatuation at most. Or maybe he was using Jaehyun as a distraction to heal his broken heart. But maybe he was hoping that the distraction would last forever.

For some odd reason, he wanted to see Jaehyun look at the ordinary objects of everyday life and say something weird again.

The loud knock on the door flew his eyes open and for an instant, he wondered if it were the door or a thunder. Then there was another deafening thud.

He rose to his feet and got the door.

Jaehyun stood there, thoroughly drenched with rainwater dripping from his hair and soaked into his dress shirt. His chest was heaving as he panted for air. His eyes were red and his hands were balled into fists.

“Jae—” he was cut off as Jaehyun surged into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him before his hands flew up to cup Taeyong’s face. He drove Taeyong against a wall and pressed a thumb between Taeyong’s lips to part them slightly.

Taeyong did nothing but gasp and fist Jaehyun’s wet shirt in a bunch at his chest when Jaehyun smashed their mouths together and kissed him with all the might and breath he had left.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

The kiss was raw. It hurt. It was desperate. And Taeyong thought his heart might just explode if it raced any faster.

A moment later, he started to kiss Jaehyun back. And much to his disappointment, Jaehyun immediately drew away and frowned. He looked confused, a little afraid even.

“Do you not want to…” he asked in a whisper that was almost engulfed by the cacophony of the storm.

Taeyong exhaled shakily and splayed his palms on Jaehyun’s heaving chest, feeling the warmth seep through the damp clothing. “I want to,” he let out and closed his eyes. He felt Jaehyun’s lips upon his once more. This time, slower, cautious, with tender care.

Water dripped from Jaehyun’s hair and onto Taeyong’s cheeks. But his concentration was fixated elsewhere. Jaehyun’s lips were soft, they were hesitant. Taeyong let him lead the kiss, knowing very well where they both stood at the moment. God, he wanted Jaehyun to lead everything right now.

It was wet. Not just from the tip of their tongues brushing against their lips, but from the rainwater. Jaehyun slid a hand into Taeyong’s hair and gently held it as he deepened the kiss. First, the soft brushes of his tongue against Taeyong’s upper lip. Then he caught the lower between his teeth and tugged at it tenderly until a raspy moan broke from Taeyong’s throat.

Jaehyun broke the kiss again to catch his breath and allow Taeyong to catch his. He panted, resting his forehead upon Taeyong’s. When Taeyong undid a button of his shirt, Jaehyun did not protest.

Taeyong took that as an encouragement and proceeded to unfasten the rest of his shirt. He then skimmed Jaehyun’s abs with his warm fingers and felt his blood stir violently in his own loins. Jaehyun claimed his lips again in a more languid kiss as Taeyong’s fingers ventured lower along the fine trail of hair beyond Jaehyun’s navel. He stopped when he reached the belt buckle and paid attention to the kiss and Jaehyun’s hand on his hip.

Jaehyun had him held between the wall and himself. There was nowhere Taeyong could run to. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to, anyway. He’d get hurt if he let this go any further. Jaehyun would leave him, too. Besides, there was nothing that Taeyong could give him. He didn’t have his chastity. So, why did it matter? Why should he care if he were used and tossed aside again?

He drew his hands up Jaehyun’s chest and pushed the shirt off Jaehyun’s shoulders. Jaehyun titled his head, taking the shirt off, and licked along the seam of Taeyong’s lips, demanding access.

Taeyong yielded. He moaned into Jaehyun’s mouth when Jaehyun’s cold fingers slid into his shirt and gripped a side of his waist. His hand then venturesomely snaked to Taeyong’s burning back and brushed his tailbone. Another moan escaped Taeyong’s lips and resonated on Jaehyun’s.

His hands clutched at Jaehyun’s hair as Jaehyun firmly gripped the back of his thighs. Taeyong gasped against Jaehyun’s lips when Jaehyun hoisted him up from the ground and held him in place with Taeyong’s legs enveloping his waist, using the wall as a leverage to hold Taeyong up. His hands on Taeyong’s thighs were burning through the thin fabric of his pyjama pants and Taeyong sobbed for air, stealing Jaehyun’s when he felt Jaehyun’s cock press against his crotch.

Taeyong held their bodies together as he savoured Jaehyun’s lips. His heart was pressed against Jaehyun’s, almost thundering in sync. He lowered his hands from Jaehyun’s hair to his shoulders, then to his back. He felt the fresh jagged scars on Jaehyun’s back and kissed Jaehyun harder, hungrily. Jaehyun responded with a feverous kiss, sucking on Taeyong’s bottom lip, leaving it swollen and throbbing.

The kiss persisted even as Jaehyun pulled Taeyong away from the wall and carried him to the bed. He brought a knee to the bed before laying Taeyong down, still without breaking the kiss. Their tongues experimentally licked one another and Taeyong heard Jaehyun groan silently when he positioned his lower body between Taeyong’s legs.

Jaehyun pulled back a little and for a minute, he did nothing but stare down into Taeyong’s eyes with whatever little light they had in the apartment.

“I thought you’ll never come see me again,” Taeyong admitted in a small, shaky voice, curling a hand around the back of Jaehyun’s neck. _God!_ Jaehyun was gorgeous. Every part of his body was chiselled to perfection, but the scar on his back was the only flaw. And he had gotten that for Taeyong’s sake.

“I wasn’t going to,” Jaehyun whispered, lightly gripping the back of Taeyong’s thigh to pull Taeyong’s knee up. With every stroke of his hand on his thigh, Taeyong flushed deeper as a fire took seat in the pit of his stomach.

“Then why?”

Jaehyun leaned his head down and kissed Taeyong’s lips. “I don’t know,” he muttered against Taeyong’s mouth. “I didn’t think… doing all that would hurt you. I… I want you safe. And I don’t know how to… I never really wanted to do things like this for someone else.”

Taeyong’s heart was either shattering or pulling itself back together. He couldn’t decide. “I’m no one to you, Jaehyun. You don’t have to do anything for me because… I don’t have anything to pay you back with.”

“I don’t want you to pay me back.”

He really didn’t, Taeyong realized. Even since the first day they met, Jaehyun had dragged his uncle away from harassing Taeyong any further. He hadn’t expected Taeyong to pay back. And when he won the bid, he didn’t expect anything from Taeyong at all. When he saved him from the Pantherinaes, he had gotten hurt and he still didn’t demand anything out of Taeyong. And now, he understood that Jaehyun had been entirely sincere all this while.

“Why?” Taeyong asked in a breathy whisper, drawing his fingers along the hard bicep of Jaehyun’s arm.

“Why what?”

“Why… are you doing all this for a stranger? Especially… a whore?” Taeyong was tempted to tell Jaehyun that he had never slept with more than one man, and he had wholeheartedly loved that man. But he wanted to know Jaehyun’s reasons for fancying a prostitute.

Jaehyun frowned and the lightning that struck outside gleamed in Jaehyun’s eyes. “Can I ask you something?” Taeyong nodded. “Does it feel the same… with all the men who touch you?”

Taeyong’s heart skipped a beat and he pulled Jaehyun down for a kiss. Jaehyun grabbed one of his hands and pinned it to the mattress, clasping their hands together. He thought about it. Did it feel the same? The way he felt when Kai touched him and the way he felt when Jaehyun was touching him. With Kai, it had always been hasty and tumbling. He had never been held this way. Like he was delicate, like he was breakable.

“No,” he mumbled into Jaehyun’s mouth.

Jaehyun nuzzled his nose into a side of Taeyong’s neck and stayed still for a moment.

Neither the storm nor the heat between them had calmed as they lay in Taeyong’s small bed, on top of each other. “You’re not just a hobby,” Jaehyun said after a while as his hand glided into Taeyong’s shirt. He pressed his palm on the flat planes of Taeyong’s stomach, breathing heavily against Taeyong’s neck. “I won’t just toss you away when I’m done with you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Taeyong sighed, shivering as Jaehyun curled his hand around the curve of his waist.

Raising his head, Jaehyun cupped a side of Taeyong’s face and swiped his thumb along Taeyong’s lower lip. “I’ve… never been with anyone,” he said.

Taeyong blinked. “What do you… mean?”

“Like… physically. And emotionally.”

Taeyong didn’t know what to say or think. It was likely that Jaehyun would not have had sexual relationships before marriage, but it still shocked Taeyong to hear it.

“You seem very confident for a virgin,” he chuckled and Jaehyun groaned, hiding his face in Taeyong’s neck again.

“Have you… ever been with anyone?” Jaehyun asks after a moment. “I mean, out of your work.”

There was caution in Jaehyun’s tone. Taeyong nodded his head. “And he broke my heart. But it was my fault. I had fallen for the wrong guy.”

Jaehyun gripped his jaw as he lifted his head. “And do you think I’ll break your heart, too?”

“Depends on whether I receive an invitation to your wedding or not.”

Jaehyun stiffened. “How did you—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Taeyong said and turned his face away, baring his neck to Jaehyun.

Jaehyun huffed and kissed the side of his neck, trailing the kisses along the vein there. “And you don’t want me to get married,” he whispered, kissing on a corner of Taeyong’s jaw and then his chin. “Now, why the concern about a stranger? Especially a snobby, high-end jerk?”

Taeyong’s breath hitched when Jaehyun slid his hips up, grinding against Taeyong for a teasing second. “S-stop,” he whimpered as his cheeks burned.

Jaehyun brushed the tips of their noses together before kissing him on the lips. “Weren’t you the one who had been so eager to do this in the beginning?”

“That was back when I didn’t…” he trailed off, biting his lip.

“When you didn’t…?”

Taeyong clenched his eyes shut. “Can you… stay here tonight?”

Jaehyun sniggered. “I’m glad you asked because I almost believed that you were cruel enough to throw me out in the rain.”

* * *

 

The aftertaste of the rain lingered in the room and Jaehyun’s body provided enough warmth for Taeyong to curl against comfortably. Jaehyun had traded his soaked pants for one of Taeyong’s sweatpants and they lay in bed as the night went by, talking about useless things, and mostly staring into each other’s eyes.

“The first time I met a Lycan, I was seven years old. I hissed at that guy and wanted to fight him,” Jaehyun said and Taeyong laughed, picturing a small Jaehyun stomping up to a big Lycan for a fight. “Alec held me back.”

“Thank Alec, then,” Taeyong chuckled.

“Do you… really think Alec is handsome?” Jaehyun asked, frowning.

“Well, yes.” Jaehyun’s frown deepened and Taeyong carded his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair. “But I was holding my breath when you first looked at me.”

Jaehyun cupped the back of his head and pushed him to lay on his back as he kissed him. Deeply, firmly, as though he wanted to memorize the taste of Taeyong’s lips.

“What about your uncle?” Taeyong asked as Jaehyun slid his leg between Taeyong’s under the blanket.

“What about that arsehole?” Jaehyun murmured, kissing along Taeyong’s throat. “I don’t want to talk about that child-molesting prick.”

Taeyong frowned and shuddered. “Why do you even have him around?”

“Because my mother is a twisted lady,” he groaned. Sighing, he pulled away from Taeyong. “She… never really cared about what’s right or wrong. She never cared about what I wanted.”

“What… do you want, then?” he asked, placing a hand on Jaehyun’s chest.

Jaehyun held his gaze for a moment. Then taking hold of Taeyong’s hand on his chest, he said, “Right now, I want nothing except for this moment to last. I… finally feel like I’m breathing. You said you were holding your breath when I looked at you. I felt like,” he licked his lips. “I could finally breathe when you looked at me.”

“Jaehyun.” Taeyong was silenced by a violent kiss as he was pinned down against the mattress again.

“I won’t toss you away,” Jaehyun said, breaking the kiss momentarily. Taeyong quickly blinked the tears that formed in his eyes away and yanked Jaehyun down for another kiss.

_That’s fine. But just don’t break me._

* * *

 

He woke in Jaehyun’s arms and for an instant, he wondered if he were dreaming. But Jaehyun was right there, asleep and breathing heavily. His neck had formed bruises, thanks to Taeyong, but it was hardly a payback for the deep bruises Jaehyun had left on his neck, collarbones and wrists due to merciless gripping. They had done nothing but kiss all night and Jaehyun was gentleman to stop when his hands started to wander a little lower.

Taeyong brushed a lock of hair from Jaehyun’s forehead and smiled at him, marvelling at his magnificent body. For once, a man hadn’t wanted to bend Taeyong over and rut him. Maybe Jaehyun had, but he had the decency to hold himself back. And he had seemed rather content with just kissing.

The fact that Jaehyun was still untainted threw Taeyong off a little. Why would Jaehyun choose someone like him to be his first? It almost felt like a huge burden to bear.

Taeyong took a shower and decided to make breakfast with whatever there was in the house. There was flour, milk, sugar, eggs. Perfect, he could make pancakes. Jaehyun might like that.

By the time he was done, Jaehyun stirred on the bed and moaned loudly. Taeyong frowned at his slightly burned, out-of-shape stack of pancakes on the plate and sighed.

“Good morning,” he said as he made his way to the bed. Jaehyun’s eyes flashed open and he jolted upright.

“Shit, I thought that was a dream,” he said in a husky voice that Taeyong could not help but grin at.

“I made pancakes,” Taeyong presented the plate to Jaehyun, who did not hold back any reactions. He grimaced and blinked at the pancakes.

“Are they… hidden under this stack of horror?” was Jaehyun’s first remark. Taeyong frowned, looking at his pancakes.

“I made them with love and care.”

“Along with donkey shit and mud?”

Taeyong scowled. “You’re a dick.” He turned around and took his pancakes away.

Jaehyun scoffed and got out of bed. “So, the artist can’t cook.”

“My pancakes are fine!” Taeyong snapped and began to dig into them, flumping on the chair.

Jaehyun poked around the kitchen and helped himself. Taeyong silently watched Jaehyun make a batter. Jesus, never had he ever even imagined in his wildest dreams that he’d have a hot, shirtless man standing in his kitchen making pancakes.

Jaehyun looked like he had made no effort at all as he plated the pancakes he made and walked over to Taeyong. “Here. This is a pancake. What you made is a first-row ticket to a horror show.”

Taeyong pouted and took a bite of the pancakes Jaehyun had made while the latter waited patiently. God, it was good. It tasted like a proper pancake. Not like a dog biscuit, which was apt to describe Taeyong’s pancakes.

Taeyong silently and slowly munched. When he had swallowed, he said, “Mine are better.”

Jaehyun guffawed and leaned down to kiss Taeyong’s forehead. He then grabbed his shirt from the sofa and pulled it on.

“You cook?” Taeyong asked.

“Yeah. Well, I can almost everything. I was forced to learn them.”

“Can you paint?”

“Haven’t you seen the paintings in my house?”

Taeyong stiffened. “You painted them?!”

“Cross my heart,” he laughed.

“Then… you were being sincere when you called me artwork crap.”

“No,” he chuckled, shaking his head as he changed into his pants from last night. Taeyong tried not to stare at the bulge of his boxers. “I just said that to annoy you, chipmunk.”

“Are you leaving?”

“Yes. I’ve managed to piss of my mother yesterday,” he harrumphed. “I should go home before she sends a search party to hunt me down.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows knotted and Jaehyun smiled. He cupped the back of Taeyong’s neck and bowed his head to kiss Taeyong on the lips.

“I will come back,” he promised before storming out of the apartment.


	10. Chapter 10

He calmed the blood pulsing in his temples as he approached his mother’s study. He had to stand up for himself for once. If he could not muster the courage even now, he’d lose everything forever. And right now, he feared losing Taeyong the most. He didn’t know how describe the feeling. Was it love? He could not confirm, he didn’t know what romantic love felt like. But something about Taeyong made him feel alive. From the first night at the park where they met. He had hoped they’d never meet again because he worried that if they did, he might not be able to turn away again. He had still tried to suppress the feelings he garnered for Taeyong. But last night, as he coursed through the rain, all that he could think about was to be in the arms of someone who’d truly want him, who’d cherish him, and would not expect anything from him.

Whatever he felt for Taeyong or Taeyong felt for him, Jaehyun wanted to develop it. He wanted to see Taeyong again, he wanted to fall asleep with him and wake up in the morning to argue about pancakes. Like what normal people probably did. He had never felt this way before and he’d like to hold onto the feeling a little longer. Even at the risk of antagonizing his mother. He had to put a foot down and speak up. For Taeyong’s sake. For his own happiness’ sake.

“Jaehyun,” Alec gasped when they ran into each other in the hallway. For an instant, the valet grimaced. “What is that… smell?”

Jaehyun realized he must smell an awful lot like Taeyong right now after having spent an entire night in his arms, against his mouth and body. “Is… mother in there?” Jaehyun asked, ignoring the question.

Alec frowned. “Yes. She… was throwing a fit last night. What have you done? Who were you with last night?”

Jaehyun gripped his jaw and shoved past the man. When he entered the study, his mother did not look up from the papers she was reading. “Mother,” he called in a firm tone.

“It’s good that you still remember who I am,” she said calmly, arranging the piles of papers on her desk.

“I need to speak with you. I’m sorry for… upsetting you yesterday.”

“If you are here to argue with me about the wedding, save your words, Jaehyun,” she said and finally raised her head to look at him. “You will marry Jaecen as agreed. After the little debacle you threw in front of Kai, I can’t go against my word anymore. So, now you’ll get a sullied boy to be your partner.”

“I don’t… want to marry him,” he said, drawing a breath. “I don’t want to marry anyone right now. Mother, if it is the Pride you care about, I can win it in other ways.”

“There more you disagree with me, the more I’m starting to think that you believe you’ve outgrown me and thusly, you have power over me.”

“No! Are you even listening?! I have never asked you for anything. All that I ask now is for you to let me choose who I want to be with.”

“And you are competent to choose an apt life partner, who will not only bolster your position, but will also strengthen your power? Kai’s son has an enormous fortune and a great reputation in his Pride. All of which will be yours if you were wed to him.”

Jaehyun clenched his fists and sucked in a few breaths as his mother rose from her seat and poured herself a cup of tea. “And if I still choose to refuse? You cannot force me to marry someone.”

His mother turned and looked at him with something like surprise in her expression. “How presumptuous,” she scoffed. “And how brazen of you suddenly to stand against me, voicing all your distress. Does this have something to do with your sneaky, frequent visits to Harvington?”

Jaehyun froze.

His mother laughed and walked over to him. “Did I not ask you to tell me if you love another?”

“Mother—”

“Oh, my prince,” she sighed and ushered him to the chaise lounge. Jaehyun took his seat and accepted the cup of tea his mother handed him. “You should have told me if you want to be with someone else instead of throwing a temper tantrum like this.”

Jaehyun stared at the unappetizing tea and took a sip. “You… wouldn’t agree,” he muttered as his mother sank into the chaise lounge beside him.

She gently stroked his hair on the back of his head. “Who is this boy, then?”

Jaehyun took another sip of the tea to wet his parched throat. “Mother… I like him. And if God permits, I want to be with him. He… makes me happy.” He stopped and swallowed as his eyelids turned heavy.

“Of course, he does,” his mother whispered and her voice sounded like an echo. She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“Mo…” he panted as the cup and saucer slipped from his fingers and shattered on the floor. He turned and looked at his mother in horror before shooting up to his feet, only to crash the ground inevitably. His head was heavy and his eyes were being forced to close as his entire system started to shut down. He groaned, trying to push himself up.

“You’re right, Jaehyun. I would not agree. You’ll do what I say. Nolens volens. Whether willing or not.”

That was the last he heard from his mother before oblivion claimed him.

* * *

 

Taeyong woke to another miserable, exhausting day. The morning was sunless, thanks to the rain. He remained in bed for a moment and closed his eyes again. It had been days. Twelve, to be exact, since the last time he had seen Jaehyun.

Life went on for him, as it usually did. Whether his heart was breaking or not. He went to work every night, sat on streets drawing portraits for people during the day. The rain poured. The sun barely shone. The grey clouds never gave the sky a break. Taeyong came home to his lonely, dark, cold apartment each day and did little to try to not to cry himself to sleep.

After the fifth day, he had gone to Raisel to look for Jaehyun. Much to his shock, the guards told him that the young Master did not wish to see anyone. They had shooed Taeyong away from the gate itself. Taeyong, at that moment, felt like an unwanted stray.

 _I will come back_ , Jaehyun had promised. And it was almost a fortnight since then. Taeyong was starting to lose hope. He didn’t know why he had hoped in the first place and what he was even hoping for when Jaehyun had kissed him, pulled him in his arms and had let Taeyong fall asleep against him that night.

Taeyong leaned against the headboard and drew his knees to his chest, hugging his legs. He burrowed his chin between his knees and stared at his poorly-lit apartment. Life had to go on. But must it? When it was so bloody meaningless? When there was nothing but misery and darkness in it?

From the moment he was born, he had been unwanted. Unwanted by his parents, unwanted by his caretakers, unwanted by Kai, and now, unwanted by Jaehyun, too. He was thrown away by everyone.

But perhaps, he was overthinking it. Maybe Jaehyun was just preoccupied with something and he’d come for him. Soon.

Taeyong drew himself from the bed and stood before the window. He brought his fingertips to the glass and followed the trail of raindrops on it. Even getting out bed these days had become a chore he no longer had the strength to carry out.

It wasn’t because he thought he felt betrayed again by someone he cared about. But because he finally realized he would never be someone’s first. He would always come last.

When the rain had calmed, he took a brief shower and pulled on a thick sweater and a hoodie before grabbing his sketchpads and drawing tools. He still had a mouth to feed, not that he had any appetite, though.

He paused when there was a knock on the door. Paralyzed for a moment, his jaw fell slack and dropped the drawing equipment to bolt to the door. He tore it open and almost called out Jaehyun’s name before he realized it wasn’t him.

A woman stood in front of him instead, clad in a fur coat, which looked like a wolf’s pelt, a pair of white gloves, and a few other profligate clothing. Her red lips stretched into a menacing smile, which seemed more like a threat and a warning rather than a warm gesture.

“Can I… help you?” Taeyong asked, blinking at the lady.

“I suppose a lowborn layabout like you wouldn’t know the common decency to greet a guest first?” she said and Taeyong’s stomach clenched. “I believe you know my son.”

“Your… son?”

She chuckled scornfully. “You seem confused. Begs the question how many men you are associated with.”

“You’re… Jae… Jaehyun’s mother?” he asked with bile rising in his throat.

She brushed past him and entered the apartment. She looked around the small space for a moment and faced Taeyong with a grimace. “What a sly witch you must be to have seduced and beguiled my son.”

“Excuse me?” His cheeks burned with embarrassment, but he was more in shock. What was she doing here? Where was Jaehyun?

“You must be proud of yourself,” she added. “You’ve scored one of the heirs of the Raisel Pride. A golden ticket out of this dump.”

“I… I swear—”

“Save it,” she cut him off, her expression suddenly turning hard and dangerous. “It seems fair. For a filthy degenerate to want to climb up the social ladder by the easiest, fastest way possible. Selling your body to the highest bidder. God, you must be good if you had Jaehyun whipped. But he could indeed give you a better life. What do _you_ have to offer him that a hundred other smarter, well-educated, prestigious, even prettier boys can’t?”

Taeyong stared at her, trying to calm his breathing and not to let the tears show. He remained silent.

“That’s what I thought,” she scoffed. “You will only drag him down with you.”

Taeyong hung his head and let a tear fall on the ground.

“Dregs like you need to realize that you are nothing but insignificant little grime. How dare you seduce my son? But he is my son, after all,” she sighed. “In the end, he’ll always do what pleases me. He’ll make me proud. But I want you to stay away from him. For a price, of course. Isn’t that what trollops like you desire? So.”

She withdrew a cheque from her purse and placed it on the table beside her. “I believe this will be more than enough to get you out of Harvington and to a faraway place where you can make a new home. If you still insist on staying and getting in my son’s way, I can assure you. You will get hurt. You should think twice before trying to bewitch a rich family’s son again.”

Taeyong did not turn a hair as Jaehyun’s mother wended her way out of the apartment. He then sank to the floor.

* * *

 

The sound of his own breathing rang in his ears. The quiet was so loud that Jaehyun thought this what death must feel like. He forced his eyes open and squinted at the light. The ill-defined figure of his mother stood before him.

“Mother…” he exhaled and grunted at the aftertaste of numbness as his sentience returned.

His mother moved to the bedside with the syringe again.

“Please,” he gasped and begged. “Please… don’t. I… I promise.”

His mother paused, arching an eyebrow down at him. “What do you promise?” she demanded in a quiet voice.

Jaehyun panted and laid still for a moment. It must have been days or weeks or even months. Jaehyun didn’t know. He couldn’t tell. All that he knew was waking up all of a sudden only to be put back to sleep again.

“I will do… whatever you… say. Please, don’t do it… again.”

“Hmm.” She perched on the edge of his bed and took his hand. “I have no desire in hurting you, Jaehyun. But you really did disappoint me this time.”

“I will… marry whoever… you want me to,” he rasped, trying to lift his heavy head. He was drained. There was almost no energy left in his body. “But please… let me… see him… one last… time. Please. I won’t… ask anything more. Please, mother.”

He had promised Taeyong he’d come back. And he didn’t want to

His mother huffed and stroked his shoulder. “Very well.”

* * *

 

There wasn’t much left for him in Harvington, anyway, Taeyong thought as he shoved another t-shirt into the backpack. He’d have to come back to get all of his things, but for now, he just wanted to get away. From everything. And find peace.

He knew that if Jaehyun’s mother had come all the way to threaten him, she would never let him live if he took her son away. Taeyong was afraid of that, though. He wasn’t sure he had the energy to face another heartbreak.

He went to sleep each night wondering if things would be easier if he just ended it. Ended everything. Ended his life. But he liked to believe he was stronger than that.

But he knew he wasn’t.

The sudden knock on the door took him aback. He stiffened for a length as his heart began to pound. He stared at the door and swallowed. Then reluctantly, he went to get it.

“Taeyong, thank God,” Sehun sighed when the door was opened. “I was worried you might not be in.” He smiled, much to Taeyong’s horror.

“Sehun,” he let out, blinking vacantly. “What are you… doing here?”

Sehun grinned wider. “I’m not intruding, am I?”

“No,” he muttered. God, when will he ever not be so agitated in Sehun’s presence?

“I got your address from Kai. He couldn’t come, sorry. But, um,” he said and handed a piece of envelope to Taeyong.

Taeyong studied the envelope before pulling out its content. It was an invitation card. “What is… this?”

“My eldest son is getting betrothed. It’s his engagement party. Kai didn’t think it would be a good idea to invite you, frankly speaking. But… I’d like to put our differences aside and… at least try to be friends. And not be so awkward when we run into each other somewhere,” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck.

Taeyong pursed his lips, gulping hard. He didn’t know what to say. Sehun was nice. He was nicer than Taeyong had surmised he’d be. But still, it knotted Taeyong’s stomach to imagine a friendship with the guy the man he loved was in love with.

“Taeyong, if you… don’t mind me asking,” Sehun continued. “Did you… or do you love him? Kai? Don’t worry, I won’t say a thing against you if you did.”

Taeyong worried his bottom lip, lowering his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “I’m… starting to get over it, Sehun. And honestly, I _want_ to get over it. Which is why I don’t think a friendship with you or… Kai would bode well for any of us. You’re awfully nice. Too nice even… especially to someone like me. But I’m sorry.” He held the invitation card out back to Sehun without even reading the printing.

“That is unfortunate,” Sehun said with a faint smile. “You could be a part of our family, nonetheless, Taeyong.” He pushed the card back into Taeyong’s hand. “Come if you want.”

With that, Sehun left and Taeyong shut the door. He placed the envelope on the table and flumped on his bed, placing his head in his hands. He scrubbed his face with his bare palms and decided to call it a day and take another nap. Sleep was his only escape now.

* * *

 

“I don’t understand why you’re quitting, though,” Larson said, frowning.

Taeyong smiled weakly. “I’m leaving Harvington. For a while, at least. I just hope that if I… came back, I’d still have a job here.”

Larson clapped a hand on his back and smiled. “Of course.”

“And will you tell Sam I said goodbye?” he asked since Sam was not on his shift yet.

“Sure. Just promise you’ll take care of yourself, kid.”

Taeyong nodded. “I’ll try.” He was a little surprised when Larson pulled him into a hug. “Thank you for everything,” he whispered, pulling back.

He took a bus home. The cold night reminded him of the night he was attacked by the rowdy Pantherinaes. Could it be that Jaehyun’s mother had sent them? The thought sent a shudder down his spine.

As he meandered his way to his apartment building, he realized that it was almost three weeks since he had last seen Jaehyun and he doubted that he’d ever see him again. It crushed his already razed heart a little to think that.

He carried his body like a dead weight up the stairs to his apartment and came to a jerky halt when he saw Jaehyun leaning against his apartment’s door with his arms crossed over his chest. For a moment, Taeyong thought his eyes were playing tricks on him, but then Jaehyun yanked his hood down and stared at Taeyong with wide, guilty eyes.

He looked pale. He looked fatigued. But most of all, he looked devastated.

Neither of them moved nor looked away. And then Taeyong swallowed the sob and walked over to him. Jaehyun moved aside to let him open the door and silently followed Taeyong into the apartment.

Even as Taeyong pulled his jacket off and put his keys away, Jaehyun remained mum. Then after a moment, as Taeyong turned to light the candles, Jaehyun let out a very soft breath and said, “You still haven’t got new lightbulbs?”

Taeyong stilled. He stared at the flame, melting the candle that gave it life and brightness, with his back facing Jaehyun.

“I’m… sorry,” Jaehyun whispered.

Taeyong turned around and looked at him expressionlessly. Then crossing the room and the distance between them, he stopped a foot before Jaehyun. He slowly raised a hand to fist Jaehyun’s hoodie by the chest before tiptoeing slightly to kiss Jaehyun on the mouth.

One of Jaehyun’s hands gently cupped the back of Taeyong’s head while the other clasped a side of Taeyong’s face. Their lips barely moved against each other. They stayed locked for a moment before Jaehyun broke the kiss. “Taeyong,” he breathed against Taeyong’s lips, his eyes drooping heavily.

Taeyong blinked his tears away and sighed at the fact that that was the first time Jaehyun had ever said his name. “Will you… make love to me?” he asked in a very low whisper that even he barely heard it.

Jaehyun took hold of Taeyong’s face in his hands and kissed him, slowly, as though they had all the time in the world.

They stumbled to the bed, ridding each other their clothes without a fuss. Taeyong felt Jaehyun’s skin scorch against his when their bare chests were pressed together before they made it onto the bed. Jaehyun didn’t disconnect their lips as he crawled atop Taeyong and curled a hand around the side of Taeyong’s waist. His touches were hesitant and cautious, but hungry at the same time.

He moved his lips to Taeyong’s neck and allowed Taeyong to catch his breath.

“Wait,” Taeyong panted and Jaehyun stopped at once. “Just a moment.” He scrambled from the bed and hurried to the kitchen. He found one of the birth control pills he had stashed away and filled a glass with water. He paused for a second and stared at the pill on his palm.

He licked his lips and tossed the pill away, deciding not to take it.

When he returned to the bed, Jaehyun had already gotten rid of his pants and he lied there, showcasing his beautiful body. Taeyong almost felt embarrassed with his own body. How could he even satisfy someone like that? But if Jaehyun had chosen him to lose his virtue to, then it mattered little what Taeyong’s body was like.

He shugged out of his own pants and climbed back into bed. Jaehyun let out a shaky breath when Taeyong straddled his hips, kneeling on either side of Jaehyun.

Taeyong dropped his head, flushed and blushing as his cheeks burned. Jaehyun was staring. No, he was gawking. He almost looked like he was admiring Taeyong’s body inch by inch, and it felt as though his gaze itself could devour him.

Taeyong brought his palms to Jaehyun’s chest as he leaned in and claimed Jaehyun’s lips. When Jaehyun’s hands latched themselves on his thighs, Taeyong whimpered breathlessly. Jaehyun used the opportunity to slide his tongue past Taeyong’s lips and licked the ridge of his mouth.

Then gripping Taeyong’s thighs, Jaehyun plopped him onto the bed and slithered between Taeyong’s legs. Taeyong sank his teeth into his lower lip and panted, clutching at the sheets, as Jaehyun dragged his warm, demanding lips down his neck, chest, and stomach. His hands on the sides of Taeyong’s torso gripped them tighter as he kissed Taeyong’s stomach, licking along the waistline and navel.

Taeyong drew his knees up, planting his feet firmly into the mattress when Jaehyun lowered to pepper the skin above the base of his shaft with soft, languid kisses. “Jae… hyun,” he exhaled in a breathy moan, arching his back off the bed as Jaehyun shifted his kisses to Taeyong’s inner thighs. He felt so tender at Jaehyun’s touch that he thought it might hurt if Jaehyun gripped any harder.

But he didn’t. Jaehyun was gentle. Unbelievably and irrevocably gentle.

Taeyong sat up and grabbed onto the back of Jaehyun’s neck with both hands. He let Jaehyun draw him onto his lap to kiss him feverously. Their ragged breaths mingled and their tongues desperately swirled around one another. Taeyong felt Jaehyun’s erection press against his rear and blood rushed to his nether regions.

He sat on Jaehyun’s lap for a stretch, simply just kissing and savouring Jaehyun’s lips. Memorizing the taste. He wanted to remember it forever, though forever was a long time…

He kissed Jaehyun’s forehead as Jaehyun dropped his mouth to Taeyong’s throat. Taeyong was all but too conscious of his cock pressed against Jaehyun’s abdomen. “Jaehyun,” he called in a tiny voice and held a side of Jaehyun’s head.

“Yeah?” Jaehyun breathed, kissing Taeyong’s neck.

“I… want you,” he whispered and Jaehyun lifted his head to stare into Taeyong’s eyes. “inside… me.”

Jaehyun swallowed, frowning a little with concern. “Won’t I… hurt you?”

That was all that it took for Taeyong to know that Jaehyun truly cared for him and that alone was enough for him to surrender to Jaehyun and trust him wholeheartedly. Even if it were just for one night.

He reached for the drawers and fished out a tube of lotion. Jaehyun eyed him curiously as Taeyong reached behind and stretched himself with his lubricated fingers. Jaehyun licked his lips and grabbed the sides of Taeyong’s body before filling Taeyong’s chest with kisses.

Taeyong grunted and moaned, dropping his face on Jaehyun’s shoulder as he fingered himself. He wanted Jaehyun to feel good. He wanted Jaehyun to remember this, to remember him.

“Can… I?” Jaehyun exhaled against his ear as his hand trailed down Taeyong’s protruding spine, all the way down to his tailbone. Their bodies were already covered in a thin layer of sweat, but neither cared.

Taeyong withdrew his hand and shivered when Jaehyun’s fingers slid down the crack and stroked the rim of muscles. Their mouths hastily found each other in a hungry kiss as Jaehyun carefully pushed a finger in.

A raspy groan escaped Jaehyun’s lips when Taeyong shoved him to lie down on the bed and pinned his hands on Jaehyun’s abs. Taeyong swallowed hard when he took Jaehyun’s hardened member in his hand to stroke it with the lotion. Jaehyun grunted an almost inaudible moan, throwing his head back against the mattress as Taeyong fisted him. Then when Taeyong pressed the head of Jaehyun’s shaft to his opening, Jaehyun lifted his head and his eyes were focused on Taeyong again.

He held onto Taeyong’s hips as Taeyong lowered himself down on Jaehyun’s cock. He bit back on a cry as his opening was stretched. It wasn’t anything he could not take, he’d already had enough experience in that arena, but Jaehyun was considerably thick and long.

Taeyong paused and panted with tears prickling his eyes. Jaehyun was only halfway in and all that Taeyong could think about was Jaehyun buried inside him to the hilt as he came.

He shuddered and Jaehyun caught his arms. “That’s enough,” he growled and gently laid Taeyong down on the bed without pulling out of him. Then cupping Taeyong’s cheek with one hand and gripping his thigh with the other, Jaehyun kissed him, deeply and demandingly, distracting Taeyong a little as his cock slid in deeper.

Taeyong locked his legs around Jaehyun’s waist as a tear rolled down the corner of his eye when Jaehyun was finally fully in. It was too painful to feel good right now, but with a few thrusts, Taeyong knew he’d be fine. He’d be _more_ than fine.

Taeyong throbbed when Jaehyun pulled a little only to slide back in. He hid his face in the crook of Jaehyun’s neck as he silently cried with tears flowing down his cheeks. Jaehyun began to thrust, slowly at first. As he picked his pace up, Taeyong did nothing but moan and cling onto Jaehyun.

His heart leapt in all sorts of direction when Jaehyun moved his hand to his cock and pumped it while driving into him. Taeyong melted, yielding completely to the other man. With every thrust, it only felt like Jaehyun was reaching deeper, invading spots Taeyong had never been touched before. The apartment resonated with his moans and cries as Jaehyun’s sharp hipbones rammed against his thighs.

After a few thrusts, Taeyong was a moaning mess. He dug his fingernails into Jaehyun’s back and panted, “Ha… harder…”

Bathed in sweat and sobbing for air, Jaehyun leaned down for a sloppy, hasty kiss. Then as though with a predatorial instinct, he pulled out of Taeyong and turned him to lie on his stomach. Taeyong panted. No, Jaehyun can’t possibly be thinking of locking with him…

 Taeyong pressed his forehead into the mattress and bit onto the sheets as Jaehyun thrust back into him, kissing along his shoulder blades. He then caught Taeyong’s hands fisting the sheets and firmly secured them in an inescapable grip. He growled against the nape of Taeyong’s neck and uncontrollably sank his teeth into the back of Taeyong’s shoulder. A sharp moan broke from Taeyong’s throat and Jaehyun quickly kissed the spot he had bitten him, marking Taeyong as his.

He whimpered when Jaehyun clasped their hands together and began to lock inside him. Taeyong bit harder onto the sheets to muffle his scream as Jaehyun’s cock pierced through the walls of his inside. It felt like a million thorns were penetrating him. Jaehyun hastily cupped Taeyong’s jaw and forced his head up to kiss him.

But as soon as Jaehyun retracted, Taeyong let out a sob of objection, not wanting it to end just yet. He didn’t want any of this end. Be it the pain or the pleasure. White ropes of semen shot onto the sheets beneath him only a second following Jaehyun, who burst inside him, filling Taeyong with his come.

Jaehyun gasped for breath with his forehead resting on Taeyong’s back as his hand held a side of Taeyong’s torso. He didn’t pull out of Taeyong even as he collapsed on the bed beside Taeyong. He held Taeyong close to his chest and kissed along Taeyong’s shoulder.

They lay still a moment after that and Taeyong silently wept into the mattress as his insides throbbed around Jaehyun’s softening shaft. “Taeyong?” Jaehyun called when a whimper betrayed Taeyong.

Jaehyun propped himself up and turned Taeyong halfway around to face him.

“God… Are you… hurt?” Jaehyun asked, brushing the tears from Taeyong’s cheek. “Was it not… pleasurable?” He frowned.

“No, no,” Taeyong rasped quickly. “Quite the opposite. I just… don’t want you to… pull out.”

Jaehyun bowed his head and caught Taeyong’s lips in a gentle, unhurried kiss. “I’ll stay for as long as you want,” he whispered and kissed him again.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

 

“Can you stay still for a moment?” Taeyong mumbled as he tried to grip the pencil tighter to define the curve of Jaehyun’s nose on his sketchpad, sitting on Jaehyun’s stomach, clad in nothing but Jaehyun’s hoodie from last night, which was drooping from his shoulders. While he continued to sketch the early morning, after sex splendour Jaehyun was, Jaehyun continued to push himself up once every half a minute to kiss some part of Taeyong’s face, keeping his hands tucked under the hem of the hoodie to fondle Taeyong’s hips.

Taeyong curled his lower lip between his teeth in concentration as he sketched the marvellous spectacle before him. Jaehyun propped himself up once more and kissed a corner of Taeyong’s lips. Then after a few seconds, he pecked on Taeyong’s cheek. He rose again to kiss Taeyong’s cheekbone before Taeyong shoved him back to lie down. Jaehyun huffed in distress and threw an arm over his forehead.

Taeyong licked his lips and swallowed, marvelling at the man he was sitting above. They had gone for a second round at the crack of dawn after a couple of hours of sleep. And Taeyong was now more bruised and sore than ever, but it didn’t stop him from considering a third round right now.

He sighed and set his sketchpad and pencil aside. “Jaehyun?”

“Hmm?”

“Why… Why didn’t you… come sooner?”

A corner of Jaehyun’s lips quirked up. “I would have, but I thought nice men always finished last because they’d make their partners come first. I wanted to be a gentleman.”

That earned Jaehyun a slap on the chest. “Be serious,” Taeyong groaned. “You know what I mean.”

Jaehyun let out a heavy breath and slid a hand up Taeyong’s thigh, past the hoodie to caress the corner of Taeyong’s waist, which extracted a small whimper out of Taeyong. Jaehyun had been aiming for that spot ever since he found out it was one of Taeyong’s sensitive spots.

“My mother,” Jaehyun started and his expression hardened a little. “I guess in order for you to understand, you should know something else first. When I was a kid, whenever I… disagreed with her or tried to reason with her, she’d lock me up in a room… I’d wait. For her to come and beat me up.” He paused to swallow. “But sometimes, she sends other people to do her job if she’s busy… Then as I got older, I became smarter and I learned that I shouldn’t provoke her. I didn’t _want_ to provoke or disappoint her. You know, she was… is my mother. But there was this one time when I asked her if I could join the university and go study on the campus instead of at home with private professors. It was almost an argument and I was determined to leave.”

Taeyong stared at the way Jaehyun’s eyes were slowly starting to redden. He splayed his hands over Jaehyun’s chest and felt his heart pound beneath his palms.

“I was older, you know. She knew she wouldn’t be able to beat me up into submission anymore. So, she began to threaten me. She said that she’d stop my education and even then, I didn’t give in. I wasn’t being belligerent, I was trying to talk to her calmly. The next thing I knew, I was in my bed and every time I woke up, she’d inject something into my arm and I’d fall back asleep. She kept doing it for days until I agreed to never disappoint her again.”

Taeyong’s heart swelled painfully. “Oh, my God,” he exhaled, gaping at Jaehyun. “She can’t be… that…” he couldn’t finish as he choked on the horror.

Jaehyun pulled him down to lay next to him and pulled the blanket over their bodies. He then carded Taeyong’s hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “She’s a Pantherinae. A power-hungry one. By right, I am the one who’s abnormal.”

“Not all Pantherinaes are after power,” Taeyong said, frowning.

“Most are. It’s… our generation that longs for the… mundane things,” he whispered and stared into Taeyong’s eyes. The morning sunlight glimmered in Jaehyun’s.

“Did she… do that to you this time?”

Jaehyun nodded. “I… told her that I like someone and that I cannot get married to another.”

Taeyong’s mouth turned dry. “You did?”

“But I had to agree to her terms in the end,” he said, frowning.

“You mean, you agreed to get married?”

Jaehyun curled a hand around Taeyong’s head and kissed his lips. “I’m not giving up on my dreams anymore. I want _you_ and I will not let you go.”

“But—”

“I told her that I’ll marry whomever she wants me marry. She believes that I won’t be able to make a living without her support. Taeyong,” he said, smiling then. “Let’s just run away.”

Taeyong blinked at the other man. “What?”

“Somewhere she won’t find us,” he breathed, stroking Taeyong’s hair. “Not immediately. I need you to be a little patient. She’ll be watching me like a hawk right now. But as soon as she becomes lax, we’ll leave.”

Taeyong didn’t know what to say. Jaehyun was willing to leave his home, leave the life he had lived since he was born to elope with Taeyong? Was that really how much he wanted to be with him?

“Taeyong?” Jaehyun called, looking a little upset when Taeyong didn’t reply. “Do you… want to?”

Taeyong shook his head and smiled, leaning forward to kiss Jaehyun. “Yes. Yes, a million times,” he whispered against Jaehyun’s lips. Jaehyun chuckled softly into Taeyong’s hair when Taeyong buried his face in Jaehyun’s chest. Tears brimmed in his eyes and he could not help the sob that broke from his throat.

After a moment of silence, Taeyong raised his head to meet Jaehyun’s sleepy gaze. “Why… wouldn’t you marry the other guy?” he asked. “He could give you everything I can and more.”

Jaehyun closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “Perhaps,” he drawled drowsily. “But you can’t seriously expect me to know why my heart pines for _you_ and not him.”

Taeyong smiled through the tears. He was being chosen before another here. He was finally someone’s first. “Is he beautiful?” he asked teasingly.

Jaehyun was already falling half asleep. “Beyond parallel.”

That earned Jaehyun a backhand on the face and he hissed at Taeyong. “Then why not go marry him?!” Taeyong snapped.

Jaehyun laughed, but for a moment, his eyes turned dark. “He’s the firstborn of the ex-leader of the Harvington Pride, you know? The current leader’s first cousin once removed.”

Taeyong went stock-still in a trance of paralysis.

Jaehyun licked his lips and stroked Taeyong’s arm. “His father is… rather well-known all around Harvington. Do you… perhaps, know him?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice.

Taeyong stared at him with eyes and chest filled with horror. His breathing quickened and his blood pounded in his ears. He could not mask the fear and shock in his expression, and he could feel the throbbing of his own eyes. His fingers curled into fists and he felt his nails pierce through his palms.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun said and snapped him out of his stupor.

“No…” Taeyong muttered. “I don’t… know him.”

Jaehyun puffed out a heavy sigh and dropped back on the bed. “The boy had recently gone through… an abortion. He looked… horrifyingly miserable when I met him. And… maybe, yeah. I might have even married him if I hadn’t met you first. But only because I take pity on him. And that would not be fair to either of us.” He rubbed his eyes and threw an arm over them. “His father seems like a dick, though. But his husband, Sehun? God, he’s stunning,” he laughed.

Taeyong sat there for a moment, unable to move a single muscle. Then he heard Jaehyun’s soft snores.

Swallowing the bile that rose to his throat, Taeyong got off the bed and slinked the table. He rummaged through the papers on it as his stomach churned in painful cramps. He glanced at Jaehyun when he found the invitation card Sehun had left him.

Then hastily pulling the card out of the envelope, Taeyong desperately read its contents.

_Please join us to celebrate the betrothment of **Jaehyun,** **Jung** and **Jaecen Marion, Kim**. _

He could almost hear the sound of his heartbreak as his tears splattered the gold print on the black card. The wound felt so deep that Taeyong didn’t know if he could ever heal.

He braced himself against a wall and kept staring at Jaehyun’s name on the card. He then slowly dropped the floor and silently wept into his knees, hugging his legs to his chest.

_Whore. You filthy whore. You had already spread your legs for Sehun’s husband and now, you whored yourself on Sehun’s future son-in-law. You slept with Kai and now, you’re about to ruin his son’s future by sleeping with his betrothed. You must always go about seducing rich men from prestigious households, don’t you, you degenerate._

The words kept thundering in his head, suffocating him. He wanted to stop hearing them, he wanted to believe that he wasn’t a bad person. But he’d hear those exact words from everyone’s mouth if they found out… And Sehun. How could Sehun bring himself to forgive Taeyong if he meddled with his son’s life?

Taeyong raised his head and blinked through the tears clumping his eyelashes together and looked at Jaehyun on the bed. _I might have even married him if I hadn’t met you first_ …

How cruel was fate to him… Why could he never catch a break… Why did it always have to circle back to Kai…

_Whore._

_What a sly witch you must be to have seduced and beguiled my son._

_A half-bred like you._

_Dregs like you need to realize that you are nothing but insignificant little grime._

 He wiped his cheeks on the sleeves of Jaehyun’s hoodie and rested his head against the wall, drawing in a shaky breath. For a short moment there, when Jaehyun had asked him to run away with him, Taeyong had believed perhaps everything will turn out well and perhaps he’d have his happy ending after all.

How foolish of him…

He rose to his feet and curled his fingers around the hoodie’s sleeve cuffs as he quietly makes his way back to the bed. Jaehyun did not rouse when Taeyong climbed back into the bed and slid under the blanket they had been sharing since last night. Taeyong’s throat burned and his eyes were swollen as he laid his head on Jaehyun’s arm spread across half the pillow. Jaehyun had his face turned the other way and his chest rose and dropped in a steady pace.

Taeyong raised a hand to the chest and slid closer to the other man. “Jaehyun?” he called in a whisper at an attempt to wake him up. “Jaehyun,” he said again when Jaehyun didn’t respond.

He grunted a breath and stirred, but didn’t waken. Taeyong brushed his lips on Jaehyun’s jaw and slithered a hand into the blanket to help himself. The instant his hand was wrapped around Jaehyun’s cock, Jaehyun’s eyes twitched open. “Taeyong, what are you—” he started in a hoarse, sleepy voice, but Taeyong silenced him with a gentle, wakening kiss.

Jaehyun did not utter a protest as he lazily kissed Taeyong back while Taeyong’s hand worked on pumping his shaft. Then grabbed Taeyong’s wrist, Jaehyun let out a demanding growl and slammed him onto the bed before mounting him. Taeyong brought a fist to his mouth and bit onto the cuff of the hoodie’s sleeve as Jaehyun grabbed the lotion.

Under the blanket, he pressed himself between Taeyong’s legs and ground their crotch together. His clean hand slid up the side of Taeyong’s torso, pushing the hoodie up to Taeyong’s chest as his lips latched themselves onto Taeyong’s neck.

One last time. And he selfishly hoped that it would last forever.

* * *

 

He woke to an empty space beside him. The cold wrapped his body like a heavy cloak and he curled into a ball, missing Jaehyun’s warmth. Missing having Jaehyun inside him.

Though he had healed significantly quick, the soreness lingered and he was tender in spots he could not even name.

He dragged himself out of the bed after a while and stepped into the shower. When he was done, he resumed the rest of his packing. He paused when he spotted the note on the table. It was a quick sketch of a chipmunk holding a plate of what Taeyong thought was pancakes. And beneath it was:

_I will come back sooner this time._

_I promise._

_With love,_

_J._

Taeyong clenched his eyes and sighed heavily. When and if Jaehyun came back this time,  he would not find Taeyong here.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Chapter contains triggering scenes echoing domestic abuse.

 

The pungent reek of bleach both devastated and comforted him. Taeyong rid his hands of the rubber gloves and slumped heavily against the toilet stall’s wall. He was exhausted to his bones. Fatigue was now starting to seep into his soul. He had had a restless night last night and was forced to wake before the sun even came up. He knew better than to labour from dawn to noon on an empty stomach while he carried, but he hadn’t had the chance to eat anything.

His head felt heavy on his shoulders. At times like this, he reconsidered quitting scrubbing toilets for mere pennies, but then Jaehyun’s words would echo in his head. _Beggars can’t be choosers_ , and he knew well that he was close to a beggar’s level, but not quite. His pride didn’t allow him to beg for alms for entitled people just yet, although his body was starting to give in.

He rubbed his puffy eyes on the back of his calloused, dry hands and exited the stall to entertain another. He should be grateful that he even had this job among the three other he was juggling with. If it had been just him, he might have survived with just the meagre pay one job supplied. But he couldn’t. He was eating for two now.

For some odd reason, he rather _liked_ the smell of bleach and soaps, not the kind that usually smelled pleasant. It made him less nauseous. But at the same time, his eyes and lungs burned. He did not find scrubbing toilets and mopping floors and cleaning windows as shameful. Someone had to do them, right? And if they paid for the next meal, Taeyong could not exactly refuse. He did not have the privilege. But it was a demanding job and Taeyong was beginning to lose confidence in the strength of his physique. He might not last as long as he’d like to. The baby was wearing him out from inside.

He collected his wage for the day and pulled his coat on, smelling a variety of toilet cleaners and headed for his next workplace. The flea market where he arranged items on shelves and swept the floor.

By the time he was done, he thought he might pass out on his way to orphanage, which he had thought he’d never return to, but his ill fate had yanked him back.

The day he had left Harvington, Taeyong had considered a few options. Itcara was one of his top choices, but he recalled Kai mentioning having people he was well-acquainted with in that town and it was a territory of Lycans at large, too. So, Taeyong opted for his hometown, Elthel. The wretched, cold, merciless, small town. But it was quiet, at least. And it had its peaceful corners.

The orphanage had not change much, if any. The night he had showed up at its doorstep, seeking shelter and mercy, the haunting memories of the secluded orphanage for Pantherinaes churned his stomach. He had a few good memories. His friends, his first innocent crush, the banters that circled the Housemother.

Speaking of whom, she had regarded him with surprise and a slight derision. But Taeyong was glad that she hadn’t heaped scorn on him that day and had welcomed him back into the orphanage, though he had no place in it anymore. That said, Taeyong now had to pay for his stay in the orphans’ asylum. But being around the orphaned Pantherinaes and children made him feel better. Usually when he returned, they would have gone to bed, but sometimes, during the ‘movie night’, the only time of the week they were allowed to watch TV, Taeyong would bring them candies and cakes.

Tonight, however, was not a ‘movie night’, so he went home empty-handed and with an empty stomach. He had had a stale bread at work to appease the baby, but it was hardly filling. The door of the house was opened when he knocked on it.

The Housemother did not offer a smile and Taeyong did not bother either. She was fairly older now. More grey streaked her hair than the last time Taeyong had seen her. She used to be a plumper, too.

“There’s mushroom stew and bread if you’re hungry,” she said, but only after Taeyong had handed her a large portion of the money he had earned today.

“I’d like a shower first,” Taeyong muttered and headed up to his small room, where he stripped before hurrying to one of the two bathrooms everyone shared in the orphanage. He took a quick shower, as always, not wanting to linger around the similar ambience for too long. His stomach heaved, but it was very much empty, so he did not see the point in giving in to his nausea.

He returned to his room and found a pair of loose pants to wear. They were one of the few that fitted him besides the sweatpants he wore to work. He stood before the cracked mirror and examined his horrifying reflection. He looked pale beyond measure. His knuckles were bruised, his palms were blistered and they took some time to heal since he wasn’t in his best shape. He could not rejuvenate as fast as he used to. The exhaustion was palpable in his eyes and the sleeplessness in the dark circles around them. The only motivation that kept him moving was the fact that he was helpless and he would die along with the baby if he didn’t push himself to live. For a Pantherinae, he looked unbelievable weak, even if he were pregnant.

Two months in and his swollen belly was already showing. He hid it well, though. Behind oversized shirts and huge coats. When he was working. But he knew that soon, he would not be able to leave the orphans’ asylum, so he needed to save money for future expenses as well. The bump was the _only_ thing that was beautiful about him now. He slid a hand over it, smiling at the way it curved and jutted out.

His baby was small now, but he would grow. Or _she_. He had no idea. He did not care either. He just wanted him or her to be a healthy baby, but at this rate, he worried immensely. He needed to rest. He needed to eat better. He could not afford to torment the baby for his own carelessness.

He poked a finger playfully into his belly and grinned. “Are you sleeping, Peanut?” he whispered.

He did it a lot. Though the children at the orphanage were always friendly with him and they always seemed to enjoy his company, Taeyong enjoyed his own baby’s the most. He’d spent hours and hours talking to his swollen belly, caressing it, hoping that the baby would hear him.

This baby would be his first family. Someone to care about, someone who would care for him in return.

He pulled a t-shirt on and went downstairs. The Housemother was leering at the TV with a cup of tea in her hands. Taeyong helped himself to the pot of leftover stew and stale bread on the table.

“How is it doing?” the Housemother asked all of a sudden and Taeyong looked up at her as he took his seat at the dining table. He then realized she was asking about the baby.

He gobbled down some of the food before speaking. “He’s… fine. And keeping me up all night.”

There was a small smile on the Housemother’s face but she directed it at the TV. “It will get worse,” she warned subtly.

Taeyong sighed and clenched the bread in his fist. “Do you… think it’s safe for me to exhaust myself like this? For the baby?”

“Of course, not. But what choice do you have?” The Housemother herself was barren. But she had many children in the orphanage to call her own. Though she did not bear the kindest smile. “Bending and exercising can be good, too. But there is a limit. Which is why… I think you should quit working and stay put for a while. Until the baby’s delivered.”

There was a concealed concern in her tone and expression, but she never showed it, as always. “But,” Taeyong started. “How will I pay for my stay?”

“We’ll have an account. You can owe me first and pay when you are well to toil yourself.”

Taeyong smiled in gratitude.

The Housemother huffed. “I really was not expecting you to return, begging for refuge at a place you once distasted. I had even believed that your talent would take you a long way. And yet, you landed back in here with a bun in the oven.” She hadn’t asked Taeyong anything about why he was back there, but Taeyong had assumed it was because she did not care. “Or perhaps _buns_. That’s too big a belly for one, if you ask me. You must either be four months along or you’ve have more than one in there.”

Taeyong froze at that. He should go see a doctor sometime soon. Pantherinaes seldom gave birth in litters—more than one, but it happened. What if that was why he felt unnecessarily fatigued? Because he wasn’t feeding two, but perhaps more mouths?

“I would like to go to the hospital soon,” he admitted and the Housemother nodded.

“Probably wise. I’ll have a cab called for you, then.” She was mum for a moment. “You know, considering your situation, one would have decided not to keep the baby.”

Taeyong flushed. He had considered and acted on it before, when he was carrying Kai’s child. But he could not do the same with Jaehyun’s. It wasn’t because he was discriminating either, but because he _wanted_ this child. He had wanted him from the first time Jaehyun had taken him to bed. This was a child made from love. The only real love Taeyong had ever received. The baby was a token of it. That was what he liked to believe, at least. That Jaehyun loved him. These were just tales he spun for himself to lull himself to sleep at night. When in reality, Jaehyun would have possibly forgotten about him and the night, or at least, his mother would have made him forget the _insignificant grime_. He must be betrothed to Kai’s firstborn now. He must be looking forward to sharing a Pride with his prestigious new husband-to-be.

And Taeyong did not begrudge him for it. Not in the least. After all, Jaehyun would have kept his word and he would have run away with Taeyong. But God knew they would stumble, they would fall eventually. Taeyong did not want to ruin Sehun’s family any further either. Jaehyun did say he’d have married Kai’s son if he hadn’t met Taeyong first. So, now, since Taeyong was as good as dead in his life, he could continue to live it as he always did.

Taeyong had torn and left the cheque in his apartment. He had no intention in taking, let alone using the money Jaehyun’s mother had threatened him with. He was prideful at least that much.

“Have you thought of a name?” the Housemother asked when Taeyong did not answer her former question.

He choked on a dry morsel of bread and stared at her. “Isn’t it too early for that?” he said, blinking.

“What do you call it, then? I hear you speak to it all night, Taeyong.”

Taeyong’s cheeks warmed. “I just call him… or her Peanut…” he said shamefully. “I thought… he might look like a peanut… or a jellybean… but he’s bigger now, so I should probably call him something else.”

The Housemother scoffed and laughed. “Peanut!” she guffawed and Taeyong lowered his head. “Ah, kids.”

Taeyong patted his stomach and ate some more. _She’s just bitter. You’re fine, Peanut._

* * *

 

He sat at the foot of the temple and silently watched the afternoon wane into a beautiful evening. The brightness of the sky that ceilinged him was ebbing into a mellow darkness. The wind softly blew between the strands of his hair.

Men and women still climbed up the stairs to worship the Gods they believed would bring them peace. Taeyong didn’t particularly have faith in Them, but being here, perched on the step of the holy shrine made him feel at ease. The soft peals of bells bloomed in the background and shades of pink and orange painted the evening sky.

He hid his belly and a hand under the thick cloak which he had borrowed from the Housemother for a short walk. He leaned his head against the railing of the stairs that led to the temple. No one noticed him. It was nice. It was peaceful. Taeyong recalled his brief escapes with his then friends to this temple where they’d steal figs from the offering bowls and devour them. He wondered what had become of them. A few had turned to the wild to forever remain as beasts.

Maybe Taeyong could do it too once the baby was born and had grown enough. They could surrender to their inner beasts.

He had many thoughts when he was here. Usually the same thoughts. Then after a while, he’d wonder how Jaehyun was doing. He’d try to keep himself from thinking about Kai. He wanted to feel good, he wanted his baby to feel good. And the thoughts of Kai always distressed him. But they were like a stone in the shoe, could never be ignored. But the thoughts of Jaehyun gave him peace. He’d think of scenarios of them together. What if they had met in some school as classmates? Though Taeyong could never imagine being on the same level as Jaehyun.

“So many words left unsaid,” he muttered to himself and perhaps his baby, watching the birds soar across the clouds. All of this felt temporary.

“Taeyong!” someone yelled his name.

Taeyong straightened up before rising to his feet. He stared at Gus sprinting towards him. “Goodness, Gus,” Taeyong gasped, catching the panting boy by the shoulders. “What are you—”

“The Housemother has called for you,” Gus said. His blue eyes were glowing as always. He was one of the boys in the orphanage, a half-bred just like Taeyong. “There’s a man.”

Taeyong raised an eyebrow. “What man?”

“A man. To see you!” he rasped in short breaths.

Taeyong’s gut twisted. “Who… Did he say who he is?”

“Nope. Just a tall, good-looking man. Young. Smelled nice. _Dressed_ nice.”

Taeyong clenched his eyes and drew a breath. The bells continued to ring behind him. The paralyzing fear surged through his body. Could it be? Could he have come looking for him? But… why? How…?

For a brief moment, Taeyong considered running away. But he fought the impulse and braved himself. He supposed his explanation was long overdue. He followed Gus back to the orphanage with a pain knifing at his chest. He struggled to swallow the thick spit as his windpipe felt tight.

Three months. It had been three months.

When he entered the building, the Housemother arched a curious brow at him. The boys and a handful of girls stared at Taeyong from the dining area. It seemed like their afternoon tea was interrupted.

“I asked him to wait in your room,” the Housemother said.

Taeyong hung his head and proceeded up the stairs, dragging his weight while his stomach continued to knot. He dropped the cloak and felt embarrassed when his shirt flaunted his bump.

He clenched and released his fists, stopping outside his room. He could already smell Jaehyun’s scent and he knew Jaehyun could smell his, too. He closed his eyes and sucked in a sigh before opening the door.

He swallowed, finding Jaehyun standing before the window with his arms crossed over his chest and back facing Taeyong. Why did he come, Taeyong wondered. Why _would_ he? Was Taeyong really worth the effort?

They stood in silence for a long painful moment. Jaehyun did not turn and he did not say a word. Taeyong understood he was waiting for him to say the words he should rightfully say.

“I’m… sorry,” Taeyong whispered, tears already threatening his eyes.

Jaehyun’s shoulders rose and dropped steadily as he breathed. He unfolded his arms and let his hands drop to the sides. The white gold ring that gleamed on Jaehyun’s finger on his left hand did not go unnoticed and Taeyong suddenly felt ever sicker to the stomach.

Jaehyun turned around. He did not look any different that he did in Taeyong’s memory. Perhaps his hair was slightly longer, Taeyong could not tell for certain. But one thing was indefinitely at variance with the Jaehyun Taeyong remembered. The hardness of his gaze.

There was no warmth or benignity in Jaehyun’s eyes. Just a meticulous, ruthless glare. It almost looked like he hated what he was looking at. Then something flicked across his eyes when they darted to Taeyong’s jutting belly. Betrayal. Anger. Rage.

“My mother had warned,” Jaehyun said in a steady, firm voice. It almost sounded like a threat. Taeyong’s heart began to pound. “She had warned that whores like you would play men like me as you willed.”

“Jaehyun—”

“You’d jump from one man to another,” Jaehyun spat, looking directly into Taeyong’s watery eyes. “And I wonder… how many men you have seduced and toyed with for your own twisted satisfaction. Were you fooling with Kai and I at the same time or did you get bored of him and leapt onto me when you got the chance?” He scoffed, shaking his head. “All that beautiful acting, though. What a façade. What a performance. Do you enjoy breaking hearts so while pretending to victimize yourself? Who are you spreading your knees to now? Or better yet, _how_ _many_ men are you spreading your knees to now? You lying, unfaithful dog.”

Every word was a cutting knife.

“Whose bastard is that?” Jaehyun spat. “Are you planning to keep it? I’m only asking because your hospital records suggest that you are no stranger to abortions. Looking at the size of that, I want to assume it’s Kai’s, but I’m not sure, because I really have no idea of how many men you fucked before me… or while you were with me. You know what. Don’t answer any of that. Just riddle me this.” He stepped closer. Taeyong was too horrified to take a step back. His head spun and his stomach was clenching terrifyingly painfully. He didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted the salt of his tears on his lips.

“If it is a child and endless fucks that you wanted, you could have asked me,” Jaehyun said. “I wouldn’t have denied you any of that. Or did you run away because you were only intent on using me as a substitute for Kai?”

Taeyong whimpered when Jaehyun grabbed his chin and forcefully made him look at him. “Jae—”

“I had overlooked every little shit that you were and you did. The fact that you were a whore, that you were in love with a married man who had children of his own almost your age and you bent for him, that you were a Prideless half-bred.”

“Jaehyun, please… stop, you’re—” He couldn’t finish as the back of Jaehyun’s fist struck his face, sending him crashing against the wall. For a moment, everything blurred around him and he heard his own blood pounding. His ears rang and something felt ruptured. There was pain. Pain everywhere but he couldn’t cry for help. He couldn’t find his voice. He slid down the wall with a side of his face throbbing in an unimaginable agony.

 _Unfaithful dog_ , that was what Jaehyun believed.

“After everything I had told you,” Jaehyun continued, huffing like a madman. “you still had the heart to betray me. But then again, _I_ was the fool to have fallen for a degenerate like you!”

“Jae… Jaehyun,” Taeyong grunted, holding a hand out as a cry for help as tears soaked his cheeks and blood pooled around him on the floor. That instant, when Jaehyun realized the state Taeyong was in, all of his anger dissipated and he gasped, dropping to his knees.

“No, no, no,” Jaehyun panted, pressing a hand to Taeyong’s belly, cradling Taeyong’s head with his other hand as Taeyong collapsed on the ground limply, fighting for breath, curling in pain. “Taeyong!” Jaehyun cried and the last thing Taeyong knew before he surrendered to unconsciousness was Jaehyun lifting him up in his arms in a frenzy and bolting out of the room. It was a familiar warmth, Jaehyun’s chest. And it was too late. Taeyong felt a life tear away from him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Chapter contains self-harming (nothing over the top, though), angst, and heaps of drama (I swear, I was rolling my eyes while writing it, but—I quote Sir Arthur Conan Doyle—I can never resist a touch of the dramatic). Again, thanks for the love and kudos and comments and everything omg! This is more than what I had expected for my first NCT fic so thank you sooooo much! <333 Have a good read! (This chapter probably won't promise a fun read, though)

The emptiness in his chest was a well-known intimate feeling as sleep turfed him out and sentience claimed him. He didn’t lift his eyelids to greet the world just yet, though he was now conscious. He took in the softness he lay on and the profound grief that filled his hollow soul like a gush of misery that filled an empty, endless void.

It clawed at him. The sorrow. He should not be poked with mockery, he should not condemn himself for wanting to grieve. He had every right to mourn. He had every right to feel every ounce of the immense throes that suffocated him. He was suffering an anguish he was not familiar with and thusly, he did not know how to deal with it. He could not cry, though the tears were readily there. He just felt numb and hollow.

Empty.

It was another life he had already formed a bond with. The life had been a part of him. And it was now ripped away from him. Against his will. He knew neither how to fend himself nor how to heal himself from the woe.

He blamed himself for it. _He_ had been weak, _he_ had been distressed. If only he had been stronger, if he hadn’t succumbed to his vulnerability, the baby would not have paid the price.

He clenched his eyes tighter and pressed his face deeper into the pillow.

“Is he awake?” He heard Jaehyun’s voice and he grudgingly clutched at the sheets in his fist. This was not a nightmare. God forbid fate be that easy on him.

“Taeyong,” said an unfamiliar voice.

Taeyong refused to open his eyes for a moment. _Let me sleep to my death,_ he thought and pleaded. Then he felt a set of cold fingers on his arm and he shuddered, cracking an eye open. He stared at the grey-haired man and his comforting smile. There was almost no light in the room, except for the weak rays of sun that peeked through the cracks of the drapes pulled close together. Taeyong recognized the room all too quick. Jaehyun’s simple room.

“How are you feeling?” the man asked.

Taeyong closed his eyes again. He did not want to wake, much less talk. Fragments of the pain he had felt came rushing to him, throwing his body into a momentary shock. All that blood he was covered in. The metallic stench. The constant reminder that he had let the baby slip. The constant reminder that the baby’s own father had caused its death.

The numbness was even worse than the pain.

“Please, doctor,” this was Jaehyun. In a low murmur, he continued. “Is he… okay?”

“Do you feel pain anywhere, Taeyong?” the doctor asked him now. Taeyong only nuzzled into the pillow to let it soak in the single tear that rolled from the corner of his eye. “You’ve been unconscious for days, son. It’s best for both you and your child that you get up and eat something. We won’t remove the IV until you do, but it does little to help Pantherinaes. You must get up and nourish yourself. Even if you can’t find the appetite, do it for the baby’s sake.”

Taeyong’s eyes flashed open. He leered at the doctor and raised a heavy hand to his own belly. It was still swollen, though he felt the considerable decrease in size. Something was poked into the back of his hand.

He could not spot Jaehyun in the dark or perhaps he was keeping his distance.

“The shock had caused you more distress than the miscarriage,” the doctor said, studying Taeyong’s confusion in his expression. “I’m not sure what sort of affliction you were put through… You’ve lost a child.” There was no humour in the doctor’s voice. “I’m sorry.”

Taeyong drew a deep breath and blinked to clear his bleary eyes.

“But one of them survived. Though I cannot vouch for his safety,” the man added. “That would depend on how well you can recover hereafter.”

The cry finally broke from his throat. He had lost a child after all and it was no comfort to know that one of them survived. Peanuts. _Peanuts_ , he thought. Not Peanut. His cries were muffled by the pillow. In that moment, he worried that every waking moment from now on would be an endless round of recollection of the bereavement.

“You shall have to stay strong for this child to survive, Taeyong,” the doctor said, stroking his arm.

_How._

How could he ever recover from this? He would have forgiven himself and tried to live on if it had at least been accident. But it was carelessness on his part and murder on Jaehyun’s that had taken a growing life. He would have held his babies in his arms. He would have struggled, but he would have watched them grow, he would have seen them _live_. If Jaehyun hadn’t come looking for him.

He turned from blaming himself to blaming Jaehyun. And it only hurt him more.

He was left alone in the room after a moment to grieve in solitude. He cried until he thought he had run out of tears. He cried for his lost child, he cried at the fact that he was once again a victim of a scourge, he had fallen for the wrong man yet again, and was believed to be an _unfaithful dog._ He cried because even when he tried to run away, cruelty kept chasing him.

His eyelids felt heavy after what he thought were hours. He wanted to pick himself out of the bed and run away. He wanted to fight, he wanted to scream. But he couldn’t find the strength. He dared not touch his stomach, feel his living child. He felt sick. He thought he might throw up.

But he pursed his lips and stared at the dark drapes that obstructed the sunlight that had begun to fade. Sleep tugged at his eyes again and he weakly surrendered.

Then the door was opening behind him and it was closed gently. He did not need to turn around to know who had entered. His heart ached. Fresh tears threatened his sleep-leaden eyes. The weight on the mattress shifted and Taeyong froze as he lay still.

Jaehyun’s warmth radiated from his chest and into Taeyong’s back. A lean, but firm arm curled around Taeyong’s waist. He felt dead. Numb. He couldn’t move and even if he could, he didn’t want to.

Jaehyun pressed his forehead against the back of Taeyong’s shoulder and lay still. Only the sounds of their breathing mingled in the dry air of the room. Taeyong was not sure whose shirt he was wearing, but it was the only thing he was wearing. The lower half of his body was covered by a thick duvet, which Jaehyun had now slid into.

Jaehyun held him close and was silent for a long moment. Even now, Taeyong could not find the heart to tell Jaehyun that he had killed his own child. _Killed._ No. Jaehyun did not deserve that.

There was nothing noble about taking pleasure in kicking a man that was already down.

Jaehyun shifted a little and kissed Taeyong’s shoulder blade through the filmy fabric of his shirt. “I deserve nothing,” Jaehyun muttered and his voice shook. “Nothing but penance for what I…” he trailed off, burying his face back into Taeyong’s back.

“He was yours,” Taeyong said in a small whisper. His throat hurt saying just that.

 _There. Your penance. Live with it._ He closed his eyes and shed new set of tears on the pillow.

No one moved or said another word. Then a moment later, Jaehyun dragged himself away and left the room.

* * *

 

“We need to talk.” Jaehyun did not care for proper greetings as he strode into his mother’s room.

“Jaehyun,” she rasped and rose from her dressing table. She rubbed her hands together, applying the oil she usually used for her hands. “How does the boy fare now?” she inquired, but there was not a hint of concern in her tone. Her nose twitched first before her eyes dropped to Jaehyun’s bleeding fist. “Oh, my God, your hand!”

Jaehyun raised his bloody hand to stop her when she lurched forward. Shards of glasses were stuck to his knuckles. He’d heal. He’d fucking heal and he couldn’t do anything about it! His eyes were still sore from the tears and anger. His lungs burned. His ragged breathing inviting him on a warpath. He had driven his fist through the window of his car, hoping to break the hand that hit Taeyong. But it bloody healed.

He ripped the engagement ring from his finger and hurled it across the room. “He’s carrying my child!” _Was carrying my children,_ he thought and he choked on air. His stomach churned sickly.

His mother’s eyes widened. She hadn’t objected when Jaehyun had shifted Taeyong’s conscious body from the hospital to his room to care for him out of guilt after she had heard that her son had caused the boy to have a miscarriage. But she allowed it only because she was convinced Jaehyun was already promised to Jaecen and there would be no hindrance thereafter.

Huffing loudly, his mother tied the dressing gown around her waist and shook her head. She moved to lean against the dresser and began to rub her chin contemplatively. Jaehyun’s chest heaved and he was one argument away from tearing into a beast and ripping everything in his path apart. His mother knew better than to provoke him right now.

She licked her lips and walked to him. She took his injured hand and frowned at it. “It doesn’t change that fact that he’s carried before,” she said slowly, cautiously. “How do you know for certain?”

“He wouldn’t lie about that,” he spat.

“He’s lied to you before, though.”

“We can have a test if that would make you believe, mother! But I doubt even that would. I… I had killed my own child,” he panted, looking down at the blood on his palm and almost retched.

He thought about the last three months he thought he was driven to insanity. He recalled bursting into the Mayday Pub, asking belligerently for Taeyong, only to find out that he had left Harvington. Jaehyun did not want to believe, so he ran to the Red Tavern like a crazy man and asked for Taeyong on the verge of tears. The men there had told him Taeyong did not work there, he was a “freelancer” from the streets and that they didn’t know where he was.

When he came home that night, he had broken down in front of his mother, who had offered records of Taeyong’s recent hospital visits instead of comfort. She used her influence to find even more records of Taeyong entertaining propositions of other men. Jaehyun was so blinded by his anger that he had bought everything she threw in his way. She hadn’t rebuked him for wanting to run away with Taeyong that night. She hugged him briefly and said, “It is for the better.”

Jaehyun almost confronted Kai, but he didn’t. He did not see the point in it. Whatever the reason was for Taeyong’s betrayal, it must have had something to do with the man Taeyong still loved, he had surmised. Was he so intimidated of Jaehyun’s suggestion of eloping that he had run for the hills the first chance he had gotten? Or did he really care so for Kai that he did not want to meddle with his life anymore after knowing Jaehyun was to be betrothed in his family? Whatever it was, he had chosen to make Kai happy and it was to hell with Jaehyun.

Anger fumed in him and it never ebbed since then. Not a day went by that he didn’t look for Taeyong. He had wanted Taeyong and it killed him to think Taeyong was one of the things he’d never achieve. He had wished to see Taeyong broken, so broken that Kai would not even look in his way.

But the second he had seen what the monster in him had done to Taeyong back at the orphanage, he wished nothing but death upon himself. The words he had thrown at Taeyong. He couldn’t pick them up and stuff them back in his mouth, could he? They were out and they would have crushed Taeyong, as he had wanted.

“Jaehyun,” his mother called and ushered him to the chaise lounge. She grabbed the first aid kit from the bathroom and a wet towel. She took her seat at his side and sighed. “If he had wanted to have the child with you, why would he leave?”

 _Kai._ Taeyong cared for him and his son. Jaehyun could not come up with a better explanation. He could not go along with the supposition his mother had come up with, that Taeyong was a whore and he’d jump on men like a parasite, though he had pinned Taeyong with that accusation and had called him unfaithful. All the while he was pregnant with Jaehyun’s children.

“I don’t care,” he said, pulling his hand away from her and rose to his full height. “No matter what I do to make this right, it will not bring his child back. He will forever resent me for it.”

“And suddenly you forget his betrayal,” his mother scoffed.

“It doesn’t matter, mother. He’s carrying your grandchild,” he said accusingly. “Do you not care at all?”

“Must I care that a half-bred whore is bearing your firstborn?!” she hissed scornfully and shot up. “And your plan is to wed him? Because you had been clumsy and foolish enough to get him with child?! Because of a mistake?”

“The child is not a mistake!” he growled. His mother seemed taken aback by his sudden hostility. “How can you have the heart to expect me to marry another when I have so much sins sitting on my shoulders? I ruined someone and you expect me to wash my hands of him?!”

“You also already made a promise to another,” she argued. “The date’s been set. Invitations have been sent out. If you called the wedding off now to marry a whore you knocked up, you can forget about the Pride!”

“I don’t care about the Pride! How many times must I tell you that?! I had cared about making _you_ proud and would you really want that if it would cost your son his happiness?!”

“How naïve of you to think you’d be happy with that worthless toerag!”

“That’s enough, mother.”

“You will do well to remember that I still hold the highest supremacy in this household. Perhaps you’re an incompetent candidate for the Pride after all, if you don’t even possess the basic finesse of statesmanship and diplomacy. You negotiate before you shout, you insolent child.”

Even now, Jaehyun burned with shame at his mother’s disparagement. “Then shall we negotiate, mother?”

His mother scowled still, but Jaehyun scowled harder. Then once she had calmed down, she wore her diplomatic face. “Let me ask you this. What would you do with an expecting, weak half-bred—carrying a high-echelon Pantherinae’s child that will start to feed off his own health if not cared for well—out there on your own without any support? You could find a job, no doubt. But by the time you settle down, the boy would be long dead, along with your child.”

The image her words produced made Jaehyun sick.

His mother moved to stand by her bed, arms crossed at her chest. “But if you stayed, he will be cared for under _my_ protection. The child will be delivered safely. The boy will be safe, too. He would receive all the aid he could possibly need. But he can’t stay here as he is not part of this household, I don’t take in strays, even one in which you’ve sired a son.”

“Where are you driving at, mother?” Jaehyun snapped through his grit teeth.

“I am not finished. If you do not care about the Pride and you no longer care about making me proud, then you have no place in my house. You are old enough to make a living for yourself. But the safety of your precious child and the boy will be threatened the moment you step out of this house and the Pride.”

Jaehyun ground his teeth. “You mean, _you_ will threaten them.”

His mother smiled and then laughed. “I did not be that specific. But you can presume. You’ll be sure to understand that I did not raise you to watch you disrespect me, so that you can only ruin yourself and your future. So, here’s my offer. The boy will be safe in my care. You will marry Jaecen as promised and take your place in the Pride when the time comes.”

Jaehyun’s throat felt tight.

“And the boy, Taeyong,” his mother continued. “you will take as your lover. Of course, no one must know of him. Believe me, Jaehyun. Once you claim the Pride and hopefully the Harvington Pride as well, he’d only be _one_ of your many lovers.”

He closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. “And if I refuse?”

“You know your way out.”

“And my… son? What becomes of him?”

His mother shrugged. “If he’s fortunate enough, he might become as influential as your uncle’s bastard. That is if Taeyong still wished for him and the child to stay after giving birth.”

He wouldn’t, Jaehyun knew. And he couldn’t even think of a situation where he could bear to look into Taeyong’s eyes and tell him that he could only be his illicit lover. At least until he gave birth.

Taeyong wouldn’t agree to stay even now. But Jaehyun wouldn’t let him go, he was determined. Even if it hurt them both, he wanted to keep Taeyong this time. He wasn’t going to give him up, no matter how much Taeyong might fight him.

Taeyong was his.

“It isn’t fair to Jaecen,” Jaehyun said, finding his voice again.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. And we only need him until we get you crowned,” his mother replied. A part of Jaehyun wanted to see Kai hurt, but he did not want to do it through hurting Jaecen. The entire time, he had only spoken to Jaecen four times and all those times, Jaecen had seemed incredibly disinterested in him. Even when they exchanged their engagement rings, there wasn’t even a hint of a smile on Jaecen’s face.

“Mother,” Jaehyun called. “Do you even realize how many people you’re willing to hurt to achieve _your_ dreams? For power? You’re hurting your own son and you don’t care.”

“You’ll thank me one day.”

Jaehyun did not need to hear more. He stormed out of her room.

* * *

 

The sun was up. It had been up for a while now. Taeyong stared at the slits of the dark drapes through which the sunlight squeezed into the room. He liked the darkness, he always had. He then looked down at his belly jutting out, peeking a little under his shirt. He yanked the hem of the shirt over it and pulled the duvet close to his chest as he sat, leaning against the headboard of the bed. A servant, he thought, had come in earlier this morning to leave him some clothes to change into. Taeyong had not considered them at all. He had used the toilet once and didn’t get out of bed for anything else. Though his stomach grumbled.

The door opened and he turned his sombre gaze to Jaehyun who walked in with an ashen face and a tray holding a bowl. He flicked the light on and Taeyong squinted at it. He looked away when Jaehyun climbed into the bed. The tray held a bowl of soup, that smelled delicious, a few slices of bread, a knob of butter, and a butter knife.

“It’s… chicken soup,” Jaehyun said as he scooped up a spoon of the broth. He held out the spoon at Taeyong, who leered at him and repulsively turned his head away. “I… made it with love and care.” He said, smiling a little, like it was supposed to be a joke.

A joke. He must probably think Taeyong was overreacting and being dramatic. He probably didn’t care if this unfaithful dog had miscarried one of his children. He probably didn’t even believe Taeyong when he said the child was his.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun let out and slid a hand along Taeyong’s cheek. And that was when he lost it. The last remaining silvers of his sanity.

He sprung up from the bed, grabbing the butter knife from the tray. The IV-line tore from his vein due to the sudden movement and Jaehyun leapt up to his feet with alarm when Taeyong held the butter knife to his forearm. “You had bothered to find out everything about me! From my hospital records to my hometown! So, don’t tell me you overlooked the whorehouse!” Taeyong screamed. “Did you ignore it because you _wanted_ to believe that I was as dirty as you and your mother had convinced yourselves?! Because you were so convinced that I would be nothing but _unfaithful_ and a betrayer?! Or were you so angry that I loved Kai?! That I had bent for him?!”

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun panted, gaping at him in horror. “Please, put the knife down.”

“No!” He slashed the inside of his forearm as hard as he could. Twice. It bled immediately. Jaehyun gasped his name on the other side of the bed and started forward, but halted when Taeyong threatened to harm himself again.

“I’m sorry!” he shouted desperately. “You forgave Kai for breaking your heart, please! Forgive me!”

“I _never_ forgave Kai!” Taeyong yapped. “But I didn’t have to! He didn’t promise me anything! _You_ did!”

Jaehyun’s eyes were fixed on Taeyong’s bleeding arm. “Please,” he begged. “Please. You think I don’t grieve having killed my own child?! You think I’d have gone half mad after losing you if I didn’t love you?!”

That paralyzed Taeyong. The cuts on his arm were beginning to sting. Jaehyun moved quickly and the next second, he was at Taeyong’s side and he wrenched the blunt butter knife from Taeyong’s hand and pulled Taeyong into a ferocious embrace.

“Enough,” Jaehyun rasped, holding the back of Taeyong’s head as Taeyong pressed his face to the front of his shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

 

“This is oil for your feet,” Alec informed as he placed a small jar of oil on the bedside table. “It’s made of Eucalyptus and German Camomile.”

Taeyong blinked at the valet. “Oil… for my _feet_?” he echoed, tilting his head to the side, shifting on the bed.

Alec sighed. “Of course, it may be used for other purposes.”

That Taeyong understood. His cheeks warmed with embarrassment. Mostly because Alec had the wrong idea since Jaehyun did not even sleep in his own room. It had been over two weeks and Taeyong only saw him enter the room once every two days to check on how he was doing. When he had assured himself that Taeyong had eaten and the TV was keeping him well-accompanied, he’d leave. He was giving Taeyong some space to recover. Both physically and emotionally. It was Alec and a couple of servants that popped in from time to time to ensure Taeyong was receiving all the care and attention he needed.

He knew this order could not have come from Jaehyun, but from the higher authority, his mother. As the days flew by, Taeyong had started to feel his belly grow again. He mustered the courage to greet his remaining baby and accept him again.

“If there’s anything else you need,” Alec offered and Taeyong bit his lip. So, Alec waited.

Over the course of the two weeks, Taeyong was pampered with subtle opulence and considerate luxury, which threw him off, frankly. The soft linen of Jaehyun’s bed was changed once every three days, the room was always warm unless Taeyong wanted some cold air. He was served with filling, healthy, delicious food, which hadn’t looked appetizing for the first few days while he mourned, but Jaehyun had managed to convince him that he should eat for the baby at least. Taeyong had eventually found his appetite again. They were meals he had never even imagined of eating before. Some of them he’d never even heard of. Kai had brought him to fancy restaurants, of course. But the Jung household ate like royalty. Like for instance, this morning, it was basil omelette with something called chanterelles and hazelnuts for breakfast. He was served toasts with ricotta cheese and basswood honey to snack on a moment ago. Last night, he had broiled lobster tails with chili butter and for lunch, it was lamb with kumara mash. With each day, Taeyong grew more and more excited, anticipating the meal he’d be served next. It was the only thing he looked forward to besides Jaehyun’s infrequent visits, which often left him disappointed. Of course, they weren’t all tasty. In the mornings, Alec would stride in and pin him with a scowl until Taeyong had finished his horrendous healthy smoothie. It was green and it was bitter with only a hint of sweetness. But it was food for the baby, really.

Food was brought to the room. Everything was brought to him. He only left the bed to use the bathroom, change into new clothes, and to gaze out the window. The estate was huge and his vision could only stretch until the vineyards that covered most of the estate. Since he never left the room and no one but Alec and the servants came in regularly, Taeyong had opted to ignore trousers. He remained in the long baggy, satin nightshirts that reached to his knees and flopped at his shoulders, he covered the rest of his skinny legs and knobbly knees under the duvet.

It felt strange to rest like this. To be pampered. To be cared for. People made sure that he was eating and that when he slept, the air was calm. They made sure he was comfortable. This was what vacations must feel like. Taeyong knew this would not be possible without Jaehyun’s mother’s grace.

“Why am I… still here?” he asked Alec what he could not ask Jaehyun. Jaehyun never lingered for too long every time he visited. He’d cast Taeyong a guilty look and would rub his neck nervously. He’d ask if the room was too warm, Taeyong would either shake or nod his head, depending on what the baby really wanted him to feel. Then he’d inquire if the food was satisfactory, Taeyong would nod. He’d glance at the cartoons Taeyong would be watching, and sighing, he’d take his leave. The guilt was apparent in Jaehyun’s face and Taeyong knew it was eating him from the inside, too. Jaehyun was sorry and while it would seem fair for Taeyong to hold Jaehyun accountable for the distress he had been put through and to begrudge him that forever, Taeyong was not such a man. It did not make him pathetic to want to forgive Jaehyun, because Jaehyun was truly sorry. And he’d keep berating himself for what he did. The human, compassionate part of Taeyong was willing to forgive him.

Alec licked his lips before answering his question. “I presume you want to know if Jaehyun’s mother gave her blessing.”

Taeyong did not reply.

“She wants to look after your welfare,” Alec said.

“Why? Because… she feels answerable for what her son had done?” Taeyong could not imagine the woman who had browbeaten him into leaving Jaehyun caring for his welfare.

“That I do not know.”

Taeyong sighed. “Where does… Jaehyun sleep?”

“In his study, I am sure.”

 _Why not here,_ he wanted to ask. “When can I leave?” he asked instead.

“I don’t have an answer to that,” Alec said honestly. “You are welcome to get out of the room, however. The east wing is yours to roam as freely as you wish. The young Master has ordered that his quarters are yours to share.”

“I thought he didn’t like sharing,” Taeyong muttered under his breath. But something about the idea of Jaehyun’s quarters being safe for him thrilled him. He was under Jaehyun’s protection. “So… I can go out?”

“So long you don’t stray too far.”

Taeyong didn’t want to venture too far. He definitely didn’t want to bump into Jaehyun’s mother. “Can you… tell him that he can come back to his room?” he asked, clutching at the duvet.

“If you want me to, I can. But perhaps he would like it better to hear it from you.” Alec paused and drew a breath. “I know that what he had done is inexcusable. But he resents himself for it. And he would not stop condemning himself until you’ve forgiven him, which I believe must be difficult for you to do. I have seen him go mad, I have seen him angry, I have seen him sad. But what he’s going through right now is…” he trailed off with a frown. “I have served men of this household for many years to know that Jaehyun only took after his father, who was the kindest man I know. Jaehyun is… kinder even. It’s just that when he has his eyes and heart on something, he is so passionate about it that it becomes destructive.”

Taeyong gnawed at his lower lip. “Can I ask how… his father died?”

Something twisted in Alec’s face and it looked like a grief he had never gotten over. “Lycan ambush on his way from a business in Itcara. Many years ago. Jaehyun was not more than two months old, if I’m not wrong.”

“Did you… know his father well?”

“I was a valet-in-training. I had just joined. But he was…” he paused to drop his gaze. “the kindest man I had known.”

Taeyong hung his head. “I… I’m trying to forgive him,” he whispered. “Would I seem weak and pathetic to want to forgive him just because I can’t stand to watch him hammer himself like this?”

Alec smiled. “Gandhi had once said: The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. And you _are_ strong, Taeyong. It is okay to seek commiseration from the ones who love you. There is nothing pathetic about it. You stayed, you faced him. You had let him know what he’s done wrong and he wants to change himself. And considering your harsh background and how you’ve persisted, I don’t think anyone should be entitled to say that you’re weak. But it would be best if you could try to put this in the past and move on. The first step to a healthy love is learning to forgive. Resentment and vengeance would only lead to a toxicity that I’m afraid neither of you could take.”

Taeyong could not disagree. Alec was an experienced man, he knew what he was saying. “Do you think I should go to his mother and offer my thanks?” Though he doubted she’d want to even see him. He was greatly bothered by the question that was nagging at him. Did she allow him to stay because he was pregnant with her son’s child? Was that the only reason?

“No,” Alec said firmly. “The young Master strictly commanded that you go nowhere near his mother or uncle. Not for the time being, at least.”

“If… I wanted to stay,” Taeyong said at length. “with him, what happens? Will his mother accept me?”

“I doubt the baby would be enough to convince her into letting you bind with the family,” he said in hushed tones. “And whether you want to stay or not… I’m afraid it is not your choice to make.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are carrying Jaehyun’s first heir. I don’t think you understand what that entails. You have become a part of the household and you’d be naïve to believe that you’d still retain your freedom.”

That clutches at Taeyong’s gut. “You can’t keep me here against my will.”

“Of course, not. But I think you know it yourself that it’s better that you stayed until the child is born.” He adjusted the bedside lamp and straightened up. “If you are feeling well, perhaps it would be a good time for you to retire the bed.”

“Where would Jaehyun be right now?”

“He hasn’t left the manor in days since he brought you here. He should be in his study.” With that, Alec bowed his head and left. Taeyong hesitated for a moment. The fancy clock on the wall read 12:49 p.m. He got onto his knees and sat there staring at the blank screen of the TV for a moment. He could stay, the child was his ticket. He’d have Jaehyun if he found it in his heart to tell him that he was forgiven. With time, even Jaehyun’s mother might accept their relationship. But then, Kai and Sehun would come to know that their son’s marriage was ruined because of Taeyong. That was the only thing that caused him reluctance. It irked him to know that even now, he cared about what Kai thought of him, that he was prioritizing Kai even when there was nothing left between them.

Another part of him drowned in dread. The fear of confronting Kai’s rage humbled him even more. It was clear that Taeyong did not mean much to Kai, so what if Kai became a threat to him upon realizing what Taeyong had done? He had not given it much thought before, he didn’t believe Kai would hurt him, but after seeing what Jaehyun was capable of when he was wrathful, Taeyong was overwrought with anxiety.

He sat on the bed kneeling for a moment. The door opened and a servant entered with his lunch. She smiled at him and announced the meal as she always did. Filet mignon steaks with garlic green beans. He looked at her with stars in his eyes. He wasn’t sure if it were his baby or himself that was more excited about eating these days, but he ate a lot. He usually did not go to sleep on a full stomach, but nowadays, he did.

The food and the TV did little to keep his mind off the baby he had lost sometimes. But he forced himself to not to think about as it would distress himself and cause his living child discomfort.

He ate until his stomach pushed out even further. Then when he was left alone in the room again, he climbed out of bed and stood before the full-length mirror. His bare legs were embarrassingly skinny. But he hated wearing pants even more. They were always tight around his belly and he felt uncomfortable at his crotch. The nightshirt was decent enough. Colour had returned to his cheeks, too. He no longer looked like a corpse. He lifted his nightshirt to look at his small baby bump. It was adorable.

For a brief moment, he sunk with desolation when he remembered the bump used to be slightly bigger. He quickly shook the thought away and lowered his nightshirt. The other day, Alec had told him that since he was bearing a Smilodon’s offspring, it would take a toll on the health of his physique, so that he should be careful.

“Tiny Peanut,” he muttered to himself, approaching the door.

The hallway was empty, thank God. Taeyong tugged at the cuffs of his nightshirt’s sleeves and walked barefoot toward one of the rooms on the other end of the hallway. The door was open, so he didn’t bother to knock.

He paused to gape at the tall shelves of countless books towering in the room and the crystal chandelier hanging from the muraled ceiling. It was a library, he deduced. A Victorian-style library. There were display cases holding antiques. There was a large executive desk in the middle, sporting a globe, a computer, stacks of books and papers, fountain pens, and paperweights.

He moved to study the print on the spine of the books. There were all sorts of books. Memoirs, autobiographies, novels, transcripts, encyclopaedias. Taeyong spotted one on Vincent van Gogh and he excitedly extended an arm up. He couldn’t reach it. He looked around for a ladder or something, but froze when Jaehyun sauntered into the room, studying a paper in his hand. He stopped dead in his tracks when he lifted his head and noticed Taeyong, who was clinging onto one of the shelves he could hardly reach with one hand, standing on the tip of his toes.

He released the shelf and stood straight while Jaehyun blinked his wide eyes vacantly before they travelled down to stare at Taeyong’s exposed legs.

Clearing his throat, Jaehyun looked away and started towards the desk. “The hermit finally decided to leave his solitude?” he said playfully, though his voice sounded a little strained. He busied himself with some papers, bending over the desk.

Taeyong pulled his shirt over his shoulders when it began to droop and pointed at the book he wanted to look at. “Can I have that one?” he asked.

Jaehyun straightened and regarded him with a surprised look— _Are you talking to me?_ Taeyong pursed his lips. “Uh, yeah, of course,” he blurted out and rubbed the back of his neck before he hurried to get the ladder.

Taeyong stepped aside and let Jaehyun fetch the book for him.

“ _Dear Theo_ ,” Jaehyun said as he climbed down the ladder and handed Taeyong the book.

“Thank you,” Taeyong muttered and hugged the book to his chest as he started for the door.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun called and he stopped, turning around to face the flushed man. “Are you doing… okay?” Concern and guilt brimmed in his eyes.

Taeyong bit his lip and kept his gaze low. “I think I’ll be okay,” he said.

They stood in silence for a moment. Then Jaehyun said, “I want you to be with me.”

Taeyong’s eyes flicked up to gawk stupidly at Jaehyun’s sudden confession.

“What I mean is…” Jaehyun began. “I… I want to be with you. But if you think you can never… bring yourself to like me anymore, I’d understand.”

It was a lie. Jaehyun wouldn’t understand. And something told Taeyong that Jaehyun would only hurt them more. That aside, Taeyong didn’t think he could stop liking Jaehyun. Even after what had happened, he still imagined a future for him, Jaehyun and their baby. It might be naïve of him or it might even be pathetic of him. But Alec was right. Taeyong believed he _was_ strong and wanting affection from Jaehyun after years and years of loneliness and rejection did not make him the meeker party.

He was a very simple person and sometimes, it could be a strength.

“I’ve only slept with one other man,” Taeyong admitted in a diffident voice. Jaehyun outstared him expressionlessly. “And I loved him, even if he didn’t love me. I guess I was hoping for something… Then he got back with his husband and once again, I felt like a complete orphan. But I wasn’t… I needed money to get the abortion. I couldn’t even really support myself, let alone myself and a child. I borrowed some from Sam, a friend from work and when I had to pay him back, I didn’t…” He swallowed. “I didn’t have the money. I didn’t love myself, I didn’t think I was worthy of loving, at least. I was prideful even then but I couldn’t keep doing it… I turned up at the Red Tavern to sell my body for one night… I needed the money. That’s when you… saved me. I felt indebted and still… I guess I was little prideful because I didn’t want to be a charity case. That was why I was willing to sleep with you. Not because I wanted to. But when I actually did, Jaehyun, I—”

He stopped when they heard voices approaching the study. Taeyong froze, hugging the book tightly to his chest. He only caught a glimpse of the distress in Jaehyun’s face as he hurried towards the door. “Stay in here,” he ordered Taeyong, brushing past him.

Taeyong recognized Jaehyun’s mother’s voice. She was laughing. He moved closer to the doorframe and stuck close to the wall.

“Jaehyun,” he heard his mother chime. “Look who’s come to visit.”

“My quarters are off-limits, mother,” Jaehyun growled.

“Even to your future spouse?” she chuckled and something cold stretched its limbs over Taeyong’s heart. “Pardon my son’s discourtesy, Jaecen.”

They weren’t anywhere too near to the library. Their voices sounded like a distant, but loud echo. Taeyong dared himself to take a peek. His heart sank when he saw Kai’s son. He was as beautiful as he remembered. He even looked a little mature now. The last time Taeyong had seen him it was at the triplets’ birthday party on the day he had broken up with Kai, but Jaecen hadn’t stuck around for long. Taeyong was certain Jaecen would not even remember him. He was dressed well, of course. There was absolutely nothing unkempt about him. And at Jaehyun’s side, he looked like the perfect match for Jaehyun.

“My brothers had compelled me to pay a visit,” Jaecen said in a dull voice. He wasn’t looking at Jaehyun with admiration in his gaze. He did not look any more excited than Jaehyun was at the moment. “I had called.”

“My mother hadn’t notified me,” Jaehyun grumbled. At his mother, not at Jaecen.

“He’d have tea and perhaps stay till dinner, won’t you, Jaecen?” Jaehyun’s mother cooed. “You two could spend some time later at the vineyard if you want.”

“Only if I’m welcome,” Jaecen said.

Jaehyun stayed mum for a minute. Then sighing, he nodded. “Of course.” When he raised his head and looked in the direction of the library, he met half of Taeyong’s face that was watching them. His jaw tautened and Taeyong softly blinked his eyes. _It’s okay._

“Ah, Jaecen. We had talked about my antique weather vanes collection. Would you like to see them?” the woman said and Taeyong’s lips grudgingly turned into a sour frown. She would never show Taeyong her antique weather vanes collection, would she?

“I’d be delighted, Mrs Jung.”

“I have already told you to call me ‘mom’, haven’t I?” she laughed, stroking Jaecen’s arm. “Oh, and since that you’re here.” She plucked something from her gown’s pocket and handed it to Jaecen. It was too small for Taeyong to see. “My clumsy son had dropped it. It’s bad luck to lose it. Put it back on him, will you?”

“Mother, must we do it now?” Jaehyun asked.

“It’s not a big chore, Jaehyun. Just hold your hand out,” his mother grated and grabbed Jaehyun’s hand before holding it out to Jaecen who slipped the ring onto Jaehyun’s finger without making any fuss. “Now, let’s go have some tea in my collection room.”

“I will join you later,” Jaehyun said.

“No, you will entertain your guest first.”

Taeyong disappeared back into the library when he saw Jaehyun being dragged away.


	15. Chapter 15

When Taeyong stumbled into the room, carrying a pile of books in his arms, he froze when he found Alec. Alec tore himself from the desk in the bedroom and hurried to help Taeyong. He took half of the books away from Taeyong and fixed him with an odd look.

“Are you having some sort of mommy cat syndrome?” Alec asked, dropping the books on the floor where Taeyong had already strewn a few books on earlier. He hadn’t been expecting Alec to show up now. He also didn’t think it was right for him to “steal” Jaehyun’s books like this, but Taeyong needed a distraction. “Do you plan on shifting all the books in Jaehyun’s study to here?”

Taeyong blushed. “These are books on arts. I just wanted to take a look at them. I’m bored.”

“You could have asked the servants to carry them for you.”

“I only made four trips. It’s not a big deal.”

Alec huffed. He looked angry. “Next time, don’t strain yourself like this. Do you need more books?”

“No… I don’t read them… I just like looking at the pictures,” he admitted embarrassedly. “I’m not going to get any more books. Don’t worry.”

Alec nodded. “The young Master has just left lunch.”

Taeyong did not reply to that. He knew. Jaehyun was at lunch with Jaecen. He silently sank to the carpeted floor and picked a book on colour variation.

“He had asked me to bring you these,” Alec said and grabbed the drawing tools from the desk. “He hopes they’ll keep you occupied.”

Taeyong greedily took them and examined the sketchpads, a variety of graphic pencils, graphite sticks, graphitint pencils, charcoal pencils, colour pencils, and a few other equipment. Great quality tools, he thought. He had only seen them in the stores he used to purchase his drawing tools, but he could never afford them. Alec handed him a set of Sharpies, too. Taeyong’s heart raced as he flipped the sketchpad open.

“You look,” Alec began, blinking confusedly. “awfully… happy.”

“Are you kidding? This is the best thing anyone has ever given me, oh God,” Taeyong gasped. He thought this was what heaven must taste like.

“I’ll let the young Master know that it delighted you.”

“Let him know I’m over the moon!”

Alec raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think he knows you could be made this happy with something as trivial as this.”

Taeyong tossed him a scowl. “Babies. They’re all babies. Precious,” he mumbled and gathered the pencils on his lap. _God, God, God!_  And the fact that Jaehyun was unaware of how happy he could make Taeyong by getting him something like this made it more special. Jaehyun had no intention of throwing his money at Taeyong in hope that it would make him happy. This was a genuine gesture.

He thought he saw Alec smile. “I’ll leave you to your own entertainment, then,” the valet said and left the room.

Taeyong sprawled himself on the floor and flipped through the books for a while, even though his hands were itching to give his fancy new drawing tools a try. When his impatience got the best of him, he forsook the books for the sketchpad. He picked a pencil and paused for a moment to decide on what to sketch. He glanced around the room. There was nothing inspiring. He traded the pencil for a graphite stick and picked himself up from the floor.

He pulled the drapes apart and gazed out the window. He squinted at the sun, bright and round like a gold medallion embedded in the bright blue sky. He could capture the scenery, he thought. His eyes then dropped to scan the vineyards.

He dropped the sketchpad to his side and raised the hand that was holding the graphite stick to the window when his gaze landed on Jaehyun amidst the vineyard. He ambled through the vineyard with his head hung and hands stuck in the pockets of his slacks. A few feet behind, Jaecen followed, the platinum streaks in his hair gleaming under the sun. He looked more interested in the grape vines than making conversation with Jaehyun.

Neither of them was talking. They just silently walked at a slow pace and Jaehyun did not stop even once to look back at Jaecen. They were too far away for Taeyong to read their faces. But they weren’t bursting with laughter, enjoying each other’s company, so that must be good, right? He did not know what else to think. This meant Jaehyun and Jaecen’s marriage was still on, and for some odd reason, it felt like a relief to Taeyong. He hadn’t ruined the wedding. He could not be held answerable for ruining Jaecen’s wedding. Yet. He gulped.

But what was going to happen, then? Jaehyun’s mother knew about Taeyong and the fact that he was expecting Jaehyun’s son. She did not sound like she was going to call off the wedding. But Taeyong was still here. She hadn’t kicked him out, she hadn’t threatened him. Alec had told him he wasn’t allowed to leave. Jaehyun said he wanted them to be together. But he was marrying Jaecen?

Taeyong lowered his hand from the glass and blinked slowly, wanting his entire concentration to be on them when Jaecen opened his mouth to say something and Jaehyun came to a halt before turning around to face Kai’s son. He didn’t say anything, or maybe he said something quietly, Taeyong couldn’t tell.

Jaecen looked like he was smiling. He said something more and they turned to look at a bunch of grapes. Jaehyun plucked on and tossed it to Jaecen, who caught it with his mouth instead of his hand. Jaehyun laughed, then. He looked impressed. Jaecen said something else and Jaehyun nodded as though to acknowledge it.

Taeyong felt his stomach twist and he clasped a hand over his belly to calm it.

They were silent again and Jaehyun led him further into the vineyard. After a minute, Jaecen talked again and Jaehyun regarded him with a smile. Taeyong did not need enhanced vision to know Jaecen was flushed. Then the humour between them died, replaced by some serious conversation. It was one-sided as Jaecen was the only one who was speaking. Jaehyun stood stock-still and listened. Jaecen dropped his head and hesitated. Then he talked more. Once he looked done, he looked up at Jaehyun, who was more than almost a foot taller than the other boy.

Then in a brisk movement, Jaecen lightly grabbed Jaehyun’s arm and stood on the tip of his toes before his lips met Jaehyun’s. It took Jaehyun a moment to respond to the kiss, but he eventually did when he raised a hand to cup Jaecen’s cheek and kissed him back. Though it was a brief, chaste kiss, they both came apart looking flustered and Jaecen looked breathless even.

Jaehyun turned on his heel and continued to walk on. He didn’t leave, he didn’t walk away from Jaecen, who was blushing. Jaecen quickly collected himself and proceeded after Jaehyun. They talked no more and just walked.

Taeyong pulled away from the window and only then did he realize he was crying. He quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks and drew in a trembling breath. He left the sketchpad on the floor and curled up on the bed.

A moment later, the doorknob turned and clicked. Taeyong looked towards the door, wondering why the servants were coming in at this hour in the afternoon. He was usually served snacks and tea in the evening.

His heart skipped a beat when Jaehyun’s uncle entered and silently closed the door.

Taeyong climbed out of the bed at once and swallowed. “Mr Jung,” he greeted with a bow of his head.

The old man grinned. It was a friendly smile. Nothing sinister about it. “My nephew would be foaming at the mouth if he knew I was up here. But I just came to see how you were doing,” the man said, adjusting the coat of his suit.

Taeyong nodded. “I’m fine, Mr Jung. Thanks for… asking.” He retreated a step when the old man took a step closer.

“You never should have gone with my unhinged nephew,” the man sighed. “I would have taken much better care of you and I can assure you, I would not have gotten you with a bastard.” He glanced at Taeyong’s belly and scoffed.

Taeyong protectively covered it with a hand. “Jaehyun isn’t… unhinged.”

“Oh, that he is,” he chimed and scanned the books scattered on the floor. “He takes after my sister-in-law, unfortunately. Neither she nor him has the right to carry the household’s name. Scums.”

“What do you… mean?” Taeyong asked, cocking his head.

“Well, since you’re a part of this family now, you might as well know that this family is as bonkers as they come,” he laughed. He tied his hands at the back and moved to stand by the window. “A concubine for the young Jaehyun. I’d like to see just for how long they’ll keep this a secret. Of course, I’d rather Jaehyun take the Pride than my rebel of a bastard, borne by a whore. You’d do well to remember that will also be the future of _your_ bastard.”

“Stop calling him a bastard and what did you mean when you said neither Jaehyun nor his mother has the right to carry the household’s name?” Taeyong spat.

The old man turned to face him with a smirk. “Jaehyun wasn’t born to my brother. He has no right to hold this family’s name.”

“What?”

“You’re carrying a bastard’s child, too,” he chuckled. “Everyone knows this. Except Jaehyun, of course. Though I think he already suspects but plays coy… He’s too intelligent to not to pick up on all those hints. But could you blame him for wanting to remain as my brother’s son? He’d have power that way, he’d have a name for his father. Lisa carried a Smilodon’s child thanks to an affair. My brother was a docile Pantherinae. Even after marrying Lisa, which was by the way, a marriage of convenience, he bent for other men. You can see why Lisa despises him even now. Rumour has it that my brother was carrying when he was attacked and ripped to shreds by Lycans.”

Taeyong’s stomach heaved. “Why are you… telling me all this?” he asked in a small voice.

“So that you won’t preen yourself on carrying the first true heir of this household. You had spread your legs for a meritless bastard and there’s nothing to boast about it. I hope you know where you stand.”

“Why do you want him to take the Pride if you loathe him so?”

“Because in spite of what you may think, I do not loathe him. I have no reason to. He’s a strong breed, a Smilodon for Christ’s sake. It would be stupid to not to take his side. Besides, my own son is the only other heir. While he may be a true Jung, he has no love or loyalty for this household. The Pride would be ruled by his orders, not this household’s. I can’t have that.”

He turned to Taeyong again and smiled. He crossed the distance between them and Taeyong retreated until his back was pressed against a wall.

“What a mess you’ve gotten yourself tangled in,” the old man hummed, lifting a hand to caress Taeyong’s belly. “But you’re still a very pretty thing,” he whispered as his hand started to venture low. “Let me know when you tire this. I can still take very good care of you.”

The door banged open and the old man withdraw at once.

“Get the hell out,” Jaehyun’s mother spat through her grit teeth. “Do you wish to suffer my son’s wrath when he finds out you’ve touched his mate?”

Jaehyun’s uncle shook his head and huffed. “We both know you don’t want this boy here,” he said.

“I don’t,” she snapped. “But I have promised him my protection as extension of Jaehyun’s, so you will make yourself scarce right this instant or I will _have_ you bloody removed.”

The old man did not argue any further. As he walked past his sister-in-law, he said, “I can always take him out of your hands, sister.”

Jaehyun’s mother’s face remained pensive, but her jaw tightened a little. “I’d like to see you try, brother,” she said in a calm, but authoritative voice.

Scoffing, the old man disappeared. Taeyong didn’t realize he was shaking until his teeth clattered once. He gawked at Jaehyun’s mother in horror. The woman pinned him with a glower, but she didn’t say anything as she slammed the door shut.

* * *

 

Night had fallen and Taeyong sat on the bed with the sketchpad, sketching a Smilodon, after dinner. He wondered if Jaecen had left. He wondered if Jaehyun liked Jaecen, even a little. He must, right? What was there to not to like about someone like Jaecen? And he hadn’t pushed Jaecen away when they kissed.

Taeyong pushed the image out of his head. The familiar friend knocked at his door. The green-eyed monster. Jealousy. First, he envied Sehun for having Kai. Now, he envied Jaecen for having something over Jaehyun that Taeyong never could. The legal right.

Taeyong gave up on sketching then. He rose from the bed and stood by the window for a moment, observing the stars freckling the night sky.

There was a knock on the door before it creaked open. He turned with a start and found Jaehyun entering. Closing the door, Jaehyun went still for a measurable length and stared at Taeyong in whatever brightness the bedside lamps bestowed. He looked tired.

It felt like a lifetime ago, the last time they had kissed, the last time they had shared a moment of intimacy. It almost felt like a very pleasant dream.

Jaehyun crossed the room with haste then and caught a side of Taeyong’s face in a hand. Taeyong stumbled a step back and braced himself against the window as Jaehyun crashed their lips together. The kiss was deep, gentle, but firm. Jaehyun poured himself into the kiss and cradled Taeyong’s head in his hands, swiped his tongue along Taeyong’s bottom lip.

Taeyong’s eyes flashed open when he tasted the salt on his tongue. He pressed a hand on Jaehyun’s chest and broke the kiss to blink at Jaehyun’s tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. “Jaehyun,” he gasped, but his lips were immediately seized by Jaehyun’s again. While one of his hands gripped Taeyong’s hair, the other slipped from Taeyong’s face and dropped to Taeyong’s belly. He gently cupped it, as though to feel their growing baby. Taeyong wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s shoulders and deepened the kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

Taeyong took a bite of the chocolate truffle that Jaehyun fed him and slowly hummed at the sweetness that melted on his tongue. “Is that me?” Jaehyun breathed against Taeyong’s neck, nuzzling his nose while the younger finished the sketch of the Smilodon.

Taeyong shivered and recoiled, smiling. Jaehyun’s hair smelled nice. It smelled like the shampoo Taeyong used now. He wondered if he were starting to become heavy for Jaehyun to bear since he had been perched sideways on Jaehyun’s lap for almost an hour now as they sat on the chair by the desk with the study lamp turned on. But Jaehyun hadn’t protested thus far as he continued to keep arm curled around Taeyong’s back to brace him while his other arm lightly rested on Taeyong’s thighs, except when he reached to grab the truffles the servants had delivered to the room a moment ago.

“I don’t know any other Smilodon,” Taeyong muttered, crossing his legs and shifting his weight atop Jaehyun’s lap so that he could lean sideways against Jaehyun’s chest.

“I feel special.” He picked another truffle and fed Taeyong half before eating the remainder himself. This was the life Taeyong knew he’d have with Jaehyun if there were no conflicts and complications. This peaceful, tranquil, beautiful life. Even the small glimpse of it brought Taeyong a joy he’d never imagined.

He shuddered and closed his eyes when Jaehyun’s hand moved from his thigh to his belly. Jaehyun pressed his forehead on Taeyong’s shoulder and felt the shape of the swollen belly for a moment. They hadn’t discussed anything that had happened earlier today. Nothing about Taeyong’s confession in the study, about Jaecen’s visit, about Jaehyun kissing Jaecen, or even about the secrets Jaehyun’s uncle had divulged. Taeyong saw no point in discussing them. This moment, he was happy. He was with his family and it was all that mattered.

“I can’t believe this,” Jaehyun whispered, raising his head. “It just hit me earlier…”

“What?” Taeyong asked, brushing the tip of his nose on Jaehyun’s temple.

“I’m going to be a father.”

Taeyong pulled back a little and blinked at Jaehyun. It hit him then, too. They were both going to be parents and that entailed duties neither of them was prepared for.

Jaehyun’s eyebrows were tugged in a frown. “I don’t know… how to be a father,” he said and bit his lip.

“Me neither,” Taeyong admitted. “But most new parents don’t. They learn.”

“Yeah, but it’s a… responsibility. I could screw up. And he could end up hating me like how I hate…” he trailed off, shaking his head.

“You’re not happy,” Taeyong said, lowering his head. He had never thought about whether Jaehyun wanted this baby or not…

“No, no,” Jaehyun blurted out and tightened his arms around Taeyong. “I _am_. More than happy. And it’s with someone I… love. The night we… made love, I thought about it… What if we’d been married at the time and you and I were… making a baby. You’re right. We’d learn to be parents. I just don’t want to be a disappointment.”

Taeyong lowered the sketchpad and brought a hand to Jaehyun’s chest to finger his shirt button. “You’d have children with Jaecen, too?” he asked in a low voice.

Jaehyun’s frown deepened and his arms stiffened. “I don’t want to,” he whispered.

“But you must?”

He went silent for a moment. Then sucking in a breath, he said, “If we were married, yes, I’ll be forced to bond and mate with him… I don’t want to marry him, Taeyong. Much less bear a child with him.”

“But you don’t hate him. You’d have married him happily if you hadn’t met me.”

“Perhaps. But I’m also thinking about how unfair it is to him. He already lost a child and to be married and to live and to have a child with a man who doesn’t love him… It’s atrocity. I can’t bring myself to do that.”

“What is your plan, then?”

Jaehyun said nothing. Taeyong licked his lips and got off Jaehyun. He made his way to the bed and sat on the edge.

“What is your plan, Jaehyun?” Taeyong repeated in a much lower voice.

“I must find a way to stop the marriage and not anger my mother at the same time. She… She promised you protection and care if I… obediently did everything she wants me to do.”

Taeyong’s eyes narrowed and he knew he was glaring. “I do not need her to protect me.”

“Trust me,” Jaehyun sighed. “You do. Because if she’s not protecting you, she’d be the one causing you harm.”

Taeyong clenched his teeth. “So, you’d have to marry Jaecen?”

Jaehyun nodded. “At least until I find a solution.”

“And what becomes of me?” _A concubine for the young Jaehyun_ , his uncle had said. Taeyong’s chest tightened.

“You’d be with me,” Jaehyun said. “No doubt in that.”

It was a very familiar suggestion.

Kai had offered the same thing. For Taeyong to be a secret, illicit affair while he was legally married to another and lived with his family.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun gasped and hurried to his side when he saw the tears rolling down Taeyong’s cheeks. He dropped to his knees on the floor and cupped Taeyong’s face. “I promise, only you have a place in my heart. I love _you_ and _our_ son will be my first heir, no matter what.”

“And I’ll just be your little secret?” Taeyong asked through a silent sob.

“No! This is all just temporary. I swear, I’ll do everything I can to not to let it go that far. You ran away from me because you didn’t want to hurt Kai or his son. How do you think that makes _me_ feel? It makes me feel just as horrible, Taeyong.”

Taeyong pursed his lips and hung his head. “Maybe… you should just marry Jaecen and let me go.”

Jaehyun withdrew his hands from Taeyong’s face and rose to his feet. “That’s not an option I’m willing to consider,” he spat in a strained voice. “You are mine. The child is mine. You’re both _mine_. So, it’s best that forget your plans to run away again, do you understand? Because I will always find you, Taeyong.”

There was no love in the way he said it. Just caution and threat.

“I’ll think of something,” Jaehyun said again. “But for now, we just have to ensure that you are safe and healthy. My mother can make sure of that. And… we need to move you. Somewhere else.”

Taeyong blinked at him through the tears. “Why? Because this soon will be Jaecen’s quarters and I have no place here?”

Jaehyun frowned. “How many times must I tell you my intention in this marriage completely contradicts my mother’s? You sound like you’re making me the guilty party here.”

“No,” Taeyong said quickly. “I’m not accusing you. I know that… you don’t want to marry him. But…” He swallowed and thought about it for a moment.

He would never be legally wed to Jaehyun for as long as he was married to Jaecen. But their wedding would not be ruined and Taeyong would not be held accountable for ruining Jaecen’s life. Even if Jaehyun married Jaecen, he had promised that he loved Taeyong and that made Taeyong Jaehyun’s priority. Of course, it might change with time into his marriage with Jaecen and he might even develop feelings for Jaecen. And if they were to have children, it would only strengthen their bond. Even so, Taeyong believed he’d always be Jaehyun’s first. Perhaps this wasn’t such a bad idea.

He could either be Jaehyun’s partner and jeopardize everything, while ruining Kai’s family for the second time. Or he could be Jaehyun’s secret lover and be happy with whatever that he was given. And on top of all, he’d have his baby. That was all that mattered.

Taeyong crossed the distance between them and hugged Jaehyun, pressing his face into Jaehyun’s chest. “I love you,” he exhaled. “I want to be with you. I don’t care how.”

Jaehyun kissed his forehead and said, “Only temporary.”

They drew apart and Jaehyun tucked Taeyong into the bed. “I would like to return to my old apartment,” Taeyong said and Jaehyun’s eyes widened.

“Why? I can get you a better—”

“Please,” he muttered. “It’s… my home.”

Jaehyun smiled then and nodded. “Okay. I’ll… arrange for it, then. But you cannot argue with me on the decisions to remodel the apartment a little and the frequent visitation of my servants and the doctor to take care of you.”

“Nothing over the top.”

Jaehyun leaned over to brush his lips on Taeyong’s forehead. “I can’t promise that.”

“And can I have Alec?”

Jaehyun faked a scowl. “No. Now, sleep.”

“Please?”

“What for?” he grumbled.

“He’d play chess, make jokes, and read books with me.”

“ _I_ can play chess, make jokes, and read books with you. Good night.” He didn’t give Taeyong the chance to stroke his jealousy as he hurried out of the room.

Taeyong didn’t drift off to sleep immediately. He thought about what Jaehyun’s uncle had revealed about Jaehyun’s birth. He replayed the kiss between Jaehyun and Jaecen on a loop. He almost wished Sehun had never been born. If he weren’t born, Jaecen wouldn’t have either. But his jealousy felt childish. Jaehyun was his as much as he was Jaehyun’s. A signed legal paper would not change that. But Jaehyun mating with Jaecen might. Even though Jaecen was a half-bred, he was also a hybrid. His genes were strong, bearing both Lycan’s and Pantherinae’s. Mating with Jaehyun would promise the household a strong heir.

Taeyong felt a tug in his heart and he clutched his belly. His Peanut was strong, too. _You are strong too, Peanut._

There was a knock on the door and Alec entered as he usually did at night to make sure Taeyong was settled and he needed nothing else.

But tonight, Alec was smiling. “The young Master looks… happy,” he said and Taeyong blushed when Alec’s eyes flicked to the unused oil on the bedside table. “I hope you have a restful sleep.”

“Alec,” Taeyong called as the valet turned to leave.

“Yes?”

Taeyong licked his lips and sat up against the headboard. “You… knew Jaehyun’s father well.”

Alec frowned, but he nodded. “Yes.”

“Did you… know if he really was… pregnant when he died? Does… Jaehyun know?”

Alec’s face completely wilted and he looked unbelievably miserable for a moment. He opened his mouth but no sound left it. Then dropping his head, he said, “Who… told you?”

“Jaehyun’s uncle. He told me… a lot of things.”

“It would be best that you don’t speak of them with Jaehyun.”

“I won’t… but… his uncle said that his father… bent for other men even after marriage and—”

“Lies,” Alec spat as though he was ready for a fight. “You ought to remember this. No one in this household is ever allowed to fall in love with someone their heart chooses. And if they do, they’ll be ruined.”

Taeyong stared at the valet’s rapidly reddening eyes.

“I’d like to take my leave if you need nothing more,” Alec said at length.

Taeyong did not wish to torment the man any further. He shook his head and allowed Alec to go.

* * *

 

“I told you nothing over the top,” Taeyong rasped as he stood in his apartment, gawking at the complete new set of black and white furniture, the plasma TV, the new lighting and heating system, the unnecessarily huge and extravagant kitchen appliances.

Jaehyun wrapped his arms around Taeyong from behind, locking his hands on his belly, and kissed the back of his neck. “I let my mother remodel it to be honest.”

“Your… mother did all this?”

“Yeah,” he purred, nuzzling into Taeyong’s neck. “And I’m sorry, everything about my mother is over the top.”

“It almost felt like she liked me a moment there,” Taeyong sighed and walked to his new working corner. The desk was made of dark wood and it held all the art supply Taeyong needed and wanted. Alec must have informed Jaehyun of it.

“She’s ruthless but I think she does care for the baby,” Jaehyun said as he poked around the new refrigerator. “So, do you like it?”

Taeyong couldn’t lie. His apartment actually looked like a living space now. But he felt a little guilty for enjoying this on the account of the child he was carrying.

“You didn’t see the new bed,” Jaehyun said, smirking. Taeyong had and Jaehyun knew it. It was hard to miss the fancy new big bed in place of Taeyong’s old worn single bed in the corner of the apartment. But Taeyong understood the intention behind Jaehyun’s smirk.

“It’s too big for one,” Taeyong muttered as he moved to the bed.

Jaehyun latched his hands on Taeyong’s hips and turned him around. “But there’s two and I promise you at night, it will always be three,” he said and clasped his hands to the sides of Taeyong’s face.

“Always?” Taeyong mumbled as Jaehyun leaned in.

“I promise,” he whispered and his breath graze Taeyong’s lips. At night. At night, Jaehyun would always belong to Taeyong.

They tumbled onto the bed and Jaehyun drooped to the side, cupping Taeyong’s cheek. When their lips met in a slow, languid kiss, Taeyong was brought back to the first time they had shared their first kiss in this shoddy apartment.

“I must go,” Jaehyun sighed, breaking the kiss. “My cousin arrives today. Mother wants me there. I’ll send Alec over later to keep you company.”

Taeyong slid his fingers into Jaehyun’s shirt where the collar and the top were unbuttoned. Jaehyun let out a shaky breath when Taeyong caressed his collarbones. “I was thinking about something,” Taeyong whispered. “If… If it were possible, I’d want Alec to be our child’s godfather.”

Jaehyun smiled. “I’d want that, too. But God forbid, mother ever agrees to a valet becoming my heir’s godfather.” He laughed and Taeyong snorted.

* * *

 

He felt at home. Like he had returned from a long vacation. Night fell and Taeyong tested the tall lamp in the corner before he turned on the TV and sauntered into the kitchen. He grimaced at the healthy food stocked in the refrigerator. Spinach, spinach, carrots, blueberries, more spinach, strawberries, nuts, tofu, more spinach, cheese, yogurt.

He grabbed a few variety of cheese and made himself grilled cheese sandwich before he sank in his new couch. The thought that Jaehyun’s mother had wanted him to feel comfortable somewhat warmed him. If it were only for the baby’s sake.

The sandwich was appetizing at least, after an entire morning of sickness and nausea. Taeyong checked the time and wondered when or if Jaehyun would show up tonight at all. It made him anxious.

Then as though on cue, the doorbell screeched. Oh, they’d fixed that, too.

Taeyong leapt to his feet and ran to get the door.

His heart immediately sank when the foul stench of alcohol attacked him. “Kai?” he gasped at the man grinning sloppily at him with red eyes and mussed hair. He hadn’t even buttoned half of his shirt.

“Your landlady called,” Kai drawled and let himself into the apartment, shoving past Taeyong. “And said that you’d returned.”

“You… asked her to call you?” he asked.

Kai whistled as he glanced around the apartment. “Jesus, is this why you went AWOL? For renovation?”

“Uh… yeah,” Taeyong tugged at his baggy sweatshirt, suddenly grateful that he had opted to wear this. It concealed his baby bump well.

“I came here one day and you weren’t in… Then I asked the landlady, she said you hadn’t been home for months. She thought of getting rid of your stuff and letting the apartment for someone else. I paid her and told her to keep it this way for a while in case you returned.”

“Oh… I… I just went away for a while.”

“Working at the whorehouse must pay you a shit tonne,” Kai whistled, dragging his hand along the newly painted wall. Taeyong scowled.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home with your family at this hour?”

“Well, I was. But Sehun is being a little pain in my arse at the moment with his pesky attitude.”

“So, you got plastered and came here because?”

Kai turned around and flashed a lopsided grin. Taeyong took a step back when Kai advanced, but he was soon pinned to the wall as Kai grabbed his wrists. His breathing shallowed and he stared into Kai’s eyes as his lips began to quiver. He tasted the alcohol in Kai’s breath on the tip of his tongue when Kai whispered, “I missed you.”

“Kai,” Taeyong whimpered and Kai bit his lip, lowering his gaze to Taeyong’s mouth.

“Haven’t you… missed me?” Kai purred, lifting a hand to gently cup Taeyong’s chin.

Taeyong kept mum. He had. Oh, God. He missed Kai. But he would never say it. He didn’t have the right to say it. “Please… don’t,” he begged in a low voice.

He raised a free hand and fisted Kai’s shirt in a bunch as Kai leaned in. His fist then loosened, splaying his fingers over Kai’s steadily heaving chest. Kai’s hand glided from Taeyong’s chin to clutch at Taeyong’s hair. “How much for a night, then? Is that how you do business now?” Kai asked in a low murmur and kissed him.

Taeyong dug his fingernails into Kai’s chest and gasped for air between the kisses. He pulled his hand away from Kai’s chest and buried it in his hair as their tongues fought for dominance. Taeyong gave in, as he usually did. Kai’s lips against his felt like the lyrics to a forgotten song.

They came apart with a jolt when they heard a knock on the door. Taeyong, dazed and jaded, dropped his head against the wall and panted for air for a moment.

“Alec?” he heard Kai say and Taeyong froze. He turned to look at the door he had forgotten to shut and gaped at Alec, who stood there, wearing a pensive, expressionless face. “What are you doing here?”

“Might ask you the same thing, Mr Kim, considering that you have your own wedding next week and your son’s next month,” Alec said coolly.

Kai clenched his jaw and Taeyong looked at him in horror. _Kai is getting married next week… Why hasn’t Jaehyun told him…_

“That’s none of your business,” Kai said. He turned to Taeyong. “Or is he here to… rent you for the night?”

Taeyong looked at Alec with a plead. Alec’s jaw tightened.

“Correct,” Alec said. “So, if you are done, I’d like you to leave.”

Kai scoffed and he started towards the door. “This is a downgrade, Taeyong,” he said. “You should know you’re bending for a valet. But what a surprise for us to meet this way.”

“And I’d suggest we keep this mutually secret. For your best more than mine,” Alec replied. Kai nodded and shrugged nonchalantly.

“Don’t you dare hurt him,” Kai muttered to Alec finally before he walked away.

Alec entered the apartment and closed the door. Taeyong stood there, trembling and on the verge of tears. He waited for Alec to say something. To yell something.

“Do you want to go out for doughnuts?” Alec offered instead. “The young Master told me to treat you some sweets while he is away missing you. His words, not mine. And he says he will be with you as soon as he can.”

Taeyong ran into Alec’s arms and broke down. Alec patted his back and sighed, embracing him close. For the first time ever, Taeyong had gotten a glimpse of what a father or a brother’s comfort might feel like.


	17. Chapter 17

Alec was staring. Without any readable expression as usual. Taeyong didn’t really mind. He stuffed his face with more doughnuts and gobbled down sloppily, seated on a stool at a long table by the window of the convenience store. Alec had bought him a box of nine doughnuts, all for him to devour and right now, it was the best distraction and medicine for his aching heart. When he looked up at his reflection in the glass window before him, he saw that his mouth, chin, and cheeks were dusted with powdered sugar and stained with chocolate. He didn’t care.

“You could slow down,” Alec said at his side. “Nobody’s after you.”

Taeyong swallowed half of the masticated doughnut and glanced at Alec with a cheek stuffed. The night was getting old outside.

Alec handed him his strawberry slushie and Taeyong dragged at the straw, sipping a mouthful of the cold drink. Taking a bite of another doughnut, Taeyong slowed down and quietly munching, he lowered the doughnut and dropped his head.

“You’re… not going to tell him… are you?” he asked Alec in a low voice, unable to meet the man’s gaze.

Alec huffed a sigh and stared at the dark night out the window for a moment. “I won’t,” he said. “But perhaps _you_ should.”

Taeyong stiffened. “I… I…”

Alec turned and looked at him. “I won’t ask what’s your history with Jaecen’s father is as it is not my place to ask.”

“You could… ask,” Taeyong mumbled and lowered his head.

“I just need to know that this isn’t something that happens regularly.”

“No!” Taeyong rasped. “No… I… I should have pushed him away… It was… wrong.”

Alec nodded and didn’t say anything more for a minute. Then he sighed, “It’s probably best that Jaehyun doesn’t know.”

Taeyong felt exhausted. He wondered what would have happened if Alec hadn’t showed up. Would he have pushed Kai away…? “He’d be really hurt,” he muttered.

“And he’d hurt you in return,” Alec added and Taeyong shivered.

“He knows… about Kai and me… What we had in the past.”

Alec raised a brow. “Then it might be worse if he knows.”

They fell silent.

Taeyong accepted the handkerchief that Alec offered to wipe his mouth. “You are like the valet, the butler, the bodyguard, the caretaker, the chauffeur,” he said, chuckling and he saw Alec smile.

“I’ve been in the family for too long.”

“You must have been young when you joined the household, then.”

“I was,” Alec said and paused. “24.”

“How old was… Jaehyun’s father then?”

Something twisted in Alec’s expression as usual. “Daehan,” he said. “His name was Daehan.”

“Oh.”

“He was… 21. Newly married. Quiet. Shy.” He smiled to himself. “But no one saw him smile or laugh. I thought he was always lost in his thoughts and he isolated himself even in the house. We didn’t see him at dinner, he’d spent all his time in his study. I heard from the other servants that he didn’t share a bed with his wife and on their wedding night, his wife had refused to bond with him. Consummation is mandatory in our Pride and in the household. Lisa had been uncontrollable and wayward even then. Of course, people started to talk. A year in and she still wasn’t carrying. They said Daehan was impotent and he only withdrew further from everyone. I only saw him when I attended him, helped him dress, but he often dismissed me, too. He wasn’t comfortable with me. His former valet had retired and he didn’t really like me. The new guy.”

Taeyong only realized that he was grinning at Alec when Alec paused to look at him. “I didn’t think there could be someone like that in the Jung household,” Taeyong commented.

“Me neither,” Alec scoffed. “But he was different. He also bore the title of the heir. But he was soft-spoken, so… people didn’t believe he could lead the Pride. His brother was a couple of decades older than him. You know, Jaehyun’s uncle. He led the Pride for a year until he was forced to step down after his fiascos with an underage child. Daehan hated his brother.”

“How did he accept you in the end, then?”

Alec shrugged. “One day, we… had to go to Labaren and we had to stay there for two nights. I was his valet, so… we shared a room. I slept on the couch, of course. We started talking into the night… about all sorts of things. That was the first time I heard him laugh. I don’t even remember what I’d said that made him laugh like that. Thereafter, every time my fingers brushed his skin whenever I helped him change, he’d… shudder. He’d smile at me whenever I was present. We had our private jokes, we shared lots of secrets. Then one night, he… came to my room, crying. He told me that his wife was pregnant and since they’ve never been together, the child could not be his. Lisa had told him that it was good. Now, they didn’t have to worry about having an heir since Daehan can’t give her any. I held him that night and comforted him until he slept. We’d long to be in each other’s arms all day and at night, we could come apart together. The day before he left for Itcara, we had made plans to leave. To run away and… I promised to always be there for him. That I’d keep him safe. The next time I saw him, he was wrapped in a bundle, shredded to his flesh with a report saying that he was dead and pregnant. Thus, he was labelled as the unfaithful bastard. And I stood by and watched… I didn’t say anything to defend his honour. Before we parted, I told him to take care of himself and he said, “For us both.” I didn’t understand it then.”

Alec buried his face in his palms and stilled for a moment. He was shaking. Taeyong reached a hand out and touched Alec’s shoulder before hugging him.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong whispered with a sob in his throat. He didn’t have anything else to say. He could not even imagine the agony Alec must have gone through.

They stayed that way for a long while before Alec sucked in a sharp breath and pulled away. “There are memories of him lingering in every corner of that house,” Alec said in his usual stiff tone. “I couldn’t leave… If he had been alive, our child would be around your age…”

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong said again and placed his head on Alec’s shoulder.

* * *

 

His blood was burning his veins. Anger boiled up ceaselessly in him. He ignored it. He rested his chin on his clasped hands and idly leered at the computer screen. His red laced eyes were unblinking. Jaehyun held his breath as he silently watched Taeyong run into Alec’s arms right after Kai left. He had felt a little guilty for installing the cameras in Taeyong’s apartment without Taeyong’s knowledge of it, but he no longer regretted it. Not after what he had just seen. He shouldn’t have trusted Taeyong in the first place. He never should have trusted him enough to let Taeyong out of his sight, out of his sphere of protection.

He had been watching Taeyong settle into the apartment for hours and the instant he saw Kai walk in, Jaehyun had truly believed Taeyong would drive him away. But instead, Taeyong had wrapped his arms around Kai and let the man kiss him.

 _Mine_. He thought. And what was his had just clung onto another man, the man he truly loved and kissed him. And if Alec hadn’t interrupted, Jaehyun was certain Taeyong would have let Kai fuck him, even while he was carrying Jaehyun’s child. _Whore._

Jaehyun ground his teeth as he watched Taeyong and Alec leave the apartment. He stared at the computer screen for a few more minutes even when nothing happened. He lowered his hands to his lap and fisted them.

“Sir?” a servant interrupted. Jaehyun looked up at her slowly. “They are here.”

Jaehyun shut the computer and rose to his feet calmly. He wended his way downstairs in a steady pace, though his chest was bubbling with anger and betrayal.

He found his mother and Jaecen, who had arrived a few hours ago, laughing on the porch about something. Jaecen grinned at him when Jaehyun approached them. Jaehyun ignored him. Jaecen had been visiting more frequently these days, but he usually spent the time with Jaehyun’s mother. Sometimes, his brothers came along, too. Tonight, he was here to be introduced to Jaehyun’s cousin as Jaehyun’s betrothed. His mother wanted to show Jaecen off and perhaps intimidate Min.

“There you are,” his mother chimed and dusted Jaehyun’s shirt. “Now, remember. Don’t slouch.”

She used to tell him that when he was a kid. When he was about to meet important people.

Jaecen flinched when Jaehyun curled an arm around his back. He was staring at Jaehyun, who didn’t spare him a glance, but kept a hand steady on the small of Jaecen’s back.

The car was pulled over and Min stepped out first. He flashed a wild grin and waved frantically at everyone. His wife and son followed after him. Jaehyun’s gaze flicked to Min’s son, who was taller than the last time Jaehyun had seen him. He must be six or seven. Then behind them, a huge guy exited the car. Jaehyun arched a brow. It took him a while to recognize the boy.

“Auntie!” Min screeched and ran to Jaehyun’s mother before lifting her up from the ground, crushing her in a powerful embrace. His mother grunted and pulled back uncomfortably.

“Min. How have you been?” she inquired, adjusting her skirt.

“Good! As you can see. Father,” he said, curtly nodding at Jaehyun’s uncle, who only smiled sourly. “You remember my wife.”

“It’s great to be back here,” she said in a gentle voice and pressed a kiss to Jaehyun’s mother’s cheek.

“And my son.” Min picked his son up and Jaecen was the first to lurch forward, as though in excitement to pinch the chubby boy’s cheek. Min regarded Jaecen with a kind smile.

“You’re so adorable,” Jaecen squealed.

“Oh, and, I almost forgot,” Min rasped, turning to the tall teenager. “Don’t know if you’d remember. This is Rei.”

“My brother,” Min’s wife elaborated and Jaehyun smiled at the boy. But Rei’s attention was on Jaecen who was busy poking his finger into Min’s son’s fat cheek. “He just graduated high school and was crashing at our place. Had to bring him along. I hope you won’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Jaehyun’s mother said. “He’s a lot more handsome and bigger than the last time I saw him.”

Rei looked at her and laughed. “And you can still beat Hepburn in her golden years any day, Mrs Jung,” Rei said and took her hand to kiss the back of it. Almost instantly, Jaehyun’s mother’s expression shifted. Jaehyun realized she was blushing and she looked… human.

“I see he’s also become quite a gentleman,” she chuckled. Rei was taller than Jaehyun, with broader shoulders. His features were mixed, like his sister’s, which made them both incredibly exotic-looking and beautiful. But Rei was slightly more rugged and his black hair was a mess. “This is my son, you must remember.”

“How to forget JaeBae?!” Min cooed and clapped a strong hand on Jaehyun’s back.

“JaeBae?” Jaecen whispered beside him and snickered.

“And you must be the unlucky boy marrying this sop,” the man sighed and Jaecen grinned. “You ought to take good care of him, Jaehyun.”

“Can we go inside?” Jaehyun said.

When Min released his son, Jaecen quickly picked him up and the boy seemed comfortable with Jaecen. “What’s your name?” Jaecen asked him.

Jaehyun turned to Rei as they entered the house. Rei was muttering something to his sister and he paused to glance back at Jaecen. He smiled. Jaehyun knew Rei was one of these people that overhyped and were overoptimistic about everything and could live through a hurricane grinning from ear to ear.

* * *

 

When dinner ended, Min and his family lounged in the media room while Jaehyun retreated to his quarters. Jaecen followed.

“They seem like a friendly bunch,” Jaecen said, entering the study after Jaehyun.

“Don’t judge them so fast. Everyone in this family holds shit they wouldn’t want an outside to see,” Jaehyun muttered as he flipped his computer open and checked the cameras. Taeyong hasn’t returned. He shut the computer and turned to face the window.

“Am I… still an outsider?” Jaecen asked in a low voice.

Jaehyun turned around and blinked at him. “Can I ask you something?”

Jaecen nodded.

“Do you really believe you could be happy here? With me? With this family?” Jaehyun asked.

Jaecen looked confused. “Why… wouldn’t I?”

There was a knock on the door and the servant entered with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “The Mistress asked for this to be sent to you, sir,” the servant informed. Jaehyun dismissed him and poured himself and Jaecen some wine.

Jaecen accepted the wineglass and said, “You don’t like me, do you?”

Jaehyun sighed. “No, I like you. There’s nothing to not to like about you. Even my mother had her doubts at first about you, but she genuinely enjoys your company now and she has truly accepted you into the family. The other day, she said you’ve been brought up well. But in the beginning, she criticized your upbringing.”

Jaecen hung his head. “Because of the… abortion.”

Jaehyun perched on the edge of his desk and took a sip of the wine. “I usually don’t like anything that my mother does.”

Jaecen’s face crumpled with worry. “You don’t have to marry me if you don’t want to.”

“The question is… do _you_? Want to marry me? I’ve never… Well, I haven’t asked you.”

Jaecen closed the distance between them and put the wineglass down on the desk. He slid closer and hesitantly curled a hand around Jaehyun’s nape. “I didn’t want to in the beginning,” Jaecen muttered, bowing his head. “But I do now.”

“Jaecen,” Jaehyun protested in a breath and drew away from him. Jaecen froze in place as Jaehyun rubbed his temples. When he closed his eyes, the image of Taeyong kissing Kai flashed in his head.

Jaecen let out a heavy breath and he leaned against the desk. They didn’t speak for a few minutes before Jaecen finally broke the silence. “You will attend my parents’ wedding next week, won’t you?” he asked, as though to change the topic.

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun said.

“Why not?” Jaecen asked quietly.

Jaehyun huffed and looked at the pile of wedding invitations that were ready to be sent out on the sideboard. He pulled out his phone and dialled for Alec.

“Where are you?” he asked when Alec answered.

“Uh, at a 24/7 convenience store in the town. I don’t think we’re leaving anytime soon. It’s storming outside.”

“I’m leaving now. See you in an hour.”

He hung up and faced Jaecen.

“I have to go see a friend,” Jaehyun said. “Can I send you home?”

“Are you going to Harvington?” Jaecen asked and Jaehyun nodded. “Okay.”

Jaehyun grabbed one of the wedding invitations and grabbed his car keys.

When they headed downstairs, Jaehyun bumped into his mother and Rei who were giggling about lemon squares.

“Oh, where are you going?” she inquired.

“I’m driving Jaecen home,” Jaehyun answered.

“I thought he was staying the night… But it’s okay,” she smiled and kissed Jaecen’s cheek. “Have fun, you two.”

Rei held out a platter of lemon squares to Jaecen, who shyly refused with a shake of his head. “I’m not a fan of lemon,” Jaecen said.

“I made them. Be a fan of me, then,” Rei scoffed and forcefully stuffed a lemon square bar into Jaecen’s mouth. Jaecen screamed out a protest and jumped away from him with a start. Rei broke into a laugh as Jaecen gawked at him in shock.

“Brute,” Jaecen murmured, munching on the delicacy.

“Come on,” Jaehyun ushered him out of the house. Jaecen glanced back at Rei to pin him with a glare, still chewing and swallowing the lemon square.

“Tell him his lemon squares are dry!” he shouted loud enough for Rei to hear as they made their way to the garage.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, preppy!” Rei shouted from inside and Jaecen pouted, scowling.

“Barbarian.”

* * *

 

“Should have taken the car,” Alec said as they walked towards the apartment building from the bus stop. “I can’t believe I let you talk me into taking the bus.”

“Quit whining, old man,” Taeyong said and shivered.

Alec removed his jacket and draped it on Taeyong’s shoulders.

“Walking is healthy. Besides, I could use some exercise,” Taeyong said, sniffing the fresh smell of the rain-kissed road. He liked the smell. It soothed his nausea.

He didn’t care about the damp steps and sat on them when they reached the apartment building. Alec did not sit. He stood by and watched Taeyong while the latter surveyed the starless night sky.

“It’s cold. You should get inside,” Alec said.

“I like the smell,” Taeyong replied.

They remained outside for a long while without sharing anything else. Taeyong had heard enough tonight and he just wanted to sit here and watch the night go by.

The tranquillity was interrupted by red sports car that pulled over and Taeyong squinted at the light. He shot up to his feet when he saw Jaehyun exiting the car along with Jaecen.

Taeyong’s heart stopped beating and he wanted to run away, but he couldn’t move his feet.

Jaehyun had a hand on Jaecen’s back, shepherding him towards the apartment building, towards Taeyong. Jaecen wore a confused, baffled expression as he glanced around the neighbourhood sceptically.

“Alec,” Jaecen said and bowed his head at the valet. Alec bowed lower. Jaecen’s gaze then darted to Taeyong. He frowned, looking even more confused. He turned to Jaehyun, who smiled at him.

“Well, why don’t you give it to him?” Jaehyun said and Jaecen reluctantly held out an envelope to Taeyong.

“Um… Have we met?” Jaecen asked, blinking at Taeyong.

“Have you met?” Jaehyun echoed, smirking at Taeyong, who was so close to breaking a sweat.

Jaecen didn’t remember Taeyong. Why would he? They only met once and they didn’t even talk.

Taeyong shook his head, quaking with dread. Jaecen handed him the envelope and looked at Jaehyun. Taeyong stared at the lacy envelope.

“You’ve the honour of receiving our wedding invitation first. You are the guest of honour,” Jaehyun said nonchalantly. “Make sure you come. You will… won’t you? Of course, you will.”

Taeyong tried to swallow the lump that was suffocating him.

Jaecen smiled, but he still looked puzzled. There were many questions hanging on the corners of his lips, ready to be uttered.

Jaehyun turned to Alec. “Take Jaecen home,” he ordered. “I have some unfinished business here.”

“Jaehyun,” Alec said.

“Now.”

Alec nodded and pulled out his car keys from his pocket. Taeyong handed him his jacket back.

“Jaehyun?” Jaecen called while Jaehyun idly stared at Taeyong. Like a sadistic murderer waiting to prey on his next victim. Jaehyun then tore his gaze from Taeyong and accompanied Jaecen to the car Alec had climbed into.

Jaehyun said something to Jaecen that made Jaecen smile. Then holding Jaecen’s face in his hands, he kissed him. Deep and firm. He opened his eyes and looked at Taeyong while he continued to kiss Jaecen.

Taeyong crumpled the card in his hands and turned around to run up to his apartment. What was he doing? Why was Jaehyun trying to deliberately hurt him?

He broke into tears when he burst into his apartment and clutched at his own hair with both hands. He then heard the door being slammed shut behind him.

Jaehyun stood there with his jaw locked and hands fisted at his sides. “I will ask you this just once. And you have one chance to answer me honestly,” Jaehyun spat, edging closer. Taeyong retreated a step. “Do you have anything to tell me?”


	18. Chapter 18

 

Taeyong wasn’t sure what Jaehyun was fishing for, but he felt like spilling. He had long been resolved to tell Jaehyun what had happened tonight, even though Alec had advised him not to. But now that Jaehyun was glaring at him, waiting for him to say something wrong, Taeyong stared back with eyes full of dread and tears, wondering if Jaehyun already knew. He looked like he did.

Jaehyun patiently waited. His hands fisted and jaw tight. Taeyong swallowed to speak.

“He came,” Taeyong managed in a small, diffident voice. Jaehyun looked indifferent. It was almost painful, his indifference. He waited for more. “Kai was here,” Taeyong added. Jaehyun didn’t respond and then it struck him. “You know.”

“I want to hear it coming from your fucking mouth,” Jaehyun said coolly. “Is that all that you have to tell me?”

“How did you… know?” Could Alec have told him? It would not possible, Alec was with Taeyong all the while, even during his brief phone call with Jaehyun.

“Answer the bloody question,” Jaehyun prompted. “Is that all?”

Taeyong lowered his head. He felt like a child being chastised by his parent. Or like a servant being reprimanded by his employer. Or like a dog being put in his place by his owner. His stomach knotted.

“We kissed,” Taeyong said monotonously, not meeting Jaehyun’s gaze. _Not ‘he kissed me’, but ‘_ we _kissed’._ “It… It meant nothing, I swear. I’m… sorry.” He wasn’t sure why he felt such guilt or why he was apologizing. Especially since Jaehyun felt no remorse kissing Jaecen right in front of him. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly _afraid_. Afraid of Jaehyun’s reaction. Afraid of what he might do.

“So,” Jaehyun murmured, dragging his feet over to the lamp. He flicked it on, as though to see Taeyong’s regret in his face. “Did you enjoy it? I mean, it must be nice to be reunited with your one true love after so long. While you’re carrying another man’s child.” He scoffed mockingly and shook his head, as if he found it all amusing. “I’m actually starting to wonder if that child is really mine or if you’re just using me.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened as his mouth fell open. “What did you say?” he let out in a shaky breath. For a moment, he couldn’t believe his ears or what he had heard. _No, he doesn’t mean it. He’s just mad right now. He doesn’t mean it._

“My mother was right,” Jaehyun snorted. Again, his mother was right. Which meant, Jaehyun did not trust Taeyong. _Unfaithful dog._ “We should have gotten a test. I was wrong to just blindly believe that the baby’s mine. For all that I know, it could be Kai’s and you’re just playing me all along.”

That did it. Taeyong’s hand flew up without control, like a mere reflex and he panted like a predator, tears of fear replaced by tears of anger and resentment.

Jaehyun gaped at him in shock, holding the side of his face that had been struck by Taeyong’s hand.

“Get out, then!” Taeyong screamed and shoved Jaehyun back by his chest. “Get the hell out, you son of a bitch!” He shoved over and over with all the might he harboured until Jaehyun staggered a few steps back. “Leave me! I didn’t ask you to come looking for me! I didn’t ask you to do any of this! And how dare you say something like that?! Time and again, you keep hurting me with just your words! I’m tired! And I give up! I don’t think I have the energy to bloody _prove_ to you that this is _your_ son and I don’t have to! So, get the fuck out and leave me and my child alone!”

He gave Jaehyun one last thrust to push him outside.

“Taeyong,” Jaehyun gasped, looking horrified and astounded. But his anger had subsided while Taeyong’s rose like a wild fire. He was exhausted and he realized he didn’t need to answer to Jaehyun or to anyone.

He slammed the door shut, locked it, and cupped his hands over his face to weep into them. Jaehyun stood on the other side of the door, silent and still profoundly shocked. Then he banged his fist on the door. Taeyong shuddered.

“Open the damn door, Taeyong,” Jaehyun growled and pounded on the door again. Taeyong clenched his fists and shivered as he silently sobbed. “Before I break it.”

Gritting his teeth, he tore the door open again and glared at Jaehyun. “I am not some inanimate item for you to obsess over,” Taeyong said in a low, but firm tone. Jaehyun stared back, scowling. “I’m not your bat, Jaehyun. You cannot and _will_ _not_ break me, do you understand? Because the moment you do, I would rather die than remain in your life as your servant. You’re mad for what I did? For kissing Kai? Let’s have a tally, shall we? You took me. You plan to keep me against my will. You let your mother bully me. You exercise your power and authority over me like I’m your dog. You are about to marry another guy and without even knowing my reasons for my mistake, which I am sorry for, you hurt me using him. You called me names. Whore. Dog. And as much as I try to not to blame you, _you_ took the life of one of my children.”

Hurt crossed Jaehyun’s expression then. He cast his gaze low.

“You’re a compulsive freak, who takes joy from hurting others and by beating them into submission,” Taeyong added. “You are no different than your mother. You enjoy it when you are above all, when you have the authority to hegemonize others. And insofar, I have become the subject of your obsession to bully. One moment, it’s all colours and… happiness. You’re smiling. And the next, when I’m the one making a small mistake, you burn. You burn like a fire and you don’t think twice before hurting me.”

“That’s not—” Jaehyun started to say, but Taeyong shook his head.

“You want freedom. Freedom from your mother, freedom to live life as you wish. But you are irredeemable, Jaehyun. And that’s in your blood. You’ve lived, seeing privileged people walk over others all your life. And you’re not any different.”

Jaehyun’s face died completely at that.

“You’d do as you wish. Because you can. Because you can,” he let out and took a breath. “I can’t be dragged with you. I don’t need you. My child does not need you. I don’t need your protection or your mother’s and I don’t have to stand by and stay silent while you keep tyrannizing me. I have lived all my life on my own. I can survive hereafter on my own, too. Find yourself someone else to obsess over and when you do, don’t flaunt the invitation of your wedding to another person to him, too.”

He closed the door and leaned his back against it. He waited for Jaehyun to say something, to bang the door open. But he didn’t. Taeyong knew Jaehyun was still there, his scent was a strong as ever. Even after minutes, they remained against either side of the door.

Then finally, Taeyong heard Jaehyun leave. He was breathing again, slumped against the door. His heart, shattered all over again.

* * *

 

The doorbell shrieked and Taeyong retched again, bending over the toilet. “Coming!” he cried and kecked. His head spun and he ran out of breath as he heaved, spewed his breakfast out and into the toilet. His mouth had gotten rather used to the bitter aftertaste of vomit, but it certainly did not make any of this any easier. The medication the doctor had prescribed almost never worked.

He rinsed his mouth and leaned his weight against the wall to catch his breath. He pressed a hand to his growing belly and whispered, “Have mercy on me, Peanut.”

Once the bathroom had stopped spinning around him, he exited it and went to get the door. The bell rang once more before he opened the door, unsure of whom to expect.

But a smile immediately stretched his lips when he saw Alec with a box of doughnuts. “Did I come at a bad time?” Alec asked with an expressionless face as usual.

Taeyong shook his head and welcomed him into the apartment. “Are you supposed to be here?”

“The young Master is concerned,” Alec said bluntly, handing Taeyong the doughnuts.

Taeyong pursed his lips and turned his attention to the doughnuts instead. “Is he now?” he mumbled after a while, sounding disinterested. He wasn’t. He wanted to know what Jaehyun was doing or if he were regretting what he had done, if he were sulking, if he were coming up with promises to make, which he would not keep.

“So, he sent you?” Taeyong asked, taking a bite of the glazed doughnut to fill his newly emptied stomach.

“No,” Alec said. “But he knows I’m here. I’m not sure what happened between you two that night after I left, but I understand you haven’t seen or talked to each other in almost a week.”

“What does he need me for?” Taeyong scoffed. “He has his fiancé to talk to.”

Alec huffed and took his seat at the table. “I worry that in this endless war of contretemps between you and Jaehyun, it is young, innocent Jaecen that has become an unnecessary victim.”

Taeyong lowered his head, suddenly feeling his shoulders go heavy. He hadn’t thought of it much, but Alec was unmistakably right. And Taeyong felt somewhat guilty for it. It wasn’t fair for Taeyong to begrudge Jaecen. Jaecen was completely clueless and he was at no fault. It was Jaehyun who was deceiving him and Taeyong who was silently watching.

“It’s not right,” he admitted embarrassedly.

Alec nodded. “It certainly isn’t. But it is the way of the Jungs. They’d hurt anyone to get what they want.” He paused. “But you are not a Jung.”

That felt like a knife to his heart. Taeyong was a part of this betrayal. He just stood by and watched while Jaecen was being tricked into marrying Jaehyun, while Jaehyun loved another, was having a child with another. Taeyong believed if he didn’t interfere with their marriage, then he’d be guiltless. But he was the guiltiest of all. He might not need to answer to Kai or Sehun if Jaecen got married to Jaehyun, but he must answer to his conscience.

“If you don’t… mind me asking, what happened here after I left that night?” Alec asked. It was unlike him to be interested in something that did not concern him, but perhaps this concerned him.

Taeyong took his seat. He believed he could confide in Alec, if anyone. “We had a fight. He… somehow knew that I… that Kai was here.”

Something shifted in Alec’s face. He grew anxious. “I hadn’t told him.”

“I know, I know,” Taeyong blurted out. “You couldn’t have. You were with me the whole time. But he knew. I told him, anyway. I wanted to tell him. Then… it just became a whole thing and… I told him to leave. And I said some things I didn’t mean…”

“Whatever that you said, it worked. It affected him and now, he won’t step out of his room. Jaecen visited once earlier this week and Jaehyun dismissed him.”

“He must have been disappointed.”

Alec smiled. “He was initially. Then he spent the rest of the afternoon with Master Min’s brother-in-law, he looked rather… content. I don’t see him smile or laugh that way around Jaehyun.”

“Min?”

“Jaehyun’s cousin.”

“Oh.”

Taeyong bit his lip. It was nice. Having a normal conversation with someone. Even though the conversation involved the fiancé of his lover and the father of his child, and the someone was that man’s head valet. But there Jaecen was, befriending Jaehyun’s cousin’s brother-in-law while Taeyong doubted himself would ever be introduced to Jaehyun’s family as Jaehyun’s partner.

“When I first met Kai and his… ex-husband slash betrothed slash partner slash co-parent of his children,” Alec said, smirking a little. “I thought what a romance they shared. A destiny. A fate. I thought they must be lucky to have found each other even after so many years. A love that didn’t extinguish with time. I thought… it is too good to be true. And am I wrong to think that?”

Taeyong shook his head. “Kai does love him,” he said in a small voice. “He and I… dated, no… slept together. For a couple of years. He was actually the first man who had been… so kind and… gentle to me… Not in bed, I mean… he was the only guy I had been with, but just generally. While I met so many arseholes every day, he was the only guy that was… generous and kind. Before I met him, my life was all about getting through another day. I wasn’t living. And after he came into my life, I… I looked forward to every day, to every waking moment and often, I went to sleep hoping that he’d still be there when I woke up. And he was. Almost always. And if that was the closest he and I can get to love, I was grateful for it. Two years… went by too fast and too slow at the same time. The feelings that I had developed for him in those two years… I can’t just make them disappear. I want to… I really, really want to.”

“And why?” Alec asked and Taeyong looked up at him. “Why do you want to forget those feelings? You don’t have to. You loved him and it is a memory you should cherish. But you can’t let it hold you back.”

“I’m not. And it doesn’t hold me back. I can move on. Even if he stayed in my life. I am sure that I can overlook my feelings for him. Because I really do… love Jaehyun, despite what he thinks.” His voice died and he scrubbed his face with his palms. “But he doesn’t believe me. He expects me to… to just forget everything and… love just him.”

“It’s a fair request,” Alec sighed.

“And I can love just him. I just need time… Some space. To heal.”

“And he isn’t one to listen.”

“He never does when he’s angry, does he?”

Alec shook his head. “He’s very much like Lisa on that. It is wrong of him to expect you to move on so fast. I haven’t moved on for decades,” he laughed and Taeyong gaped at the man. He was… laughing. The laughter died as fast as it started. “But he wouldn’t be so heartbroken and angry if he really didn’t love you.”

“I know that,” he muttered. “But you don’t time and again try to hurt the person you love just to prove a point.”

“No, certainly not. He errs in that department quite so often,” the other man sighed. “He feels guilty at the moment. He is upset. But it’ll wear off and when it does, he’ll come for you again. And you won’t refuse him, will you?”

Taeyong licked his lips. He wanted to stay strong in his decision and reject Jaehyun, but he knew he would not. “He made a promise,” he exhaled. “That at night, it will always be the three of us.” He slid a hand on his belly.

“He wanted me to give you this,” Alec said after a moment and handed Taeyong an envelope. “He said: It’s not a gesture of authority, but affection.”

Taeyong opened the envelope. He read the content, which said that he was invited to join a basic level course at an art school. He raised his head and looked at Alec. “Why? After everything that I said to him?”

“He thinks you could use the distraction. It’s just a few classes of drawing and learning something new. And it also gives you a certificate when you complete it.” Alec smiled. “And he said that if you persisted on being a stubborn little rodent, you can pay him back the fee for the course after you’ve gotten a proper job. It is an investment, he said.”

Taeyong smiled at that. “I’ll check the course out.”

“Good,” he said and stood up. “I shall take my leave, then. Oh, and here.” He handed Taeyong a card with phone numbers. “All the numbers that you could call in case of emergency. Mine is in there, too. And this.” He handed a bank card. “The young Master said: It’s for the baby and not for you, so do not be a pest about it.”

Taeyong nodded. “Thank you.”

He walked Alec to the door. Alec paused and rubbed his forehead. “I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping my boundaries, but it isn’t fair for you and Jaehyun to play poor Jaecen like a puppet. Jaehyun’s hands are tied. But yours aren’t.”

He ambled out the door, leaving Taeyong to drown in his own thoughts. He looked out the window and blinked at the snow that was drizzling from the bright, white sky. He clasped a hand to his belly and hurried to the window. Peanut’s first snow. He needed to mark the date on the calendar.

On the other hand, he frowned. The snow was sticking to the ground. Winter was coming.

That night, Taeyong stood by the payphone outside his apartment, shivering and puffing out clouds through his mouth. He nervously gnawed at his dry, chapped lip. He then picked up the handset, inserted the coins, and punched in the number.

“Hello?” Kai answered on the other end of the line with a small giggle. Taeyong drew a deep breath.

“Kai?” he said and Kai went quiet.

“I’ll be back,” he heard Kai say. To Sehun, probably. After a moment, Kai said, “Taeyong?”

“Hey. Um,” he managed. His heart was pounding. “Can we… meet up?”

“What?”

“Can we meet? I must… talk to you… about something.”

“I’m packing… right now.”

“Packing? Are you going somewhere?” He bit his tongue. Why did he need to know? He had no right to ask. Wherever Kai was going or whatever that he was doing was no longer Taeyong’s business.

“Yeah. We’re… leaving the day after tomorrow. To Maldives.”

Taeyong bowed his head. “Right… For the wedding.” He swallowed. “Congratulations, by the way,” he added sourly.

Kai was silent.

“Can we just… meet for a little while tomorrow morning? Please,” Taeyong asked, almost feeling embarrassed for begging.

“Did something happen?”

“No. But it’s something you need to know. Before it’s too late.”

Kai did not answer immediately. Then heaving a sigh, he said, “Should I pick you up?”

“No. No. I can manage. Meet me at the bridge in the woods? Say… at eight?”

“Make that seven.”

“Why?” Again, he regretted asking that instantly. He did not need to question. _Say yes or no, but don’t question._

“The earlier the better.”

“Okay. Seven.”

“Right. Good night.”

Taeyong hung up. He wondered if Kai wanted to meet early to avoid Sehun from discovering.

* * *

 

It was a cold morning. Unusually cold. Taeyong glanced at the snow that had fallen and covered the ground since last night. Winter was planning to come early this year. Harvington and Itcara shared very short summer and autumn. Their winter was long. It meant it was time for the wolves to roam the woods as freely as they wished. It meant the holidays were upon them. It meant it was time for festivities.

Taeyong’s belly was growing each day. He’d have a lonely winter again. After two years. But not if he got this fixed. Not if he helped Jaehyun. Not if Kai helped them both.

He waited on the bridge. The river had frozen, but the ice topping it was thin and delicate. The air was heavy and illuminated. Leaves clung on the branches weakly. They weren’t ready for winter. The ripened fruits were still waiting to be harvested. They hadn’t seen the snow coming, but the animals had as they prepared for hibernation.

It was a sight. Green, brown, and white blending together. The leaves, the trees, and the snow. Taeyong’s nose prickled at the fresh, stinging scent of snow. He turned his head and saw Kai approaching him, clad in his black coat, his platinum hair swept and gelled back.

“Hey,” he said, stopping a few feet before Taeyong. He smiled.

“Hey,” Taeyong murmured. “You… have that new groom glow about you.”

Kai chuckled and scoffed. “I bet.”

“I’m happy for you. And Sehun.”

Kai nodded. They stood in silence for a length until Kai broke it. “I’m… sorry,” he said, facing Taeyong, looking directly into his eyes. Kai would never hang his head and look guilty, even if he truly was. It was one of those things Taeyong admired the most about him. He was bloody prideful. He wondered if Kai was as equally vainglorious with Sehun.

“It’s okay,” Taeyong said.

“No. It isn’t. I was… I was drunk and yes, I had another argument with Sehun that night, but what’s new… It’s… I don’t know why I wanted to see you and I shouldn’t have come there.”

“It’s okay, Kai,” he said again and leaned over the bridge’s railing.

Kai took Taeyong’s side. They gazed at the frozen stream and the forest that bordered it. “How are you?” Kai asked without facing Taeyong.

“I’m fine.”

“You always say that.”

“That’s because it’s the truth. I am fine… Just fine.”

“Fine as in… great, wonderful, winning ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’ kind of fine or substandard, unsound, unsatisfactory, Coen brothers’ movie endings kind of fine?”

Taeyong shook his head and laughed. “You should host some talk show. You’d be famous for your witty one-liners.”

Kai smirked. “So, the former or the latter?”

Taeyong sighed. “Neither, Kai. I’m fine. Nothing special, nothing great. Just fine.”

They were quiet again. “Are you cold?” Kai asked.

“No,” Taeyong lied and straightened up to face him. Kai mimicked him. “I should just say what I came to say.”

Kai nodded. “What is it?”

“It’s about… your son.”

Kai’s eyes widened with focus. “What? Which one?”

“Jaecen.”

“What about him?” he asked hurriedly.

Taeyong had rehearsed this all night. He could do it. He could just tell Kai that Jaehyun loved him and his mother was forcing his hand in the marriage with Jaecen. Kai would understand. He would.

Taeyong’s head shot up when he caught of whiff of the scent in the wind. Kai’s face crumpled with confusion and curiosity as he glared over Taeyong’s shoulder.

Taeyong spun around, only to find Jaehyun strutting towards them with his hands fisted and eyes narrowed with rage. _No, no, no._

“Jaehyun?” Kai said with surprise and he was caught completely off-guard when Jaehyun strode past Taeyong before his fist landed on Kai’s face, sending him staggering.

“Jaehyun!” Taeyong cried and grabbed Jaehyun’s arm to stop him from hitting Kai again.

Kai held onto a side of his face as his cheek and gum bled. He spat the blood on the floor of the bridge and glanced up at Jaehyun, looking stumped and shocked. When Taeyong lunged at Kai to take a look at his face, Jaehyun gripped his wrist and yanked him back.

“What the fuck,” Kai hissed under his breath and lurched forward. He grabbed Taeyong’s coat sleeve and shoved him aside.

“No, Kai! Don’t,” Taeyong pleaded when Kai clutched at Jaehyun’s shirt collar and lifted a fist to his face. Kai froze, snarling at Jaehyun, but then he released Jaehyun’s shirt and shoved him back, dropping his fist back to his side.

“You should be ashamed of yourself!” Jaehyun spat, thrusting Kai back. “You lying, cheating, disloyal bastard.”

Taeyong scowled at him while Kai gawked. “Who are you to say that?” Taeyong countered Jaehyun, who then glanced at him. “You are lying, too! And you plan on being disloyal to Jaecen, too! Your hypocrisy is disgusting.”

Jaehyun stopped to stare, but when he recovered, he grabbed hold of Taeyong’s arm, fiercely and mercilessly as he began to haul Taeyong away.

“Let go of me, Jaehyun!” Taeyong snapped.

“No,” Jaehyun said through his teeth and continued to drag him away.

Taeyong was forced to a stop when Kai grabbed his other arm when they were in the forest, standing amidst trees. The instant Kai’s hand was on Taeyong, Jaehyun quaked with fury and everything that happened in the next second sent Taeyong crashing against a tree as Jaehyun burst into a Smilodon and Kai reflexively exploded into a Snow Leopard, both instantly clashing against one another.

When they landed on the ground, they circled, their paws thumping on the snow like small cracks of thunder, both baring their teeth at each other while the Snow Leopard’s long, thick tail swished with excitement. Taeyong himself could not transform while he carried, but even if he did, a small Clouded Leopard would not be able to stop them from brawling.

The Smilodon was almost as big as the Snow Leopard, its attributes close to the extinct Pantherinaes whose beast were lions, its two long fangs certainly an extra perk to its strength. But the Snow Leopard bested it with experience and muscles built with strength. The Smilodon’s hyoid bone flexed and it roared, commencing the battle.

Taeyong wanted to cry for them to stop, but he couldn’t find his voice as the two beasts vaulted towards each other. The Smilodon sank its fangs into the Snow Leopard’s shoulder as its first victory. The Snow Leopard let out a growl of agony, but quickly recovered, slamming its thick paw against the Smilodon’s jaw, sending it to the snow.

At this rate, they would not stop until one was dead. Taeyong panted, gripping his hair, looking for a solution to stop them as they tumbled in the snow, clawing at each other’s flesh while their teeth ravaged their muscles.

“Stop! Stop! Please!” Taeyong cried, but it was to no avail.

The Smilodon caught the Snow Leopard under it and it almost drove its fangs into the leopard’s neck, but the latter kicked the Smilodon off and as the Smilodon rolled across the snow, the leopard picked itself up. Its shoulder was bleeding.

The Smilodon rose to its paws and it snarled at the Snow Leopard gathering its stability. Taeyong mustered the courage to move and put himself between them, but before he even took a step forward, the sudden heavy scent of wolves halted him.

Then with the warning, the wolves emerged from the trees, surrounding them. There were at least thirty of them, all tall, majestic, and angry. Very angry. The Black Wolf amongst them was the biggest, strongest. The Smilodon and the Snow Leopard froze, both grumbling menacingly at the wolves.

The Black Wolf then slowly walked over to the Snow Leopard that bowed its head and growled at the wolf that nudged its nose at the wound on the leopard’s shoulder. The wolf then howled. Julien, Taeyong realized with a gasp.

Then all at once, the wolves followed their Alpha’s order and moved to stand by the Snow Leopard, all snarling at the Smilodon now, warning and threatening it to back off. Taeyong gaped at the sight. The Black Wolf stood at the Snow Leopard’s side and showed its teeth at the Smilodon. It was the final warning.

The Snow Leopard’s gaze then darted to Taeyong as the Smilodon stood, still refusing to retreat. _You’d get killed. Leave, Jaehyun,_ Taeyong tacitly begged, frowning at the Smilodon that looked at him after a while. Its gaze softened. Jaehyun was hoping.

Taeyong glanced at the Snow Leopard and the wolves. Then with a clenched heart and a tight chest, he walked over to the pack of wolves and Kai, leaving the Smilodon.

When he looked at it, it was Jaehyun’s apologetic eyes that he saw. He held its gaze for a moment. Then baring its claws, the Smilodon spun around and bolted into the woods, accepting not defeat by Kai and the wolves, but by Taeyong.


	19. Chapter 19

Anxiety and trepidation washed over him as he stood in the Lycan’s house, feeling almost defenceless. The house was warm, at least. While both Pantherinaes and Lycans often enjoyed the cold, Taeyong had always resented it. It must be due to the fact that he was half human.

He nervously paced the living room and the floorboards creaked beneath his feet. The house was closer to the forest than it was to the town. It was built from bricks and wood. The walls were erected with slabs of grey stones, while the floor, ceiling, stairs, and furniture were all made of dark wood. The roof of the house hunkered low. The fire crackled in the fireplace, palls of black smoke wafting up to the chimney. There was a couch, a carpet made of fur, a pair of faux antlers hanging on the wall above the mantelpiece. It was just like any other house, only cosier, Taeyong thought. He glanced at the pile of torn clothes that Kai had worn this morning on the floor.

He hadn’t expected the Alpha of the largest Lycan pack would live so humbly while the leader of a Pantherinae Pride would have a widespread respect equivalent of a royalty. He’d _live_ like royalty. Lycans were different. They treasured family values, they were closer to nature, and most of them loved one, stayed true to their pack, their mate, their family to the end of their time. They lived happily with what they had and their pack mattered the most.

Pantherinaes craved more and more, no matter how much they had. Power, wealth, supremacy. What they already had would never be enough. They would never learn to live and cherish things they had. They’d always want more. Upon this realization often, Taeyong wished he weren’t born a Pantherinae. Because he didn’t want more. And thus, he didn’t fit in with the Pantherinaes. He would always feel like an outcast.

He heaved a sigh and tugged at his coat. His fingers were frozen, numb, thanks to the cold. But he was shivering because of his concern for Jaehyun. Why did he come there? Why had he been so furious? And why had Taeyong snapped when he had accused Kai of being disloyal? The anger and frustration had coursed through his veins, Taeyong realized, the instant Jaehyun spoke against Kai. And it hadn’t been fair. It hadn’t been fair for Taeyong to take Kai’s side. He didn’t want to, but he had. Uncontrollably. As always. He worried Kai would always have that effect on him.

He straightened up and raised his head to look at Julien and Kai descending the staircase.

“There’s first aid kit in the bathroom if you want,” Julien said as he rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt to his elbows, nodding at the fresh wound on the front of Kai’s shoulder left by the Smilodon’s fang.

“I’ll just let it heal on its own,” Kai muttered, clad in a pair of borrowed pants. His face was ashen with pain, but he was doing a good job at not showing it. His shirtless body showcased his well-built, lithe body, the well-defined tan abdominal muscles, and the rapidly healing wound.

“Suit yourself,” Julien sighed, shrugging as he turned to grab his coat. “See yourself out whenever you want.”

“Thanks, Julien.”

Julien patted on Kai’s good shoulder and flashed a smile before he turned to Taeyong. “Make yourself at home,” he told Taeyong. “There’s some junk food in the kitchen if you’re hungry. I have to head to work now.”

Taeyong bowed his head in gratitude.

As Julien pulled his coat on and adjusted its lapels, Kai escorted him to the door. “You got lucky we were on our morning run around the corner,” Julien said under his breath.

Kai drew a sharp breath. “I would have been fine. I just didn’t want to hurt that kid. He was attacking me. I was only trying to defend myself. Not hurt him.”

“You could have gotten yourself killed, then.”

“It wouldn’t have gone that far,” Kai said, though sounding rather unconvincing.

Julien’s gaze dropped to Kai’s wound on the shoulder. “Get that looked at,” he said and tipped his head towards Taeyong once before he disappeared through the door.

Kai let out a heavy sigh and tried to lift the arm of his injured shoulder. He grimaced and shook his head, frowning. Taeyong waited for the man to look at him, but Kai didn’t as he rummaged through his ruined clothes on the floor and fished out his wallet, car keys, and phone.

He clutched the phone and discarded the other two items on the mantelpiece. Taeyong opened his mouth briefly but shut it again when he saw Kai sauntering towards the kitchen with the phone pressed to an ear. Taeyong silently followed.

“Vonn, where’s Papa?” he heard Kai say when he walked into the kitchen. Kai looked through the cabinets until he found half a bottle of whiskey. “Wake him up, then.” He then went to stand by the kitchen, turning his back to Taeyong. “Sehun,” he said and paused. “Yeah, I’m not home. I know. You sleep like a bear in hibernation,” Kai scoffed. It sounded like a chuckle. “It’s not an insult. Bears are adorable. You’re adorable.” He paused. “Fucking hell, I don’t share your bear fantasies, sorry.” He took the whiskey bottle’s lid off. “I’m visiting Julien. I’ll be home late.” He paused again for a response. “Tell him to take the car. And if he crashes it or goes cruising for some bad boys on the bad side of town, he’s grounded for life.” Another pause. Taeyong bit his lip as his feet dragged him closer to Kai. “No, I’m fine,” Kai laughed. “You’re sounding like a really superstitious wife back in the olden days now. Don’t worry, Sehun. It was just a nightmare. I’m fine… Okay, sure. I’ll be careful… Hmm. I won’t be that late… Yeah. Love you, too. Bye.”

He then put his phone away and instead of drinking the whiskey, he dribbled it over the wound. The sharp hiss that gusted through his grit teeth startled Taeyong with a jump. He grabbed a towel and wiped his chest before the alcohol could soak his pants.

He froze when Taeyong raised a hand to his back and let his fingers brush Kai’s shoulder blade. Taeyong jumped and retreated when Kai spun around, glaring. But his scowl quickly softened into a frown. They stood in a still silence for a stretch.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Kai asked in a calm voice, leaning against the sink counter, gripping its edge.

Taeyong lowered his head and took a breath. “I actually wanted to talk to you about Jaehyun.”

“How do you know him? I thought you were fucking his valet.”

Taeyong’s head jolted up. “No… No. I’m not. I don’t work at the whorehouse, Kai. I’m not a prostitute. You just assumed and I… I couldn’t be bothered to correct you because I didn’t see the point.”

Something like guilt twisted Kai’s expression then. “What? Why couldn’t you tell me?!” he hissed.

“Why should I? I’m no one to you, you shouldn’t have to care about me.”

“Fuck you if you think that,” Kai snapped and Taeyong blinked at him. “ _You_ wanted to end things between us. Not me.”

_Because you were getting back with your husband! What was your plan, then? To be with Sehun while having an affair with me? To promote me from a bed buddy to a paramour? No, actually, that is a downgrade. How are you privileged men so okay with two-timing and not caring about the people you are affecting?!_

He didn’t say any of it. He couldn’t bring himself to.

Kai fell silent as his eyebrows pulled together in a scowl. “At that time,” he began again, his voice low and steady. “I couldn’t risk letting go of Sehun again. It was like a… a really good dream had returned to me after I had woken. I didn’t think of how hurt you could be… I only thought of Sehun. I took you for granted. It was stupid of me to think that I had some sort of right on you and I could use and discard you as I wished. I didn’t even bother to end things properly with you. It felt like a… responsibility abandoned.”

“I’m not your responsibility,” Taeyong whispered shakily and he slowly took a step back when Kai advanced forward.

“I had you. But my heart longed for something I didn’t have. Sehun. It doesn’t justify what I did to you. I just… left you and started a new life with Sehun.”

“It’s… okay, Kai,” Taeyong breathed and stopped when his back was pressed against the shelves. Kai cupped a side of Taeyong’s face and closed his eyes, bringing their foreheads together.

“Stop saying that it’s okay,” Kai whispered, his breath grazing Taeyong’s lips. “You should be mad at me. You shouldn’t forgive me. I was stubborn. Like a child wanting a toy he could never get. I wanted Sehun and I couldn’t accept anyone else. Even when you were there. I treated like you like shit.”

“You didn’t,” Taeyong gasped, clenching his eyes as tears laced his eyelashes. He raised his hands to press them against Kai’s heaving chest. “You gave me my best memories, best experiences. I will never forget.”

Kai pulled back a little to kiss Taeyong’s forehead. His cheeks burned, his body felt heavy, his knees were about to buckle as Kai pressed gentle kisses to each of his cheeks, eyes, the curve beneath Taeyong’s lower lip before he finally pinned their lips together.

His tongue softly brushed Taeyong’s upper lip as he kissed the lower. His hands dropped from Taeyong’s face and landed on his hips. Kai pulled them close to his before he curled his arms around Taeyong’s thighs and lifted him off the ground, disregarding the pain on his shoulder as he bore Taeyong’s weight. The shelves at Taeyong’s back braced him.

Taeyong clung onto Kai’s neck, his fingers sliding into Kai’s hair, gripping it while their mouths battled against one another. He gasped and moaned repeatedly into Kai’s mouth. All of his heat stripped off and swathed by Kai’s heat. He thought of the first night he had been with Kai. Through the pain and suffering, he had held onto this man, trusting him, and he had yielded the only thing he had. And Kai had taken it without hesitation.

All those times Taeyong wanted to tell Kai how much he meant to him. All those missed opportunities when he could have confessed his love. He didn’t need to because Kai already knew. He knew and he had ignored. This was the grievance Taeyong needed to get past.

When Kai lowered him back to the ground, Taeyong slid a hand down Kai’s chest and palmed his thick abs. The kiss grew hotter, scorching their throbbing, swollen lips. “Kai,” Taeyong panted against Kai’s mouth and broke the kiss with a fine line of saliva connecting their bottom lips. “I love you.”

There. A grievance let go.

Kai’s arm snaked around Taeyong’s back as he pulled him close. He brushed their lips together again and rasped, “I lo—”

“No, I _loved_ you,” Taeyong cut him off and grabbed Kai’s hand. Kai halted abruptly when Taeyong guided his hand into his coat and splayed it across his swollen belly. “I can’t anymore,” Taeyong muttered, gasping for air. His eyes were bleary with tears.

Kai stood frozen for a moment as his palm felt the heat of Taeyong’s belly. There was shock and horror in his eyes when they flicked up to stare at Taeyong’s. “You’re—”

“It’s Jaehyun’s,” Taeyong quickly said. “I know you’d be mad. And you have every right to be. But I swear, I didn’t know he was betrothed to your son. I would never want to hurt you or your family… I love him. And he loves me. I cannot be with you, Kai. Because you love Sehun. I want to move on. I want Jaehyun and I don’t want to see him suffer… He really does love me. He doesn’t want to marry Jaecen or lie to any of you. His hand is being forced. By his mother. Please. Please, help us… But if you don’t want to, and if you’re angry… I’d understand. But you can’t let your son be sucked into this... I’m… I’m sorry.” While he was confessing, he might as well let Kai know all of it. “I was pregnant,” he added in a dead whisper. “Before this. When we… broke up. I couldn’t… tell you. I was going to tell you that day if only… Sehun hadn’t come back. But after that, after I saw how happy you were with him, I wanted everything between us to end. I… Kai, I… I had an abortion. I want this baby now, Kai. And I want Jaehyun, too. If you helped us, we’d forever be grateful. This will be the only thing I ask from you. But if you hate me for carrying Jaehyun’s child and for loving him and not telling you this sooner… I won’t blame you.” He finished breathlessly and braced himself for some type of blow.

But Kai remained still. The heat of his hand bled through Taeyong’s shirt and warmed his skin. Kai closed his eyes and lowered his head, breathing steadily, as he pulled his hand away before sliding it under Taeyong’s shirt to feel his belly skin-to-skin. Taeyong shuddered, but he didn’t flinch away as Kai caressed the growing baby.

He let out a trembling breath and snivelled before he withdrew his hand from Taeyong’s belly. Clasping a hand over his mouth, Kai moved to stand by the counter. He ran his fingers through his hair and placed his hands on the counter, head dropped low.

“Kai?” Taeyong called in a small voice and lifted a hand to touch his arm.

“Do you think I’m a monster, Taeyong?” Kai asked hoarsely. “A monster that really doesn’t care about you? Or the child… you were carrying?” He straightened up and faced Taeyong with a frown. His eyes grew redder by the second. “Did you repulse me so much that you chose to get rid of my baby?”

“Kai, it’s over. There is no point in talking about it anymore.”

Kai stared at him miserably. “You think I’d ignore you if I had known?”

“No. I know that you wouldn’t have. And that is exactly why I couldn’t keep the baby. I didn’t want to hold you back… I didn’t want you to do anything that you didn’t like.”

Kai swallowed and looked away, jaw clenched. He seemed close to tears. He laughed, then. Pathetically. “I am the world’s worst dad. Worst husband. Worst lover. I really don’t know what’s the best for anyone and yet, I pretend like I do. So, I make all the wrong choices.” He nodded to himself and rubbed his forehead. “I ruined you. I almost ruined Jaecen’s future. And I’m currently ruining Sehun’s.”

Taeyong’s heart ached to see Kai like this. He had never, ever seen him so broken, so… pitiful. If Kai ever had hardship or if he were ever in a vulnerable state, he never showed it. He always hid it quite well. It was hard to believe Kai was capable of feeling this low.

“Kai,” Taeyong said and neared him. “We can still fix this. Everything can turn out fine.”

“How will it turn out fine? Do you want me to go home and tell my son that his wedding is cancelled because his fiancé is in love with someone else and they’re about to have a child together and I made the wrong judgment call yet again? He’d hate me forever. He’d never trust anyone again. Another rejection… It can turn out fine,” he scoffed. “I’m supposed to get married in another three days, supposed to leave to the land of dream weddings tomorrow with my partner, and yet, here I am. Wanting you. I am so screwed, aren’t I?”

“You will leave tomorrow. With Sehun,” Taeyong said, taking Kai’s arm. “And you will get married. You’ll live the life you’ve always dreamed of with him.”

Kai lowered his gaze and stroked Taeyong’s cheek. “Sometimes, dreams change, don’t they?” he asked in a whisper, as though it were a question he needed answers to.

Taeyong wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist and pressed his face against Kai’s uninjured shoulder. “We were never meant to be,” Taeyong exhaled, letting Kai hold him. Neither pulled apart, neither wanted to.

But they did. After a long moment. Kai sniffed and looked away, frowning. “When I return,” he said. “that high-class Raisel bitch better be ready for a fight.”

Taeyong grinned so hard that it pained him. “You… You’d help?”

Kai cupped the back of Taeyong’s head and pulled him close to press a firm kiss to Taeyong’s forehead. It felt like their last kiss. “You should have told me sooner.”

“I wanted to. But I wanted to stay away from Jaehyun’s life.”

“I meant about the baby,” Kai muttered, caressing Taeyong’s belly. If it hadn’t been anyone else touching his Peanut like this besides Jaehyun, Taeyong would have snarled, he would have attacked. But for some odd reason, he felt safe, his baby felt safe under Kai’s touch. He always had.

Kai cleared his throat and pulled away. “Let me steal one of Julien’s shirts and I’ll send you home.”

Taeyong nodded. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have… wanted to talk now. I feel like I’m always some sort of hindrance to you.”

Kai smiled. “I wish you weren’t, too.”


	20. Chapter 20

“You sent for me?” Alec asked when he entered the study. Jaehyun peeled his gaze from the monthly reports of the family wine business and fixed it on his valet. He frowned.

“No,” he said and Alec looked confused.

“Your mother told me that you needed me to choose a suit for you to wear to the dinner.”

Jaehyun almost growled but he took a deep breath and rose from the desk. “What dinner?”

The valet licked his lips. “Jaecen has returned and your mother has invited Kai and his entire family to dinner tonight.  Min and his family will be joining us as well. Your mother relayed.”

Blood pulsed at his temples when he recalled that he was getting married in three weeks’ time. His mother had been making preparations for the wedding while Jaehyun was holed up in his room and study, distracting himself with work and the business, which his mother was grooming him to take over.

But this dinner had its purpose, he knew. He was surprised that Kai hadn’t done anything thus far, but now he knew that Kai would have to start playing his cards. In some way, he was relieved. But then he remembered that he and Taeyong were done for good.

If Kai were to cancel the wedding, Jaehyun would have absolutely no complaints. But if it came down to a fight again, this time, he wasn’t planning to give up. Kai was despicable for wanting Taeyong while he was married to Sehun, but Taeyong had been right. Jaehyun would have wanted Taeyong even if he had been married to Jaecen. And he was also right about Jaehyun not doing anything about his mother bullying him. He was right.

That Jaehyun had no arguments with. What broke him was that Taeyong had made a choice. He chose Kai and he would always choose Kai. He had even said that neither he nor the baby needed Jaehyun. Perhaps it was time for Jaehyun to accept defeat and give up on his short-lived dreams.

“I don’t care,” he muttered. “Just pick anything.”

Alec bowed his head and turned to leave. He paused. “It has been over a week… You haven’t gone to see him,” he said.

Jaehyun looked away. “He doesn’t need me.” No, that wasn’t right. Regardless of Taeyong said, he did need Jaehyun. “He doesn’t… want me,” he added.

Alec was silent for a moment. “Shall I pay him a visit?”

“No. That won’t be necessary.” He bit his lip and rubbed his neck. “On second thought, yeah. Go see him… Don’t tell him I know that you’re there. And… let me know how he’s doing… How the baby’s doing…”

Alec let out a sigh. He nodded and left. Jaehyun sank in his chair and idly stared at his palms for a minute. Momentarily, his mind was cast back to the brawl with Kai. How he had looked at Taeyong, hoping that at least at that time, Taeyong would choose him, hoping that Taeyong would understand that Jaehyun was willing to fight for him, he was willing to go against everything and everyone for him. It was a futile effort. The instant Kai was there, Taeyong was radiant. He’d never give up on Kai.

Jaehyun wasn’t sure if it made him take pity on Taeyong or if it made him furious. If this were the catharsis—that Taeyong loved Kai—how could he even find the heart to bear another man’s child?

His thoughts were once again interrupted by the knock on the door. He looked up at Min’s brother-in-law, Rei, and sighed.

“We have a rule in this house. One’s quarters are not for others to barge into as they wish,” he said harshly to Rei, who shrugged and flashed a crooked smile in return.

“Your hoity-toity rules don’t apply to me, I’m a rebel, in case you haven’t noticed,” Rei scoffed and ran a hand through his always-messy hair. “I was hoping I’d see you at breakfast this morning.”

“Why?” Jaehyun asked sullenly, grabbing a pen and pretending to be busy jotting down something important.

“I wanted to ask if you could lend me something nice to wear.”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow at the guy. “What happened to your clothes?”

Rei was all teeth and grin. “My clothes are fine,” he said, looking down at his simple black t-shirt, as though to confirm himself. “But I’m worried they might not be ‘formal’ enough.”

Jaehyun huffed and leaned back in his seat, scanning the boy from head to toe. He must be Jaecen’s age. Perhaps a year older. He contemplated Rei’s broad shoulders and thick biceps. “Nothing of mine will fit you. You have the body of a brute.”

Rei faked a frown. “Or you’re just stingy and you don’t like sharing. Sharing is caring.”

“Good thing I don’t care, then.” Clenching his jaw, Jaehyun leered out the window. He really did not want to lend Rei his clothes. The concern of what if Rei actually looked better than him in his own clothes almost made him laugh. Taeyong was right again. He was indeed a compulsive freak.

“Ask Alec,” he sighed at last. “He’d find you something to wear. And maybe fix your hair while you’re at it.”

“All right, dad,” Rei mumbled and snorted. Jaehyun went stiff for a second. He was going to be a dad. “Hey, by the way. Why are you getting married?”

Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean _why_?”

“I just mean,” he said and moved to stand by a bookshelf, crossing his arms over his chest. “bro to bro, do you even want to get married?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“So, you don’t.” He smirked. “Jaecen doesn’t think you like him that much.”

Jaehyun ground his teeth. He almost asked why would Jaecen tell Rei such a thing, but then he recalled Jaecen spending more time with Rei when he visited last week than with anyone else in this house. “Did he say that?”

Rei shook his head. “Not explicitly. But yeah. Do you… like him?”

“Again. None of your business. I don’t even know who you are or why you’re staying here for over two weeks.”

Rei continued to smile. “Boy, you have a bad temper. Grouch.” He started towards the door. “And you wear too much blue. Jaecen doesn’t like blue.”

Jaehyun grimaced. “He told you that?”

“That he did,” he chuckled. “You don’t know what his favourite colour is, do you?”

There was a moment of silence. Rei scoffed. “And you do?”

The boy shrugged. “I do. I also know that he collects comic books, has a crush on Montgomery Clift, has a ridiculous taste in music, and that he scrunches his nose when he laughs. Bet you never noticed.”

“What are you trying to say?” Jaehyun spat.

Rei’s expression shifted and he looked a little serious now. It was an unfamiliar colour on him. “You’re being selfish. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Yeah,” Jaehyun laughed. “Been hearing that a lot these days. But here’s something you probably didn’t know. Jaecen got knocked up by a Lycan and only recently had an abortion.”

He didn’t know why he said that. He didn’t know why he didn’t think before saying that. But it slipped from his mouth and it wasn’t his secret to tell. He bit his tongue immediately and stared at Rei in horror.

If Rei had been surprised at all, he didn’t show it. He smiled instead and calmly said, “I thought you were just a high-handed brat before. But now I know you’re a self-serving, insensitive prick. Pathetic.”

Jaehyun held his tongue. He knew he was in the wrong. He deserved that. When Rei had left, Jaehyun planted his head in his hands and took a few breaths to calm himself. Everything was going haywire in this shambolic conflict. And he didn’t know how to solve any of this. All that he knew was that he was being ruined because of his love for someone that didn’t love him back.

* * *

 

He had thought right. Rei did look good in his clothes. Jaehyun knew he would never wear the shirt Rei had worn again. But he looked good, nonetheless. This navy-blue shirt was tight around his arms and chest. Jaehyun wished that Min had never come for the wedding and he had never brought Rei with him.

Jaehyun dropped his gaze to the ring on his finger and frowned. He couldn’t even marry the person he loved…

The car pulled up at the front. Jaehyun drew a steady breath and walked over to the entryway with his mother, Min and his family. His uncle was absent, thankfully. He would admit, he was nervous. He knew Kai would have had his doubts. He didn’t know what Taeyong would have told him—probably the truth. Taeyong might not have the heart to lie to Kai the way he easily lied to Jaehyun. Kai, if he had any sense of morality at all, he’d stop his son from marrying Jaehyun if he knew the truth. But Kai was so discredited and dragged through the mire now that Jaehyun almost did not have faith that Kai would do the right thing.

And he might want revenge for what Jaehyun had done to him in the fight. And oh, the fight. What a fatal miscalculation it had been… Never in his life had Jaehyun even imagined a Lycan, let alone a pack of Lycans, standing with a Pantherinae to protect him. Kai had that support, as an extension of his partnership with Sehun. It was impressive, he’d give him that.

He glanced at his ring again. Would Taeyong even marry him wholeheartedly?

“Welcome,” he heard his mother say and he lifted his head. Sehun would be the first full-blooded Lycan welcome into this house. He smiled at everyone at the door. His arm was around Jaevonn’s shoulders. Jaedyn and Jaecen were at each other’s side. They smiled, too. The triplets looked incredibly alike. If it weren’t for their distinctive hairstyles and choice of clothing, no one would be able to tell them apart. They also wore bracelets, each bearing their own type of precious stones. Jaevonn’s sense of fashion was almost similar to Jaecen’s, but Jaedyn stood out the most among the triplets. Especially with his red hair.

“They’re… triplets,” Min let out, blinking with surprise. Jaehyun had no clue what Min and his mother had been up to all week. He didn’t care either. But he understood Min still repulsed his father. They weren’t talking, as usual.

“I didn’t know,” Rei said next. Jaehyun almost smirked. _You didn’t know that about Jaecen._ “He mentioned brothers, but… buy one, free two.”

“Shush,” Min’s wife hushed them. Her child was secure in her arms, eagerly gawking at Jaecen and Jaevonn, who looked most alike.

His family appeared bigger now, but still incomplete. And Alec was not around. He must have left to Harvington, or at least, Jaehyun hoped he had.

Jaehyun’s eyes finally flicked to Kai who exited the car and pocketed the keys. Their gazes met and locked at once. Threatful, menacing. Jaehyun almost bared his teeth and Kai did, too.

“Congratulations,” Jaehyun’s mother chimed and gave Sehun a warm hug before turning to Kai. “on your marriage.”

“Thank you,” Sehun said. Kai kept mum. He did not even bother to fake a plastic smile. Yes, he was starting to play his cards, Jaehyun knew.

 His mother introduced Min and everyone else as they entered the hallway to the dining hall. Jaehyun kept his distance and so did the triplets. They cared little for well manners and acceptable comportments.

“This is Rei,” Jaehyun’s mother introduced, saving him for last. “Min’s brother-in-law.”

“Ah, so, you’re the Rei Jaecen can’t seem to stop talking about day and night,” Sehun said with a gentle smile—a smile that was no longer extended to Jaehyun.

Rei blinked at Sehun and then turned to Jaevonn, who looked a little stunned. Then blinking again, he looked at Jaecen. “You do, huh?” he asked, smiling a lopsided grin. Jaecen blushed and scowled at his father, as though Sehun had outed his precious little secret.

Kai was talking to Min somewhere ahead.

Jaehyun was being ignored by everyone. Even Jaecen, who usually spared him a glance or two, was preoccupied blushing and busying himself with Min’s son, whom he doted on endearingly. And the kid, in return, certainly enjoyed Jaecen’s company.

 _Good_ , he thought. But there was also worry. He had no clue how this evening might turn out. He would soon become the subject of his mother’s wrath.

“He’s fucking gorgeous,” Jaehyun heard one of the triplets hiss under his breath behind him. Jaedyn, probably. He was also the coarsest among them.

They took their seats at the dining table. Sehun looked a little uncomfortable, like a fish out of water, but he quietly settled down beside his newly-wed husband. Min sat close to Kai. Rei sank in the chair beside Jaevonn, who smiled at Rei with pink cheeks before looking away, embarrassed. Jaecen was glad to sit between Min’s wife and son. Jaedyn sat between Rei and Jaehyun.

The dining table had never been this crowded. But this was what marrying into Kai’s family entailed. A large family.

And his real family—his child and his lover would be lonely.

Jaehyun kept his eyes on Kai, hoping that the man would look at him. But he never did. Jaehyun then glanced at Jaecen, who was still avoiding his gaze.

“I hope you like Southern Bluefin Tuna,” Jaehyun’s mother said to Sehun.

Sehun politely smiled. “I am okay with anything.” He paled already. Kai squeezed Sehun’s hand gently on the table.

They ate and made pointless conversations. Min spoke the loudest. Rei and Jaevonn spoke the quietest, between themselves. Nobody could hear what they were talking about, but every time Rei leaned in to whisper something into Jaevonn’s ear, Jaevonn’s cheeks pinked deeper. And across them, Jaecen was staring at his brother and Rei giggling softly. Eventually, he dropped his head and turned his attention to the food, though he now looked out of appetite. And Jaedyn truly was only excited about the food that he paid no attention to anything else.

“We have less than four weeks,” Jaehyun’s mother said. “I know I said that I would take care of the wedding. But I’m wondering if you’d like to partake in it.”

Both Sehun and Kai were silent. Jaecen’s face turned even more ashen.

“The venue has been booked. It’s a beautiful hall. Would you want to go and look at it?” she added. No one replied. “I have also taken a look at suits for the two of them. Jaecen liked my selection, didn’t you?”

Jaecen swallowed.

Letting out a sigh, Jaehyun gripped the knife and fork in his hands, and closed his eyes momentarily. “This marriage won’t take place, mother,” he said in a steady, slow voice.

He cracked his eyes open and found everyone staring at him.

His mother glared. “What are you talking about, Jaehyun?”

“He’s right,” Kai said. “It’s not going to happen.”

There was silence. They looked confused. All save, Jaehyun, Kai and his family.

“Has… something happened?” his mother inquired with a trembling in her voice.

For some odd reason, Kai was holding back. Jaehyun wondered if he weren’t saying anything out of fear that Jaehyun might spill the beans about Kai’s affair with Taeyong.

“We’re cancelling the wedding,” Kai said with a finality. “It won’t happen. And I believe you should know and understand your son better. That aside, you mess with me, lady, I’ll mess with you right back.”

His mother gaped at Kai. “Kai, I don’t understand…”

Kai raised an eyebrow at her. He leaned back in the chair. “Oh, I think you do. You are forgetting that you are rather a callow in our society. Your husband came from a long line of royal Pantherinaes. But you didn’t. And you were brave. A little deluded, too, thinking that you could match my bloodline. You also forgot that my cousin leads the Pride, and the largest Lycan pack’s Alpha is like family to me. You either overlooked or deliberately ignored that I can be a real threat. So, tell me. What gave you the courage to play with my son’s life and what made you think that I would leave you be if Jaecen got hurt?”

She said nothing in reply. She stared, wide-eyed, embarrassed. She knew she was in no spot to defend herself. Her eyes darted to Jaehyun. She scowled. She would hurt Taeyong in return.

Kai sniffed and smiled. “Lisa, if it is a fight that you’re looking for, I can give you one. But do you think it is a battle you can win?”

“It wasn’t my intention to hurt your son,” his mother muttered, swallowing.

“Like hell it wasn’t,” he spat.

“We know,” Sehun interfered in a soft voice. “Everything. And everything that Kai had said… all that protection and support, they extend to Taeyong, too. Don’t ever think that he’s without support or family. You will not bully him like that. None of you Pantherinaes has the right to step over anyone that’s below you.” There was a hint of anguish in his tone. “He has his rights and we will do our damnedest to protect them.”

“You will still have our support. And I can assure you, my Pride will respect you if you did the right thing, Lisa,” Kai said. “And a piece of advice. Jaehyun is not ready to be the leader of your Pride. His dreams are elsewhere. He is unfocused. He wants something else. If you wanted the best for your Pride, you’d stand by Min and let him take over when the time comes.”

Min huffed a sigh. “Aunt Lisa. If it is the Pride that you want so bad, then have it. I won’t even fight for it. I’m not even sure what’s happening here, but I can see that Jaehyun is miserable. Even a blind person could see that,” he said. “The Pride won’t vote for an heir who has his heart set somewhere else. Kai is right.”

“What could be more important to you than your son’s happiness?” Sehun added.

Jaehyun saw his mother clench her jaw and fists.

 “Why the hell are you smiling?” Min’s wife mouthed quietly at her brother across the table and Rei’s grin faltered at once.

“Am I?” he whispered and hid his amusement behind a forced grimace.

“I think we’ve said enough,” Kai said at last and rose to his full height. “Don’t piss me off again, Lisa. You haven’t seen the worst of me. And I hope we will never come to that. Come on, let’s go.” He curled a protective arm around Sehun’s waist and ushered him towards the hallway. Rei stood and accompanied Jaevonn.

Jaehyun remained at the table for a moment. He looked at his mother, who kept her glaring eyes on the plate. “If you’re going to hurt him, mother,” he began in a low voice. “you’ll have to kill me first.”

His mother did not respond. Min and his wife frowned.

He rose to his feet and walked out of the dining hall. He panted, his chest heaved. He grabbed his car keys from the sideboard. He brushed past Rei who was exchanging phone numbers with Jaevonn on the porch. Jaecen and Jaedyn had already climbed into the car.

“Kai!” Jaehyun called, marching outside. Kai froze, holding the car door open. He still wanted to bludgeon Kai to death. But right now, he knew he had to yield. “Thank you,” he said.

Kai looked indifferent. “I didn’t do it for you,” he spat and got in the car. He waited briefly for Jaevonn to get in as well.

Jaehyun stood on the driveway with a few servants staring at him.

Then there was a hand on his back. “You okay?” Rei asked.

Jaehyun shook his head. “I have to see him,” he gasped out and jogged towards his car.


	21. Chapter 21

“You’re cheating, aren’t you?” Taeyong asked, frowning, as he contemplated his next move now that both his rooks and knights were taken. Alec was going to win for the fourth time tonight and Taeyong had yet to win once.

“I believe one cannot cheat in chess while the attentive opponent’s eyes are right on the board all the time,” Alec said calmly in his diplomatic voice.

Taeyong rubbed his belly and moved his bishop hesitantly. He looked up at Alec and smiled, even though his defeat was confirmed. It was an odd feeling. Sitting here, in the evening with someone, playing chess, like everything was perfect and life was peaceful. It was, this moment.

“Are you all right?” Alec asked all of a sudden.

Taeyong blinked. “Yes, why?”

“You seem a little pale.”

Taeyong sighed. “I’m a little nauseated from staring at the board for too long,” he scoffed. “I’m fine.”

“Do you wish to do something else?”

Taeyong smiled. He had hoped it would be Alec when the doorbell had rung a few hours ago. Alec had inquired Taeyong of his health and they talked about Taeyong’s dull week. Taeyong almost asked how Jaehyun was doing, but he didn’t want to know if it involved information about his marriage. Kai would stop it, he convinced himself. And when Jaehyun was free, Taeyong decided that he would approach him. Until then, they could both use a little break and space.

But frankly, Taeyong did not know how to approach Jaehyun again after all that’d been said. He wondered if Jaehyun knew that Alec was here. He probably did.

“Check,” Alec said. Taeyong gnawed at his lip and gave up.

“Time for my TV show,” he blurted out and excused himself from the table. Alec smiled at him when he sank in the couch and turned the Spanish soap opera on.

“Are you… happy, Taeyong?” Alec asked after a few moments. Taeyong lowered his gaze.

“I am having better days,” he muttered. “And I’m hoping happiness is on its way.”

Alec sighed. “Do you still want to be with him?”

Taeyong kept mum. His chest felt tight when he thought of how many times he had wished in the past few days that Jaehyun would knock on that door. “It is all that I want,” he whispered, sliding an arm across his belly.

“What is holding you back?”

“I need things to cool off. I have so much explanation to make, I don’t even know where to start. And I’m not even sure that he wants to hear it anymore.”

Alec rose to his feet. “He does. The sooner you two patch up, the better for the baby. I have a strong feeling his marriage to Jaecen will not happen.”

“Oh, yeah? On what foundation are these feelings built on?”

With a smirk, Alec turned his gaze momentarily to the TV. “I suspect young Jaecen is falling in love. For the first time, possibly. We can only have that look in our eyes once in our life. The hope. The innocence of first love. Some, however, are lucky to experience it twice.”

Taeyong’s heart clenched. That was not what he wanted to hear. “And how would him falling in love with Jaehyun stop the marriage?” he asked.

“I did not say he is falling in love with Jaehyun.” He smiled and patted on Taeyong’s shoulder.

Taeyong looked at him in confusion. “Then?”

“I shall take my leave.” He grabbed his jacket and Taeyong licked his lips.

“Can you stay?” he pleaded subtly. “For a little longer?”

Alec blinked at him. Then nodding, he started towards the couch. “What is the show about?”

“It’s about Santiago, a paediatrician who’s in love with Luciana. But her brother, Matías loves Santiago, so he tries to sabotage Santiago and Luciana’s relationship.”

“Sounds intense,” Alec commented. “Whose team are you on?”

“Isabella.”

“And who is that?”

“The servant girl. She loves Luciana, but Luciana doesn’t know. They’ve been friends since childhood.”

Alec laughed despite himself. “Now, that’s quality drama.”

“I understand Matías, though. He wants something he can’t have.”

Alec was staring at him now. With consideration. “That sort of grievance drives people to do reckless things.”

“Matías tried to kill Luciana, his own sister, once. For Santiago.”

“I have a feeling I’m going to love this show.”

There was then a knock on the door. Two knocks. Three forceful pounds of fist. Four. Taeyong stiffened and Alec raised an eyebrow. “I’ll get it,” Alec said.

He paused, however, a few feet before the door. Taeyong pushed himself up to his feet and waited.

“Alec,” Jaehyun rasped breathlessly when Alec pulled the door open. The valet bowed his head. Jaehyun’s desperate gaze darted over Alec’s shoulder and landed on Taeyong, who frowned with surprise. “Can you… excuse us for a moment?”

Alec nodded again and shot a grin at Taeyong before he left them alone in the apartment. Taeyong swallowed and stared at Jaehyun, who closed the door behind him. He was wearing a white shirt with slacks. The necktie had come loose, his shirt was unbuttoned at the top. He was also panting a little.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong muttered. He wasn’t prepared to confront Jaehyun. He didn’t know what to say.

Jaehyun closed the distance between them with one swift move and grabbed Taeyong’s hands. He brought them to his chest and gasped, “Marry me.”

Taeyong did nothing but blink and gawk stupidly at the other man. Jaehyun’s eyes were red, tired, but honest, as always. He thought he had heard wrong, he had heard something he so dearly wanted to hear, but knew he wouldn’t and couldn’t.

The heat of Jaehyun’s chest bled into Taeyong’s hands, a longing heart beating wild against eager palms. “I…” Taeyong began, staring into Jaehyun’s eyes. Luciana was screaming in the background while the thugs chased her. Santiago was crying her name, running to her rescue. “What?” he let out in a low breath.

Jaehyun’s hands tightened around Taeyong’s on his chest. “I asked you to marry me.”

Taeyong gulped hard. “N-Now?”

“Yes.”

His head felt heavy. Luciana screamed more. “But…” He turned to look at the TV. Santiago was almost there. “My show’s on,” he blabbered. He didn’t know what else to say.

Jaehyun grimaced and glanced at the TV. Then he looked at Taeyong again. “When does this thing end, then?”

Taeyong almost laughed. Jaehyun released his hands and they fell limp at Taeyong’s sides. “What happened?” he asked once he had collected his thoughts again.

“I am always going to end up disappointing my mother. But I can’t live disappointing myself every single day… Do you love me, Taeyong?”

“You know that I do,” Taeyong muttered, frowning.

“Then I don’t care anymore. I can’t afford to suffocate anymore. Help me breathe again.”

“But… what about your wedding?”

“Kai cancelled it earlier tonight.” He hung his head and Taeyong gaped at him.

“He… what?”

“He was being very civil about it…” He looked guilty for a moment. “Did you… What did you tell him?”

Taeyong worried his lower lip. “I begged him to help. Help us. You and me. I told him that… I want to be with you and that I love you. I don’t know if I… did it to save Jaecen or if I…” He gasped for air. “did it to… be with you… I thought Kai would help if he knew. He’d stop the marriage, at least.”

“So…” Jaehyun clenched his eyes shut for a length. “I misunderstood it… I don’t know… what to think or… what I should do now… I’m scared. I fear for your safety. My mother is… furious. She’d do something. And every moment I’m not with you, I worry. Like a part of my life is in great danger or something.” He paused and drew a breath. “Taeyong… If I’m not… rich or influential or even respected… If I’m without a family, or if I get kicked out of my Pride and become a Prideless, would you still… want me?”

Taeyong’s heart thumped fiercely, as though it were about to leap out of his chest. He raised a hand and cupped Jaehyun’s cheek. “I am all that. You want _me_.”

Jaehyun smiled miserably. “That’s because you’re so darn cute.”

Taeyong let out a soft chuckle. “I… didn’t mean what I said to you that day.”

“But you were right. About everything. You are not an item for me to claim and what I did was so… wrong. And I… If you don’t love me as much as I… expect you to, I will learn to live with it. And I will wait, I will try my best to make you love me the most.”

That broke his heart. “Jaehyun, love cannot be measured,” he whispered. “And believe me… It is all that I actually have to give. I am ready to move on from Kai now. I’ve had my closure. I’ve told him… what I wanted to tell him for so long. I have my peace now. And it’s over. With time, my feelings for him… will fade.”

“And I want to be the one to help you do that.” He took Taeyong’s face in his hands. “I want to replace all of his memories with mine. With ours.” He pressed a hand to Taeyong’s stomach and sighed. “Every time I hurt you, I end up hurting myself even more. I cannot promise you that I will never hurt you again because I don’t want to make you another promise that I might not be able to keep. But we have to stop our suffering. We can’t keep hurting each other like this. I want to be with you. I want to be bound to you and only you. I don’t want to give anyone else any more opportunities to come between us. I want you to be my first in everything. So… will you marry me? Would it matter how we get married? Do we need a wedding? Or would you be satisfied if I said my oath and promised you with just my heart?” His voice was low, almost drowsy as he pressed their foreheads together.

Taeyong shook his head and let out a shaky breath. “Marry me now, then,” he whispered.

Jaehyun withdrew and took Taeyong’s hand. “Tomorrow. Tomorrow.” He was grinning, almost laughing. Taeyong nodded and panted breathlessly. Grabbing the sides of Taeyong’s head, Jaehyun pressed a firm kiss to Taeyong’s forehead and pulled him into a ferocious embrace. “Let me try to talk to my mother one last time. And if she still wouldn’t give her blessing, then it’s done.”

Taeyong tightened his arms around Jaehyun and buried his face in the other man’s shoulder for a minute, inhaling his scent.

When Jaehyun pulled away, Taeyong almost didn’t let him go. “I’ll ask Alec to accompany you tonight, okay?”

“I’ll be fine alone,” Taeyong said.

“No. She’ll try to hurt you. I have to convince her somehow to let us live our lives on our own… I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Taeyong nodded and stepped back. He could not stop his heart from racing or his breathing to calm. Jaehyun’s fingers were tangled with his. And neither wanted to let go.

“Your mother… She didn’t get angry at Kai? Or threaten him?”

“No. He didn’t give her a chance to. He shut her up before she could even get a word out.”

“Did you… say anything?” he asked as he followed Jaehyun out of the apartment without letting go of his hand.

“I didn’t. I couldn’t… I wanted to. I really wanted to tell everyone how… how horrible he is. But then I… I realized I was bitter. Jealous. I shouldn’t fault him when I am a mess myself. He has a family… I couldn’t.”

Taeyong smiled, squeezing Jaehyun’s hand lightly as they made their way out of the apartment building. Alec was smoking on the other side of the road where Jaehyun’s car was parked right next to Alec’s.

Jaehyun exhaled a loud, heavy breath. “He also promised you… his protection,” he added, coming to a halt on the pavement.

Taeyong’s eyes widened. “He did?”

“Actually, Sehun did.”

Taeyong’s breath hitched. He bit his tongue and dropped his head. Shame washed through him. “He knows.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he muttered. “What else… did he say?”

“He called you family,” he sighed and hauled Taeyong into another firm hug. “People care about you, Taeyong. You’re not alone. You’re never alone,” he whispered into Taeyong’s hair and kissed his temple. “I’ll be back soon.”

There was a smile on Jaehyun’s face when he pulled away. He didn’t release Taeyong’s hand even as he started to cross the road, but he eventually let go. He stopped on the other side of the road and asked Alec if he could stay with Taeyong until he returned and Alec was happy to oblige.

Jaehyun stopped to look at Taeyong. He smiled, biting his lower lip and Taeyong smiled back. His head was spinning with excitement.

“You will marry me!” Jaehyun announced loudly into the night on the other side.

Taeyong chuckled. “Yes!” he cried back. Alec looked shocked and he gaped at Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looked reluctant for a moment, but then shaking his head, he started running towards Taeyong, instead of climbing into his car and driving away.

Taeyong beamed and almost stepped onto the road to run into Jaehyun’s arms, but he froze when the flash of light momentarily blinded him. He heard wheels screeching and Alec shouting Jaehyun’s name. His heart had either stopped or it had jumped out of him. Jaehyun’s body crashed the hood of the car that drove through him. His head smashed against the windshield, the sound of the glass breaking filled the empty night. His volant body was flung over the car that bolted through him without slowing down.

And when the cacophonous chaos was over, the nightmare began, as Jaehyun’s unconscious body landed on the ground, his head slamming against the road without mercy and blood started to pool in a puddle around him.

Taeyong heard Alec’s voice as a faint echo. The world spun around him and his vision blurred as he broke into a sprint towards Jaehyun.


	22. Chapter 22

 

He hated the smell of the hospital. It made him heave. It brought flashbacks he didn’t want to revisit. But he sat through it because right now, the dread and panic were more vivid than the nausea. Or they were only adding to the sick feeling in his stomach. He had exhausted his supply of tears a while ago. Now, numbness struck him as he waited.

Alec returned to the waiting room shortly after making sure that Jaehyun was in the care of Pantherinae practitioners, which must have been relatively easy because the hospital was swarming with them.

“Are you okay?” he asked, sinking in the seat beside Taeyong.

Taeyong hugged himself to stop trembling. He shook his head. He worried that if he spoke, he might start crying again.

“He’s going to be all right,” Alec reassured him, stroking Taeyong’s back.

It wasn’t fair. They were so close to their happiness. Now, it just felt like they had missed the last train to their happily-ever-after.

The image of Jaehyun grinning like an idiot across the road while he demanded that Taeyong marry him was still so fresh. And so was the image of the car bolting through him and the blood he was bathed in when Alec lifted his limp body into his arms.

In that moment, Taeyong realized how childish and insignificant all of their arguments and problems seemed when compared to the agony Jaehyun must be silently going through right now.

Tears threatened his eyes again.

“Maybe you should go home,” Alec suggested. Taeyong shook his head again. Alec sighed. “His mother will be here any second now. I don’t want you to be here when she is.”

Alec had a point. But Taeyong did not care. Jaehyun’s mother could bite his head off, but he did not plan on leaving Jaehyun tonight.

“Taeyong, you need to rest. You’ve been up all night.”

Taeyong glanced at the wall clock in the room. It was almost four in the morning. He didn’t move. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to see Jaehyun and he wanted to see him smile again.

“Hey,” he heard Kai’s voice before he lifted his head and saw him surge into the room. Kai hadn’t bothered to neaten his hair or even throw on a jacket. He looked half asleep and half angry.

Taeyong turned to Alec for answers.

“Thank you for coming,” Alec said formally, standing up to level with Kai.

“It’s no problem,” Kai said, his eyes momentarily flitting to Taeyong. “We couldn’t identify the driver but… it’s a Pantherinae.”

Alec shook his head in disappointment. “It’s not really an accident, then.”

“Best not get the cops involved,” Kai advised. “I have a few of the Lycans tracking the runner down. He abandoned the car near the woods.” He paused. “How is he?”

“We don’t know anything yet.”

Kai looked distressed as he rubbed his temples. “You don’t think it’s… Lisa?”

“What? Why would you think that?”

“Because I sort of pissed her off,” he admitted.

Alec sighed. “She’s tough. But she’d never do something like this.”

“Unless the target was missed,” Kai spat and his knowing gaze darted to Taeyong.

Alec seemed to consider this for a moment. “Lisa’s on her way. I have to stay. Would it be trouble for you take him home?” he asked Kai.

Taeyong rose to his feet. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said in a raspy voice.

“Yes, you are,” Kai ordered and gripped Taeyong’s arm. “You’re not going to do anyone any good by sticking around.”

“I have my right to stick around!” Taeyong argued.

“No, you don’t,” Kai said calmly. “And she’d use that against you. The last thing we need right now if for you to get humiliated or even hurt.”

“I don’t care!”

Kai heaved a sigh. “He will be all right, Taeyong,” he then said in a much softer tone. “But the same can’t be said for you after what happened tonight. You need to get out of here.”

Taeyong wanted to fight. But he did not harbour the strength to do so. He felt exhausted, he was hungry, even if there weren’t any appetite. His baby was hungry.

He let Kai steer him out of the waiting room with a hand on the small of his back. Taeyong peered at the empty hallway of the hospital. His heart pounded. _Please, come back to me, Jaehyun_ , he thought, as though he could somehow send the message to Jaehyun through some sort of weird psychic connection they shared.

He wanted to be here when Jaehyun woke up, but he knew it would not be possible if Jaehyun’s mother was around. And he was too tired to entertain a fight with her as well.

Kai opened the car’s door for him and closed it when Taeyong was in the passenger seat. His shoulders were sore. There was blood on his clothes. He had washed his hands, but Jaehyun’s blood caked beneath his fingernails. He felt sick. He thought about what Kai had said. _Unless the target was missed_.

Guilt struck Taeyong like a thunder. He had lost count of the times Jaehyun had saved him. Physically and spiritually. But there Jaehyun was. Always giving and never expecting anything in return, except for Taeyong’s undivided love. And Taeyong could not even give him that. Jaehyun was ready to leave everything behind, to give everything up for him. And in the process, he had gotten hurt. Many times. Yet, he still came back for Taeyong. He always did.

Taeyong snapped from his thoughts when Kai leaned towards him to fasten his seatbelt for him. Kai then started the engine and gripped the steering wheel, but he didn’t drive them away. Taeyong’s eyes fell on the wedding band on Kai’s finger. Something twisted inside him. He had pictured it a million times, fantasized it tirelessly. The day he’d slip the ring onto Kai’s finger and see Kai smile at him with a promise. It was one of the things that would never happen and now, it felt all right. He didn’t want it anymore.

“Are you okay?” Kai asked instead.

 _Do I look okay_ , Taeyong almost said, but he recounted. He knew Kai meant well and there was no reason for Taeyong to bark at him.

“We’re going to find out who did this,” Kai promised when Taeyong didn’t give him an answer.

Taeyong leaned his head back on the headrest and glanced out the window. Kai shifted the gear and they were soon on the road.

“Every time I’m in that hospital, it’s always to lose someone of my blood,” Kai said after a while. Taeyong turned to face him. Kai’s eyes were hard, focused on the soulless road. “My brother… My first grandchild… And you probably must have been there when you… got rid of our…” he trailed off, his face scrunching up with grief and confusion.

Taeyong hated Kai for that. For doing this right now when he was going sick, worried about Jaehyun, whom he had been so unreasonable to all this while because he was partially in love with this man. Yet, Jaehyun always came back.

“Our child?” Taeyong finished Kai’s sentence. Kai’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t turn his head to look at Taeyong. He looked upset. Sad. He shifted the gear at the junction and Taeyong realized they weren’t driving back to his apartment. He knew the route all too well. “Why are we going to your manor?” he rasped.

“It’s safer for you there,” Kai said monotonously.

Taeyong’s heart jumped to his throat. “No!” he protested immediately. He didn’t want to be anywhere near Kai’s family. Especially Sehun.

“Can you not argue with me on this?” Kai said tiredly. “You’re going to stay with me until Jaehyun wakes up. Then we’ll think of something.”

Taeyong suddenly stupidly wondered what if Jaehyun didn’t. He thought about Jaehyun’s mother taking him away and keeping him locked up or something. His chest burned. “You can’t let him go with his mother,” he pleaded Kai.

“What?”

“He doesn’t want to be with her,” Taeyong said. “She’d take him away.”

“She’s his family,” Kai argued. “She has the right.”

“And _I_ don’t?!”

Kai pursed his lips for a moment. Taeyong huffed and silently wept behind his hand. “I promised you I’d help you, Taeyong. Just trust me, okay? I will make things right for you.”

“What if you’re right? What if she did it?”

“She won’t hurt her own son like that. But she would hurt _you_.”

“God. Why won’t it ever stop?” he sobbed.

Kai lifted a hand, as though to hold Taeyong’s for comfort, but he stopped and returned it back to the gear stick.

When the car pulled into the gated compound, Taeyong’s heart started beating harder. He waited until Kai got the door for him. The front door sprung open before Kai even rang the doorbell and Sehun stood there in his pyjamas, sporting a worried frown.

“How did it go?” Sehun asked Kai who held Sehun by the waist and lightly kissed Sehun’s temple.

“Julien said he’s got it. Chanyeol’s sending a couple of Pantherinaes to scout as well,” Kai said.

Sehun shifted his attention to Taeyong and a warm smile spread across his mouth. “Come inside, Taeyong. You must be freezing,” he said and ushered Taeyong into the house. Sehun bore a similar ring bearing diamonds.

“Get him something to eat,” Kai said gently, rubbing Sehun’s back. “No, I’ll do it. You should go back to sleep.”

“I’m fine,” Sehun muttered. “You go on.”

Kai nodded. He looked tired to argue as well. He pressed a kiss on Sehun’s lips before heading upstairs, leaving Taeyong and Sehun alone.

Taeyong swallowed. He couldn’t meet Sehun’s eyes.

“Everything’s going to be all right,” Sehun said and Taeyong wanted to believe him.

r

The dawn brightened outside. Sehun had finally left Taeyong’s side, though only for a brief moment. He had fed Taeyong generously, made sure he was warm, and now, he returned with a bundle of folded clothes.

“They’re Jaedyn’s,” Sehun said. “I think they’d fit you.”

Taeyong accepted the jeans and sweatshirt. He was then led to the guest room. Taeyong knew his way around this house, but perhaps Sehun didn’t know that. He accompanied Taeyong to the room and only left once Taeyong started getting ready for a shower.

Once he had gotten rid of the stained clothes and washed off all the blood from his skin, Taeyong considered the bed. It was tempting but he was in the mood to punish himself. He couldn’t rest while he knew Jaehyun was in distress. But then he remembered that he had another life to look after and his body needed some sleep.

So, he half-heartedly reclined on the bed and sleep came to him almost instantly. When he woke again, the morning sunlight bleached his vision. He heard faint chatters. He sat up and looked around the room, recalling that he was in Kai’s manor.

Swallowing hard, he picked himself up and headed out of the room. He paused when he noticed that Kai’s bedroom door was open. He heard Sehun’s soft murmurs and Kai’s considerate ‘hmm’s. He hesitated. He didn’t want to cross the room and make his presence known.

God, he needed to stop acting like a child. They had extended him hospitality and help. The least he could do was thank them properly. He approached the room.

He found Sehun and Kai casually perched on the edge of their bed, both having just showered. Kai had his head resting on Sehun’s lap while Sehun played with Kai’s hair before he lifted it upon Taeyong’s arrival.

“Taeyong,” Sehun said, smiling pleasantly. “You’re up.”

“I…” Taeyong began and bit his lip. Sehun and Kai rose to their feet. “I wanted to thank you.”

Sehun smiled wider. “You don’t have to. Families don’t thank each other.”

Taeyong’s heart swelled. Kai smiled at Sehun, looking at his husband like he was tacitly thanking Sehun, too. It was a smile Taeyong didn’t usually see on Kai. An understanding smile of gratitude. Taeyong knew it then that Sehun and Kai had come a long way and a part of him wanted what they shared with Jaehyun.

“Anything from the hospital?” Taeyong asked.

Kai nodded. “Alec called a moment ago. Jaehyun’s safe. His mother and uncle are there. He hasn’t woken up. The doctors said it could take a while.”

“I want to… see him.”

“Not yet. They’re not allowing anyone to see him just yet. So, we might as well delay the drama,” Kai scoffed. “But I’ll take you, okay?”

Taeyong dropped his head. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Let’s feed you two, then,” Sehun chimed and leaped over to Taeyong.

“Yeah, I’m famished,” Kai said.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” Sehun snorted. “I meant you two.” He lightly prodded a finger into Taeyong’s belly. “Do you have a nickname for… him?”

“It’s a him,” Taeyong confirmed as they wended downstairs. Kai was ditched. He looked a little hurt by the lack of attention as he quickly tagged along behind Sehun and Taeyong. “And I…” he blushed. “call him Peanut.”

Sehun stopped dead in his tracks for a moment, arching an eyebrow. “That’s a strange coincidence because I only recently developed a crazy obsession for peanuts,” he gasped and then scowled at Kai. “Speaking of which, you forgot my peanuts.”

Kai groaned, shoving past them both. “I can’t believe I’ve become the guy that gets yelled at for forgetting peanuts,” he grumbled to himself as he hopped down the stairs.

Taeyong smiled. When the humour died, Sehun quietly told him, “You’re going to be fine, Taeyong.”

It sounded like a promise. Taeyong rarely heard such comforts.

When they entered the kitchen, Kai was holding Jaedyn in a headlock. All three of the triplets were present, each enjoying different type of breakfast. Taeyong gripped his jaw when his eyes landed on Jaecen.

“Dad, let go!” Jaedyn screamed.

“Did you trade your manners with the devil for his hair?” Kai countered, but released Jaedyn’s neck.

“Wait til I get a boyfriend that’s twice your size and would protect me against your tyranny,” Jaedyn challenged and Kai scoffed, poking around Jaevonn’s cereal. He snatched Jaevonn’s spoon and scooped some cereal into his mouth. Jaevonn did not protest, he was preoccupied with his phone.

“Waffles?” Sehun offered Taeyong and suddenly, the triplets’ attention was on him.

Jaecen blinked at Taeyong and then he dropped his gaze like he didn’t even want to regard Taeyong. Or he was embarrassed. The last time they had met, Jaehyun had made a show of their betrothment that was now broken. Kai probably told Jaecen who Taeyong really was to Jaehyun. But none of them knew who Taeyong had been to their father.

“Boys, you remember Taeyong,” Kai said nonchalantly with a full mouth as he pecked a kiss on Jaevonn’s temple. Kai doted on all three of them, but he was extra tender towards Jaevonn, Taeyong knew. Kai had once mentioned that Jaevonn reminded him an awful lot of his dead brother, Jongin.

“We don’t,” Jaedyn muttered confusedly.

“You met him at your birthday party,” Kai elaborated.

“Oh,” Jaevonn said and flashed a smile. “I’ll get you a bowl. Cereal?”

“Cereal sounds good,” Taeyong muttered and managed a smile.

“Papa, I need you to drive me to the arts exhibition this evening,” Jaevonn said.

“Nope. I have to steal your Papa away for the evening,” Kai said. “Ask Jaecen to drive you.”

So, none of them knew what had happened to Jaehyun? Not even Jaecen?

“You guys go on too many dates, just saying,” Jaedyn said, taking a bite of a bagel. “Married people don’t usually do that.”

“I’m trying to be romantic,” Kai spat, shrugging.

“Your idea of romance is taking me cheese-tasting and go-karting,” Sehun said and Kai glared at him.

“I don’t see that mouth complaining when it’s being put to full use after all that,” Kai said and the boys cooed with ‘ew’ and ‘gross’.

Taeyong couldn’t help the smile that took form on his chapped lips. He took his seat at the island when Jaevonn handed him the bowl of cereal and the carton of milk.

“Can I talk to you?” Kai then said, turning to Sehun with a serious face. They exited the kitchen, leaving Taeyong alone with the triplets.

Taeyong tried to make eye-contact with Jaecen, but Jaecen looked too dull to even lift his head.

“Who are you texting?” Jaedyn asked to break the awkward silence.

“None of your business,” Jaevonn muttered, returning his attention to his phone.

“You’ve been texting all morning. Must be that dark-haired, blue-eyed hottie.” He snatched Jaevonn’s phone and his brother gasped.

“Dyn, give it back or so help me!”

“Nothing, just having breakfast. LOL last night was intense. But you could still crack jokes.” Jaedyn read the texts.

Jaevonn sprung up and launched himself at his brother. “You little brat! Give it back!”

“Can we meet up?” Jaedyn then gasped as Jaevonn grabbed his phone back. “Oh, my god! You’re kidding, right?!” His face went sullen and Jaevonn looked at him in confusion.

“What?”

Jaedyn grimaced. The mood had died. “I was just kidding earlier, but you are actually… flirting with him.”

“So?”

“Isn’t he like Jaecen’s…” he trailed off, looking at Jaecen, who kept his head hung. He looked depressed and on the verge of tears.

“Huh?” Jaevonn said, cocking an eyebrow.

“No,” Jaecen blurted out. He finally lifted his head. Taeyong had no idea what was going on but this conversation was not fun for Jaecen. “There’s nothing like that, Dyn. Shut up.”

Jaedyn frowned. “Bullshit.”

“What’s going on?” Jaevonn demanded.

“Nothing, Vonn,” Jaecen insisted and even managed a small smile. “What time is the art exhibition? I have softball practice.”

“It’s okay,” Jaevonn said, still looking baffled. “I’ll find a ride.”

Jaecen nodded and excused himself from the kitchen island. Taeyong licked his lips. This was his chance to make things right with Jaecen. He had to make sure that Jaecen didn’t think Taeyong had ruined his life or stolen his life.

“Jaecen,” he called, hurrying after the boy.

Jaecen came to a halt and faced Taeyong with a sad frown. “Look,” he said. “I’m not mad at you or anything. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk.”

“I want to,” Taeyong said. “You might not be mad at me but you must hate Jaehyun now.”

“I do,” Jaecen said, scowling. “I’m so sick of men using me for their own entertainment and tossing me away the second they realize they don’t need me.”

Taeyong gulped. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“How can you still want to be with someone who was willing to marry another guy while he was…” Jaecen trailed off, looking down at Taeyong’s swollen belly that was well hidden behind the borrowed sweatshirt.

“He wasn’t willing,” Taeyong said. “It was… complicated.”

“He didn’t care about me. He didn’t care what happened to me. How do you think I can forgive that?”

“You shouldn’t have to,” he sighed. “I know you must be heartbroken…”

“I am,” he admitted fiercely. “Because I finally understand that I am so pathetic to always blindly trust men like him. To think that I’d be genuinely wanted and loved.” His words were so venomous and miserable. But something told Taeyong that he wasn’t talking about just Jaehyun.

“I’m sorry,” Taeyong repeated.

Jaecen sighed and shook his head. “I am always the second-best, I guess.” With that, he spun around and walked away.


	23. Chapter 23

He found Sehun alone in the bedroom, flipping through a magazine. Kai wasn’t here. Great, this was his chance. Sehun lifted his head and greeted Taeyong with a smile. Taking it as an invitation, Taeyong entered the bedroom. He tried hard to not to think about all those nights and early mornings Taeyong had spent in this room, wrapped in Kai’s arms.

It was another life.

“Still no news,” Sehun said before Taeyong could ask. “Kai has gone to talk to his friend… Julien. Do you know him?”

Taeyong nodded. “Not personally… Kai has mentioned him before.”

Sehun pursed his smiling lips and patted the bed beside him. Taeyong let out a shaky breath and took his seat shyly. “You don’t have to be so terrified of me, you know? I don’t bite,” he chuckled and Taeyong felt hot with embarrassment.

“I’m not… terrified. Just ashamed.”

Sehun frowned. “Because of… what happened between you and Kai?”

“Because I feel out of place… I don’t know. I just…” he trailed off, struggling for the right words.

Sehun sighed. “Taeyong, I was… super jealous of you when I found out that you and Kai were dating. I never hated you… I know he doesn’t admit it, but he loves you. He still does.”

Taeyong went still. Why was Sehun telling him this?

“But we make choices we have to live with,” Sehun said. “I made the wrong choice so many years ago and I’m still living with its consequences. I want my family more than anything now. But one thing I learned is that you should never dwell in the past. Time flies and life is short, even for us Shapeshifters. I want to make the most out of my life with Kai now.”

Taeyong hung his head. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I know it was wrong of me to… still think of Kai that way.”

“Feelings don’t go away overnight just because you decide to stop developing them any further.” Sehun touched Taeyong’s hand. “I’ve felt things for another man, too. Even if my body didn’t allow, I knew that a tiny fraction of my heart wanted him. These things happen. We can only try so hard to stop them… But I need you to understand that there are only so many second chances one can give.”

Taeyong bowed his head. “I will never make a move on Kai again.”

Sehun smiled. “The same can’t be said on his behalf, however,” he sighed and Taeyong looked at him confusedly.

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” he muttered. “It’s okay to be in love with two people at the same time. Sometimes, you can’t help these feelings. So long it doesn’t hurt anyone, but by the end of the day, you are the one who will be hurt, knowing that you can never have them both at the same time.”

Taeyong licked his lips. “Kai loves you. I gave him a choice and he picked you without batting an eye. He loves you, Sehun. I was just someone that came midway in his life. I’m not that significant. You have no idea how many times I had wished I was you. I don’t anymore, though.”

Sehun shook his head. “I often wish that I was _you_. Except that I wouldn’t have been so generous with giving Kai up so easily.” He smiled sadly.

“It’s over now,” Taeyong let out. “I want to move on and have a good life with Jaehyun… I guess I should apologize for that, too, since I ruined your son’s wedding.”

“Are you kidding? You saved Jaecen. It takes courage to do something like that. I thank you for saving my son’s life.”

Taeyong bitterly wondered how much Sehun truly cared for his sons since he had abandoned them since they were babies and only visited them once in a blue moon. But people changed, he supposed.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Sehun began again, looking a little cautious than before. “If I was out of the picture, would you have… been with Kai? For good, I mean.”

“For as long as he would have wanted me,” Taeyong admitted.

“You really loved him, didn’t you?”

 Taeyong looked down at his pale palms. “Thought I’d given you the benefit of the doubt,” he muttered.

Sehun huffed a sigh. “I’m sorry for ruining it.”

“Don’t be,” Taeyong said. “He never would have loved me more than he loved you. I’m glad that I could find someone else who would give me his everything.”

Sehun smiled. “And I have to be the guy that must share his husband’s love?”

Taeyong went dull.

“I’m kidding,” Sehun chuckled and lightly nudged Taeyong’s arm. “He’ll get over it. We all will.”

They sat in silence for a moment until it was broken by Kai who strode and stilled when he found Taeyong and Sehun sitting on the same bed. He frowned.

“Are you two dumping me and getting together?” Kai joked casually and walked over to the closet. He took his t-shirt off and traded it for a black shirt. Taeyong looked away.

“Did you get my peanuts?” Sehun asked.

Kai walked over to him and leaned down to exchange a gentle kiss with his husband while adjusting his shirt’s collar and rolling his sleeves up. “I’ll get your nuts tonight, I promise,” he whispered against Sehun’s lips, a hand gently stroking Sehun’s belly.

Sehun blushed feverously and shoved Kai away.

“You ready?” Kai asked Taeyong, who rose to his feet.

“Ready?” he echoed.

“To get to the hospital.”

Taeyong swallowed as his heart skipped a beat. “Is he… awake?”

“Yes. He’s healing fast,” Kai said and took hold of Taeyong’s wrist to pull him out of the room. “Alec called. Lisa’s freaking out apparently and blaming it all on you. Are you sure you want to go now?”

Taeyong pulled his wrist free and nodded. “Yes. I don’t care if she even kills me. I want to see Jaehyun.”

Kai smiled a frail smile. “She’s not going to lay a finger on you for as long as I live, okay?”

* * *

 

Taeyong’s nerves took the best of him as they approached the ward. He knew Jaehyun would soon be shifted to Raisel and a knowing part of him dreaded that he might never see Jaehyun again if he let go now.

“You okay?” Kai asked when Taeyong unconsciously clung onto his arm. Taeyong shook his head. “It’ll be fine. Lisa would be reckless to start a fight in Harvington.”

“I don’t want her to hurt you or your family,” Taeyong whispered and Kai came to a halt. He faced Taeyong with a frown. Then he smiled softly, brushing a lock of hair away from Taeyong’s ear.

“Didn’t you hear what Sehun said? You are our family.”

Taeyong nodded and let Kai lead him to the ward. “Sehun is so kind. I wasn’t… expecting him to be so…”

“Forgiving?” Kai asked. “He’s not so forgiving, Taeyong. But everything that he does these days… the way he shows that he cares… I can’t help but fall more in love with him, if it’s even possible.”

“It’s possible,” Taeyong confirmed. “And I meant, understanding.”

They reached the private ward and Taeyong fought the urge to hold Kai’s hand. He felt like a schoolkid being dropped off at the school on his first day.

Jaehyun was unconscious on the bed, the IV-line stuck on his arm, his head and arm bandaged, his face bruised. Taeyong sighed in relief because the image of what he thought he’d see was a far worse in his head. Jaehyun was all right. He was all right. Taeyong finally breathed like his life had returned to him.

He rushed to the bedside and gasped Jaehyun’s name. There was no response. He carefully took hold of Jaehyun’s hand and let his tears fall without control. Guilt spread over his chest. Sehun was right. Life was indeed very short. And precious. Especially when there was someone to care for.

He hadn’t noticed Jaehyun’s uncle’s presence until Kai spoke. “Where’s Lisa?” Kai asked the old man who stood in the corner with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked annoyed.

“She’ll be back in a moment and she’s not going to be very happy about this when she does,” the man scoffed.

Kai looked at Taeyong. “You’ll be okay?” he asked and Taeyong nodded. He left then, leaving Taeyong by Jaehyun’s side. Jaehyun’s uncle, however, did not share the decency.

“Why do you torture yourself so?” the man asked and Taeyong looked up at him, scowling.

“What?”

Sighing, the old man moved closer. “Wouldn’t it be a lot easier and simpler if you just come with me?”

Taeyong’s scowl deepened and he almost spat on the man’s face for being so repulsive at a time like this. “I’d rather die,” he spat.

The man laughed cunningly. “You don’t realize how useless this bastard has become, do you? Now that he doesn’t covet the Pride.”

“He is so much more than what any of you are. With or without the Pride,” Taeyong hissed.

“Nobody has ever turned me down time and again.” He edged closer and pressed a hand on Taeyong’s hip. “Which makes you even more attractive. If you were with me, I’d treat you like a king. It’s still not too late, you know? I could even provide for this child you bear if you want to keep it.”

Taeyong slapped his hand off. He almost cried for Kai, but then realized this was something he needed to deal with on his own. “Get over it, you old shit,” he spat. “I will never, _never_ bend for you.”

“That’s a shame.” The man sighed. “When he’s not looking,” he gestured at Jaehyun. “some bad, bad vultures are going to get you. And you are incredibly vulnerable right now, completely defenceless.” He closed the distance and Taeyong staggered back. “You’d be destroyed, your body will no longer be in one piece. I will ravage you.”

Taeyong almost hit the man but he went stock-still when the metal IV pole slammed into the side of the old man’s head, causing it to bleed. The man stumbled away, gasping in shock, holding a side of his head.

Taeyong looked at Jaehyun who stood up at his side, panting like a maddened bull, gripping the IV pole like he wasn’t done yet. “I knew it was you,” Jaehyun spat hoarsely. “The men you sent to get him.”

His uncle still looked too traumatized to talk. He braced himself against a wall and caught his breath, considering the blood on his palm. “Jaehyun,” Taeyong rasped and caught one of his arms. “Don’t. You’re hurt.”

“Touch him one more time and I will rip your limbs off,” Jaehyun warned, hurling the pole to the floor. His uncle gathered himself and scurried out of the ward.

“Are you crazy?!” Taeyong screeched, shoving Jaehyun down to sit down on the bed. Jaehyun hissed in pain and Taeyong gasped, “Sorry, sorry.” He quickly caressed Jaehyun’s chest. “I’m sorry. But are you crazy?! You just got in an accident. You’re not supposed to spring up like that and bloody fight with a freaking IV pole while you still have your—” He was cut off when Jaehyun reached up and kissed his lips.

Almost instantly, Taeyong realized that everything was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. He slid his fingers along Jaehyun’s jawline and kissed him back. “I must have scared you. You must have been in distress,” he muttered when he broke the kiss.

Taeyong took his seat beside Jaehyun and clasped their hands together. “You have no idea.” His eyes began to water and his hands started shaking. Jaehyun’s fingers tightened around Taeyong’s as he cupped Taeyong’s cheek with his free hand. His hand then dropped from Taeyong’s face to his belly.

“I’m all right now,” Jaehyun promised and kissed Taeyong’s temple.

The door sprung open and Jaehyun’s mother surged in. Behind her, Kai and Alec followed, wearing a ferocious expression.

“You bloody cunt,” she spat at Taeyong, who shot up to his feet. “How dare you show your face here! Get out!”

Taeyong frowned. “It wasn’t my fault,” he said weakly, not even sounding convincing to himself. It had been his fault.

“You ruined his future! Are you satisfied?! Everything that he had dreamed of! You corrupted his mind, you tainted his ambitions! You seduced him into believing things that would ruin him! _You_ will ruin him!”

Taeyong’s eyes burned, but he didn’t want to cry in front of her. “No! _You_ are ruining him!” he shouted back.

She looked taken aback as she stared at him. “Get out,” she ordered.

“No, mother,” Jaehyun spoke up, grabbing Taeyong’s arm. “You get out.”

She gaped at him. “I am your family,” she spat through her teeth.

“No. No! You’ve lost that title the minute you were willing to ignore your own son’s happiness for power. _He_ is my family. You need to get out now. Out of here. Out of my life.”

She stared at him in horror. She then turned to Kai who cocked an eyebrow at her, crossing his arms over his chest. “You will regret this,” she said to Kai.

Kai scoffed. “I wasn’t the one who played cupid, Lisa.”

“No,” she said and stepped closer to him. She prodded a finger into his chest and said, “But you were the one who brought this upon yourself. You have made me your enemy, Kai.”

Kai shrugged. “I’ve made lots of enemies, Lisa. Join the club.”

She snorted, grinding her teeth. “That was back when you didn’t have so many weaknesses.”

That made Kai’s nonchalance falter and he began to frown. Jaehyun’s mother then turned to face her son.

“Fine,” she said. “Go ahead. Choose this lowlife and give up everything else. I’m not going to interfere. One day, you’ll come back to me and you’ll realize how right I’d been about this tramp. Then we’ll who has the last laugh.”

Jaehyun’s grip tightened around Taeyong’s arm but he didn’t make a reply.

Lisa turned around to leave but she paused to glower at Kai. “You watch your back, Kai,” she threatened. “This doesn’t end here.”

Kai clenched his jaw, as though he had realized something.

Once they were left alone, Kai faced Jaehyun. “Give yourself some time to heal,” he said.

“I have to get out of here,” Jaehyun sighed and looked at Taeyong. “We need to go away. Somewhere far.”

“Elthel? Alec suggested.

“Not that far,” Kai countered. “You’re still going to need help. I was thinking about Itcara.”

“That’s mostly Lycan territory.”

“Yes. Which is safe. Julien’s pack would protect them.”

“Lycans protecting Pantherinaes?” Alec snapped, looking suddenly angry.

“It’s the best option we have at the moment until we figure something out. The Lycans in Itcara can provide shelter and protection. But I still need to talk to Julien. Until then, you two are staying with me.” It was an order.

Jaehyun did not protest and Taeyong no longer cared. So long he was with Jaehyun, he figured he could get through this.


	24. Chapter 24

 

“This is incredible,” Jaehyun let out in awe when they entered the unfurnished apartment. Taeyong curled his hand tighter around Jaehyun’s hand as he looked around the new apartment. It was at least five times larger than his old apartment, a million times better. It also had the best view of Itcara, situated right in the middle of the town. He frowned at Kai who was laughing at something he saw out the window as he kept an arm around Sehun’s waist.

“The people living on the opposite building could see everything in here,” Kai muttered into Sehun’s ear and kissed his husband’s temple. “I wish we lived somewhere like this. It’d be a show for the neighbours every night.”

Sehun shoved Kai’s face away and turned around. “We hope the place is okay,” he said, smiling.

“Okay?” Jaehyun scoffed. “This is too much. We can’t just accept this.”

“We really can’t,” Taeyong said, looking guilty. “We’ve already caused you too much trouble and you’ve done enough.”

Kai tossed the apartment keys to Jaehyun. “Consider this our gift to you both. A wedding gift,” he said and Jaehyun licked his smiling lips.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” Jaehyun muttered.

Kai sighed. “You can thank me by taking good care of this troublemaker for me.”

Taeyong’s eyes flit to Sehun to find a sign of displeasure, but he found none. Sehun was grinning, clinging onto Kai’s arm.

Jaehyun pursed his lips and rubbed the back of his neck, like he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed. “I owe you an apology,” he muttered.

Kai stared at him and then cleared his throat. “I was like you when I was younger, too. A lot worse actually. I can’t say that I’m any better now, but I grew up. I learned things. I’ve got a thicker skin now. But this one,” he said, looking at Sehun lovingly. “is the only one that can get under it.” Sehun smiled at Kai and Taeyong realized that it would take a lot more than just him and small misunderstandings to break them apart. Kai turned to Jaehyun again. “When you find someone you want to live and die for, you fight for that person. I understand why you did it and I’ve learned it the hard way that everyone deserves a second chance. Maybe sometimes more than once.” He looked at Sehun again, as though to thank him.

“Well,” Sehun said. “We wanted to treat you guys lunch before we go.”

“It’s okay,” Taeyong said. “We’ll manage.”

“Translation: they wanna fuck,” Kai snorted and Taeyong scowled at him. Jaehyun laughed, as though to confirm Kai.

Sehun caught Kai’s hair at the back of his head in a fist and yanked it until Kai hissed at him. “We’ll get going, then,” Sehun said and started tugging Kai towards the door.

“The movers will shift all your things here tomorrow,” Kai told Taeyong on his way out. “So, you might need to sleep on the cold floor for one night. But there’s a department store across the street, I can get a bed or blankets or something.”

“We can manage,” Jaehyun said now, draping an arm over Taeyong’s shoulder.

Kai nodded. “Oh,” he mumbled and fished out a card from his wallet. He held it out to Jaehyun. “You mentioned you know business, didn’t you? This guy’s a friend of mine. Give him a call tomorrow. He has a big fancy office and all. Maybe you’d be of help.”

Jaehyun stared at Kai with limpid eyes. “I can’t thank you enough, Kai,” he muttered.

Kai shrugged. “Didn’t do it for you.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss on Taeyong’s cheek. “Give me a call if you or Peanut need anything.”

Taeyong sighed and managed a smile. Kai slapped Sehun’s butt when he walked over to him before wrapping an arm around Sehun’s waist as they wended their way towards the elevator.

Taeyong closed the door and turned around to face Jaehyun. Was he mad? He didn’t look mad. He grinned like an idiot. “Did he call me a Peanut?” he asked, looking a little confused.

“Oh,” Taeyong murmured and started towards the kitchen. “No. It’s what I call our baby.”

The kitchen was small, but spacious enough. “You call him… a Peanut?” Jaehyun gasped, still grinning. “Why didn’t you tell me this?”

“You’re not mad about Kai kissing me?” he asked, ignoring the question.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and pulled Taeyong into his arms. “I am. But I… have a thicker skin now. He’s not getting under it that easily.”

Taeyong smiled at last and wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s neck. “Really?”

“He’s a dick. But I think he’s just putting on a show. God knows what internal battle he’s fighting alone and silently. He wouldn’t have done any of this for us if he didn’t care.”

Taeyong brushed Jaehyun’s hair at the nape of his neck with his fingers before lightly cupping a side of Jaehyun’s head. “I’ve never loved you more than how much I love you right now.”

“Wow,” Jaehyun let out, grinning wide as he leaned in. “If I had known that I could have won your heart by complimenting my rival, I would have done it sooner. Actually, I would consider polygamy if only I didn’t want to bite his neck off. Sehun, on the other hand, is stupid hot, when you think about it, even for someone his age.”

“Can you just shut up and kiss me?” Taeyong grumbled.

Jaehyun took hold of Taeyong’s face in his hands and whispered, “With pleasure.”

Their lips met with a promise.

Taeyong pressed his hands to Jaehyun’s abdomen and lightly moaned when Jaehyun sucked on his lower lip. “Your mother,” Taeyong rasped against Jaehyun’s lips.

Jaehyun pulled back with a frown. “Way to ruin the mood,” he said, pouting.

“No. I mean, are you… never going to talk to her?”

Jaehyun shrugged. “I still have to go home and get some of my things… I’ll just let things cool off for a while.”

Taeyong nodded. “Okay.”

Jaehyun smirked and cupped Taeyong’s cheek again. “Where were we?” he breathed out and his lips barely brushed Taeyong’s when the doorbell rang. Groaning, Jaehyun pulled away to get the door. “Hey, Alec.”

Taeyong ran to the tall, lean man and pounced on him, hugging him tightly. Alec was wearing jeans. That was not something you saw every day. But he had his hair neatly gelled and face shaved as always. Sometimes, Taeyong thought Alec was an incredibly attractive man. Jaehyun grabbed Taeyong’s arm and yanked him away from Alec, scowling with envy and pouting down at Taeyong. Alec arched an eyebrow at them before handing Jaehyun the luggage. “Your clothes and a few other necessities,” the valet said.

Jaehyun looked down at the luggage and glanced up at Alec with a sad smile. “I guess this is where I can no longer call you my valet.”

Alec smiled and pulled Jaehyun into a fatherly embrace. “You can continue to call me your friend,” Alec said and drew back.

“We need a ride!” Taeyong said. He knew that neither he nor Jaehyun was ready to let go of Alec just yet. “To the department store. We need something to lie on tonight.”

“And something to eat,” Jaehyun added.

Alec considered it for a moment and then ruffled Taeyong’s hair. “All right.”

“Has… mother said anything?” Jaehyun asked diffidently.

Alec shook his head. “I haven’t seen her for the past two days. She’s holed up in her office.”

“Probably plotting something evil,” Jaehyun groaned and Alec scoffed out a chuckle.

* * *

 

“What is that?” Jaehyun asked, pointing at the wheat crackers Taeyong was holding.

Taeyong arched an eyebrow at him. “It’s peasant food, Your Majesty,” he snorted and tossed the box into the cart.

Jaehyun frowned. He curled his arms around Taeyong from behind when Taeyong turned to the pasta sauce aisle. “That’s readymade,” Jaehyun complained when Taeyong grabbed a jar.

“So?” Taeyong asked, placing a jar of sauce in the cart. “I can’t make my own pasta sauce.”

“I can.”

“Milk cartons,” Alec said when he returned with two cartons of milk.

“You can grocery shop?” Jaehyun asked, staring at the man.

“I indeed have a life and a cat outside your household, young Master,” Alec said and Taeyong could not tell if he were mocking or if he were serious.

“I can’t imagine you with a cat,” Jaehyun muttered, frowning. “What’s his name?”

“You didn’t even know he had a cat?” Taeyong hissed.

Jaehyun shrugged. “I don’t even know his middle name.”

“It’s Paw-Paw,” Alec scoffed, following them towards the rice aisle.

“You’re Alec Paw-Paw Henderson?” Jaehyun gasped.

Alec laughed. “My cat is Paw-Paw.”

“Jesus.”

Taeyong helplessly laughed and leaned against Jaehyun as they pushed the cart together. “What else do we need to get?” Alec asked.

“Don’t you have cravings?” Jaehyun asked Taeyong.

Taeyong shook his head. “Not really. Apart from _you_ , that is.”

Jaehyun kissed Taeyong’s temple and gently stroked Taeyong’s back. “Smooth,” Jaehyun whispered against his temple, smiling.

“But we do need peanut butter,” Taeyong said.

When they reached the aisle, they stopped when they saw the Lycan couple fighting over which jam they should get. Taeyong thought he should just ignore them. They probably knew Julien and Taeyong suddenly felt a pang of guilt for not thanking Julien personally. The man had done a lot for him, too.

The Lycan couple stopped their bickering when they noticed the Pantherinae trio. Taeyong silently picked his peanut butter, deliberately avoiding the Lycans’ penetrating gaze. The female Lycan muttered something to her husband or boyfriend. Taeyong grimaced at the ridiculously tall and huge man. He wasn’t ugly or anything, quite the opposite actually. But he looked menacing and scary.

He quickly hurried back to Jaehyun and Alec, hugging the peanut butter jar to his chest. Jaehyun cocked his head as he observed the Lycan couple. “Let’s go,” Taeyong said but Jaehyun was already walking towards the Lycans. “What is he doing?” he muttered to Alec, who shrugged and followed Jaehyun.

Taeyong licked his lips and went after them.

“Hi,” Jaehyun said to the male Lycan, who stood towering before Jaehyun. The bearded, dark-haired man turned around and blinked at Jaehyun. What a beast, Taeyong thought. It was a little funny seeing a man like that grocery shopping.

“Yes?” the man asked in a hoarse voice.

“I’m sorry if I’m drivelling, but are you by any chance… uh… Adrian, is it?”

The man slowly nodded. “I am.”

Jaehyun beamed wide and held a hand out. Adrian took it. “I know your nephew. I mean, I know your brother’s family.”

Adrian looked confused. “How do you… know me, then?”

Taeyong’s stomach twisted. Adrian. Of course. Kai’s late twin brother, Jongin’s husband! What was the man doing here in Itcara? Taeyong remembered Kai running his mouth about Adrian when he was drunk one night after they had made lazy love. Kai really loathed Adrian.

“Um,” Jaehyun hummed. “Not sure if you know, but I was supposed to marry Sehun’s first son?”

“Ah, Jaehyun,” Adrian said, eyes widening. “Yes, I know.”

“Jaecen showed me your picture many times,” Jaehyun said. “Do you live here?”

“Just visiting,” Adrian said curtly. “What do you mean you were… _supposed_ to marry Jaecen?”

Jaehyun lowered his head for a moment. “The wedding’s cancelled,” he admitted.

“Oh,” the man said, looking a little surprised. Taeyong supposed Sehun’s relationship with Adrian must have gotten worse since he got back with Kai.

“Wife?” Jaehyun asked, holding a hand out to the tall, broad-shouldered woman.

“One can only be so lucky,” the woman laughed an easy laugh. Taeyong decided that he already liked her. She seemed nice. “I’m just his friend. Thea.”

“Jaecen’s told me stories,” Jaehyun said, facing Adrian again. “Anyway, it was nice meeting you. I guess we’ll… see you around?”

Taeyong tugged at Jaehyun’s sleeve. Jaehyun turned and looked at him confusedly.

“Oh, this is my boyfriend,” Jaehyun said, introducing Taeyong.

Taeyong frowned at him. That was not what he wanted. He looked at Adrian who smiled at him the same way Alec did. “I’m Taeyong,” he mumbled. “If… If you could tell Julien that I thanked him for everything he had done, I’d be really grateful.”

Both Adrian and Thea exchanged a look. “You’re Taeyong!” Thea rasped. “The one Kai was desperately looking out for!”

Taeyong blinked at her. “What?”

“No worries,” she said, grinning. “Now I see why. Kai knows you two because of his son. Ah. I helped you look for your apartment.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun looked at her in surprise. “In that case, our undying gratitude to you,” Jaehyun said.

Thea waved them off. “It’s no trouble. Anything to help two young lovers like you.”

“We’ll get going, then,” Jaehyun said and started to usher Taeyong away. Taeyong smiled at Adrian, but it was left unnoticed. Adrian was looking somewhere else. Taeyong followed his gaze and found Adrian staring at Alec like he had been slapped senseless. Alec was staring back, too. No. He was scowling murderously.

Taeyong patted on Alec’s stomach to snap him back to his senses when the man continued to glower at Adrian, who eventually turned around, gripping his fists at his sides.

“You don’t know him?” Jaehyun asked Taeyong as they walked away.

“No.”

“That’s weird,” Jaehyun said, smirking. “Didn’t your other boyfriend tell you anything about dashing brother-in-law?”

“I know he existed.”

“A living legend apparently. He’s infamous for a lot of shit he did back in his early years.”

Taeyong’s face crumpled and he prodded Jaehyun’s temple with a finger, shoving his head away. “What kind of ridiculous stories did Jaecen tell you?” he scoffed.

He jumped with a start when Alec turned on his heel and stomped back towards Adrian who was already walking the other way. Taeyong’s eyes fell on Alec’s fists and squared shoulders.

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong gasped.

Alec grabbed hold of Adrian’s shoulder and spun him around. Adrian turned with a frown but it hardened into a scowl when Alec’s fist struck across his face. His head turned, but he barely flinched.

“Alec!” Jaehyun hurried to the man and yanked him back. “What the hell?!”

Everyone in the grocery store turned their attention to the scene. Alec snarled at Adrian, his eyes red with anger and tears as he clenched his fists again. Another landed on Adrian’s face and this sent Adrian staggering a step back. He still did not do anything to defend himself. He stood like a bloody tree and only stared back at Alec.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Jaehyun snapped at Alec, dragging him away as Thea put herself between the two men.

Alec pulled away Jaehyun’s grip and shook his hand he had used to punch Adrian as he furiously stomped away.

“I’m so… sorry,” Jaehyun told Adrian shakily and hurried after Alec. Taeyong snapped out of his state of shock and ran after Jaehyun and Alec.


	25. Chapter 25

 

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Jaehyun jarred when they were outside. Taeyong looked up at the overcast before frowning over to Alec, who pulled out a cigarette and lit it up, puffing out angry palls of smoke. “Alec.”

Taeyong curled a hand around Jaehyun’s arm to hold him back as Alec restlessly paced the pavements, taking long drags of the cigarette. “Are you okay?” Taeyong asked in a lower voice when he noticed Alec’s eyes brimming with ferocious tears.

The valet came to a halt and he clenched his eyes tight for a moment. Then tossing the cigarette away, he drew in a deep breath and scrubbed his face with his palms. It felt strange seeing Alec out of his composure like this. Taeyong realized that not everyone could _always_ put on a calm façade.

“Alec?” Taeyong called, bringing a cautious hand to the man’s shoulder.

Alec flinched and turned around to face Taeyong. “I’m sorry,” he said steadily, sounding like his usual self again. He looked at Jaehyun and apologized again. “I’ll wait in the car.”

“No,” Jaehyun spat. “You just… exploded in there… What happened?”

Alec shook his head and swallowed hard.

Taeyong licked his lips and turned to Jaehyun. “Can you go and get the stuff?” he asked, hoping that Jaehyun would understand and would not protest.

Jaehyun frowned at him, but he nodded and sighed. “I’ll be right back,” he told Taeyong and disappeared into the store again.

Taeyong lightly took hold of Alec’s arm and forced the man to meet his gaze. Alec’s bloodshot eyes were reluctant. “What happened in there, Alec?” Taeyong asked gently. “I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“I’m not,” Alec growled and Taeyong winced. He had never thought he’d say this side of Alec and now that he had, he wondered how much of Alec’s life was just an act. How hard his struggles were.

“You know him?”

Alec gripped his jaw. “Not until Jaehyun talked to him… Fuck!” He dropped his head in his hands and clutched at his hair. Then breathing calmly again, he straightened up and blinked his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. It’s okay… But you just… attacked him out of nowhere. Did you even look at his size? If he had hit you back—”

“The bastard deserves that and a lot more. I hope he dies the worst kind of death or better yet, I hope he _lives_ the worst kind of life.”

Taeyong’s jaw fell slack. Alec spoke with such resentment and repulsion that he almost took a step away from the man. “What did he do to you?” he gasped, blinking his eyes in disbelief.

Alec started towards his car without an answer.

“Alec!” Taeyong cried and ran after him.

“He was the Alpha,” Alec snarled, turning to Taeyong before the latter could catch hold of him. “of the pack that killed Daehan in the ambush in Itcara.”

Taeyong’s eyes widened and mouth fell open. “Alec…”

Alec’s face wilted, anger now overtaken by grief. “He ordered… He was in charge… at that time. He directed all the attacks on Pantherinaes… He killed so many of us. He…” he trailed off, gulping the sob that shook his voice.

“Oh, Alec,” Taeyong let out and leaned his forehead against the man’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”

“And I still can’t do anything about it… Helpless as ever. All my years of suffering… While he lives. He continues to live happily with a family and…” Alec exhaled, snivelling. “He destroyed mine.”

“Everyone gets their comeuppance in the end, Alec. I’m sorry.”

Alec hung his head and gathered his composure for a moment. Taeyong wished he could say something nice about Adrian to ease Alec’s hatred for him, but all that he could think of was Kai telling him how Adrian had killed his twin brother and almost killed his own brother, Sehun. He was a merciless murderer. Telling Alec that would not do the man any good right now, Taeyong let the thought slip.

“Jaehyun doesn’t need to know,” Alec muttered.

“Of course,” Taeyong sighed.

* * *

 

“So, he really didn’t tell you anything?” Jaehyun asked for the nth time as they waited for the water to boil in their new kettle so that they could make some instant noodles.

“No,” Taeyong said once more as he fanned himself with a piece of paper while staring at the kettle in the kitchen. “Can you turn the radiator down? It’s so hot.”

“Oh, that’s not the radiator. It’s just because you’re in the same room as me.”

Taeyong turned around and grimaced Jaehyun who was grinning sheepishly at him, leaning over the counter, fiddling with the plastic forks. “Did getting hit on your head cause you to change personalities?”

Jaehyun scoffed. “I’m happy, Taeyong. This is me when I’m happy.”

“What were you all this while, then?”

Jaehyun hummed, considering the question for a moment. “Drowning.”

Taeyong exhaled a shaky breath, his smile faltering. Jaehyun wasn’t joking then. He really was drowning and so was Taeyong until they had pulled each other out, giving each other their air. Now, they were together. Everything was falling into place and they were approaching their happily-ever-after. Not an ending, but a new adventure, a long journey to travel with Jaehyun.

They were living together now. In the same space. That led Taeyong to realizing what was about to happen tonight. He could not help the blush that formed on his cheeks.

Jaehyun bit his lip and lowered his head. “I’ll go turn the radiator down,” he muttered nervously and stormed out of the kitchen.

Taeyong sighed. The first thing that popped into his mind was that they didn’t get any lube. Birth control pills would not be necessary since Taeyong couldn’t possibly get extra pregnant. But he didn’t want to put it off again. They had gotten peanut butter, but he wasn’t sure how that could be a healthy alternative. He bit his tongue. What was he thinking… They had all the time in the world now. It could wait until they had a bed and lube.

But his face burned and he felt his blood stir in the nether regions when he thought about it. And he knew Jaehyun wanted it just as bad as him. Maybe the neighbours would have some lube they could borrow. He should casually introduce himself to them and ask for a tube of lube, how friendly.

 _God!_ He shook the crazy thought away and filled the noodle cups with hot water.

Jaehyun returned, looking a little worried. “We forgot to get pillows,” he said.

“Well, that’s your concern, not mine,” Taeyong muttered, handing him a noodle cup. Jaehyun cocked an eyebrow at him. Taeyong raised a hand to Jaehyun’s well-toned chest which would make a fine pillow to rest his head on. Jaehyun’s ears turned red and so did his neck.

“Don’t tease me tonight,” he whispered, putting the cup down and edged closer to Taeyong, who took a step back. “I’m trying to abstain from it until we’re married.”

“Don’t you think that ship has long sailed?” Taeyong joked, pointing at his protruding belly.

Jaehyun froze in his tracks and he looked down at Taeyong’s belly. “Can I… touch him?”

“You even ask for permissions now?” Taeyong murmured and took Jaehyun’s hand. He brought it beneath his shirt and closed his eyes when Jaehyun splayed his fingers over the bloated stomach, softly caressing it.

“Peanut,” Jaehyun mumbled and Taeyong cracked his eyes open to stare at him. “Jung Peanut.”

“We’re not naming him Peanut.”

“But you said—”

“That’s my nickname for him!” Taeyong rasped. “You pick your own nickname for him, don’t steal mine!”

Jaehyun laughed. “Now who’s the stingy one?”

Taeyong pursed his lips. “I’m hungry. Move.” He shoved Jaehyun aside and dug into the noodles.

“You shouldn’t eat garbage like that,” Jaehyun complained. “Let me cook for you now on.”

“No, I can cook my own food.”

“Yeah, but who’s gonna eat it? I cannot let my son suffer that kind of torture in there.”

Taeyong tossed a plastic spoon at him.

* * *

 

When Taeyong stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in nothing but a pair of shorts and the shirt Jaehyun had been wearing earlier, he found Jaehyun sprawled on the floor in the living room on top of the blankets they had gotten. He was staring out the glass wall through which the moonlight dribbled in, illuminating the unlit room.

Taeyong picked his way to Jaehyun in the dark and paused for a moment to admire Jaehyun’s shirtless, moonlit body. The light defined every muscle on his abdomen and arms, playing through the strands of his dark hair.

Jaehyun turned his head and finally smiled at Taeyong, tucking a hand under his head. Taeyong licked his lips and settled down beside him on the blanket, resting his head on Jaehyun’s flexed arm.

He pressed a hand to Jaehyun’s chest and slowly drew it down to his abs, staring into Jaehyun’s eager eyes.

“This feels like a dream, you know,” Jaehyun whispered and his voice echoed in the empty apartment. He brushed Taeyong’s hair, gently carding his fingers through it.

“Maybe like a dream come true,” Taeyong said, sliding his hand over the side of Jaehyun’s waist as Jaehyun turned on his side. He brushed the tips of their nose together and Taeyong let out a breathy laugh. The cupping Taeyong’s face, Jaehyun kissed him. “Jaehyun,” he mumbled when Jaehyun released his lips to kiss him on his forehead.

“Hmm?”

“Do you know… what happened to your father?”

Jaehyun pulled back frowning. “Why do you think about my mother or father when I’m kissing you?”

Taeyong snorted and snuggled closer, placing his head on Jaehyun’s chest. “I heard… No. Your uncle told me that your father… isn’t your father.”

Jaehyun sighed, his fingers brushing Taeyong’s hair, while Taeyong drew aimless patterns on Jaehyun’s chest with his forefinger. “Yeah, I know.”

“And you haven’t done anything about it?”

“I guess I really didn’t care. It wouldn’t change anything.”

“But don’t you want to find out whether it’s the truth or not?”

“No.” He paused. “I don’t want to confirm something that I don’t want confirmed.”

Taeyong placed a kiss on Jaehyun’s sternum before lifting his head to kiss Jaehyun’s lips. “At night, it’s always going to be three of us.”

Jaehyun smiled. “Always,” he whispered. “Unless we decide to have more Peanuts.”

“I was thinking about pursuing the art course. Since it’s already been registered and paid for.”

“Sure. If you want to…” he mumbled, his eyes falling heavy.

Taeyong scowled at him. “Are you sleepy?”

“Hmm.”

Taeyong sat up and glared hard at Jaehyun. “Jaehyun?”

“Hmm.” Jaehyun threw his other arm over his eyes. Taeyong tapped on his boyfriend’s abs. He didn’t budge.

“You’re not horny?” Taeyong asked hoarsely. “How can you sleep?!”

“Hmm.”

Taeyong huffed in frustration and dropped back on the floor, settling his head on Jaehyun’s steadily rising and falling chest again.


	26. Epilogue

“Babe, could you hand me my towel?”

“I’ll get it!” Taeyong squawked and sprung up from the couch when he heard his husband screeching from the bathroom. He could hear the shower still running when he stormed past the bathroom to fetch the towel.

He groaned to himself and rapped the bathroom door after grabbing the towels. “I thought we talked about taking unnecessarily long showers!”

“I don’t feel clean yet!” Jaehyun cried from the other side of the door. “And if you’re so concerned about saving water, you should have listened when I suggested that we should shower together to save water!”

“We both know that had nothing to do with your concerns for our planet’s survival as much as it was a sexual overture!”

Jaehyun slid the bathroom door open and stuck his head out with water dripping from his hair and chin. “Still not too late to join me, you know,” he said, smirking.

Taeyong faked a scowl and hurled the towel at his husband’s face. Jaehyun pouted and stepped out of the bathroom, tying the towel around his waist.

“You haven’t been giving me any attention lately,” he groused pettily, grabbing another towel to dry his hair.

“Maybe because I weigh a ton and I have swollen ankles and everything hurts because I’m carrying your baby and all that you do is… oh wait, that’s right— _nothing!_ ” Taeyong grumbled as he followed Jaehyun into the bedroom.

Jaehyun grinned, wiping the nape of his neck. “Is this about me accidentally falling asleep last night while I was rubbing your feet?”

“You’ve been avoiding me a lot lately. Am I ugly now?”

“Do you hear how crazy you’re sounding right now? Who said you weren’t ugly before?”

Taeyong grabbed a candleholder and was ready to launch it at Jaehyun. But Jaehyun lunged at him and caught hold of his wrist, laughing. “I hate you, Jung Jaehyun.”

“Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll rub whatever you want for as long as you want tonight, all right? Now, stop being all grouchy. It’s upsetting our son.”

“And cocoa butter on my belly?”

“Absolutely. Anything you want, baby,” Jaehyun said, collecting Taeyong in his arms. He pressed a kiss to Taeyong’s temple before pulling away. He yanked the wardrobe door open and started rummaging for clothes. “And I’m not _avoiding_ you. You literally told me to leave you alone unless I am George Clooney.”

Taeyong bit his lip. “That was just a… phase.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “It happened three nights ago and look at what you’ve done to our bed.” He pointed at the queue of pillows dividing the bed, which Taeyong had set up a couple of nights ago to keep Jaehyun and his predatory hands at bay. “And why is your side way bigger than mine, anyway?”

“Because I have another human being inside me,” Taeyong spat, crossing his arms over his chest. “And if that,” he said, jerking his chin at the trail of pillows. “bothers you, there’s always the couch. Your hand wanders too much at night.”

Jaehyun held his hands up once he was done pulling his sweatpants on, conceding defeat. “All right. I’ll stop touching you. Not my fault you’re so soft and warm when you’re pregnant.” He picked up his phone from the bedside table.

Taeyong frowned. “Well, I never said you… shouldn’t touch me.”

Jaehyun’s gaze flicked up to him momentarily before he dropped it back to his phone. “Make up your mind, babe,” he muttered.

Taeyong heaved a sigh and grabbed the cocoa butter. He held the tube out to Jaehyun and waited while Jaehyun looked away from his phone screen to stare at the tube. Then smiling, Jaehyun traded the phone for the tube.

He climbed into the bed and positioned himself between Taeyong’s knees once Taeyong had reclined on the bed. “When is your last day at the art school?” Jaehyun inquired as he pushed Taeyong’s oversized sweater up to reveal the swollen belly.

“I still have five weeks,” Taeyong said. The cold silver wedding band on Jaehyun’s finger stung Taeyong’s belly when Jaehyun latched his hands on either side of it. He then settled his head on the belly, pressing a side of his face on it. Heat and red rushed to Taeyong’s cheeks. He could never get used to this no matter how many times Jaehyun did it.

He carded his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair while Jaehyun peppered his belly with gentle, feathery kisses. “He’s so big,” Jaehyun commented in a whisper. “So fat. So demanding. So picky. So fussy. So unpredictable. But so pretty and worth it.”

“I know,” Taeyong sighed.

Jaehyun arched an eyebrow at him. “I’m talking to the baby.”

That earned Jaehyun a light slap across the face. “I’m fat?”

Jaehyun did not answer. He replaced his head on Taeyong’s belly again and quietly relaxed for a long moment. “My mother called today.”

Taeyong swallowed hard. “What did she say?”

“She wants us to come over for dinner.”

“What?”

“I told her we won’t.”

“Why did you do that?”

Jaehyun raised his head. “She knows people who can smuggle illegal poisons into the country. One drop in your meal and the next minute, you’ll be attending your interment. Or maybe she would kill _me_. Do you want to become a widower just after two months of being married?”

“We should go, Jaehyun. Maybe she’s trying to make things right.”

“Fat chance,” he scoffed and dropped his head back on Taeyong’s belly. “We’re not going.”

“We’re going.”

Jaehyun was silent for a minute. Then at length, he murmured, “Fine.”

Taeyong knew, in spite of everything, Jaehyun wanted to get rid of this bone of contention between him and his mother. If history was any indication, everyone knew how pig-headed Jaehyun was. Taeyong was willing to throw in the towel first if it would make Jaehyun happy. The three of them have been alone for what felt like too long now.

Hooking his fingers into the waistband of Taeyong’s pants, Jaehyun began to lower them. “Ow,” Jaehyun let out when Taeyong clenched at his hair and tugged at it to halt him.

“I said cocoa butter on my belly. You have no business down there.”

Jaehyun pursed his lips disappointedly and fetched the forgotten tube of cocoa butter. He then started applying the cool, thick liquid on Taeyong’s belly, causing Taeyong to shudder. “On a more serious note… you worry me, Taeyong.”

“Really?” Taeyong mused, stroking Jaehyun’s hair while Jaehyun rubbed his belly gently. “Why?”

A deep frown took its seat between Jaehyun’s eyebrows. “I can see that he’s exhausting you.”

Taeyong smiled, caressing a side of Jaehyun’s face. “I’m all right, Jaehyun.”

“Are you absolutely certain? You have to tell me if there’s even the slightest—” He was cut off when Taeyong yanked him up to silence him.

He locked his legs around Jaehyun’s waist with difficulty, deepening the kiss. Jaehyun slipped a hand under Taeyong’s back as he softly sucked Taeyong’s lower lip. “I’m tough,” Taeyong rasped against his husband’s lips. “Don’t worry.”

“Don’t I know that,” Jaehyun snorted and claimed Taeyong’s mouth again.

He drew his hands along Jaehyun’s back and slid his fingers into Jaehyun’s sweatpants. “On second thought,” Taeyong breathed out and shoved the pillows off the bed. Jaehyun beamed a toothy grin as he hurriedly yanked Taeyong’s sweater off. He smashed their lips together once more, but he almost immediately pulled back and frowned. “What?”

“This is actually weird,” Jaehyun said. “He has a front-row seat to the show.” He prodded a finger into Taeyong’s belly.

“Stop. _You’re_ making it weird,” Taeyong groaned, swatting Jaehyun’s finger away. He then threw his arms around Jaehyun’s neck and hauled him down for a kiss.

 

End.


	27. New Jaeyong fic!

**[The Windrunner's Rivercourse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14408295) **


	28. Bonus Chapter

“What are you doing to the poor baby?” Taeyong asked as he sauntered into the bedroom to find Jaehyun settled on his stomach between the baby’s legs, his hands holding the baby’s small fists in a weak grip.

“Look at him,” Jaehyun said with an amusing grin before he pressed his mouth to the baby’s tummy and blew on it. Reflexively, the baby giggled wildly and cooed, kicking his legs in the air. “Fat.”

“Stop it,” Taeyong said and picked the baby up and away from Jaehyun. “I asked you to change his diaper, not fool around.”

Jaehyun sighed and sat up. “Give him to me.”

Taeyong handed the baby over before he turned to grab some diapers. Meanwhile, Jaehyun rested their son against his shoulder and gently patted the baby’s butt. “Jaehyun,” Taeyong chided. “I did not give birth to a baby so that he can be your toy.”

“He likes it!” Jaehyun argued. “I’m not doing anything to him that doesn’t make him giggle.”

The baby was giggling every time his father tapped his plump bum. Taeyong scowled. Settling the baby back on the bed, Jaehyun grinned at the baby poking a chubby finger at his own weenie, tugging at it with a serious, curious look on his face.

“He’s always so mesmerized by it,” Jaehyun commented.

Taeyong groaned and slapped the back of his husband’s head. “Can you please go and grab JP’s milk bottle?”

“Sure thing, baby,” Jaehyun said and rose to his feet. He pressed a light kiss on Taeyong’s cheek before storming out of the room.

“I never understood why I married your eccentric father,” Taeyong told the baby as he drew the baby’s hand away from his weenie. “And don’t do that. It sends a wrong message.”

“Nyo koo choo,” the baby cooed when Taeyong laid him down and put him in the diapers.

“I know. I know you don’t like it when I say anything bad about your dad.”

The baby giggled and gripped on Taeyong’s hair when he peppered his tummy with kisses.

Taeyong raised his head and smiled at his son. He was truly a blessing. To both him and Jaehyun. But to Taeyong, he was his first real family. JP was all his.

Finding the baby his pacifier, Taeyong climbed out of the bed and watched the baby suck on the pacifier with such ferocity.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaehyun asked in a low voice as he wound his arms around Taeyong’s waist from behind when he returned with the milk bottle.

Taeyong gently leaned against his husband’s chest and heaved a sigh. “This is all that I wanted. It’s… more than what I asked for.”

Jaehyun nuzzled his nose into the crook of Taeyong’s neck before softly kissing a spot there. “Me too.” Taeyong clenched his eyes shut as Jaehyun drew his lips along the side of his neck, all the way up to the skin below his earlobe. “I love you.”

Turning around, Taeyong took hold of Jaehyun’s shirt collar and licked his own lips. “I love you, too,” he whispered and leaned in for a kiss.

Jaehyun cupped the back of his head and pressed their lips firmly together to deepen the kiss before he lightly pulled back to slip his tongue past the seam of Taeyong’s lips.

They eventually came apart with a gasp and rested their foreheads against each other. “Is it too soon,” Jaehyun began in a breathy whisper. “for baby number two?”

Taeyong retreated at once and lightly backhanded Jaehyun across his face. “Don’t even think about it. Our number one hasn’t even grown two hairs on his head.”

Jaehyun groaned. “He needs a baby brother or a sister, anyway.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“Yes, he does,” Jaehyun argued, sounding a little serious. “I grew up as a single child. I want him to have siblings.”

“Or is that just an excuse?” Taeyong crossed his arms over his chest.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and shoved past him to scoop the baby up with a single arm. “Don’t you want a baby brother?” he asked the baby, who was screeching and wriggled in his arm at the sight of a full milk bottle. He sucked on his binky even more aggressively, hands clutching at his father’s sleeve.

“He doesn’t need one now,” Taeyong said. “Give him his milk before he loses his mind.”

Jaehyun pulled the binky out of the baby’s mouth and slid the nipple of the milk bottle in. “So, it’s a definite no to baby number two?”

Taeyong bit his lower lip. “I… did not say that.”

That had Jaehyun beaming from ear to ear. “So, yes?”

“I want to finish my art school first.”

“Okay. Sure.” He plumped on the edge of the bed, holding the baby to his chest. “Can we have more than two?”

“Whoa, don’t get too excited, Jung Jaehyun,” Taeyong said, taking his seat beside them. “Let’s focus on the one we have right now.”

“I love you,” he said again and leaned forward to kiss Taeyong’s cheek. Jaehyun’s displays of affection had changed since the baby. He was more open, happier. And Taeyong loved seeing him like that.

Once the baby was fed and burped, Jaehyun settled him in his crib before they lounged tiredly on the couch and turned the TV on. Not that Jaehyun was paying any attention to it.

His concentration and hands were on Taeyong. His lips slowly found their way to Taeyong’s neck again. “Jaehyun, I’m tired,” Taeyong groused at length.

“It’s okay. You can play starfish tonight. I’ll do all the work.”

Taeyong grimaced at his husband and tried to push him away. But when Jaehyun did not budge, he grabbed hold of Jaehyun’s neck and pulled him down on him.

“Okay. Be quick. I want to sleep,” he told Jaehyun and hurriedly undid their clothes.

Jaehyun quickly seized his arms and pinned them against the armrest above Taeyong’s head. “No,” he muttered and bowed his head to catch Taeyong’s lips between his.

“Jaehyun,” he moaned breathily when Jaehyun moved to suck the skin on his collarbone, gently nipping it.

They froze together when the doorbell rang all of a sudden before Jaehyun almost rolled off the couch. “Oh, are you kidding me?!” he spat annoyedly and climbed off of Taeyong to get the door.

Taeyong sat up and buttoned his shirt again. Who could it be at this hour? Perhaps it was Alec.

“Mother?” he heard Jaehyun gasp when he opened the door.

Taeyong jolted up to his feet and walked over to the door only to find Jaehyun’s mother standing on their doorstep with a scowl on her face.

“Is that the hello I get after months? Is that how I raised you?” she said to her son. “No matter. I am here to see my grandson.”

“You know what,” Jaehyun said. “I think you’ve lost your way.” He started to close the door before Taeyong stopped him.

“Lisa,” he called and pulled the door open. “Come in.”

“Taeyong—”

“She’s his only grandparent,” Taeyong cut Jaehyun off and welcomed Lisa into their home.

Though his mother-in-law spared him no merciful smile, Taeyong smiled at her.

“How have you been?” he asked her. She pinned him with a disdainful look and turned to her son.

“I am only here to see him,” she said. “I will leave after seeing him.”

Jaehyun scowled. “You cannot disrespect Taeyong and demand to see _his_ child, mother. You cannot and will not bully him right in front of me. Either you give him the respect, or you turn around and leave.”

That surprised both Taeyong and Lisa. Taeyong lowered his head when Lisa turned to him with a glower. “I just want to see… my grandson,” she then said without any hostility in her voice, even though it wasn’t exactly friendly.

“Of… course,” Taeyong said and ushered her toward the bedroom. He saw Jaehyun shake his head disapprovingly. “I don’t know if he’s already asleep.”

JP was fast asleep when they approached crib. Lisa gripped onto the railing and peered into the crib with widened eyes. “He looks like…” she trailed off.

“You,” Jaehyun grumbled angrily. “God’s greatest joke.”

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong reproved softly.

His mother did not pay Jaehyun’s insult any heed as she smiled at the baby, and Taeyong gaped at her. He had never seen the heartless woman smile so… lovingly.

“He does resemble you,” Taeyong muttered. “He has your eyes.”

“Really?” Lisa let out, her gaze fixated on the baby. She reached down and lightly brushed the back of her fingers on the baby’s chubby cheek. “What a… fat baby.”

“He’s not fat,” Taeyong said quickly and defensively. “He’s… healthy.”

“What have you been feeding him?” Lisa asked. “He needs proper nutrition. Not junk food.”

Taeyong scowled. “He’s just full of milk.” His baby wasn’t fat!

“I don’t think—”

“Mother,” Jaehyun interfered. “Why don’t you let me and Taeyong parent _our_ son? You’ve seen him, now leave.”

Lisa pursed his lips and clenched her jaw. “Come home.” With that, she stomped away.

Once she had left, Jaehyun slammed the door shut and turned to Taeyong. “You have welcomed the Satan back into our home and lives. It’s never gonna go away now.”

Taeyong sighed and locked his arms around his husband’s neck. “Family is important. No matter how messed up they are.”

Jaehyun bumped his forehead against Taeyong’s. “That was weird.”

“Yeah.”

“Why does she always have to ruin everything?”

“It’s okay. She just wanted to see him. Maybe at least… he would thaw her frozen heart.”

“Hardly unlikely.” He grabbed Taeyong’s ass before hoisting up. Taeyong quickly wrapped his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, clinging onto his shoulders. “Now, where were we?”


End file.
